Monday ramblings

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I am no religious person. I started going to church regulary when I was in grade three. Prior to that, my mother started to take us to church with her when I was still a baby. But it was in grade three when I gained conciousness . Back in the day, my mother would need to cross a river in order to go to church, I was still one year old by then and my sister is two. My grandmother in my father's side is a devoted Catholic, and she doesn't like the idea of us being taken by my mother to church and crossing the river.

But, even with my grandmother's issues, my mother continued taking us to church with her this time, we never have to cross a river. I grew up listening to bible stories told by our pastor's wife. We would also sing action songs and practice giving tithes too. Before, we end our session every sunday, our teacher would let us memorize one bible verse first and gave us candies as prizes.

Fast forward to the time when I was in grade three, my sister was grade five by then. She was tasked to lead the Praise and Worship on sunday. She already had a practice session with the team but on the following day, she refused to go to church. So, I was asked to do my sister's task. It was my first time and I was nervous seeing the crowd after me besides I was just grade three by then. But, I still continued to sing with my eyes closed so I won't get so nervous. That was my first time leading the Praise and Worship.

I then started to read and study more about Jesus during sunday school and during my devotions. I would be fueled and my faith would be on fire whenever I hear testimonies of other people telling how God has been great in their lives.

I was a high schooler when we we had a youth pastor, he was very active and friendly that almost all of the young men in our community joined us in church then. He had a project called "Basketsoul" wherein he used the game basketball to meet people and play with them, be friends with them and later on, he would share God's word to them. It was a successful program that we are the church that has the most number of youth in our denomination back then. Everyone is active and participative in joining prayer meetings, cell groups, fellowship and a lot more. The youth pastor taught the young people to play the musical instruments too. But sad to say, I wasn't able to learn anything because my sister would want me to go home if we will have practice. Everytime the young people gathers, she would shoo me away. If I would not budge, she will be the one to come home. So, I did her a favor of not joining anything. She doesn't want me to be with her, to be her tail. Why is that?

As a result, I would just come home and satisfy myself in crying and telling everything to my mother. She would comfort me but the feeling of being trashed by my own sister will never leave me back then.


Today, no matter how hard I try, I can't pray straight in a week every night or after I wake up. The truth is in the morning, I first take a bath or prepare breakfast and do a lot of things and before I know it, the day has ended without me saying graces and giving thanks to God for allowing me to see another one day. At night, I barely pray too because I instantly fall asleep after my online class. I would make a mental note of praying regularly but there are really times that I missed.

I go to church too but I barely understand the pastor's sermon. I would always blame the pastor because in my mind, he is not studying well that is why he can't deliver the sermon very well. I am not like this. Before, I would go home from church feeling blessed and moved, carrying with me the values I learned and trying my best to apply it in my life.

As I grow up, I have also drifted away from Him. I remember the time when it all started. It was when I was having dilemma whether to go to church or have classes. I'm just a human wanting to earn more and maximizing my time. I'm also a human who lacks faith, I placed my trust not on God's hands but on my own. I thought working hard is the key when in fact God can deliver me in every challenges I faced. He would have made me stride to the things I desire but I chose to strive. It was my fault. It was me who lacks faith.

You see, humans are more faithful in luck and fortune than in God. We placed our bets more in gambling and in lottery. But we don't have the 100% trust in Him. Sure, we know that He is there. That somehow He will hear us but deep inside our hearts, there are doubts and worries. We seldom place our full bets on God, trusting that He will lead us to where we should be.

I admit, I was sidetracked by my dreams, my hurts, my past and my future. Everyone is hunting me and rooting for me to win so I needed to work hard. I have forgotten to look up and trust Him. To slow down and hear from Him. I learned that God will surely talk to us even with the most boring pastor we have, He would use even the most ordinary preacher. And if ever we can't learn something or anything from him, it is not the pastor's fault but ours. We need to check our attitude and hearts because there might be things that blocking the words to penetrate and make its roots unto our hearts.

*Lead Image is from Unsplash.com

Just a random monday ramblings read friends! Just sharing one of the many things I am toxic or unhealthy about. How are you? I hope the start of the week looks good at you!

Until then. Thank you for reading!

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Comments

Ako matagal na akong hindi nagsisismba online nalang simula noong pandemic hehe relate ako sa sinabi mo na depend na ako sa luck instead kay God huhu kahiya ako

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3 years ago

Nako sis magbago na tayo

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3 years ago

You see, humans are more faithful in luck and fortune than in God.

this amuses me.. well amuse not in a happy amuse way but it amuses me.. look at that I'm rambling... basta it amuses me that we human beings will thank luck and other things far more than we will put our trust in Him..

I learned that God will surely talk to us even with the most boring pastor we have,

and humble us even...

Muraaaa!!! felt like talking to myself there :) some days I am guilty with the same. i guess it is part of "working out our faith" that even though physically we are busted, our spirit cries and hungers for that God's presence each and every day.

Anyway.. be praying with you sis!!

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3 years ago

Di ba sis? The credit is not on the luck or the universe. Our God has a name and we should give him the credit for all the things He has done but sometimes, even when we are Christians, we somehoe forget to thank Him and thank luck instead.

