To start with let me brief my experience as a victim of fear of being vulnerable. I know you all must be thinking why I had so much problems or"does she really has all this problems or just faking it? The answer is yes! I do have all this experiences I have been emphasizing on since I joined this platform and I'm so thankful to share my experiences and challenges on this platform.
To be sincere I don't even know when it started so I guess I was born with it. My main goal joining this platform is to share,learn,heal, grow and also to express myself sharing my experiences and challenges in life and my personal self as a whole.
Fear of being vulnerable has been my primary challenge, infact even as I'm writing this article right now I'm still on the path of recovery. The fear of being vulnerable started from from the fear of being indepthed to anyone. My psychological perspective as an human being is that being vulnerable is just like being a slave and that is my fear because I'm a very emotional person, so to avoid being hurt easily or even by little things, I preferred not be vulnerable and independent to the extent that I don't even have a good relationship life from families, friends and even strangers.
I always try to avoid everyone, sometimes I would even lock myself inside my room all day just to avoid interaction, communication and relating with anybody. I never really had a good relationship with my family (i.e good communication) but they still provide most of my needs.
But towards the path of recovery I learnt that 60% of emotional behaviour by people are triggered by depression and the surprising part of it all is that depression can be genetic or hereditary (i.e passed from parents to offsprings). Although I don't even know if mine is hereditary because I have never noticed this in my parent . I faced a lot of challenges during my healing process, although I'm still going through the recovery process and there are some also important information I would like to share with you guys that may help anyone that has this same condition.
I would be talking about that in the next phase.👇
Table of Contents
Why Vulnerability Is Important
How we Become Closed Off
The Impact of Isolation
Embracing our Authentic Self
Aiming for Excellence, Not Perfection
This points above are what I'm using in my recovery process.
We often ask ourselves this questions when we are ready to bring our walls down and be vulnerable. But first what is vulnerability;
What is vulnerability?
Vulnerability is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a certain degree of uncertainty. It involves a person's willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.
The fear of vulnerability is a very common fear. Once we understand this central emotional challenge, we can learn how to be vulnerable and why it's rewarding.
Why Vulnerability Is Important
Professor and author Brené Brown suggests that vulnerability is an important measure of courage and that it allows people to be seen and understood by the people who are important in their life. Being vulnerable also serves as an important way to foster authenticity, belongingness, and love.
When we can accept vulnerability, we may find that we experience important emotional benefits. Some of which are;
Greater strength: Putting ourselves into situations where we feel vulnerable can be a way to gain confidence and belief in our ability to handle challenging situations. This can help make us more resilient in the face of life's difficulties.
Stronger relationships: Being vulnerable with others is a way to foster intimacy. It can deep our compassion, empathy, and connection to others in our life.
Improved self-acceptance: Being vulnerable allows us to accept and embrace different aspects of ourselves. This can foster great confidence and authenticity.
So why do people often fear vulnerability if it is a good thing? Vulnerability is associated with a number of other challenging emotional states. For example, it often plays a part in difficult emotions such as disappointment, shame, fear, and grief. The fear of vulnerability is also often related to a fear of rejection or abandonment.
Examples of Vulnerability
Taking chances that might lead to rejection
Talking about mistakes we have made
Sharing personal information that we normally keep private
Feeling difficult emotions such as shame, grief, or fear
Reconnecting with someone we have fallen out with
Being honest about what we need in a relationship, including our boundaries and expectations
How we Become Closed Off
As a small child, we were likely open and free, sharing all of yourself with others. As you grew and matured, however, we may have learned that the world can be a very painful place. We learned that not everyone is on our side, and not all situations are going to go our way.
Over time, then, we may have also learned to protect ourselves. This might mean that we've built walls around our heart, convinced ourselves that we never really loved the person who hurt us anyway, and became practiced in the art of denial.
Even worse, we may have begun to believe and internalize negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. As we search for answers to life's hurts, we may even begin to believe that we were responsible for them.
Are we Sabotaging our Relationships?
The Impact of Isolation
Although these steps are normal and natural, they are also self-defeating. It is important to learn from past mistakes and to strive for personal growth.
