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Fourth day of January 2022, I haven't done anything productive yet. I feel so weak kasi. Even kapag naglalakad ako is nanginginig yun mga paa at tuhod ko. Pati mga braso ko, hirap bumuhat ng kahit isang tabo ng tubig. When I take a bath kanina, may dala akong upuan kasi di ako makatayo ng matagal kasi nanginginig yun mga binti ko. I don't know why, I have taken my meds naman on time pero hinang hina ang katawan ko. I called the clinic kanina, sabi ng secretary ng doctor ko, wala pa si doc at nasa bakasyon pa daw at mukhang matatagalan pa makabalik dahil nga sa Omicron. Out of the country daw kasi nag bakasyon. Ang andoon lang ay ang nurse. She told me to take a rest lang muna at huwag magkikilos. Ganoon daw kasi talaga ang sakit ko. And she also told me na tatawagan nya agad ako kapag dumating na si Doc. They will try to contact him also sa messenger later.

I guess this is the result of the past holidays. Sobrang busy kasi ako that time, from pamamalengke hanggang sa pagluluto. I have no one naman kasi na pwede gumawa noon. So I guess this is the result, katawan ko ang nagsuffer.

I have no plan of writing sana today because even my hands are trembling kapag matagal na nakahawak sa phone. Pero sayang naman din kasi ang kikitain ko today sa isang article, badly needed ko pa naman ang pera so push lang. Pahinga na lang if di na kayanin. So I am sorry if this is written in our local language with a dash of English language. My brain isn't functioning well today, so please bear with me.

Today is also my father's death anniversary. It is the 4th pala, ang napost ko kasi sa noise kanina is 3rd anniversary. Ang bilis talaga ng panahon, biruin mo 4 years na palang nag trip to heaven ang Papa ko. My family and I were in Manila for a vacation last December 2017. And my Papa was also on vacation and plans to return to KSA for work in the proceeding month which is January 2018. Our vacation talaga was already planned September 2017 pa lang. I saved enough money from my different raket online. My husband has stable job pa din that time so yun pera na kinikita ko online eh naitatabi ko. So I had enough money for our vacation at that time. I was very happy kasi that was the first time na magbabakasyon kaming 3 na magkakasama. Mostly kasi kami lang ng anak ko dahil nga sa work ng asawa ko.

The day before Papa died, nakasama pa namin sya. We went to Daranak Falls in Tanay. I never thought na it was the last time na makakasama namin si Papa.

This was taken January 3, 2018. My Papa is the one wearing blue sando. We never knew na he is not feeling well na pala at that time. We were talking while we had our lunch there about sa mga plans nya pagbalik nya abroad. He was even planning to have a vacation dito sa bahay namin pagbalik nya from working abroad. Hindi ko alam na yun na pala ang huling usap namin. Look how happy we were, yan na pala ang huli. Shedding tears while writing this, I get so emotional kapag Papa ko na pinag-usapan. I have so many regrets kasi. Many should have, could have.

But I know he's in heaven now. He is a good man, many can attest to it. He is more of a giver than a receiver. Yung tipong isusubo nya na lang eh ibibigay nya pa sa iba. That's the kind of man my father was. Nagkamali lang sya sa pagpili ng 2nd family nya. Masyado inabuso ang kabaitan nya. Pinag aral nya ang mga anak ng stepmother ko pero di din nakapagtapos ng high school dahil puro kalokohan lang ang alam at bisyo. Nilustay nila ang perang pinaghirapan ng Papa ko abroad. Sorry, it's not necessary to mention those pero nagagalit kasi ako kapag naiisip ko yun. Sinayang nila yung pinagpaguran ng Papa ko sa ibang bansa. And that could be the reason my father died, kasi pag uwe nya dito eh ubos na ang pera na inipon nya and then tambak pa ang utang nila. Namroblema sya ng husto kaya inatake sa puso. And when the time na namatay sya, ni hindi nila mailabas sa ospital ang papa ko kasi wala kahit singko ang stepom ko. Kaya hinintay nila ako na dumating from Cavite. Ang sakit sa dibdib isipin yun mga nangyare. Feeling ko may nakatusok sa dibdib ko kapag naalala ko ang mga yun. I should end it here na baka ako naman ang atakehin sa sakit sa puso dahil sa nararamdaman ko at this moment.

Hi guys, sorry ha, I know di ko dapat ishare sa inyo but I have nowhere to say it or let it all out eh. This is the only place that I could say anything without being judged. and I thank you all for that.....

Date Published: January 4, 2022