Human beings are respected because of two things
Fear
Love
People respect who they fear and people respect who they love. Don't get it twisted though, the respect that comes with fear and that which comes with love is different. The main aim of this write-up is to bring it home to relationships these days and why they fail, but before we get there. Let's take some instances.
Religion, for example, some people respect God because they fear him i.e they don't want to go to hell or incur his wrath, while others respect God because they love him. Now If you can convince someone that God is such a loving person that he wouldn't send anyone to hell, then the former group of persons has no reason to respect him because the fear would be gone. You can hardly convince someone to unlove who they love already.
While growing up, we respected our fathers because we feared them and our mothers because we loved them. Once we grow up and the fear of them beating or scolding us or sending us out of their homes if we don't respect them was gone, you would notice that the respect we now have for our Dads is no more out of fear but now love. You are 27 years and your dad sends you to go and wash his car, you are no more washing it because of the fear of what he will do if you don't wash the car, but because you love him. Fear came first, then respect.
In business, we respect our bosses because we fear them, we don't have to love them to respect them. The fear of been sacked, of been cautioned, keeps our respect for them intact.
Now let us bring this back home to relationships. Why are you with your partner? Why did you choose your current partner? Someone once told me I love you, all I had to ask was, do you respect me? Of course, she'll say yes, and when I asked why? She could not answer. The truth is that you don't just respect people, they earn it. And the easiest way to earn respect is through love. You first of all fall in love with someone, and then after months of dating the person, you'll realize that love is not enough and then you begin to fear. The fear of losing the person, the fear of loving too much that you lose yourself, the fear of giving too much. Now you are no more in a relationship because you love the person, but because you fear the person. Not fear as in being scared, but the fear of many things happening, things beyond your control, things you can't understand. And then before you know what's happening, you forget to love and begin to fear, and not before long, you lose the person to fear.
So what's the normal way to do it? Even the Bible advises you first fear God, and when you learn to know him, you can love him. The truth is you can't truly love to want you don't know or what you don't fear. You can't appreciate what you don't fear. So the best course of action is this. Fear before you love. The fear of losing yourself should come first before you love another, the fear of losing the person should come first before you commit. When you become scared of losing someone who you find attractive, then ask that person out. But if you go into a relationship at first and you are not scared of losing that person, then you shouldn't be in that relationship because it will end in tears.
Fear first, before you love and the respect you'll have for yourselves would be eternal.
