What do I Really Want?

Nothing seem to excite me today, just not in the mood for any fun, what could be the reason, did something bad happen, why does it all seem like a stage play, like nothing really stays, they are all going to end someday, both what I've been putting lot of efforts into, everything, the things that gets me excited to get up everyday, its just in a season and might be ending soon, what then should I do huh?, the jobs, i would one day have to quit, the friends would one day have to leave, the relationship might one day break up, OK what about food, you will eat it all soon and the plate would be empty while you've forgotten how it tasted, what then is important.

Cars?, did I hear you say cars, how many can you get and how long of excitement before it goes out of trend, and you now caring less about the speed and just want to get to your destination, that's all. Houses, oh yes, it stays forever, but it quickly becomes familiar to you, slowly the sweet feeling of getting a good building comes from time to time, probably the best material possession I can think of, as it also appreciate always, but I can't consume myself in the feeling, not for long, later I'll Say its just my house, the excitement is fading away. What then do I really want that can make me happy and stay forever happy?

You probably think I'm just trying to write again, that I'm not really having these feelings I'm claiming to have, but I'm still indoor, been indoor since the morning I woke, feeling like what really matters, what should I focus my energy into as a young guy, or should I just focus on finding my purpose in life, would that solve it all, or do I need money, would that get me excited everyday, or do I find true love, a girl that would love me for me, one I'm sure loves me as much as I do, would that be the solution, or is it when I get a family of my own I'll be excited everyday, already I doubt, they would be my motivation but then I need to be happy before then and thereafter. Already my current family is my daily motivation to get earning, its almost like I'm a 99% selfless. Do I need to changes.

Already, few of my friends feels like I don't like fun, I have tried a few times, we went out on numerous occasions, but all the excitement ends few minutes after I stepped in,so I begin to force the excitement to keep me going. I can very much be the life of a party, but in my back end, I just want you all to have a nice time, not that its my job to do it but if you're around me, then you've got to be happy, like it or not. More reason why they want me coming always but no,that kind of excitement isn't just my kind of excitement. What then is my kind of excitement, huh?

I prefer to stay and do want I'm feeling as I'm feeling it, it could be to go swimming, it could be to just stay home and eat something unique with a movie, it could be to visit a friend, should be a female friend, they send more excitement down the spine of course because I'm a guy, am i correct?, yes I'm correct. My head could just have the strangest of cravings at any given time, more reason nothing excites me for too long, but what then can excite me for a long time, what could that be?.

Could it be securing my life after death, death is one of the major reason why I sometimes just end the excitement early, one day I'll surely grow old and leave all this stuff behind, taking nothing but memories along, oh wait a minute, memories, I can take something with me after all, memories, I knew I could get the answers while I'm writing, but wait, memories isn't tangible or are they?.

Memories sometimes have fed my mind when nothing else would, but not all memories are good, bad things happens sometimes too right, like one time my phone was stolen off my pocket, definitely not a good memory. what do I do still, memories are not tangible but they are always with me, also its a combination of both good and bad, still no finite conclusion yet as to what I should really focus my attention to, but the best options I can think of in no particular orders are houses, family, purpose and memories, still feel memories are the best, feel I should work daily to acquire good memories.

Oh another thought came, my life after death, I know there's life after death and as a Christian, I should focus my life on earth towards making heaven, would that be want would get me excited always, living knowing I'm headed for heaven, hmm.... This thought keeps getting hard, I thought I saw a solution, well I'm not so sure now, life has some events that can make even Christians sad, like poverty, sickness, addiction and so on, hmm but living for God is a great idea, if not the best. But what would get me excited to keep chasing after and keep getting me excited continuously? What do I really want?. I'm still in thought guys, still in thought.

Thanks for joining in my thoughts guys, let's not dive in too much, so unlike me you can be excited at the slightness of things, gifts or event. Yet please do like, comment and subscribe. You know I love you right. Yeah you do.