Comparing Yourself to Others
From our parents telling us how better we are on our siblings, to a teacher who makes a chart with students' names, we are trained to compare ourselves to others from a very young age.
Sally cooked better foods than you.
Bob has a happier relationship and family than you do.
This comparison can sometimes be motivating and sometimes it's destructive.
What do you call when you compare yourself to others?
In psychology, the human drive to compare ourselves to others is called *"social comparison theory".*
When we compare ourselves to others, we're comparing their best features against our average ones. It's like being right-handed while playing an instrument using your left hand.
Comparisons between people are a recipe for unhappiness unless you are the best in the world. And worst, when we compare ourselves to others, we are focusing on bringing them down, instead of raising ourselves.
It's not just us who is unhappy, people around us feel the same way. The way they look at you is the same way you were looking at them. They possibly comparing themselves to you that you're better than they are, and they're jealous.
Remember that you can be anything but you can’t be everything.
What matters is what you think about what you do, what your standards are, and what you can learn today.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, you start being better and what matters is you begin being you. It's simple but not easy.
**COMPARISON AND SOCIAL MEDIA**
Nowadays, we tend to compare ourselves mostly - on the internet and social media. Why? A lot of people posts every happy moment that they experience, gifts that they have been received, and accomplishments that they established.
*"Nobody posts all their terrible moments – they're rained out holidays, acne breakouts, bad hair days, and microwave meals for one."*
One more problem with social media like Facebook is that we are motivated to use it when we are most vulnerable. We don't consume our time on it when we are in a middle of a great date and feeling confident, but more on the time when our friends are out — when we are bored or want a distraction, often when negative thoughts are over our head.
Studies also show that social media is more detrimental to women than men. It indicates that social media hurts women's esteem.
****Things to Do to Avoid Comparing Ourselves to Others****
**1. Limit social media**
Avoid it when you aren't feeling good. This can be hard, coz social media is addictive. So what can you do to be firm? Give yourself a wake-up call by timing your use for the next few days. Also, try to keep a diary of what your mood is like before and after you use it.
**2. If you must compare, learn how to balance.**
If you can't stop comparing yourself to people you are convinced are above you, fine. Counteract it by listing one unrealistic thing about that person for each comparison you make, or find one balanced thought. Example:
- *"She has a better body than me"* then counteract it by *"She doesn't have any children yet".*
- *"She is way happier than me"* can be balanced by *"I don't know her story and nobody is happy all the time"*.
- *" She lives in a better area than me"* involves the realistic by *"I live close to all my friends which is so comfortable."*
**3. Use comparison for a better viewpoint**.
If you must compare, widen your viewpoint. For example, *"I am so nervous at giving this presentation, but it's not like I am an actor giving an Oscar speech in front of millions, it's just my colleagues."* You see... This can be a downward comparison but can be compared upwards if used positively.
**4. Compare yourself to yourself.**
Nobody needs to compare their adult body to their teenage body. So if you must compare, compare yourself to yourself. For example, compare yourself to who you were this morning. Are you better than you were when you woke up? If not, you've wasted the day. Also, too often we forget to see how far we've become. Maybe, you have been passed over for the promotion, but did you ever think at 20 you'd even be considered for Manager?
`Whatever happens, stop comparing yourself to everyone else's highlight reels. All of us, want to do better and better. So strive to be the best possible version of ourselves without comparing them to others.`
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What to do when I feel lonely?
Did you ever feel that you don't have friends? That people don't like you? Or that they don't enjoy being with you?
I'm sure some of you can relate to this question. Some teenagers or young adults are very sociable. They can easily get along with anybody. While some youngsters are quiet and shy that you can just see at the corner. Whatever situation you have, I'm sure you want to have a friend. Now, how can we overcome being lonely? What qualities should we apply to avoid the loneliness that we always feel?
Here are some ways on how to conquer it:
**1. Know your strengths.**
All of us have imperfections and it's good that we know it. But don't allow that imperfection to hide all your good qualities. I know you have lots of nice characteristics. Just discover it. Knowing all your talents and good qualities results in self-confidence.
**2. Show some personal interest.**
What is a personal interest? It's a characteristic which you show interest to someone. Why not try to approach them first? Give them your genuine smile, and try to be friendly. Talk to them. In this way, you can know them better. And who knows, you can be a friend for a long time. Remember too, don't be so choosy about who to talk to. Don't just talk with your co-teenagers. Try to associate with some oldies, adults, or kids.
It's alright if you're shy. Remember that in a conversation, it's not just you who need to talk. People want a good listener. So allow them to talk, and just listen.
**3. Be positive.**
Not all people tend to have the same opinion. Maybe there will be a time that we don't agree on someone's point of view. So what should we do regarding this scenario? Just allow them to talk. Simply listen, and focus on the things that you and that person agreed. But for example, you want to correct him/her. How can you say it frankly? Talk calmly and reasonably. Remember, if you want to be respected, then respect them first. In this way, no person is harm and they will not get hurt.
