It's A Mess Inside My Head

I'm not sure how long this article will actually be but I'm writing it anyway. A lot of things have changed in the past while and I'm still trying to adjust. I've been massively stressed and it seems every time I start to feel a little bit better, something drags me back to the dark.

Honestly my head is just too full right now and I guess I'm hoping typing out some of what's going on in my head will help.

I left the man I spent 14 years with. There were a lot of issues that I won't get into but I will say it was not a choice I took lightly. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you hope.

In addition to moving, having a new boyfriend and adjusting to a new household dynamic, I also have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter is none too fond of me at the moment.

She decided to live with her dad because I chose to walk away. If that weren't enough, she has also decided the best way to get her dad and I back together is to (try to) sabotage my current relationship.

The man I am with now is someone she has known her whole life and she has always loved him. He's always loved her like a daughter and it hurts to know her feelings towards him and myself have been so badly turned because she's having a hard time.

I understand it's difficult for her coming to terms with the fact I'm happy with someone who isn't her dad. I've done my best to be understanding and thankfully so has my boyfriend. I'm not sure it's having any effect though.

Hopefully with time things will change. My ex has stated he is having multiple health problems as of late and I admit, I am worried about him. My boyfriend understands this as well. He knows that the man is not only the father of my child but someone whom I spent over a decade with.

I'm not sure what's going on there at the moment but he has promised to keep me up to date on things. Only time will tell, I suppose. I am trying not to think on it too much simply because I have no idea what it is I'm worrying about yet.

I'm also worried about my mom. Last year her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. They tried him on radiation and he got a check up last month. They said there has been no change. The tumors didn't grow or shrink but they aren't offering him any other treatment options.

If that weren't enough, she called me today which worried me because she never calls in the middle of the day. Her bearded dragon passed away earlier in the day when she was cuddling him.

She knew he wasn't well and had scheduled an appointment with the vet for today but he sadly never made it as he passed before the appointment. My mom has had Rex for several years and I know she's devastated. The problem is with no way there, all I can do is comfort her over text and phone calls.

I think that's about all I can handle to write at the moment. My mind is a mess right now.