The Experience

I will tell mummy what you keep doing to me when you bath me! My tiny 4 year old voice was adamant to pass the message across that I did not like what our house help was doing to me. But she smiled sheepishly with her arrogant character and shoved my head real hard , "Go and tell her na, and see if she believes you, gossip. You will still be the one to come back to me". I was in shock with what she Said. She thinks I was joking. I ran straight to mom as fast as my tiny legs could carry me.. "Mummy! Mummy!!" I kept tugging on mom's wrapper to drag her attention. She was seiving Dawa in preparation for dinner. I kept tugging until she turned to me in anger. "Treasure, what is it?" I was taken aback by the harshness in her voice but I wouldn't be backing down now... I had come this far already. "Mummy, do you know that our help always touch me and pinch my bumbum anytime she is bathing me?" The look on my mom's face changed immediately. Anger turned to concern. "Nkiru, what is Treasure saying?" The look on mom's face didn't even make her flinch. She just smiled and said "Madam, don't mind her, I am only trying to bath her the best I can and this involves me touching her privates so it will be clean, you know any time she goes to toilet, she doesn't clean her bumbum well, but if she does not like it, someone else should bath her..." The tension in mom's face subsided immediately and was replaced with anger as she turned back towards me... "Treasure why are you always complaining, she was only giving you a thorough bath or do you want to be a pig?" Please leave my presence before I descend on you... I was dumbfounded... I am 4 not stupid. I know what i was saying... This isn't right... "Mummy it's not like that, she... she..." "Treasure, allow me to rest please, am not in the mood for your tantrums now" and she turned around and continued seiving her DAWA.

And that was how my mother cut me off from trying to explain to her what Nkiru does to me in the bathroom. This never deterred nkiru from doing what she did to me. She intensified it by sucking my tiny nipples and making me suck hers too, she made me believe that it is what girls do to themselves when they love each other. As I grew older and could bath myself, she made us bath together for her to continue with the "love". I never bothered telling my mother again and funny enough, I began to enjoy it, besides it's the way girls show love to themselves right?

The day Nkiru left our house, I was devastated. I had gotten used to the way of life she taught me and I needed to feel 'loved' once more. I was so lonely at home as I was the only child of my parents. Noticing my loneliness, my father brought his Sister's child who was few years older than I was to live with us as he will take care of her education to the highest level. That was how Cynthia came to our house and I noticed she had bigger breasts than I did. I longed to touch those succulent and ripe apples but I was scared of how she might take it till one night, when we were sleeping, I pretended to drop my hands on her breasts sleeping and began fondling them softly, I could hear her soft moans and when she couldn't bear it any longer, she dragged me close and planted her mouth on mine, that was my first experience at kissing. I was unaware she has been into it before she came to us and she was the one that upgraded my experience to kissing, fingering and smooching. There was not a day that will pass we won't pleasure ourselves to our satisfaction. This continued till I got admission into the University, unaware I have become a full blown lesbian. Being a very beautiful girl with the right curves at the right places, men were easily attracted to me but I was immune to them, I only craved for my gender. Some of the girls I came in contact with brushed me off, looking at me like an alien and I never could understand why they don't want to show me "love" like I do to them.

Till one day in my 200 level, I had a new female lodge mate who was very pretty that I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was much younger than I was and was doing her pre sciences in school. Unable to resist her, I made her my friend, showered her with love and care but never for once did she give me the chance to extend my love to her body.

I couldn't bear the urges anymore, so I devised a means to lure her to my room alone. I called her on phone, telling her I wasn't feeling fine, if she could come help me cook, she asked to come with her roommate but I declined, asking her to come alone which she did. Seeing me lying helplessly on the bed, she came close to check my temperature but I grabbed her with all the strength I have kissing her and fondling her breasts. In the struggle for me to open her blouse and worship those succulent apples, my door was forced open and I was caught red handed, according to them, I assaulted and abused a female student.

Looking back at my life and that day specifically from my prison window. I wondered what I did wrong. I could still remember vividly the disappointment on my parents face as the judge read out my sentence. I hope my mother remembers the disappointment I felt many years ago when I tried telling her something and she turned me away. The judge called it a rape case and I could see the disgust in written all over the faces of my prison mates. I was bullied everyday. What did I do wrong I wondered, I was only trying to show her 'love' or did Nkiru lie to me?

#shreds