Cold

If I didn't mention something about taking a break from the prompts and fiction writing, then I'm doing it now. I'm taking a break. 'Is there a particular reason?' you may ask. Well, as @Hanzell correctly deduced, I'm facing a problem of a total lack of motivation to write on any of these prompts.

The lack of motivation is affecting every other literary and writing process within me. My creativity bank is... well, let's just say I'm writing on borrowed inspiration and imagination. It's that bad, and I now know that unless I tackle my current emotions now, I'll never be able to write on as I'd like to.

So I'm seeing this as a form of personal therapy. Self-medication sounds like a better way to put it. I don't really have an outlet for these emotions and mood swings that are fueled by college life, and I can't keep them within me. So, I thought it best to write all of it here, express myself and get it over with.

I started with Exhausted! yesterday or two days ago, and it was great to let that off my chest. The comments from @Xzeon and @kat2x were also quite nice and helpful.

So where are we now? Well, this is another installment in the series, and while 'Exhausted' was more focused on my mental health and state of being, this one takes a physical approach.

I'm cold.

No, not cold-hearted. Not a psycho that doesn't care about the emotions and welfare of his fellow humans, even though I could (and probably should) care more about people rather than being self-absorbed and wallowing in my own self-pity.

P.S: I'm going through my emo phase, and I think everyone goes through thisonce in their lifetime so don't judge me lol.

I mean the weather is cold in this part of the world. Obviously, it's not western winter-level cold, I mean it doesn't snow here and it rarely gets that cold except during the Harmattan period in the dry season. No, it rains now, and the rain comes with dark bleak skies, depression, and cold.

It doesn't help that I'm 18 and going through a midlife crisis, (lol there was a time I always wanted to say that and now I'm like wtf is going on, this isn't what I signed up for, someone help), but yeah that's the case now. Challenges at home mean my family would most likely not be able to facilitate the payment of my tuition fees, which amounts to about $100 (it's a Nigerian public school, you get what you pay for) and so I'm writing my heart out on read.cash to try and meet up with deadlines.

I'm also trying to start steemit, but I can't even figure out how that works so I'm stuck here for a while, and then the cold just adds fuel to the fire.

It rained all throughout yesterday, which I hated because during a brief pause I went out quite a distance from home to go find food and I got drenched by the rain even though I had an umbrella with me. If it can get any worse than this, I pray I never find out because this is the worst fix I've found myself in.

I had to take two hot baths and also wrap myself in thick blankets before dozing off. The prospects of contracting a cold or even worse - pneumonia - are just too terrifying to risk it. I couldn't even sleep for long - barely three hours, and then I had to wake up and think of what to write here.

But like I said (and remembered) I'm cold.

It doesn't help to be single during this period, actually singles are at more risk of freezing to death right now, lol. Battling this cold alone without having someone to cuddle is tantamount to having a death wish, and though some of my friends would jokingly ask me to cuddle my male roommate, there's definitely a limit to what the words, 'no homo' can cover.

And that's not one of them.

So it's just me, my side of the bed, and this blanket. Oh, and hot drinks as well, so my body's going to have to get used to hot chocolate and milk for the time being because that will probably constitute a third of my diet.

Oh, and then the school's already in session as well. It's starting tomorrow actually, so whatever bit of freedom I'd been enjoying is about to be yanked out of my hands and crushed on the cold, muddy grounds of this college.

I'm not going to jinx this by saying something like 'it's gonna be alright, or 'it can't get any worse than this, or 'it'll end in praise' because I know there's something worse than this out there, and I do not want to experience that at all. All I can say for sure is that this won't be the end of me. We've been through some downs every now and then, and even though this is the worst yet, I can still come out of it.

It's just a matter of time.

But, in the meantime, I'm tired and cold.

*****

Hopefully, I can get out of my emo phase before school starts...tomorrow.

Damn if wishes were horses tho.