Undecided; my conundrum

Have you ever held your breath for a very long time with your eyes closed and your mind away from all thoughts of this world? Or have you ever had a near death experience? Like you almost got hit by a car, fell off a building, fallen sick so bad or tripped by a stone that almost took your life but it didn't?

How did it feel for you? Were you speechless on how you survived it? Did you imagine yourself dead and the thought suddenly became scary? I really wish I could know how you felt!

I wish I could open my head out for y'all to see right now instead of writing, as I fear this medium of expression will not do justice to the feelings that are welled up inside me. Nevertheless, I'll try.

Despite the seeming wave of conundrum that has hit me, i'm sailing so hard to avoid crashing and shipwreck. Hold on, don't get confused yet and let me fill you in.

I attended a funeral service today after class. Class wasn't really over when I left but I had to leave on time cos the event was scheduled for 2pm and I had to make it there on tine, which i did.

Its funny how when you're at a funeral service, you almost want to give up on all the things you're fighting for right now. All of the wealth, degree, status, search for a suitable spouse and more. These things just become meaningless because at that moment in time you realize that you'd die and leave them all behind one day.

I was surrounded with so much pain and tears for their lost loved one today and it made me realize that the things that matter in life are the things we ignore.

Today removed the spec of dust from my eyes and shone the light by displaying that how one lived their life is what matters in the end and not how much was acquired. Somethings are just ephemeral, life itself is ephemeral and it beats me how we seem to forget this fact.

The way we fight for the comfortable things in life would make one think that all that we make for ourselves would be taken with is to the world beyond.

Looking at the coffin today with the dead man lying stiff, not disturbed by the hot rays from the sun, not the wailings of his children he left behind, nor about how he would eat, cook or dress, made a lot of difference to how I saw life.

The family of the deceased man today had a lot of things to say about their dad, how wonderful he was, how he was a good listener and gave words of wisdom, how he appreciated everything good and how honest and just of a man he was. These things might seem too much for one man but I'm not sure everyone at the event would all be lying at the same time and even if they were, those things are not impossible!

Where are you really?

You know the bible verse that says "if you're neither hot nor cold, I'll spew thee out of my mouth".

I got angry a certain day in church. I put 2 songs up for a vote and members of my choir were supposed to make their choice. Some went for the first and others for the second, while the remaining folks were just there, not supporting or against either of the songs. They were Just passive and it really annoyed me.

Are you like the above passive folks who are neither here nor there? Have you thought of how difficult it would be to describe you in your absence? don't you think its better to be know for something than to be known for nothing at all?

This is one of those many articles I write that is like a tip of the iceberg compared to what I intend it to be.

Let's take a trip somewhere in my head...

Right now, I really want to give up in the quest for self gratification and wealthy desires, not because I want to be poor but because I'd rather do more. I'd rather be the girl that makes you smile than be the one who tells lies. I'd rather be that girl who tells you the truth irrespective of the hurt rather than be a brute who becomes curt. I want to be synonymous to giving and far away from taking, the girl who believes and does not deceive, the girl whose words are soothing and not the one whose words are crushing. An envoy of peace and not an instrument of war.

I should attend funerals more often right? They seem to bring out the good side of me. This seems like or is a wrong statement to make( people would have to die for me to attend funerals) but I hope you get the point.

Author's Remarque

I'm probably at a place in my head where I'm thinking the impossible. Funerals have a way of messing with one's mind. I'm feeling like I could make a whole lot of difference and probably you could too.

Stop hiding behind the shadows of others and live up to your dreams.

Thanks for reading!

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Mhizutty the voice of truth🎵🎶🎵