Parenting in an African Home.
Parenting in an African home can be very challenging. Sometimes, I wonder if the duty of patenting is only for the parents, and not also of the society, school, church or mosque and the environment at large. The child must be home-trained, school-trained, religiously trained as well as being trained in the society. More often than not, the fault of a mannerless and uncultured child is centered on the parent, especially on the mother.
Of course, we cannot overlook the importance of home training in the development of a child. A well-trained parent will bring up a well-trained child. The parent cannot offer what he or she does not have. As such, we have several kinds of parents. Some are pampering in nature, probably because they were pampered when they were little. Others are extremely strict, maybe because of the abuse they suffered when they were young. The problem is being at one extreme end. As a popular Yoruba adage says and I quote in English "if you use one hand to beat a child, use the other to draw the child closer". A good parent must be able to balance strictness and softness on the child.
An extremely strict parent will only build fear in the child's mind. The kind of parent that the child sees and trembles. The parent whose presence drains every drop of confidence from the little boy and brings out stammering from the tongue of the little girl. Yes, the child will be good at home but very bad outside. Most children will only behave accordingly well only when around such parent, and immediately they are free, they loose-guard and behave freely as they want. Frequently, such children join various bad groups when exposed to university life. They feel free to do the bad they had wanted to do while around their strict parent. Obviously, extremely strict parenting does more harm than good.
The extremely soft parent, the pamper master and the giveaway parent are also common in the African communities. These ones give their children everything they want. The child does not even know what a cane looks like. These ones fights anyone who dares beat their children, whether an elder in the society or the teacher in school. Their everyday goal is to make the child happy and satisfied. The child has rarely felt dissatisfaction because he always has what he wants. A child brought up this way always ends up being either a thief who steals whatever he cannot have or one who spends prodigally or very disrespectful to everyone. They feel they should be treated everywhere the way they are being treated at home by their parents. This kind of parenting is condemned and not acceptable and the outcome is always a spoilt child.
The third kind of parenting we would talk on is moderate parents. One who is averagely strict and averagely soft. One who balances the two extremes of parenting. By parental wisdom, they know when to beat the child and when not to. They know when to give the child what he wants and when not to. The child can freely communicate his fears, views and thoughts to the parent. The girl-child can then be comfortable to discuss certain sensitive issues with the mother. This kind of child is not spoilt and at same time not abused. The child evolves to the kind the parents and the society can be proud of and call responsible.
Too strict parenting raises an abused child while too soft parenting raises a spoilt child, but a balanced parent raises a responsible child.
As this is not alone the factor affecting parenting, I will in my next article talk about how other factors such as society , environment, religious organizations, schools and even the child itself affect the outcome of parenting.
Thanks very much for reading.
