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A day ago, my girlfriend and I had a small argument about giving and having time with each other. She was demanding quality time with me, and I was pointing out that I was with her the whole time. The debate went horribly for hours until we started bringing out past issues and negative attitudes of each other. Eventually we got so burnt out and almost called it a quits.
To those who are, or were, in a relationship, this sounds all too familiar right? This cat-dog argument is as classic as to the "which-came-first-chicken- or-egg" debate. It's a battle. I come to fight every now and then which I rarely win. And yet, here I am writing about conflict management. Yes, I am a person who deals with conflicts in my personal relationship, conflicts at work, conflicts at home and even conflicts in the social media. And yes, I am writing on how to manage and resolve your conflicts in your life. You see, I found out that it is normal for anybody to experience conflict, but resolving it is not impossible as long as you are guided by a set of skills.
Conflict is a normal and healthy part of every relationship and human organization. After all, two people can't be expected to always agree with everything at all times. Let alone, when more people are involved. We even fight with our conscience and other selves most of the time, don't we?
According to Helpguide.org, since relationships conflicts are inevitable, learning to deal with them in a healthy way is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship, but when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can keep both your personal and professional relationships strong and growing.
Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, desires, and mostly, in ideas. Sometimes, these differences look petty or trivial, but when a conflict triggers it, deeply-rooted and strong feelings emerge. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about conflicts and differing needs results to distance, arguments and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differences are at the heart of bitter disputes. When you recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem-solving, team building and improved . relationships. When you resolve I conflict and disagreement quickly ; and painlessly, mutual trust will flourish.
Helpguide.org enumerates the following helpful guide for managing and resolving conflict I in a positive way:
Managing and resolving conflict requires emotional maturity, self-control and empathy. It can be tricky, frustrating, and even 'frightening. You can ensure that the process is as positive as possible by Sticking to the following conflict resolution guidelines by The Counseling Mental Health Care Center or the University of Texas at Austin.
Make the relationship your priority.
Focus on the Present.
Pick your battles.
Be willing to forgive.
Know when to let it go.
Express feelings in words, not in actions.
Be specific about what's bothering you.
Deal with only one issue at a time.
No "hitting below the belt."
Avoid 'make believe'.
Avoid Clamming up.
Conflict is everywhere and anywhere we go You encounter it at home, at your workplace, in the social media, in the televisions and with the persons important to your life Should we always run away or try to be too kind to accept all the blame so as to prevent it? No! Conflict is perfectly normal Our instincts tell us that conflict is dangerous so it signals us to either fight or take flight. However, the fear of conflict can make us paralyzed and will devoid us of the opportunity to have growth in our personal and professional relationships.
The truth, according to George Kohlrieser of IMD, is that we can use a well-managed conflict to bring enormous benefits to people and institutions In fact, conflict management is often one of the biggest drivers of change Properly handed, it can help people to be more innovative and can create stronger bonds, build effective terms and improve performance. The key is to openly face an issue and negotiate a win-win outcome.
Just like in anyone's relationship, petty fights are inevitable. That day, my girlfriend and I were able to forgive and make compromise for the better of our relationship. It took a rough day for us to find out that bad experiences make a good story.
So, don't worry, struggles are fine. Conflict is okay. Conflict is Normal. Its a process where we learned from it and realized something good.