Things I did to move on. 💜

Loving.

Moving on.

Letting go.

Love is one of the most intense emotions that we experience as humans. It is a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes that range from interpersonal affection to pleasure. Love can be defined as an intense feeling of affection with no limits or conditions for a person.- Agape: Unconditional or Divine Love.

The feeling of being in love is unexplainable. Unconditional. Ethereal. For some reason, when we love someone we just thought that, "This person is the one destined for me." "I will be marrying this person." "I will be creating a family with him." "I will be creating forever with him". These thoughts. These heartfelt thoughts. I felt the same. I thought of the same with him.

It is like butterflies are all over my body. Its as if I am the prettiest woman in the universe. Its as if I am his world and he's mine.

I am just 23 years old and I cannot deny the fact that I've been in love. I experienced already the feeling of being loved and to love. The feeling of happiness everytime I am with him. The excitement I felt everytime we're about to meet. The plans we planned, the future we tried to create, the love we had I thought would last.

And everything remained just a thought. Everything vanished the moment he said he fall out of love, the moment he said he's not for me, and the moment he said he like me no more.

The pain. The sadness. The loneliness. I felt all of that. Days. Months. It took that long.

I thought it will not stop. I thought I will be surrounded by loneliness. I thought the pain will be forever. I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to free myself from pain.

And I did. I did. How?

I cried ... a lot

After he told me that he fall out of love, to be honest I did not cry right away. It feels like my system lagged. My system is not accepting the reality. My system tries to deny the fact. Until I realized what he said. There. I burst out to tears. I cried my heart out. Everyday. Literally everyday. Before going to work. When I am at work. After my work. Morning. Noon. Evening. Non stop crying. Why? The only thing in my mind that time was I wanted to not feel the pain. I wanted not to feel anything. I wanted to move on. That is why I really cried my heart out. I wanted to pour all the pain out while crying.

I beg ... many times

While crying my heart out. Everyday I reached him out. Everyday I am telling him if we can start over. If we can fix us. If we can create a new us. Everyday I beg for him to comeback. Everyday I tried to push myself back to him. Trying to please him. Trying to ask for a chance. Trying to make our relationship work. And I even said I will change for the better. I tried. And I fail. I lost.

I get tired

After days of crying, months of begging, feeling the pain alone, suffering the heartache; I get tired. That was the time there was no tears to cry, no energy to beg. I felt tired. My system was completely tired.

I let go

Crying. Begging. That made me tired. And that is why I let go. I let go of all the pain. I let go of all the heartache. I let go of all the trouble troubling me alone. I let go of the love I am feeling for him. I let go because I am the one hurting. I let him go. Completely.

I forgive

After finally letting go of everything, I gave my forgiveness. I forgive him for hurting me. I forgive myself for hurting me as well. I forgive myself for being stupid. I forgive myself for being stubborn. Forgiving everything made me at peace. That's the time, I realized I need to move forward. If I wanted to be happy again, I need to move on. I wanted to be happy. And I can do it alone. Not depending on anything. Not depending on anyone.

I move forward

After letting go of all the pain, I finally moved forward. No heartache. No pain. No trouble. Just pure happiness and peace. I made sure that I will surround myself with positive people, with positive vibes. And I made sure that I will create my own happiness. The happiness I am aiming for long. The genuine happiness I wanted to feel and show and give my heart. The happiness I want. The happiness that I deserved.

And there, I moved on. I forgot all the heartache, all the pain, all the tears. I turned them all to lesson. I finally completed myself with all of those heartache. I finally created the happiness I want not depending on anyone. I learned not to see a person my world anymore. I learned not to give my all. I found my worth.

These things I made to move on worked for me, but may not work for all. But hopefully, to everyone who is struggling to move on, I hope you will find your worth and move forward. Let us not settle for less. Let's make sure not to lose ourselves while looking for someone else. Let us all be happy. We deserve it.

-MissJo 💜

** Photo in the lead image from Google