*Coughs*
I've been down with the cold for two days, which should explain my absence form Read.Cash for a while.
Hoping my absence was actually felt ;)
Today, I'm feeling really good. I've posted an article, sort of an apology for not updating you guys for a while. And then I heard the bells, and my mind traveled to these chronicles.
What to write about... what to write about. And then it hit me!
You were just sick. Why don't you write about that?
That sounds like a good idea, because another thing that gives me a good laugh is remembering my school's medical center.
I'll start by saying that my school was definitely not the place to fall sick at. They had a Medical Center, sure, but I used to call it the 'Sicker Bay'. That's because it made you feel like you were getting sicker.
Now, there were the people who were genuinely sick, or let me say the people I could sympathize with because, you know, life happens.
And then, there were the other guys. Let me say there were three categories of 'the other guys':
The cry-babies who did not belong in a boarding school.
DESCRIPTION: These people spend their first six weeks complaining about how there's no TV, how they have to wash their own clothes, how they have never been flogged in their lives before, how the food is so small and doesn't taste like their moms' cooking. If they got to the Medical Center, they would keep on ranting about how they should be sent home or else their parents would sue the school... sulk, sulk, sulk, cry, cry, cry.
a. RESULTS: In a worst case scenario, they were at the medical center about once every week. Illnesses range from constipation, stomach ache, broken fingernail , paper cut, Waking up on the left side of the bed.
b.VERDICT: Get with the program! It is a Boarding School, not a private holiday getaway at the Bahamas.
The Hardened Category.
DESCRIPTION: These people were hardly ever visitors at the Medical Center. In fact, if you found them there, it was probably a front used to disguise their secret aim. Most times, they either hid their beverages (considered contraband) or went there to see people they were secretly dating. In extreme cases, if they ever got sick, it would be difficult to find their files and medical records because they were kept with those of students who were no longer in the school. That's how terrible it got.
a. RESULTS: Sickness was always serious, ranging from severe malaria to some terrible injury. I did sympathize with them, because I was one of them.
b. VERDICT: This category of people should be closely monitored when they get to the Medical Center.
The Criminals.
DESCRIPTION: Now I use criminals here in the sense that these people had no business whatsoever at the Medical Center. So why were they there? They were either stashing contraband there, going there to woo girls or they were secretly trying to use that as a avenue to go home. hat last possible case is the most popular among this category.
Results: To fool the school into thinking you really needed to go home for medical checkup, it would take a very convenient and totally believable lie, complete with the looks and descriptions needed to fool the nurses (WHO were more or less 50% qualified for the job anyway). In other words, you were either very good friends with the nurses or you had an average IQ.
So what type of lies or strategies could get you home
Infection on the crotch. This was a lie used by mostly boys, because the nurses did not want to investigate that story (like I said, 50% qualified).
Asthma attacks. You'd need to do this at least three times in two days for it to work. You would also need to know how to act the part, so research from an actual asthmatic patient was needed.
Purposely playing football like an idiot so as to get injured. These people would basically throw themselves up and down so as to break a bone or something. This was purely suicidal because sometimes they got way more than they asked for.
Burials at home. These were usually of the Great X3 Grandfather variety, accompanied by corresponding lies on the Parents' part. This was basically organized crime; nothing more, nothing less.
In extreme cases, you would willfully do things like beating up a junior student to get suspended. Well, with my school being the hellhole that it was, some of these actions are somewhat justifiable.
It might amuse you to know that the school caught on to the last method. People began serving in-house suspensions: For the next 1-2 weeks, the student would be in the school, not attending classes. Wait, it gets even better: The would be performing manual labor like sweeping a hostel, cutting the grasses on the school field etc.
And they said learning was fun!
The only things that I can remember about my school are that it went over too fast.