Notions circling through My Consciousness

A baggage of contemplation gushing extremely all over my mind and almost taken away my sanity from living this reality. Starting to fabricate tons of overly scrutinizing thoughts and mindlessly looking at nothingness.

Having thoughts about this for a mean time, we have all those what if's in life that makes us overthink and makes us stay awake at night, making us stay for a long time at shower mindlessly thinking unnecessary things, those what if's that eating you alive, like you are staring at the ceiling or your room, silence is creeping you out, the nothing but an empty self is started to invade your restless mind and soul, you started to overthink things, started to go back to think the past that somehow leaves you a regrets...

Humans can't hide the fact that overthinking is one of the hardest thing to avoid, like even in a simple morning or late night walk without thinking something just your goal to make yourself calm then that's the exact time the what if's and overthinking of things started to go run in circles to your mind, and you just mindlessly focus on your thoughts than your walking,

Well I have a lot of what if's in life, and I somehow wanted to share it here,

What if I choose a different college course?

This makes me still overthink especially when I'm to hooked up on my academic stuffs that just makes me tired at all, I really don't get it in the past when they say that you supposed to choose a thing or a job that your really love and you surely know to yourself that you will enjoy that passion, but now that I choose my coege course as an engineering student, I don't really enjoy taking this one, yes it's challenging for me but it's different, I don't see myself in this field so I'm trying to fit in, my what if is, what if I choose medicine course would I be hapoy taking it, knowing that in the first place that's the first thing that I really wanted.

What if I'd just died when I was four?

Yes, I barely talk about this, my life almost got finished when I was a four years old, that time mom is the only one who's with me, my dad is at work so no one can help my mom when I got a convulsion, mom was crying that time because she doesnt know where to go not when my aunt help her and as fast as they can they go drive to the nearest hospital and that's it I survived, I still put this in my mind when I felt like things are getting difficut, that scenario and question starts to envelope my mind, what if I just died that time so that I'm not experiencing this difficulties in life.

What if I'm not born as a girl?

Could I be more happy? Hahaha kidding I'm also happy living as a girl, actually gender is nothing in this modern world that we are living in but sometimes there's this thought in my mind that what if I'm born as boy and not a girl, what it feels like to be libing as a boy haha like what my favorite singer says Avril Lavigne "if I were a boy" haha.

What if this life is all just a dream?

This sometimes makes me think of what if I'm just sleeping and this happenings in my life is only part of my dream, if I'm sleeping please can somebody wake me up haha, or what if we are just all made of fabricated thoughts and dreams of someone and you living your life just being a character an extra to a dream of someone.

What if there's really an alternative universe?

If that would really happen then maybe in the other world I'm much more happier and maybe things could be different somehow, but actually I do believe on alternative universe, a parallel universe, those black holes and aliens, haha I would be lying if I don't say that I'm too engrossed by those stuffs that make people think I'm a weirdo and also an immature believing on stuffs like that, but who are they to judge my fondness on those stuffs.

This is just some random writings of mine, could make sense to some but yeah just a nonsense thoughts of my mind becauae these past few days makes me feel so empty, I'm avoiding people for my own sanity just yesterday I'm okay and then today is not, ever feel that way? Haha, so yeah that's it for todays video hahaha kidding

I just want to tell you all that there was always a time or period in our life that we really thought we choose or we are not even given a chance to choose that makes us think what if this not haopen or this poor choices led us to this moment where we are now, but please don't let those thoughts creeping you and envelope your sanity, overthinking is difficult to avoid those what if will swallow you piece by piece but please never let those fabricated thoughts hinder you from reality.

Happy Sunday to all hope you started your day right and well, hehez well they said that if you started it right then you will end it right, kidding I don't believe in that phrase hahaha I just live, exist and go pn with life, wish that everything is going on well to everyone here. Thank you so much for reading.

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