I finally learned how to say NO!

"You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty, setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.” – Unknown

Sure. It's fine, I'll do it.

Oh! Do I have to be there? I see.

Yes, I will.

Yes.

That's me. Always available. Always saying yes. No questions asked, just nod and go. No complains. That's me. Before.

Before I have not learned how to say no. Yes has been my answer for all.

Way back, I used to say yes to everything. For what reason? That is for me to fit in. For me to be accepted. For me to pleased others. And for me just to be included. How stupid I was?

Yes I am. Because of the fear of being left behind and being left alone, I tend to always say yes no matter what the situation is. It may be hard or easy, it will always be yes. No more queries, just go.

Because of the insecurity I have, I always say yes. Me being insecure of everything. Of how I look. Of how I dressed up. Of how I should act. And of how I should do myself, I need to be in the same level as others and that made me say yes.

Yes. I will not deny the fact.

However, as days goes by I am slowly feeling that I am losing myself. That one time back then I even asked myself, "Are you okay? Do you know what you are doing? This is not so you." And it hit me.

I realized I've been losing myself for so long by saying yes to anything just to fit in and to be included. And that's so low of me. I can do better and I can be better.

And that's when I learned how to say NO. Finally.

There are many times recently that I finally say no just to have the inner peace I am aiming for and because I just really do not want to, and it's okay. It's okay to give yourself a break and that's what I did.

I say NO to him.

So way back in college, I have a boyfriend and we've been in a relationship for nine months, nine good months. However, things changed when he went to Manila to pursue his dreams and I did not complain about it. I understand as I should. Sad to say, being in a long distance relationship seems to be not for us. Time has been the issue, the only issue we have. And because he's a teacher, he should focus on teaching. Unfortunately, we broke up because of the reason that he cannot keep the relationship working while being a teacher. He's having a hard time. And what I can do? Nothing. I just said YES as I do not want to stop him from pursuing his dreams. I accepted it. We broke up. I get hurt. But still I tried to asked him if we can try to work it on, but he said no. And there, I stopped. And after two years I did not expect that he would contact me just to ask me to be in a relationship again with him. And yes, I said NO. Not because I am angry about what happened, but because I wanted peace more than anything. I am fine now. I am doing good. I am contented on what I have. Yes, I am single but I am enjoying it. And that what matters. I can be happy without depending on someone. I will not use someone to be happy. And that, I said no. Free. Happy. Boundaries.

I say NO to my closest friend.

Before the pandemic blow up, I used to be with my friend everyday as we are living in the same dorm. She always wanted to do shopping, eat out, buying stuffs, going to beach and all, which I always agree to be with her enjoying such. However, as times like this, this uncertainty that we all having right now, I realized that spending too much for leisure is not good. I mean, as much as I could I need to save for the future and that's what I am doing. But one time, just the other day, she asked me again to go out and enjoy. And what did I say, I said NO. Because for me it is not the right time to enjoy so much. It is not the right time to get out that much. We need to be more cautious. I have many things in my place that I can do to still be productive and to enjoy without going out. And that is fine. It was my first time saying NO to her and it feels great.

The two examples above are not the only thing I've been say no to. There are a lot more that I cannot put into words. It because I just finally learned how to say no.

If I will be asked, did it satisfy me every time I say no? My answer is, YES. It did. Because finally, I can decide on my own. I can finally be myself. I can finally do what I want, without hesitation.

Setting boundaries does not mean closing doors. It just simply means keeping yourself at peace and being yourself. And that what matters. If they agree, its good. And if they not, its will be none of your business. Go on.

-MissJo 💜

** lead image from Google