I read that somewhere sis, Purpose Driven Life yata. Sometimes, we should really not just rely on our pastors for feeding, we have to feed ourselves too and check our attitude and heart before worshipping Him. That is what we do before partaking the communion. Ask forgiveness and reconcile first for better resultsπŸ˜…

Thank you so much sis for your prayers! Did you made a mistake in upvoting? Please let me know.

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3 years ago

The credit is not on the luck or the universe

ayan ayan ayan you get me!!

ahhahahahah don't mind the upvote.. sadya yun

we should really not just rely on our pastors for feeding,
uu i remember 2 years back this is one of the lessons I was mulling about. Haha I remember going to another church for a non-boring sermon and surprise! this was the topic hahahhahaha... I am also guilty of wanting an "entertaining" sermon every once in a while.. so ayan ahhahaha a gentle palo

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3 years ago

Hahaha minsan sis gusto natin comforting sermons which is wrong. Thank you sis

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3 years ago

Baka pinasa mo sa akin yung dating ikaw. Hehe. I think magagawa mo din yan. Yan ang ginawa kong goal before magend 2020 na magpray before sleeping and upon waking up. Naging guilty kasi ako noon dahil phone agad ang hanap ko hindi pa man din nadidilat ang aking mata. Thankfully, nagawa ko naman. Then ito ngang October naggoal ako ulit and nagawa ko ang pagiging mas close kay God. Kaya magagawa mo din yan. Siguro kailangan lang talaga maglaan kahit an hour a day or start muna kahit 5 minutes. Makalimutan man pag gising ay magpray na lang any timr of the day. Short prayer will do. πŸ˜‰

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3 years ago

Kaso nasasidetracked talaga sa mga gawain.huhu

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3 years ago

Awww. Don't feel pressured na lang. For sure God will make a way for you to have time for Him again 😊

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3 years ago

I believe people that have a relationship with God can do what they want in terms of praying. In church, at home, morning, evening, anytime really, there is no rule. The fact you talk about it is important and I am sure God respects your relationship with God no matter what it is.

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3 years ago

Oww. I believe that there is no fix place to worship. Thanks Uncle Ed

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3 years ago

You are correct and my pleasure ☺️

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3 years ago

I rarely go to Church Mamshy. But personally, I am talking to Him. I know in my heart that even though I didn't see him, His presence is there.

Honestly, there are really just times that I don't like going to church. Because I just got distracted and can't focus myself in listening, especially during the Homily.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Awww. But it is nice that you talk to Him

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3 years ago

I started learning about jesus too almost the same time you started ypurs and now looks like I have jesus more than anyone else hahahaha

$ 0.01
3 years ago

That is good to hear

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3 years ago

I am also a Christian been there before, just keep on trusting and believing on Him. Bring back the Fire!

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3 years ago

Yiee sana nga. Kakapagod maging tamad at malayo sa Diyos. Nakakahiya nman tanggap lang ng tanggap tapos hindi pa faithful

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3 years ago

Exactly! Life should be Give and Take. You can't give without taking and you can't take without giving.

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3 years ago

I don't go to church na but I believe in him and trusted him with all my life, I always knew that he was always with me and we're close, I always told him everything because he doesn't judge me. I love him with all my heart πŸ˜‡

$ 0.01
3 years ago

It is so nice to have that kind of relationship with Him. God will surely bless you.

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3 years ago

I'm starting to feel bad about myself for not praying from time to time but i believe that he would still guide us no matter what. <3

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3 years ago

Yeah but it is still better to have some assurance from Him. So no matter how far we wander and drift apart from Him, it would be nice to come back to Him.

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3 years ago

It hit me to the bone.I feel guilty for not praying in the morning and at night. And I even spend more time playing my phone than praying to him πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

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3 years ago

Tapos pag may nangyaring masama. Sinisisi ko Sya at kapag insecure na ako dahil hindi pa nagagrant dreams ko mas lalo akong lumalayo. Siguro dahil na rin sa unanswered prayers sis pero hindi talaga ito mabuti

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3 years ago

Mejo di na din ako pala simba mandin pero I have full trust and believe him with all my heart. Ewan, mas gusto ko nalang kausapin sya ng sarilinan kesa makinig ng sermon. I feel more closer to him than anything.

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3 years ago

Buti ka pa sis. Ako kahit magdasal nakakalimutan pa tapos pag may pinag dadaanan mas lalo akong lumalayo. Iiyak na lang

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3 years ago

If I were you, I would have just stopped talking to your sister... how selfish she could get... but look at you now... very successful in this writing business.. keep going dear :)

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3 years ago

Oh thank you Dolly. We are good now.

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3 years ago

You are just amazing to have forgiven her.. kudos

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3 years ago

Sometimes we can ask a questions to God. All we need to do is to be patience and trust him because for sure he will lead the path what's the best for us.

God bless you mamsh..πŸ™πŸ˜‡

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3 years ago

God bless you too maamsh

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3 years ago

I am not a religious person, but my faith is unwavering.

$ 0.04
3 years ago

Better! Always the best!

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3 years ago