Even though it's easy to make a compelling case for a ministry to and with parents of junior highers, there are plenty of obstacles that may be prevent from doing it. I have listed some of those obstacles below,
prevent you from doing it. I have listed some of those obstacles below, because I believe that the first step toward overcoming obstacles is to
acknowledge their existence. Don't let any of the following obstacles prevent you from making a ministry to and with parents a priority:
• I don't know the parents." There may be many parents of your junior
highers who don't attend your church, or any church at all. Find out
who they are and make an attempt to meet them. If they drop their kid
off at meetings or events, make an effort to catch them and introduce
yourself. You will need to take the initiative here.
• I don't like the parents." You may have reasons to dislike certain
parents, perhaps because their kid has revealed some rather
unflattering things about them. My experience has been that in most
cases, kids exaggerate quite a bit. Don't believe everything you hear. If
you are hearing reports of physical or sexual abuse, of course, then you
have a right to be concerned, and you should definitely intervene in
appropriate ways. But don't assume that everything you hear is
automatically true. Second, make sure that you are not being unfair in
your attitude toward parents in general. I know some youth workers
who say, "Parents are our biggest problem. If they were doing their job,
uas wouldn't be in such trouble." While there is some truth to that, we need to remember that some parents are doing the best they can and their kids still choose to be rebelliousness or antisocial. Don't avoid a ministry to parents because you don't have a high regard for them.
•"The don't want to be involved." Sometimes despite your best
efforts, parents will reject your invitation to be involved in any way.
Don't push them. Respect their right to stay uninvolved. Just keep the door wide open and continue to reach out to them.
•The kid's dont want their parents to be involved."
Some kids may feel smothered by their parents and may need a place where they can
be themselves without parents hovering over them. That is true, but not
for all junior highers. If a kid doesn't want his or her parents around,
find out why. Sometimes if you ask the youth for permission before you
invite his or her parents to be involved, they are more likely to approve
than after. But be positive. "Hey, Jason, I was thinking that your dad
would make a great addition to our junior high ministry team. What do
you think?"
•"Parents may interfere with my plans." If you feel threatened by
parents, you may need to evaluate your own leadership style. Keep in
mind that ministry in general is not about power, control, and
territorial rights. Some youth workers fear involving anyone at all as
part of a youth ministry team because they aren't team players. Parents
as well as other adults, are capable of understanding their role and tney
can be a very important resource for you.
•"Working with parents is out of my
comfort zone."
This is a common fear of many junior high workers who are great at relating to kids,but have a difficult time
relating to adults in general __perhaps
because of their age or experience. Don't let your fear of working with parents rob you of this opportunity for ministry. Keep in mind that parents may also fear you. They may feel embarrassment because their kid has revealed to you their failures as a parent, or they may worry that you know some of their family secrets. It is unfortunate that our mutual fears often prevent us from reaching out to each other. One way to overcome
your fear of parents is to spend some time
with them and to listen to them. Read q
book on parenting teenagers and you will
gain some insights into parents that will also help you to overcome your fears. We tend to fear that which is unfamiliar or strange to us.
•"Parents don't respect me or take me seriously." This is often the
result of negative stereotyping that is usually unfounded. Remember
that the best way to get respect is to give it. If you will respect parents,
they will be more likely to respect you. And keep in mind that if you are
young, single, or have no adolescent children of your own, you really cant expect parents to respect your ability to tell them how to parent their children or to judge them. Recognize your limitations and give yourself enough time to earn the respect of parents.
•"Working with parents is not in my job description." Unfortunately
some job descriptions are so narrowly defined in the church that you
may find yourself "out of bounds" when you try to work with parents.
For example, you might be trying to involve parents in the junior high
ministry while the adult pastor is at the same time trying to involve
parents in other ministries of the church. If working with parents is not
in your job description, change it. Some youth workers I know have
changed their job titles from "minister of youth" to "minister to families
with teenagers." This gives them the permission they need to include
parents in their ministries to youth.
•"I don't have time to work with parents."This of course is probably
the greatest obstacle for the majority of junior high workers in the
church. Most of us have too much to do and working with parents may
feel like just one more thing to do. Mark DeVries provides a helpful
perspective: "Youth ministry at its best involves a continual process of
Setting and adjusting priorities-deciding what we will wring our hands
about and what we will let slide. For most of us, ministry to or through
parents of teenagers has simply been one of the many things on our 'to
do list that we have had to 'let slide." DeVries compares youth work
with juggling balls or spinning plates. There is only so much you can
do.
If you are convinced a ministry that involves parents is worth
doing, you will probably have to take a close look at everything you are
doing and make some adjustments. It's possible that you will need to
hand off some of the less important tasks to someone else, or just drop
helping junior highers grow "in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man" a ministry to parents is not one of the balls you want to let drop.
Intimidated by parents? They may be intimidated by you_ embarrassed, perhaps, by what their kids may have confided to you about their inadequate parenting.
