If you live in this part of the world and particularly, Nigeria, you will understand the pressure most people put themselves under just to get married. It hurts more when the pressure doesn't even come from the person involved but the parent. Society will look upon you in a certain way when they know that you are 'single' or you are not married.
Most parents train their children to get married and not teach them about life's lessons. They just want to get them bundled up to get married whether they are ready or not because they are worried about what their friends would say and the desire to feel superior to some of their peers. They see it as an achievement when their child gets married. I get it, any parent would and should be happy when their child gets married but you don't force them to get married on your terms.
I never faced that pressure, I am so certain I wouldn't have listened to them especially with how I was deprived of going into my football academy. I think most people need to appreciate their single self because marriage is a long journey that comes with its challenges - even challenges you won't prepare for.
Singleness is not a disease and shouldn't be made out to be. It is not a disease that you must cure with urgency. Nothing is wrong with you. I am going to use Nigeria as a reference because that is what I see around here and I am not sure how it works in other countries. When a child is already 27 years and she is not married nor engaged, the parent spiritualizes everything and feel there is one force behind the child's inability to 'nail' down a man even when that is not true. We see things differently here and it can get annoying because they make you think you are failing and you haven't accomplished one of life's greatest goals - to get married hahaha.
This pressure has allowed so many people to lower their standards and expectations or allowed them to accept what they are not supposed to all because they want to "get into the marriage groove". I have seen most ladies fall into this trap even though this is not a gender-specific topic, both parties have their fair share. I have heard of a lady taking all sorts of beating from the guy she is supposed to get married to and yet she still didn't see it as a wrong move to break it because she is 32 years old. Even if you are 35, so what? We need to start finding purpose rather than living up to society's ever-changing values.
There is a difference between a spouse and a good spouse. When you are blessed to get a good one, you will be happy but when you find the other, you will become a philosopher haha.
As individuals, we shouldn't be defined by what we have or what we don't have. Who we are is greater than what we have because what we have is a result of who we are. The first thing we need to do is find a purpose to live for. Discover yourself and see along the way how the person that would come along can slot into that. Imagine a lady who was into event management and this guy came around and told her he would never allow her to build a career in that. Not every person is for you and when you miss out on that person it doesn't mean others won't come. It comes with putting yourself first above anyone else. Find your identity because a man or woman of identity would always be attractive.
I always tell people to make sure they have the third eye because you can't judge who loves you or who doesn't by merely looking at them. If anyone successfully deceives you then you are in a way to be blamed. Deception always rears its ugly head, it is just a function of time. Never ignore the warning signs. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".
Learn to also marry or date someone you can agree with in situations. I am not saying you have to have the same view all the time, that is practically impossible but you need someone humble enough to take suggestions and you both meet at a level ground. It doesn't have to be someone that wants his or her way all the time and it has to be what he wants or what she thinks. You need to be on the same page and have the same goal in mind. Marriage doesn't succeed in marriage but it succeeds before marriage.
Don't marry someone you don't like. I know of a lady that got married to a guy she didn't like because the mother felt she knew that guy from the start. They fixed their engagement without her knowledge. They tricked her home and she was welcomed with the shocker. The mother felt she was wasting too much time and she 'helped' her. They didn't even last 2 years because the guy always wants to impose and I was more hurt for her because she allowed her mother to derail her. She has a beautiful girl to show for it and that's a good thing out of all these things.
There is a part that attractiveness plays in a relationship. Attention breeds affection and after you have engaged this person and you don't really like the person, just let him or her go, don't force it because you will wish you didn't force it when the chips are down.
Accountability also matters in a relationship. Most people want to control you and allow you to do their bidding. It's a marriage, not a sentence. If that person doesn't have someone he or she is accountable to, that is a big problem waiting to happen. It is good to learn from people and that's why we have books to read so we can learn from other people's experiences but in this case, your mentor shouldn't be someone you can't reach or relate with.
There are so many things to watch out for before going into marriage. Never allow yourself to be pressured into marriage because when the ceremony is over, you are the one that would be left in it. They will tell you to endure and marriage shouldn't be about enduring but about creating memories even with the challenges that would come along the way. Life is full of ups and downs, so you need someone who will make that journey bearable at least.
You are not to be defined by your marital status. Be comfortable with who you are before you allow another person into your space because if you are not, you will constantly seek validation from your spouse and if it didn't come for one reason or the other, you are down to ground zero and you start seeking for a solution to the problem only you can fix. You are single but that doesn't mean you are out of tune. Love yourself first.
Well said Ola. I got married at the ago of 25, but not because of my parents, rather my own choice after being together for 9 years and I guess also the fairytale that you need to find that one person to share your life with.
My views have changed and my marriage ended and until recently my nan would still pray that we get back together 😅 She’s from the era where people thought it was unthinkable to leave their spouse, you had to endure no matter what. I never agreed with this and I remember praying that my parents would divorce, because together they were a nightmare, but my mum was forced to marry my dad, because I was on the way. Now they’re happily grow old together and I’m happy for them, but I myself would never put myself through all that my mum went through in our youth.