How to discuss difficult topics with children?

The spirit of the time may be pushing us a little these days. When we say never-ending wars and economic crises, children are affected at least as much as we are. However, since they do not yet know the coping mechanisms adults use, it can leave much more permanent traces on them. For this reason, I decided to prepare a guide.

I've compiled answers from key organizations and subject matter experts to very basic questions like 'How to talk to children about difficult topics?' or 'How to teach children to deal with difficult news?' and 'How should you take care of yourself in difficult situations?'. I hope you find it useful when communicating with your own children at home or with your students in your classrooms.

There is a very old Chinese Curse, I don't know, have you ever heard of it? 'May you live in interesting times'. It sounds more like a curse because, the first time I heard it, it sounded like a good wish.

I think we have understood very well what this curse means since the beginning of 2019 (what a coincidence, again with an epidemic originating in China). Just when we said we left the epidemic behind, Russia attacked Ukraine. Of course, it's not just that, it has Syria, Yemen, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Myanmar, Iraq, Afghanistan, Congo, Venezuela, the list goes on (unfortunately). Humanity has been failing in this regard for a long time. Homo Sapiens, Sit Zero!

Do you know that no child born since 2001 has lived in a time without war? Times like this also have unmatched learning potential, alright, but if we just took a breather, it would've been fine among all the lessons.

On the other hand, it is not for us to darken the neck. Since the world was founded, it has existed with both good and bad. It will be a bit of a cliché, but while we don't always have control over what happens, our reaction to events is always in our control.

The issue of children is also very critical at this point. Because if our perspective on life, our reaction mechanisms and our ability to deal with difficult news are established when we are children, it becomes easier to raise healthier and HAPPY individuals.

It's also important to take care of ourselves, because children always look to their families to feel safe and secure. Especially in times of crisis…

You can think of this article as a communication guide with the little ones for difficult times. The recommendations written here have been prepared using information gathered over the years by global organizations and experts working in the field of child and adult psychology.

What should you pay attention to?

This section contains useful information especially for parents and teachers. You can apply what you read to your own child, young relatives at home, or if you are a teacher, you can pay attention in your classes.

Ask and understand first

Since children take what they hear, read and see like a sponge and say, 'Even though you are not aware of it, children may already be aware of many things, understand that something is wrong and be worried. So before you start speaking, it is very important to listen and understand thoroughly. This is the first step.

How do we get to the question part? Choose when the child is most comfortable, especially at home or in the classroom, and try to find out exactly what he or she is comfortable hearing at school or at home. Get this information like chatting, not like queries.

Talk but stay calm

Then ask them if they have any questions. If they have questions, give them clear, age-appropriate answers, but don't go into too many details. Remember, children have the right to know what's going on in the world, but you also have a responsibility to keep them stress-free (at least until they develop this skill on their own).

Children often get emotional cues from adults. If your facial expression and body language are stressful when talking about a difficult subject, they will perceive this stress more than your words. Try to stay calm. If your eyes are red from crying or your voice shakes when you talk, don't talk about a difficult topic until you're back to normal, for example. Talk after 15 minutes and collect yourself in the meantime.

Instill safety and confidence

Emphasize that you are safe, especially when explaining the situation to younger children in a very simple and calm language. This is true for news involving domestic violence or for talk of war. You could say that people are working hard for peace and making an effort to rectify this situation. Especially in school, teachers have a lot of work in this regard.

Give compassion, not prejudice

Challenging issues always bring with them prejudice and tension, by their very nature. It can be about a person or it can be about a country. When talking to children, avoid prejudicial expressions whenever possible so they can see the world as a more loving and peaceful place. Avoid phrases like 'bad people', 'dirty people' and 'enemy'. Do not use expressions that are particularly discriminatory or bullying, on the contrary, use it as an opportunity to teach compassion for people in distress. Because this issue can turn into peer bullying at school later on. Teach that everyone has the right to education and safety. Including himself. In the event of a contrary situation, be sure to inform an adult.

Focus on help

It is very important for children to witness examples of cooperation and kindness. So focusing on that will make a lot of difference. Show your child or students that they can help and contribute to people, no matter how small. Find positive stories, tell them, ask if she would like to contribute. For example, they can write a poem or draw a picture describing their feelings. The subject does not necessarily have to be a refugee issue, but it can also be children who lost their families in the earthquake. The main goal is to give you the ability to deal with compelling news. Taking an action, even if it is small, has a huge psychological effect and teaching this to children should be essential.

Close the topic carefully

After discussing a tense topic with the children (at home or in the classroom), be sure to make sure everyone is calm and relaxed (especially the teachers). Never leave a child alone when they are worried or afraid by closing the issue. Make sure to calm down and close the issue by checking it from time to time.

Keep checking what he's hearing at school or at home as new news comes in. Not every child can express their concern in words. If she suddenly starts having stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, or trouble sleeping, keep track of them as well. While very young children suddenly demand more attention or physical closeness (koala mode), teenagers may have brief tantrums or tantrums. If these do not go away after a certain period of time, it may be good to consult a specialist.

While all this is going on, you can also teach children very simple breathing exercises that reduce stress.

Actually, there is a lot more to write, but I hope it will be useful for you to remind the basic points that we all know and to prepare a mini guide. love.