Impossible Choice

*WARNING* Potential trigger. I suppose the first line makes that rather obvious but just to be safe, here's your heads up.

'You have to terminate the pregnancy.'
The words had haunted her since the doctor had said them two days ago. Her answer had been firm, but those words are enough to chill any woman to the bone. What had made it even worse was the way the doctor said it. No emotion. He was talking about killing a child that had been developing inside her for six months. To him, it was nothing.

A group of cells. He'd called it.

'You can always try again.'
Was that supposed to comfort her? Katie didn't understand how he could be so calm. How can a doctor sit there and tell a mother to kill her unborn child? As she was going through this conversation in her head yet again, another doctor walked into the room.

'How are we feeling today?'

'I, feel fine. Good enough to go home actually.'

The doctor gave a slight chuckle while placing a hand gently on her shoulder to keep her from getting up.

'Now Mrs. Langdon, you don't want to stress yourself out. Just lay back down and relax.'

With an exasperated sigh, Katie did as she was told. She had never seen this doctor before but at this point she saw no reason to treat him any differently than the others. Feeling slightly childish, while the doctor checked her chart she crossed her arms and muttered to herself.

'Being here is stressing me out.'
It wasn't a lie. She was stressed. It was torture being poked and prodded all day and night. Not to mention the fact that her husband could only be with her during visiting hours. She felt like she was in a zoo.

Having finished reading her chart, the doctor turned his attention back to her. 'May I call you Katie?'

'No.' She glared at him.

He sighed and continued gently
'Mrs. Langdon, do you know what will happen to you if you keep this baby?'
Here it was again, yet another doctor trying to convince her to kill her baby. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Wasn't it bad enough that she was forced to stay here? Were it not for the child growing inside her, she would have left the first night.

'I'm well aware of the risks doctor.' She stated coldly.

He gave her a patronizing look and sat down on the edge of the bed. Clearly he wasn't leaving anytime soon.
'So you know you could die.'

It wasn't a question, it was a statement of fact. One she had already heard before. She wasn't going to dignify it with an answer this time. Realizing this, he continued,

'Why not just try again instead of risking your life? It's not a once in a lifetime shot and chances are, you could have a normal pregnancy next time around.'

'It took four years of trying, doctor and time aside, this isn't a failed baking experiment. We're talking about a child. My child.'
She had had enough of this. Hearing how fed up she was she hoped he would leave. This was usually about the time they realized they weren't going to get through to her and gave up. For a while, anyway. 

'Can I ask you something Mrs. Langdon?'
Not waiting for an answer, he continued, making it a point to look right into her eyes. This wasn't making things anymore comfortable for Katie.
'Is this fair?'

She couldn't help responding to this. There was no way he could argue with what she was going to say next.
'Is it fair that I'm being told to kill my baby before it's had the chance to live?'

He moved to the door and looked back at her.
'Is it fair to your husband knowing he's going to lose you?'

There it was, the hole in her reasoning. The very thing she had been avoiding. Of course it wasn't fair. But it wasn't fair for the baby to never have a chance either. She couldn't terminate the pregnancy. She would never be able to live with herself if she did.

Besides, doctors were wrong all the time, right? Of course by the time she reasoned all this out, the doctor had left. With a sigh Katie reached for the remote control. They were paying for the TV, she may as well use it.
She was halfway through a Power Puff Girls episode when her husband walked in.

'They kick you out of bed again?' he asked giving her a kiss and sitting on the chair next to the bed.
She gave him a half smile and flicked off the TV giving him her full attention.
'Something wrong baby doll?'

She winced at the use of his nickname for her. How could she possibly explain it to him? This was her soul mate. How could she do this to him? How could she not? She couldn't kill her baby. Their baby. 
'No. The doctor…'
He stood up and grabbed her in a hug.

'Did they say something? Are you…? Are you okay? What did they tell you?'
He was panicking. He was always so strong, so in control. Never let em see you sweat. That was his motto. She could feel him shaking against her. 

'I'm fine. The doctor just woke me up a lot during the night. I'm just tired.'
She felt him instantly relax. 

'We'll get through this babe. All of us. I love you.'
She could see the tears he had been holding back. She couldn't tell him what the doctor had said. He already knew the risk. He didn't need to know how guilty she felt too.
Besides, he had his own problems to deal with. The doctors were lecturing him too. He was the husband, he needed to talk her into doing what was best for her. Even if it hurt. 
He had been over that with them so many times already. He couldn't do that. She was his wife. He would support whatever choice she made. It wasn't his body to decide.
He wanted a child as badly as she did, but not like this.

'I love you too.'

