From our parents telling us how better we are on our siblings, to a teacher who makes a chart with students' names, we are trained to compare ourselves to others from a very young age.
Sally cooked better foods than you.
Bob has a happier relationship and family than you do.
This comparison can sometimes be motivating and sometimes it's destructive.
What do you call when you compare yourself to others?
In psychology, the human drive to compare ourselves to others is called "social comparison theory".
When we compare ourselves to others, we're comparing their best features against our average ones. It's like being right-handed while playing an instrument using your left hand.
Comparisons between people are a recipe for unhappiness unless you are the best in the world. And worst, when we compare ourselves to others, we are focusing on bringing them down, instead of raising ourselves.
It's not just us who is unhappy, people around us feel the same way. The way they look at you is the same way you were looking at them. They possibly comparing themselves to you that you're better than they are, and they're jealous.
Remember that you can be anything but you can’t be everything.
What matters is what you think about what you do, what your standards are, and what you can learn today.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, you start being better and what matters is you begin being you. It's simple but not easy.
COMPARISON AND SOCIAL MEDIA
Nowadays, we tend to compare ourselves mostly - on the internet and social media. Why? A lot of people posts every happy moment that they experience, gifts that they have been received, and accomplishments that they established.
"Nobody posts all their terrible moments – they're rained out holidays, acne breakouts, bad hair days, and microwave meals for one."
One more problem with social media like Facebook is that we are motivated to use it when we are most vulnerable. We don't consume our time on it when we are in a middle of a great date and feeling confident, but more on the time when our friends are out — when we are bored or want a distraction, often when negative thoughts are over our head.
Studies also show that social media is more detrimental to women than men. It indicates that social media hurts women's esteem.
Things to Do to Avoid Comparing Ourselves to Others
1. Limit social media
Avoid it when you aren't feeling good. This can be hard, coz social media is addictive. So what can you do to be firm? Give yourself a wake-up call by timing your use for the next few days. Also, try to keep a diary of what your mood is like before and after you use it.
2. If you must compare, learn how to balance.
If you can't stop comparing yourself to people you are convinced are above you, fine. Counteract it by listing one unrealistic thing about that person for each comparison you make, or find one balanced thought. Example:
- "She has a better body than me" then counteract it by "She doesn't have any children yet".
- "She is way happier than me" can be balanced by "I don't know her story and nobody is happy all the time".
- " She lives in a better area than me" involves the realistic by "I live close to all my friends which is so comfortable."
3. Use comparison for a better viewpoint.
If you must compare, widen your viewpoint. For example, "I am so nervous at giving this presentation, but it's not like I am an actor giving an Oscar speech in front of millions, it's just my colleagues." You see... This can be a downward comparison but can be compared upwards if used positively.
4. Compare yourself to yourself.
Nobody needs to compare their adult body to their teenage body. So if you must compare, compare yourself to yourself. For example, compare yourself to who you were this morning. Are you better than you were when you woke up? If not, you've wasted the day. Also, too often we forget to see how far we've become. Maybe, you have been passed over for the promotion, but did you ever think at 20 you'd even be considered for Manager?
Whatever happens, stop comparing yourself to everyone else's highlight reels. All of us, want to do better and better. So strive to be the best possible version of ourselves without comparing them to others.
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