You can't control how junior highers feel about themselves, but you can
control how you respond to them. You can impact their self-image
significantly by letting them know that you do indeed like them and
want to be around them. This is another reason why relationships in
youth ministry are so important-they help young people build self
esteem. You give junior highers some very important information about themselves when you let them know you believe in them and take them seriously. And as i discussed in my article, a good way to do this is to listen to them. When you give a junior higher your atten-
tion by being a good listener, you let her know that what she has to say is important and that you value her as a person.
Another excellent way to help early adolescents build self-
esteem is to say something positive to them whenever you can and
conversely, to avoid putting them down or making fun of them. Be
liberal with praise. Catch them doing something good and let them
know that you noticed. Most junior highers I know are so used to being
scolded, nagged, criticized, and ridiculed that they think they have a
sign on their back that says, "Kick me, I'm a junior high kid!" Compli-
ment your junior highers whenever you have the opportunity. Mark
Twain once said, "I can live two months on one good compliment."
Junior highers, of course, need to be complimented more often
than that. And when you do compliment them, it's best to emphasize
positive character traits rather than possessions or appearance. "Ireally
appreciated the way you helped out last night," rather than "That's a
great-looking shirt!" And don't hesitate to compliment them in front o
other people, especially their parents. Even though they may act
uneasy and embarrassed, down deep inside they are taking their bows
and basking in the glory of it all.
Giving Them Opportunities to Succeed
We can also help young adolescents build self-esteem by giving them
meaningful responsibilities and opportunities for success. The second
most important value to junior highers (the first is "to make my own
decisions") is "to do something important with my life"a Idealistic
junior highers have a keen desire to do something important with their
lives, but they have few opportunities to do so. As a result they become
discouraged and begin to believe that they are, in fact, incompetent
and useless.
Most adults consider junior highers too immature and too
irresponsible to do meaningful work. This is why there is virtually no
job market for them. Interestingly enough, junior highers are the
nation's baby-sitters. Almost every 1l-to-14-year-old earns extra money
by baby-sitting. The irony of this is that often the people who consider
junior highers to be so immature and irresponsible are the same people
who entrust their most prized possessions-their babies-into the care
and safekeeping of junior highers. Either junior highers are in fact
responsible, or adults are acting irresponsibly by leaving them alone
with their babies. I think we know the truth. Junior highers are capable
of accepting responsibility and they should be given every opportunity
to "do something important with their lives. The same junior higher who won't pick up his dirty clothes off the bedroom floor will often jump at the chance to do something for someone else who needs work done.
There are literally millions of junior highers all over America
who have nothing to do after school except to hang out, watch
television, or get into trouble. Some of them are the "latchkey kids" who
come home to empty houses because of working parents or parents
who are absent. These young people represent a tremendous mission
field for junior high workers who want to reach junior highers for Christ
and make a significant difference in their lives. Churches could provide
all kinds of meaningful after-school activities, such as mission and
service projects, apprenticeships, volunteer work, and the arts, such as
drama and music. The after-school hours remain a tremendous
opportunity for ministry to junior highers."