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Untrusted brother
It's already evening. I and my brother were the only people in the house 'coz our parents worked out of town. He has a group of friends which he invited to our house to take some liquor. I know he made it exactly when my parents are not there to monitor him. It's already past midnight so I want to sleep. I decided to sleep in our parent's bedroom as it was the safest and comfortable room. I locked it of course to be secured and protected. Hours have passed, I already fell asleep. My brother, which already got drank knock on the door and ask me to open it. He said he wants to sleep there too. I also opened it thinking that he also wants to sleep comfortably in the same room. We are lying down and began to sleep. After 30 minutes I think, he began to put her feet under my but. Which I didn't notice at first, thinking that it was just normal. After a few more moments, he kept on interrupting my sleep and kept on moving it. So I woke up and move my body to exactly eliminate his feet. Again and again, it kept on happening. He keeps on putting it under my but even though he knows that I'm wide awake. I decided to change positions to let him know that I'm wide awake. Until he put her hands on my private part. That annoys me. I felt afraid and somehow trying to be brave. I called his name angrily. Trying to wake him up even though I know he's conscious. He tried to move pretending he's too asleep. I got mad, go to the door, tried to call him again... But he's striving to pretend asleep. So what I did is, I slept in my room.
Earlier in the morning, I know that it will be awkward for both of us. But he's trying to be normal and talking to me like nothing happened. He's asking what I want to eat on breakfast, on lunch, etc. I'm not answering 'coz I'm irritated. I prepared to go to school, pack my things, and decided to sleep at my grandparent's house in the evening. While at school, I told my best friend what happened last night. She can't believe it 'coz my brother seems to be so nice, that you can't imagine that he can do it. I was so terrified and trying to be calm that day. After that whole day, I decided to go to my grandparent's house. Thinking that I can sleep there that night. Unfortunately, there's no person there. I was so annoyed 'coz I don't want to see him without my parents at the house. But I don't have any choice but to go home and see his face.
After I go home, he's so nice that he already cooked, and let me eat. I know that he's too guilty of what he did. It doesn't happen again 'coz I was sleeping always in my room.
When my parents arrived, I stated to my Mom, everything that happens. She understands it and tells me that she will tell Dad to confront my brother. And it exactly what happens. I don't know what my Dad tells to my brother, but it didn't happen again.
I learned from this scenario, that even though it's your family member or close friends, learn to know your limitation. Sleep separately. Especially to the younger girls out there. Parents should also be responsible for leaving their children. Keep on monitoring and keep an eye on them.
Family-oriented|Introducing MyMindSpeaks
Hello everyone. 👋 I am @MyMindSpeaks. I am new to this site and this is my 2nd article this day. I wrote twice but decided to delete the first one, thinking that it would not suit your taste nor @TheRandomRewarder . So as I browse the site, I found out that I need to at least introduce myself. And I think it's a respectful way to do it. So here I am...
Well, I was born in a loving family. The family that trying to do what is good, and avoid what is bad. I was raised by my parents with a Nanny. So, we don't do so much in the house. My Auntie sometimes teases us that we're so lazy compared to her kids that know a lot of house chores. Well, that's a disadvantage I think of relying on a Nanny instead of learning to do it just by ourselves. When it comes to discipline, my parents are the best. They don't get angry easily unless my Mom has a period I think. But they tried to discipline us just by explaining what was wrong and talking to us alone. Without showing or embarrassing us to other people. And they spank us when it needed to, with a hanger or stick, or sometimes slipper. It's part of the discipline so that we don't do it again. When I was a kid, I don't understand that part, instead, I want to avoid Mom and Dad. I got so angry and there comes a time that I planned to pack my things and run. But it doesn't happen. Just a plan.
As I grow up, I tried to disrespect them... I think it's part of being a teenager. Trying to manipulate our parents as if we're the ones that older. One day, when I answered my Mom disrespectfully... She slaps my mouth and it hurts of course. That day made me realize how arrogant I am answering my Mom in that way. Well, sometimes I do it again... But, maybe it's part of being imperfect. But they tried to always reminds us to respect them 'coz they are our parents.
I am happy that I grew up with this family, and I hope when I have a kid, I can copy their way of disciplining.
I love to state everything, but maybe in the next part of my article.
Thanks for reading. 💛✨
Don't be too confident, Coronavirus is still active
Nowadays, people are getting used to masks, alcohols/sanitizers, and face shields. Some places have a high risk of the virus, while others are not. In some cases, their families lost almost all their family members, while others don't even experience it.
But, what should we do? Is it okay to be confident that the coronavirus is already gone?
Well, in some places... Covid-19 is still a big hit. People are still getting sick and spread the virus rapidly. So, what can we do to avoid this and be healthy nowadays?
1. Handwash/alcohol/sanitizer
Water with soap kills a virus within 20 seconds. Alcohol and sanitizers with 70% can kill viruses within 30 seconds... So, before eating or after holding something especially money... Don't forget to wash your hands. Wash often as necessary.
2. Keep on using masks outside.
Some people got irritated on wearing masks 'coz it suffocated them. They want to breathe without any block on their airways. But using masks is needed as it is one of the solutions to avoid the virus. So keep on using it and start collecting different fashionable masks.
3. Follow authorities
Authorities know what they are doing. They want to protect us and keep us safe. So, whatever protocol we can hear on them, just follow without further ado.
4. Know the news in a balanced way
All of us want to be updated on the news. But sometimes, hearing a lot of news can lead to depression and stress. So know the news, but not all. Just know one or two... And it's enough. Hearing a lot of negative news is not good 'coz it may lead to worries and concerns.
But whatever situation we have right now... It has an ending. Just don't be too excited about it. Continue your healthy lifestyle by following the healthy protocol. Keep safe and have a good life.
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@MyMindSpeaks