Exactly 13 years

An open letter to my Mom.

I will no longer ask how are you, coz I know you are in a better and perfect place already.

It's supposed to be your 59th Birthday here in earth if you're still with us. Now, we are remembering this day as your birth to heaven.

There's a lot of things I want to share with you, like the usual chatting we have everytime i went home from school. Telling stories of how great and ugly my days are. You always asked me "how are you?".

If you are asking me that today this would be my answer:
I am crying now coz I miss you badly. I don't know if I'm okay but I'm trying my best to be feeling great everyday. There are times that I felt disappointed about myself but there are also times that I am feeling proud of me.

I cried few days ago coz my phone was having issues again. You know how petty and crybaby I am and until now still I am.

I don't know if you will like it, but I am pursuing arts for months now. I did not apply for a new work after losing a job. Do you think I made a right choice?
I am currently figuring out my life. What's fit for me, what i like and the things I enjoy to do. I don't know if you'll support me, but knowing how great mom you are, you must be feeling proud of me too.

Remember how you laughed at me for having floppy stitches whenever you're teaching me to stitch? Mom, i am sewing bags now and I am starting on selling them. You've never imagine that, right? I never thought of it too, that I will enjoy sewing. You know how I hated sewing coz you always compare me with my sister, that she have better stitches than mine. I told you, once I work hard for things I can definitely make it. Besides, we have a better technology now that's makes sewing easier. We could have our own shop if you were here.

Remember how you wish for my collarbone to disappear? You wish for me to gain weight, coz maybe you felt bad seeing me so thin. Did you talk to God about that? I've gained alot of weight. I am bigger and taller now than my Older sister. My collarbone was no longer visible it was long gone and it will not coming back anytime soon.

How do you take care of plants? How do you manage to do that? My Sister and I bought plants few months ago. You know what, almost all died in just a month. We bought those plants because we remember how much you love plants. We will try to have plants again and this time we will work really hard to take care of them.

We are currently living in the condo unit my sister and I bought years ago. It's already in my name but we are still paying the bank for the loan. We have separate room now, you know how we wish to have our own space. Are you happy about that? Everyone is saying you are probably proud and happy for us. I really hope you are. It should be a house if you are still here.

I finally started selling my arts/crafts few days ago. You know I've been planning this for a year now. I contemplated alot before coming with this decision. At first, I am nervous that probably no one will like it but I got orders Mom! Some closed people bought my works and they are all happy with my arts/crafts. I cried last night because of joy. Their feedbacks and kind words made me so happy.

I may not have much accomplishments now, but atleast i had you. Having a mom like you made me who I am today. Stronger, loving, caring, chaser and a dreamer. You are part of my whole being. I haven't told you this before, but THANK YOU! Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for trying with best of your ability to be the best mom for us. You are more than enough and I love you so much. May we meet again in another life.

A/N: I've been busy for more than a week now. I've lots of drafts but can't find the will to continue writing. Honestly, I am demotivated lately to write. I feel like it's not going any further that I might be probably wasting some time here.

I decided to focus more on arts, but I realized wait a second I am already used at having minimal views, readers or likes. My artpage is like that too, but despite of that i never stop making crafts. Why would i stop doing the things that made me so happy? I have some lapses at writing but I know I am doing better. It's not about I'm lacking but probably because I am not reaching the right audience or people that can wholeheartedly appreciate my works.

I will not stop again, I may not publish an article daily but I make sure to create a worthy one. It's quality over quantity.

Thank you for reading this!

Lead Image from Unsplash