What the Heart Wants

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock. She sighed and turned away from the door, making no move to answer. She knew that knock and she knew a closed door and no answer wouldn't stop him from coming in.

He entered the room and closed the door softly behind him, making sure to stand in front of it. Of course she knew he wasn't doing it with the intent to trap her, but she felt ill at ease anyway.

Not that she didn't trust him. She did, with her very life. She just didn't want to do this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

'I think I should explain myself.' He said quietly.

'No need.' She told him trying to sound nonchalant. Even to her own ears it was unconvincing. 'I already know why you won't kiss me.'

'Then tell me.' He leaned against the door, arms crossed awaiting her reply.

She swallowed and looked off to the side. She didn't want to have this conversation. Why did they even have to? She wasn't stupid. Then again, holding onto false hope was exactly how she had ended up here so, maybe she was. Perhaps this was her punishment.

She deserved it, she supposed but as her grandma used to say, 'It's a rare child who enjoys their medicine.' She could safely say she wasn't enjoying hers now.

He was still waiting quietly. She could feel his eyes on her. Clearly he wasn't leaving until she said something. Part of her wanted to scream at him to get out but she didn't have the heart to do it. What if he never came back? No. Better to rip off the band aid and be done with it.

'You don't love me.' There. She said it. She only wished it didn't break her already shattered heart even more.

It wasn't a question. Rather a statement of something she had already come to terms with, or at least she thought she had. Her actions tonight clearly said otherwise. As did the tears threatening to spill.

The silence in the room was deafening. He wanted to deny it. To tell her she was wrong. He watched her, studied her as she looked down at her hands. He knew she was holding them to stop the shaking. She always got shaky when she was holding back tears.

Here was this beautiful woman who had declared her love for him several times, and proven it more times than he could count. She was always there for him, despite everything.

He didn't deserve her loyalty, or her love. He had lied to her so many times and she deserved the truth.

'I'm sorry.' He told her softly.

He knew sorry meant nothing but he didn't know what else he could say. He wanted to love her. For a while he had even convinced himself he did love her. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe she was just meant for someone better.

He wanted to cross the room and comfort her but there wasn't much point in trying to comfort a person you had just badly hurt. It would only make things worse anyway. He was good at that.

As he left the room, a single tear ran down her cheek while she shook her head and whispered softly.

'The heart wants what the heart wants.'