However, it is equally important to learn to forgive our own lapses. How often are we quick to forgive someone else's mistake, or even truly bad behaviour, while continuing to beat ourselves up for a mistake that we made?
Likewise, building walls creates a safe space into which we can quickly retreat, but it also blocks the flow of energy and love in both directions. It is easy to become trapped behind our own emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive emotions as well as negative ones. This leaves many people feeling isolated and alone.
The fear of vulnerability often leads people to inadvertently cause pain to others.
People with this fear often become "distancers," using well-honed methods to keep others at arm's length. Some become intentionally buried in work, school, or other activities. Some simply disappear at the first sign that a relationship is becoming intimate.
Still others perform an elaborate dance of push and pull, drawing in a potential partner only to pull away emotionally when the other person gets too close, then drawing that person back in once distance has been re-established.
Embracing our Authentic Self
One way to reduce self-isolation and the fear of vulnerability is to embrace our authentic self. We have been hurt before, so we seek to minimize the risk of being hurt again. However, the best way to minimize the potential damage is not to build walls or try to act according to some self-created checklist.
To combat the fear of vulnerability, we must first learn to love and accept our whole, authentic self.
Loving ourselves is one of the toughest lessons we will ever face. Everyone has flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories, and past mistakes they wish they could forget. People are insecure, awkward, and desperately wishing they could change certain things. That's human nature.
The trick is to realize that everyone feels this way. No matter how successful, how beautiful, how perfect someone appears, they all have the same awkwardness, insecurity, and self-doubt.6
Aiming for Excellence,Not Perfection
Thinking of the most dynamic, capable person we know: The one who always knows just what to say or do, has the perfect outfit for every occasion, and can simultaneously juggle a baby and a briefcase while standing on the subway.
What if this person said something foolish? Would we hold a grudge? What if that person snapped at us? Would we find that unforgivable? Of course not.
We understand that others are imperfect, that they have good days and bad days, that they have flaws and blind spots and moments of weakness. That's not what we remember them for. We remember their triumphs and shining moments and love and light.
Why treat ourselves any differently? Why beat ourselves up for the things that we easily and quickly forgive in others? Why do we automatically assume that others will judge us more harshly than we judge them?
One way to improve our ability to accept ourselves fully is to treat ourselves in the same way that we would treat a friend or loved one. Showing ourselves the empathy and compassion that we would show to others in the same situation.
How to Reduce Negative Self-Talk for a Better Life
How to Love ourselves
To learn to love ourselves, we begin by acknowledging ourselves as a whole human being with flaws, imperfections, and all. Owning and embracing our past mistakes, but realizing that they don't define our present or our future.
Apologizing to anyone we feel we have significantly wronged, and then move on. Forgive ourselves. While this is often easier said than done, moving forward, trying to live by a few simple truths.
We are important. Like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life," the simple fact that we exist has a ripple effect beyond our imagination. We may never truly know whose lives we have touched, and what the repercussions were, but they are there.
Embracing our mistakes. Not only do our mistakes make us human, but they give us a wealth of experiences to draw on when helping others. Using our past for good is one of the strongest ways to connect with our entire self.
We should stop trying to prove our value. Humans, especially those with a fear of vulnerability, are always trying to show how worthwhile we are. We worry that if we don't somehow earn our keep, people will stop caring for us. Invariably, we get exactly what we are unconsciously asking for: a string of people interested in what we can give instead of who we are.
Remember that we can't be everything to everyone. Offer the most precious gift of all ourselves rather than trying to be all things to all people. That doesn't mean we should stop performing kindnesses for others, but make offerings based in love rather than fear or self-judgment.
A Word From me
As we truly learn to accept and love yourself, we will find it easier and easier to show true vulnerability. If our sense of self-worth is strong, then we will no longer need others to define it or prop it up for you. We will be able to walk away from those who treat us with disrespect and attract those who treat us well.
However, getting from here to there is never easy. Professional assistance is often required, particularly if our fear is deep-seated and long-lasting. Many people seek the advice of a respected mental health professional, while others find solace in spiritual counseling.
Whatever path we choose, finding freedom from the fear of vulnerability is absolute breakthrough and happiness.
Hoping you all enjoy this🤗....
