With all the changes that are taking place in the life of early adolescents, it's not surprising that they struggle with the feelings of the insecurity and self-doubt. Psychologists say that a person's self-esteem reaches its lowest point during early adolescence, particularly between the ages of 12 and 15.
Self-esteem ( sometimes used interchangeably with self-concept or self-image) is basically what or how people think about themselves.
There are many factors that contribute to a person's self-esteem, but chief among them is how other people relate to them. As wrote earlier, other people are like mirrors who reflect back to the young adolescent his or her self-image. If others treat them with respect, they will be more likely to treat themselves with respect. On the other hand, if others mistreat them, they will be more likely to mistreat themselves. Youth who develop a positive self-image and more confident, more successful at school, better solvers ,better able to cope with stress, and less vulnerable to negative peer pressure. They are also less likely to become discipline problems. Conversely youth with low self-esteem are generally more vulnerable to negative peer pressure and self-destructive behaviors.
Family therapist and former junior high worker Bill Wennerholm has identified a number of steps that young people must take to build self-esteem and to become healthy adults. They are part of a gradual process that usually takes several years:
The establishment of emotional and psychological independence from parents.
The achievement of a separate personal identity.
An ability to motivate oneself and set one's own goals and direction.
The development of one's own values and beliefs.
The ability to be in intimate reciprocal relationships.
The establishment of an appropriate sexual identity, which includes accepting and appreciating one's own unique body.
The ability to function in a work capacity.
Each of these steps takes time and requires the cooperation and feedback of others, especially parents and adults who interact with early adolescents. Notice that none of these steps are directly related to self-esteem. Just as happiness can't be achieved by acting happy, so a positive self-esteem is not achieved by thinking positive thoughts about yourself. True self-esteem is not contrived or pumped up. Its is a by-product of healthy development and healthy relationships. Self-esteem comes, as the old TV commercial used to say, the old-fashioned way: it has to be earned.
H.Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelson, in their book Raising self-reliant Children in a self-indulgent World offer another list they call The Significant Seven. It includes three perceptions and four skills that all children must acquire in order to develop a healthy self-concept and to function in the world as capable, self-reliant adults.
PERCEPTIONS
A strong perception of the personal capability. ("I am capable. I can do things for myself. ")
A strong perception of personal power. (" I can influence or control what happens to me. I am not just a victim of circumstances that happen to me.")
A strong perception of personal power. ("I can influence or control what happens to me. I am not just a victim of circumstances that. happen to me.")
SKILLS
Strong intrapersonal skills. The ability to understand personal emotions and use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control and to learn from experience.
Strong interpersonal skills. The ability to work with others and develop friendships through communication, cooperation, negotiation, sharing, emphathizing,and listening.
Strong systemic skills. The ability to respond to the limits and consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability, flexibility, and integrity.
Strong judgment skills. The ability to use wisdom and evaluate situations according to appropriate values.
Building self-esteem is a multifaceted task. It involves having opportunities and tools to feel competent and successful at doing things. It involves learning how to make good decisions, how to solve problems and how to overcome mistakes. It involves getting recognition, encouragement, praise, and unconditional love from others__ especially from parents and significant adults.
