This is another one of my trips to the dark alleys of Memory Lane, where my worst memories reside. Other trips include Therapy Sessions and The Burial.
I'm writing this because @Gwenie asked me how I overcame my antisocial tendencies
The silence is golden.
I sit still at the table while most people leave the classroom for recess. I barely even have the gall to stand up. You see, I'm a shy, antisocial new student; I can't imagine a situation worse than mine.
It's my fifth week since I arrived here, and I don't have any friends. I barely even talk to anyone, and even if I have questions, I go all the way to the staff room to ask the teacher.
"You know, you can ask the Class Representative. He's not that much older than you." He asks.
I'm used to the frustration. He can't understand why I refuse to talk to people. No one really understood it, so I'm used to it.
"I don't care about how old he is. I'd talk to him even if he was Methuselah. I just didn't think it was necessary to."
"No, you just didn't want to." He says, looking at me.
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I'm sleeping in my room when someone calls me. He says the School Counselor is looking for me.
Every Wednesday, while others are having their Club meetings, I have to go see the Guidance Counselor. She's the wife of the principal, and she's very nice. That's why I don't like her. I don't understand why she is so nice, and I don't like not understanding something.
"Good Evening." I mutter.
"Sit down. Have some Fanta" She says, bringing a can out of her mini-fridge.
She offers me a drink every time I ask for one, even though I never accept it. Why is she being so nice?
"I'm not thirsty."
"I didn't say you were. If that was the case I'd have offered you water. It gives better hydration." She says, smiling.
Why does she smile all the time?
"I thought all young people liked Fanta. I guess I'm not up-to-date." she says with a light laugh.
You guess?
"So how was your week? What about your Tests"
"Fine. I got a 10 in English Language." I've learned to detail my answers, or she'll keep on asking questions. I hate questions, because its a pain to answer. It feels like I'm opening up to people. I hate opening up to people.
"That's amazing. You know, you could be a great speaker one day. That's, of course, when you start to speak to people." she says laughing.
It's not funny. I can't take it anymore.
"Why are you like this?' I ask, visibly frustrated. It's been a long time since I've lost my cool like this, but I don't understand her.
"How?' she says. She's still smiling, but she looks surprised. I have never expressed myself like this before.
"Can't you get angry?"
"I don't understand." she says, maintaining the calm smile. But I see how her eyes are gleaming. She feels she's making progress. I don't care about that. Her character is enigmatic, and I'm compelled to decipher it.
"Every time we meet here, I'm nothing but silent, rude and distant. I never accept your drinks, and I basically waste your time. Why do you keep smiling? Why don't you shout at me? Are you unable to feel anger?"
"Maybe. Its like how you're unable to be happy." she says.
I suddenly get defensive, but I can't explain why. Is this magic? Is she a witch?
"I can be happy."
"Then why don't you smile?"
"I don't need to be smile to show I'm happy. My facial expressions have nothing to do with my emotions."
"Mine neither. I don't need to frown to show I'm angry and frustrated.
"You are?" I know I'm not normal, at least that's what everyone says, but this woman is insane. Who smiles when they are frustrated?
"Yes, Ozzy." she says, smiling. It's the first time an adult who is not my parent has called me by my nickname.
"You've been a mean piece of work since I came here. For one monh now, we have been having these sessions and I thought UI wasn't making any progress."
"Then why do you continue?"
"The same reason why you keep on coming. You don't understand why I keep on smiling and being nice, and I don't understand why you keep on being silent, angry and antisocial. When I first met your parents, they said you had been to three therapists before me. I told them I would be the last. That's because you're a challenge, and I love a challenge." she says, smiling.
I'm stunned.
"There are people in your class who would love to talk to you. Friends you could make, but you've given up on trying to stop being like this. You think its your character, but I think otherwise. I am not going to allow you continue like this." She says, stressing the last sentence.
"So we can continue doing this every Wednesday. It costs far less muscles to smile, so I will keep on smiling. But I don't think you can continue being silent, Ozzy. That's because I've cracked your shell, and unlike everyone else, I'm not giving up on you."
The bell rings, signifying that club period is over. She bids me farewell, and I leave. But my mind is disorganized, and my constitution is crumbling. You see, it's the first time I was experiencing someone who was persistent towards changing me. It's the first time I cared about what someone else thought or did.
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The next time I was at her office before she called. Oh, and I accepted the Fanta. It did taste nice, after all.
Very nice. I felt happy reading this. I really want to thank that school counselor and all those who helped you, like the friends you mentioned. 😊