Have you ever been in a situation where you are so numb in everything like, you just wanna disappear. That you are okay but at the same time you're not. That you have great friends but at the same time you feel lonely. That there is this pain and sadness but you cant even explain why?
So, Hi dear readers. This piece is for someone who feels empty and who is experiencing what they so call SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.
One morning, i just woke up with this heavy feeling in my chest and so i wonder what happens yesterday but yesterdays okay, im doing fine but why do i feel so WASTED, when i go to the bathroom, its just that and i dont feel like taking a bath. I dont want to eat, i dont like anything, when i go outside in my room, i feel like i was being judge by my own family and when i go to our kitchen it feels like that KNIFE looks so shimmering that i guess it is ordering me to stab myself. When my mom ask me to buy something it feels like the big truck from the road thats fast approaching towards me was smiling and wants me to go in the middle of the highway because it want to hit me. That sometimes i just want to go in the river and keep myself drowning or go to the building where i thought of jumping. You know that feeling when the more they are forcing you to stop, the more that my hormones wants to do it, and that feels HAPPINESS.
My thoughts killing me and mYSELF almost did it everytime i think that way. There are times when my parents think to let the psychiatrist check me up, because they say i have change so much, i become so skinny and dont care about my appearance anymore, i dont look forward for the life that i have and i guess they think, im going crazy .
So when i read this ,https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/193026 .
A person who experiences or could experience suicidal thoughts may show the following sign or symptoms.
feeling intolerable emotional pain
- when my bestfriend left me because he already have a girlfriend and his girlfriend doesn't want. It feels like i cant make it without him. He knows better than anyone. That mindset.
being preoccupied with violence, dying, or death
- i always make scenarios in my mind and feels like im part of it, that i will gonna die.
having mood shifts, either happy or sad
- i become so bipolar or moody.
talking about revenge, guilt, or shame
-revenge about why on earth it happens to me. I want that the other people will also experience what i been through.
experiencing agitation or a heightened state of anxiety
-always, i become too paranoid.
experiencing changes in personality, routine, or sleep patterns
- i slept so late, 2 am and wake up in 5am
experiencing depression, panic attacks, or impaired concentration
isolating themselves
talking about being a burden to others
saying goodbye to others as though it were the last time
experiencing a loss of enjoyment in previously pleasurable activities, such as eating, exercise, social interaction, or sex
expressing severe remorse and self-criticism
talking about suicide or dying
expressing regret about being alive or ever having been born
All of these make me anxious and everytime i think about it, the more it gets so heavy. The more i want to push my self to close my door to everyone. And i really dont know who would i talk to because it seems like the world couldn't understand my feelings.
Who Would care to listen, i tried calling out somebody, i tried reaching out to the person who i trust the most, they call me, that and these, i have a great family but nothing happens. So,I'd rather stay alone, laugh alone, cry alone do whatever i want alone than to seek help with someone who wouldn't understand whats this feeling or what it is in my head. Honestly im fine with them, when there attention is on me but when they gone especially at night I become so lonely that i wanna kill myself.
You know what i did? To stop the stigma.
I seek help, to myself that i'd be able to go through this things and to other people that they would give me extra understanding.
I just learned to open up to anybody i feels comfortable talking to. I become to expressive.
Learn to be with someone who doesn't have toxic personality, because they will build up your confidence And supports you in your progress.
Do exercise, sometimes it feels new but try to give it a shot. 30 minutes everyday would be enough to boost up your energy.
Drink a lot of water, 2 glasses of water after bed or when you wake up in the morning, 2 glasses of water before you eat breakfast, DRINK A LOT OF WATER 8 to more glasses in a day.
The best part of healing is that, i became so close with my faith to our creator. That really change me a lot. God made me realize how important life, that i should look forward in living and had the prevelidge to see the beauty of environment. And be thankful for it. PRAY...PRAY....PRAY that he the Lord will give you guidance and wisdom to do well along the process, enlighten your mind to be real with yourself. THERE IS NO BETTER CURE THAN HIS PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE, TRUST ME.
Day by day, i enjoyed my life and the energy that they want me to be back, its slowly going back. I AM HAPPY!
And when you feel this kind of situation or wanting to kill ur self , instead of doing nothing about it, TALK TO ME!, CALL ME!, id be much willing to listen and be with you through out the process of healing.
I've been there, i get through it, why wouldn't you, i know your strong and brave, all you need to do is focus.
Hey, i know you got this. I'm here💪.
Drop your suicidal thought and lets talk about it.
