Mental State at Stake

August 20, 2022

I felt like I have sorted out my life and that I can pull off everything after I did my laundry and fold the already-cleaned clothes that has been sitting unattended in the next bed. I also washed the dishes and sweep the floor. I had my first meal of the day in mid-afternoon. My roommates came home and I was left alone. Sometimes, I like it and I get addicted to it that I make excuses for not coming home sometimes. At the boarding house, I would just get extra sleep, scroll on my phone and then repeat. I don't eat on time as I'm too lazy to go out and buy something to eat. I would just like to sleep my hunger off. When I couldn't take it anymore, I would finally get up and by that time it was already afternoon.

Funny how I can skip two meals and refuse to stay longer in church for fasting. Sometimes I don't like myself. When I planned the things that I would do and I unintentionally ruin some details of my plan, I tend to mess up and ruin the whole thing. I would give up and not bother fixing things at all. Maybe that's the reason why I'm not a cheerful person. It's because I'm disappointed with myself.

Shooing away the negative vibes. It's nice to be alone. Sometimes my mom would suspect if I'm eating on time. She thinks I skip my meals and she's right. I got no one to have a meal with, so I'm not obliged to eat on time. I do have my timetable. Plus, I can be messy too. There are instances when I'm too tired to fold my clothes and put them in the cabinet. Sometimes I mess up the arranged clothes in the cabinet too. And that happens every weekday. And I go home every weekend. So I have little to no time to have general cleaning. So, yes, it pays to be alone sometimes. You won't be ashamed if ever you can't clean the mess right away.

On the other hand, I felt a pang of regret for not coming home. It's like I missed a lot of the fun at home. But the regret is minimal. I can always come home next time.

It will be Monday again tomorrow. Another day to do the same mundane tasks. I'm not being ungrateful but I felt like I'm left behind on this thing called life. And that I'm stuck in all its aspects. I have been waiting for that breakthrough. Until then I would keep on surviving. Living is a different story.

Maybe I could shake off my negativities after I take a bath. Maybe I could reset. I'll find out now. It's a cliche. I'm just about to reset while the sun is about to set.

Thanks for reading my random none sense today.

*lead image is from unsplash.com

Until the next read!