Unmasked

I groaned as I felt a twinge in my lower back. I hadn't noticed it during the fight, but Dr. Gun's supersonic blitz-bullets had apparently hit a nerve or something, I really needed to get a massage one of these days.

People were stopping and looking at me, I might have groaned out a bit too loud. I held up my hand in a multi-national "I'm all right! Just a twinge" and they started moving again, a bit wary but ignoring me. Just the way I liked it.

I had stuffed my gear in a hidey-hole near my -- our, now -- apartment, and climbed the stairs in regular jeans and collared shirt, taking care only to go up four at a time to not appear superpowered or anything. Because, of course, when I put on my high-tech gear and patrolled the streets I was High Jack, the joker card that always raised the stakes to the flop.

I know, I know, but you should see the look on a super-brainy villain's face when I shout that at them during a mélée. You can almost hear their brain working it out while trying to not have an aneurysm.

But now I was just regular Jack Smith, going home after a day's work in a normal working facility to see his lovely girlfriend. Belle was, thankfully, actually normal and a wonderful person. No more superheroines for me, I have sworn them off forever!

I could pick up some scuffling inside and my eyes lit up. Aha! She was home! Time to surprise her! I very sneakily drew out my key from my elbow and opened the door without the smallest sound. I closed the door behind me and tiptoed to the bedroom door and opened it with a "Hello my love!"

And there, just next to the bed was Belle, but... it wasn't Belle, but it was! She was wearing a skin-tight white outfit with the hooded mask down and she was apparently having some trouble trying to get it off. Oh yes, those things do stick. That's why I tend to have easy access zippers, but my heroic colleagues tell me I'm a fashion disaster. Bah! What do they know?

But this... this was something magnificent!

"Honey? This... this isn't what it looks like!" Belle exclaimed, trying desperately to claw her way out of the outfit.

"Wow" I said, my eyes and face lighting up like a christmas tree (Not literally, of course, I don't do that anymore). "You look great!"

"I know that--- I look great?" She went from terrified to confused real quick, I'll give her that.

"Oh yeah" I stretched that out. "Where'd you get that?" my grin turned lecherous as I looked her up and down "For tonight or a special occasion? I didn't know you were into that stuff!"

She blinked, looking at the costume and then me, understanding spreading across her face, "Oh... you know, spur of the moment kind of thing. Do you... do you like it?" She was almost shy.

I walked next to her and slid my fingers over the costume bits that weren't sticking to her. "Never really tried, but this is really good quality! Feels like you could really take a punch from a 2-ton genetically mutated gorilla."

She grinned and relaxed, "Really? I dunno, I think it'd tear or something."

"Oh no, this is really good material, really nice." I kissed her, "Hi honey, I'm home."

She laughed in my face and then held up her hands "Help me out of this thing, would you?"

I grinned "I like the costume, but of course I like nothing better!" we struggled a bit but got it off her eventually.

Panting, we sat on the bed, "So, should I get one as well? Maybe one of Ultra Girl's enemies? What's-his-face, Verro? The green thing?"

She made a face "Verre? Ew, that old creep? No thank you!"

"Or maybe another superhero? Blue Thunder? Wave Crasher? The Blink?"

She froze a bit, apprehensive, "Um... no, that doesn't... I don't think that's a good idea. No, I wouldn't like that." then she turned at me with a mischievous grin, "How about just an average Joe? Saved by Ultra Girl" and the universe shut down for me.

Ultra Girl saving me. Ultra Girl saving me. Ultra Girl saving me. A helpless man stands before a giant monster, about to perish, but suddenly a white streak swoops in and pounds the monster into jelly. The superheroine honey? lands on the ground next to the helpless, average man and says "Are you all right, citizen honey?" but then, then she stops, looks the man up and down and gets her "Hello, Sailor" look on and then JACK!

Belle was shaking me, checking my eyes. I cleared my throat, it felt a bit clogged for some reason. "Honey, are you all right? You zoned out there."

I blinked and shaked my head a bit "I'm, uh, fine. You were saying something about a... rescue scene? That sounds..." I hummed "nice."

She peered at me suspiciously but then smiled, "I know what you were thinking." I made a half-hearted grab at her but I had read her right as she slid out of the way "But not now, I really need a shower." and she laughed, heading into the shower.

"I am so lucky I found you" I murmured.

"I heard you! And yes, yes you are." I know it's not supposed to be possible but I swear I could hear her grin as she shut the bathroom door and started whistling some tune.

I cleared my throat again and bent down to dig a bit in the folds of her superheroine outfit. Finding what I was looking for, I inspected the neon green ladybug-shaped transmitter a bit before holding it up to my grinning face. "Verre, Verre, Verre, what do we have here?" I panned it around, displaying the room a bit, "Yes, you got it right, this is our apartment. Mine and hers." I brought the tiny camera up to my still grinning face and continued "Now, I want absolutely nothing happening around here for a while. We'll move eventually, but until then this area is now under your protection, capiche? I don't want to see anyone operating here because I want to get my beauty sleep."

I brought the bug closer and my grin turned vicious "And if you think you can get clever with me, Verre, remember I found you once and I can find you again. And you'll like our next talk a lot less if I have to find you again." I squished the bug. It was some titanium alloy but no matter.

I joined in on the whistle -- Rescue Rangers tune? Classic -- coming from the shower and folded the superheroine costume into her laundry basket as the shower door opened. "Well, aren't you going to join me? Ultra girl needs her..." in a motel room, the heroine and the nobody from the street stare at each other, hungry but restless, "I need a shower" says Ultra Girl, nervous I shook my head to clear it "Coming!"

If I played this right, I could get weeks of fun times before the jig was up.

*****

THE END.