Fear

Do you know what fear is? I honestly didn’t know what fear was until now. But let's start from the beginning.

As a child, I used to do different things. My mom knew when I was making trouble. It usually was happening if I am not there for 5 minutes or I am too quiet. Once my parents found me at a friend's house in an aquarium with fish. I still remember that day as it was yesterday if you believe me. I didn't know what was happening, nothing was clear to me because it was nice to me. I felt really great. I was laughing and my mother was crying. She did not know how to get me out of the water. The heaters were in the water. It is live electricity and it is good that I didn't get to those wires because I wouldn't be here now to write this story to you.

Once, I remember, I competed with the older kids. Then I didn't wonder why they didn't do the same thing that I was doing, but now I realize that they were scared. I jumped out of the garage just to show them that it was nothing terrible. I don’t know if I was just a naughty kid or I really didn’t know what fear was. Once I saw a snake on the street. I chased her with a stick without any fear and I knew her bite was deadly. There were a lot of crazy and scary situations. I will remember them along the way as I write to you.

At the age of 25, I thought that I felt fear for the first time. The first cross-section, as I like to say, the cross-section of life. Where am I, what am I doing, is it good what I am doing and am I on the right way... And that passed. It wasn't fear. Those were real questions and I realize that now when I am at the age of 35. I think that now the real fear begins, the real one. I believe you are now wondering what it is, what happened to me, but it is simple, it happened my first child, my son!

Fear when he was running and he just start to walk. I was shaking in fear.

Fear when we walk in the park and he was so small that he walked freely towards the pit bull and did not know that he can lose his head. Then I thought that I would die of fear!

Fear of how he feels in kindergarten. He was crying a lot when I left him there for the first time. My soul ached with fear.

And now that fear again, I just left it to some also unknown person. She is a swimming instructor. She taught my wife to swim when she was a child. She knows her, she trusts her, but I am afraid. What if she doesn't take care of him enough... It's water, a big but small pool. My boy is small and that small pool is big for him. People, I'm dying of fear, I think my eye is still trembling with fear.

In the end I would like to tell you not to worry too much. I believe that all new dads feel like me. It is normal to be afraid. At the same time, having a child is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you.

All content is original.

Thanks for reading and stay well and safe.