@Murakamii.7
more from that month
I thought I'm fine. February 3, 2022 I thought I'm healed the moment that I was given two months to sub a teacher. I thought that all of my insecurities, doubts and self-pity are all gone and would never come back. But I was wrong, they still creep in making their way to my heart and mind and poisoning me again. Earlier a classmate of mine congratulated me on messenger because she just recently saw my name among the list of teachers who had substitute appointments. Later in our conversation, I learned that she was recently called and that she was tasked to prepared the necessary documents for the position. It was not clear whether it is a permanent position or not but based from my observation it is permanent already because my co-teacher from 51 talk was called just this week and was given the same instructions too. I'm happy for the both of them however there is a part in my heart which cries in agony again and I'm battling again with self-worth, doubt and insecurity. This whole ranking process does not only drain my pocket but also it contributes to the deterioration of my mental health. I am back again at asking God to come take over. To please hear my prayers. I'm back again at the thought that I'm not one of His favorites. I'm drowning with self-pity because no matter how hard I try, it seems like my hardwork is futile. @Marinov told me to remain #unbothered and to relax but I just can't. Time is moving and my parents are ageing. I badly need to make them proud but but but the universe seems to hate me. I know I have ranted about these same things a million times now and you might feel feed up already but bear with me because this platform is where I vent and it is keeping me sane. If not because of this, I am long gone at the streets. Maybe I'm a crazy woman now stressed about this issue. A friend told me if I really want this. I stopped and contemplate. It makes sense. It seems like the more it is out of my reach, the more I badly want to achieve it. It is like a challenge. She told me that maybe I was destined for something different and that I just failed to notice the signals. I answered, 'how can I see the signals when my vision is already clouded of what my dreams should be'. *At* *times, we get really disappointed because we are already imagining God handing us the gifts using the wrappers that we like.* *All the time, He has better gifts in mind, wrapped in wrappers we never thought we would like.* *Good morning read-stars! *( Sis farmgirl, let me borrow your line).* It is a bit gloomy in this side of the world with the feelings that I have now. Hoping that this will be the last time I would share about my frustrations regarding this ranking process. Meanwhile, thank you for reading, until next time and may you have the day that you deserved. *Lead Image is from Unsplash.com
31 comments
Hey buddy. You ok?
Ok now Luci! Joy comes in the morning.
Oks kalang te? Wag mo pansinin self insecurities hah? Laban tayo.
Laban bebs
Not yet our time but that doesn't mean it's not for us. There was no late or early in success, Everything has a reason, something is big is waiting for thats the best answer for your question teacher.
Owww i hope so sir! Thank you
Nag 52 talk ka pla.. You're still young, and I know, there is something bigger and better for you. You just have to be patient and be optimistic... Just see things differently dai, and look at their positive sides..
Yes sist hangtud karun taghuwat kanus a tawagan haha. Way student kay bakasyon lage
I hope ate that you are really okay now. Huwag kang magpapatalo sa insecurities and self doubts mo, I believe in you. Lavarn lang💪🏻
Char labans dai
Hope maging okay ka din, soon! Gnyan talaga ang buhay. Ako nga ang dami kung regrets sa buhay ko pero laban lng dahil di natin maiiwasan ang insecurities na yan.
True that sis.
I hope you are ok dear. I Also thought I'm fine. But nothing like that. I believe you. everything is fine dear.
Thank you Mazekin
***Sana maging okay ka na sis. Laban lang para sa pangarap, di man ngayon naibigay ni Lord ang gusto mo pero alam kong May mas mabuti siyang plano para sa iyo. Keep praying and be positive lang sis***
Thanks sis
***You're welcome sis***
Di pa perfect time for you sis. Just like the sister of my boss. Matagal din bago siya ngka item. Pero bakit Kaya ganun my mga baguhan pa Lang na ang bilis Lang makapasok sa ganyan.
Kaya nga sis baka para sa kanila talaga
Don't worry sis. You will get it one day in God's perfect time
Remain calm mamsh and stay positive. Everything has a perfect time. Don't look down yourself. You felt pressure mamsh that's the enemy we had and to be over thinker. I experience it also mamsh but please fight it mamsh. God will bless you more mamsh in a right time. Always pray and God is always there. 🙏
Thanks maamsh. Mangaon ra ta haha
Hehe gayud mamsh tas busog pa.😊
Ganon talaga ang disadvantage ng pagiging teacher eh ,mahirap makapasok sa ranking ,we have a friend 6 years na siya waiting. Patience patience lang sis,there's always a right time.Dont be pressure with your self too much.
Thanks sis
That's what life is, but we must always head up and look for the brighter side. It may not be your day but we know that it's not gonna take forever. For sure you'll get yours in an unexpected time.
Aww. Thanks sis
Relax oii, alam mo ng nakakasama sayo ang pag iisip ng todo. Relax ng unti. And ehile waiting why not look for something else. Baka your friend is right. Baka din hindi mo pa time dun sa una mong gusto. Why not try other things muna? Habang wala pa
Parang ganun na nga siguro sis
Time flies so fast, time is moving in it's own way and this is a sign that nothing is too late ,you can do anything. Just believe on yourself again and give your best , everything happens for a reason so be patient and work hard, you will surely get your desired thing.
Thanks sis