Stressed

Before you say anything, yes, I still feel optimistic.

Oh, and don't give me the 'i WaSn'T gOiNg To SaY tHaT,' because I know you were. I said that to myself too, because honestly, at this point I'm unsure as to where the tide of life is taking me. Am I happy, or am I sad?

Am I experiencing the highs or the lows? Or am I in that bittersweet spot right in the middle where things are hard and the pressure from the valleys are weighing me down, but I'm having a taste of the mountain and a clear vision of the good things that await me up on the peak?

I don't know.

I still feel as optimistic as I did when I wrote that article two days ago and I still feel like I'm approaching the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still very much fired up to do whatever I can to pass and to handle my problems as they come, but excuse me for feeling stressed, it's natural.

If you've ever gotten a ray of hope or a sudden boost in morale and belief in yourself due to one or a few events that make you think you can conquer the world, then you'd understand how hard reality's clap back slaps. The disillusionment tends to vanish when you realize the amount of sheer effort, consistency, hard work, and just anything at all you'd have to give to see your plans come to fruition.

So yeah, I've reached that 'tf, this sh!t would actually cost me a lot to achieve, and it is not taking card, cash, or crypto' moment (not that I do have any money to give anyway but you get the reference). I've now come to terms with the fact that getting over my mental state may have just been the easy part.

Putting in the labor, Nah that requires mental and physical fortitude. It's really the two for one special, and there are no shortcuts to success,

For one thing, the rains came back with full force yesterday. By full force, I mean that it was the worst I had seen since those three days of endless showers. There are basically little streams and puddles every friggin' where you out your fit, with small patches of land. It looks and feels like some annoying low-budget ballet training I don't watch the news much nowadays but I'm sure that at this rate, flooding wouldn't be impossible in the more riverine parts of the country.

Talk about bad luck.

The rainy season this year was pretty much anticlimatic and below expectations, and just when it was supposed to wane so that the dry season could begin to rear its ugly head, BAM! it made a comeback.

I'll have to stay up late today; I have some assignments to complete and a little research to do ahead of today's classes. That obviously translates to a bare four hours of sleep today, and then to a mandatory three hours of nao when I get back from lectures for the day. At least I have to do that if I do not want my body to break down soon.

Now that school is starting, I have to make an extra effort to rekindle friendships that went a bit stale during the two-week break. Some of us got so enmeshed in our worlds that we forgot to check on our friends, and since these friendships are hella important to me, I don't think I'll mind being the one to go chat them up first and ask how things have been.

It wouldn't hurt at all to have people to laugh and joke with, especially in these tense final seconds of the race to our first professional exams. Everyone's tense even if they don't show it - or even though they pretend like everything's okay - like in the case of most of my colleagues here. Maybe we're alone, maybe people can't be trusted, but everybody needs somebody once in a while, even I do.

I haven't gotten a chance to watch much anime recently, as in the past two days or so have just been about work and running errands and sleeping at odd hours of the day so I don't know if I'll have a chance at leisurely activities. But, the weekend is upon us, so that's a plus. Maybe, just maybe I can get around to doing something I like doing, other than eating and sleeping.

I've managed to make a few little drawings in the meantime, drawings I'd be happy to share with the noise.cash community when I get around to compiling and posting of course. But tomorrow is Saturday anyway. Lie I said, the weekend! It does feel like there are significantly fewer hours in a day on those two days we have all to ourselves, but I guess I'll make the most out of it.

Not like I have a choice anyway.

But like I was telling @Hanzell the other day, these cycles we put our lives in, tend to be a safe sweet spot for us. Right now I can't risk adding anything to the list for fear of ruining this perfect balance I have now, so I think I'll leave things as they are School, sleep, eat, watch anime, draw, talk to my friends on social media - these are all I should be doing now.

I have zero social energy whatsoever for socializing at the moment, and I'm too much of an introvert to add anything to the mix. So I think I'll leave things as they are.

Thanks for reading all this extra-long, extra-boring stuff! Have a great weekend, please like and comment and see you when I see you!