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Perpetual negative, ¿constantly complaining? This is for you.

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Avatar for Miladobueno
Written by   7
1 month ago

Something negative happens to all of us at least once a day, although there are also "those people", who have never had a good day, bad things happen to them constantly, even if they are not bad at all, no matter how small those things are, for them it is always a negative day. there are also those people who have thousands of problems and can never solve them, and are happy to be able to tell someone about them.

Those people who constantly complain about everything and are never satisfied are called "perpetual negatives", people who, for some reason or another, always seem to have a negative outlook on their lives, experiences and the world around them. The way they drain the energy out of a room and seemingly cannot allow a cheerful conversation to stay that way.

The perpetually negative person usually puts everyone else in an uncomfortable position as they are not bad people. Whether they are friends or family, we may feel silly that what they are saying is bothering us.

But that same complaining at every turn can make us lose interest in wanting to talk to the perpetually negative person. which then makes us feel bad. it can seem like an unwinnable situation in any sense of the positive.

¿Can we benefit from interacting with perpetually negative people?

In a world outside of reality, it would be easy to eliminate any negativity that plagues us, so it would not be a problem to worry about being sucked into the miserable lives they lead on a daily basis.

Although in reality it sadly does not work that way, in the real world, it is not always possible, the perpetual negative may be that friend or neighbour we see on a daily basis that we cannot avoid, however, if done well, we can use that negativity to benefit our personal growth.

constantly interacting with a perpetual negative person makes us look closely at the seemingly unresolved problems they possess, we can try to solve those problems, you may never share your solution with them (in fact, they may be upset if you do), but using this strategy can help us develop future problem-solving tools.

It may even help us to confront future problems more calmly, since being constantly exposed to these kinds of situations can give us certain skills, which later on can also be of use in the job market where people who can help with problem solving are so much in demand.

So, having said that, we can say that there are benefits even from other people's negativity, so if you have a friend who lives in this constant reality, make the best of that negativity and perfect your resolution and confrontation skills.


Listening to other people's complaints can help us with our own challenges. If a perpetually negative person complains about any situation, learn to reflect on how they react and think about how we would react if we were in a similar situation. Would you complain too? Would you jump into problem solving? Would you eat some chocolate and deal with it later? It is also excellent to reflect on whether we are talking to others in the right way and not coming across as a prepetual negative person, often the way we refer to our daily experiences are what define us as to how we see the world, as the way we are expressing ourselves is the way we are feeling (Perception).

I have a friend who tends to be perpetually negative who started complaining about his physical appearance. That his hair doesn't grow long enough and he's starting to get white hair. My hair has also been a bit scary as it has started to fall out (I have told my partner on a few occasions), upon hearing him complain and seeing the reactions of others, I contacted my girlfriend to find out what her thoughts were about me in regards to my complaining.

A side effect of interacting with a perceptually negative person is that we may begin to misperceive all of their responses as exaggerated, even though sometimes they may be responding appropriately.

We must learn to take the time to reflect on our reactions and whether they are proportionate to the situations we are going through at the time.

It is normal for perpetually negative people to often cause feelings of frustration, irritation, anger or sadness in those they are in direct contact with on a daily basis. You can use these moments to practice emotional regulation or the use of skills that encourage the reduction or amelioration of an emotion as needed. Example. Breathing exercises to calm down when you are angry or distract yourself when you are upset by focusing on something else.

There are different ways to improve our emotional regulation skills, being able to make use of them in times of stress will help us to deal better with any situation that requires us to be calm.

Of course, when deciding how to interact with someone who may be perpetually negative, it is important to consider other possibilities. Sometimes, a person who is struggling with depression can seem like a perpetual negative.

But unless you are very close to the person, it may not be possible to identify which camp they are in. Therefore, regardless of how you interact (or not) with them, always try to act with compassion.

However, at the end of the day, you can only work to maintain your own mental health; you cannot do the work for others. And mental health struggles are not a get-out-of-jail-free card to behave without consequences.

Therefore, never feel compelled to endure perpetual denial to the detriment of your own health, just because it might be due to a neurochemical imbalance.

So, ¿what happens if you're reading this story and you've realised that "oh no, that's me"? Don't worry, there is a solution!

We must do our part if we really want to get out of the situation in which we find ourselves, learning to be more reflective people will help us to make better decisions, to think more clearly and not drown in a glass of water, keeping a clearer and more balanced vision. Nobody expects us to be always cheerful (that wouldn't be great either), but neither should we always be so negative.

We all have friends, but when do we really need those close friends? Well when we go into perpetual negative mode, we should consider calling that friend and start a conversation, one that will help us get out of that moment of negativity and lead us to a much calmer and balanced one, friends are often that plus that we need to be able to accept something, also to have another point of view, comment on what is happening to us can also be a good idea to release that stressor that keeps us in negativity.

You may even want to set up a phrase to use to subtly let you know when you are in public without being explicit. This might also help if you are worried that being called out might make you defensive.

For example, among several of my friends, we will say something like, "take it down a notch," when someone is being too harsh or sarcastic. The phrase indicates that someone is going too far and may need to lighten up a bit.

It has the advantage of getting the message across without forcing anyone to be the "bad guy" by calling someone negative. Find a phrase or term that works for you.

Before you address any problem or event, take a minute to reflect on the situation. What exactly are you feeling and why? Does the situation warrant the level of emotion you are feeling? Or is your reaction actually due to something else and you are taking it out on this situation?

¿If someone else said the same thing to you, would you think they were coming on a little too strong?

This trick can be incredibly challenging to do when you're in the heat of the moment, so the sooner you realise you're slipping into negative mode, the more likely you'll be able to stop and reflect on it.

Often, perpetually negative thoughts are caused by biased thought processes that can cause us to do things such as:

seeing things in black and white, focusing on negative information without considering positive information, catastrophising (magnifying the impact of a mistake), magnifying the severity of events, or dismissing positive events as unimportant, coincidental or due to unrelated invalidating factors.

Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic technique found in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) that can help reframe negatively biased thoughts.

In cognitive restructuring, people are taught how to check the accuracy of their thoughts rather than automatically believing and reacting to them.

Many strategies can be used to address perpetual negative views. Some examples include:

Becoming aware of their thoughts to identify inaccurate thoughts.

Questioning your problematic thoughts to determine if there is any evidence that it is realistic or based on facts or feelings.

Recording problematic thoughts, the emotions behind them, the behaviours surrounding them and possible alternative thoughts you could focus on instead.

These strategies can be done on your own or with the help of a therapist. Over time, you can retrain your brain so that "negative" is no longer the default mode.

that's all for today, dear readers I wish you a happy day and have a great positive day take care.

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Written by   7
1 month ago
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