Indeed it's a roller coaster ride

My life nowadays has become a roller coaster ride, so many ups and down so many weakening and terrifying moments. People surrounding me might think that all just went so fine. But they didn't know the chaos that's happening inside my head and inside my heart. Staying optimistic is hard becoming enthusiastic is difficult. I'm trying to stay sane amidst the so many not so good situation. However, I just feel like the passion and the hopeful spirit of mine is now a memory in the past. I'm disappointed on how pessimist I become.