They spent the rest of the day watching re runs and were halfway through a movie when the doctor came in to tell Tim he had to go.
Katie didn't sleep well that night. She finally fell asleep around seven in the morning. Just in time to be woken up by the same doctor who had put the guilt trip on her the day before. Needless to say, she wasn't at all happy to see him. 

'Did you sleep well, Mrs. Langdon?'
Realizing she had no intention of answering him, he continued. 
'Any pain? Discomfort?'

She shook her head. She knew she was being childish, but she was resolved not to speak to him. He deserved the cold shoulder. 

'Just so you know, I'll be doing the delivery. Unless you change your mind?'
Had she not been clear enough the first time? Or was he just dense?

'I thought we had established I am not going to change my mind.'
So much for silence. At least he would be able to tell by her tone that she was pissed. Mostly though, she just wished he would leave.

A nurse popped her head in the door.
'Mrs. Langdon? You're due for an ultrasound at ten. You'll need to drink lots of fluids before hand. At least four glasses of water. So we can get an accurate reading.' 

She nodded slightly and looked out the window. It's not like there was anything else to look at.  With that the nurse was gone.

Four hours and six glasses of water later, Dr. Richards finally came to get her. Doctors were never on time. The longer Katie stayed here the more apparent that became 
To Katies' relief, the ultrasound showed that the baby was perfectly healthy. Whatever the issue, it was apparently something that only affected the mother. 
Things continued in the same way over the next month. She was still trapped in the hospital. Guilt still eating away at her for what she was doing to her husband. It still wasn't enough to change her mind as Dr. Richards had hoped however. 
Several times, Katie was tempted to call her husband and ask that he not show up. She wanted to see him but she knew it wasn't fair to him. Seeing her and knowing that one day, he wouldn't be able to again. Not only that, but to leave him with a child. Alone. That wasn't fair either. 

What could she do? She knew he would never remarry. He'd made that clear. 
Several times in the last month, she had questioned her decision to keep the baby but she always came back to the same conclusion, She was doing the right thing. In her experience, with hard choices, someone was almost always bound to get hurt. 

In the days that followed, Tim was having a harder time staying strong. Everyday he came in he would just sit and stare at her, running his hands over her face. Memorizing her. Pictures could never compare to what he had now. So many times he'd taken her for granted. So many times, he'd convinced himself that she would always be there. And now, their days together were numbered.
Katie could tell that the closer they got to the due date, the harder it was for him to leave her. He wasn't talking much anymore. When he did, it was only to ask if she needed something or to tell her he loved her. That was the phrase she heard the most.

'I love you.'

She couldn't tell if he was saying it just because he needed to or because he knew she needed to hear it.
Despite the death sentence placed on her, it was all she needed to hear to know she was doing the right thing.

The night before she was due, Tim refused to leave the room let alone the hospital. He wasn't trying to be strong anymore. He just sat beside her in the chair, as close as he could get and held her hand. She could see the tears running down his face and feel him shaking with the sobs he struggled to hold in.
She went into labor at two in the morning. Blinding pain shot through her body and she couldn't suppress the ringing scream. This wasn't what other women had described. They'd told her it would hurt, but not like this. Was this the complication they had been talking about?

She wasn't sure what was happening anymore. She could hear shouting, mostly Tim calling out and she could feel herself being wheeled down the hallway. Every now and then, another scream would reach ears she realized they were always hers. 
She felt a needle sliding in her arm and someone, a woman it sounded like talking to her. She couldn't understand what she was saying. 

As she heard Tims' anguished voice, she bit her tongue to hold in yet another scream and tried to focus on him. For the first time since the pain had started, Katie realized her eyes were closed. 
The first thing she saw when she opened them was four or five doctors leaning over her. Looking past them, Tims' face came into view. He was pale, maybe it was a trick of the light but he looked green. His brown eyes were full of tears and more were running down his face as he tried to keep up with her. 
I love you. 

She tried to say it but couldn't find her voice. He seemed to know what she wanted to say though, because as they settled her into the delivery room, he took her hand and brushed the hair out of her face. 

'I love you too.' 

It was barely more than a choked sob but she heard it anyway and squeezed his hand as hard as she could. It was the last thing she could do as whatever the nurse had given her took hold on her system and everything began to go black. 
The last thing she heard was the sound of a baby crying. 
It wasn't until two days later that Katie woke up. Tim told her they had to do extensive surgery to save her. For five minutes, she couldn't look away from the man she loved. Until she heard the crying, she didn't even realize the baby, their baby was in his arms. Seeing her look, he slowly helped her sit and placed the child gently in her arms. 

'Her name's Katie. After her amazing mother.' He whispered. 
Looking into the little girls' eyes, she knew all the pain she had been through was worth it.