Not yet and not enough anyways.

Do you love yourself enough to give it your all to achieve everything that's owned to you, everything you deserve?

"Breath, you've got this". Not only do I think this, I believe it. Just for today, just for this moment, I believe it. I have the presentation open in front of me and I join the meeting. I'm in my element. I know what to say, I know what questions to anticipate. I see the names of important people joining the meeting. Without faltering, I command this virtual room. Things go as planned and I close the issue on a high note. I was confident.

I have been confident, and at times, overconfident, self-assured, and also full of myself. I have this assurance when I want to get a job done. How you're perceived is half the battle and I can ascertain when to smile when to laugh and when to be assertive. I even have the hubris of thinking what I do matters. I realized I should cocky even as I write this but the fact is I do know how to be confident.

And even with all that in my arsenal, I have a singular problem.

None of this confidence stems from any amount of faith in my abilities. It's an attitude I've developed, in fact, specially, to compensate for my lack of skills. That's not to say that I don't have have any skills. I'm competent without actually believing in myself. Aldo, I have no problem admitting that I deserve everything I may or may not have decided in life and then some more.

So that's dump of all my thoughts

I lack conviction in my aptitude.

I am insecure about me capabilities.

So I don't really love myself.

But I can be confident.

I can advocate for myself.

I believe I have potential.

I want to achieve more.

That must mean I do love myself

Not enough to not let fear of failure stop me,but some.

Unrealized potential

I occasionally have dreams about all the things I still want to achieve. This knowledge that I can achieve something comes from my ability to advocate for myself. But knowledge means nothing if I can't back it up with conviction. This utter lack of faith has paralyzed me for years. Call it procrastination if you will, but what's the point if I can't keep going, can't even begin anything.

If I loved myself enough I would realize that I owe it to myself to at least try. And I have decided to do exactly that. To love myself. Love may be fleeting but discipline is not. Motivation is fleeting but habits are not. So I am going to form a habit. Be disciplined. To dedicate all my resources and efforts to the cause that is my dream.

In conclusion

I haven't loved myself for quite some time now. I wonder if I ever loved myself. Mildly maybe, but never fiercely. It doesn't come naturally to me. But where there's a will there's a way right? And I'll be damned i don't have that. The fire in me may have fizzled but I am still the sun. I am the sun. And I do owe it to myself. I owe it to myself to turn that unrealized Potential into reality.

Thanks for passing by on my article. Stay tuned for the next article coming with a great pleasure to you all

It's @pearlie have a great day ahead of you, forget not to comment, subscribe, upvotes and what have you!!!!

So here's to the next chapter of my life. To build my life on my own terms. Again.