15th Father's Day Without You.

I don't want to cry and I hope I won't by the time I am done writing this. I have always been close to my dad and of course, I love my mum till she passed away too and I wish I can have both of them back.

First, I want to say Happy Father's Day to every Father here. You are really special and your sacrifices won't go unnoticed. I celebrate you all.

It has been 15 years since daddy left us and the few years after he left were the most challenging years of my life. I used to have everything except certain decisions hahaha as I have shared yesterday when he didn't make me realize the dream of being a football in the post. He knows how to balance his strictness with tender love and I think I am also a bit like that. I might come out strong sometimes but behind that frown hides my smiling face.

He made sure we had everything we needed. He made us go to the best of schools even though he didn't allow me to go for what I desperately wanted to do. He was a loving father and I missed seeing his smile, hearing his car horn and so many special moments we have shared. The only people I have as a father figure are my two elder brothers and they have been amazing.

• When she was 4 Months.

My father was a smart man and good looking too. I look like him facially and even till now when people who knew him to see me, they marvel and smile. I have always been close to him and we share that special bond.

I didn't understand the pressure of being a father until I became one myself. You know how life happens that then make you appreciate things in retrospect. I really admire his strength, courage and ability to strike a balance in everything.

I would never put down our women. Never, but truth be told, the world doesn't really take note of the sacrifices of the fathers too. Everyone expected us to be strong while we are hurting deep inside. They assumed we would always be fine and rightly so, despite our need for care and attention sometimes. We try so hard to mask it and most people crumble under the weight of it and I am glad the narrative is changing gradually these modern days where we see fathers being heavily involved in things and everyone is appreciating us.

I can remember when we lost our first child right from birth when all indications proved that the boy was healthy. It was a tough moment for me and I can imagine what she must have been going through too because no doubt, she would feel it way heavier than I. Everyone kept calling me to ask me how she is faring and never did one person call me to ask how I was doing. I was in desperate need of that attention or a pat on the shoulder just for me to know someone at least cared for me but none came. The only person who came close to comforting me showed tough love when he noticed I was about to cry and I was told to be strong and not behave like 'a woman'.

I can remember going home from the hospital because I hadn't eaten nor had my bath. I was told to go home, change, pick a few things for her and then come back. The moment I opened the door and I closed it, I just sat down and started crying profusely. I let it all out for around 15 minutes and then stood up, gathered myself again to act like 'a man'. This made me reflect on how my father must have felt when we lost our only sister back then in 1998. My father deeply loved her, being the only child. We just didn't understand it would also affect him but now I know better.

Fathers suffer too. We need emotional support even when we are not opening our mouth to ask for it. It's also tough being a father and it's a responsibility I am happy to bear. Looking at my smart daughter now, I can't help but desire to give her my best and to be involved in every stage of her life. Fatherhood is challenging but these children make it so much easy to go through.

Happy Father's Day to myself and all the fathers out there. Your love, care and sacrifices are never unnoticed and we need to consistently set the pace while giving the best always to our home. They deserved our best, they deserved to be better because our home reflects us.

To the potential fathers out there, I wish you joy and happiness too and fulfilment in realizing your dream and thriving on the responsibility too.

Happy Father's Day to us all.