When was the last time you feel alive?

Where are you right now? Are you happy and jumpy? Or are you not? Or your in between? When was the last time you feel really alive? Excited. Fun and everything feels light and every worries turns to an equation, that made you even more excited to solve?

I was on the road yesterday feeling exhausted because I received an endless calls from our client. He wants this, he wants that. He cannot take anymore delays. But he was not sure what he wanted to finished either. But you know what, he want his house to be like a BMW but pays like KIA. Hmmp!

But then, I threw all my worries, and just enjoy my walk, besides my working hours is already over. Ahh walking feels, solitude. I was walking merrily and this questions plunged into my core. When was the last time I feel thrilled over something, I feel excitedly nervous? I feel like dying of anticipation. I feel like a thousand thunder bolts hit inside me, and make smile, make me look forward to enjoy the next day?

Ah I remember when, that was when I never knew that things will turn out this way. Maybe I expected too much, or I have been very ungrateful? I remember the day I sat foot into the adobe sand.

And when I did, I feel, I knew it in my heart I would finished that job. I will make that 4 storey building stand tall and might, in just half a month. I did, I solved everything behind the structures mystery. But after that everything turned out unattractive at all. Maybe I want the same thing again, but I was assigned into a different task? Or maybe it feels so easy that I feel like, I want something harder than that?

Whatever the answer I knew from my heart, this wasn't as exciting like the first time. This ain't makin my heart fire. Can you solve or decipher whats on my heart or is this just my perception and ungratefulness for the things that I had and done?

Ah the last time after the last, It was when I think of a solution from a 3-dimensional examination where we are asked to imagine those motions and projectiles. The moments, the dynamics and the distance. A ship went sailing from a salt walt water, with air and rain, determining the travel time. How can I turn back time? Where I am asked to know what's Ana's age where sentences made to confused words and time?

Ah, should I remain entangled from the memory of the past or shall I increase the dynamic of my situation now? And how can I when all I want is to get out?

Everything seems a mystery to me now. That my passion and love through what drive me to be my best is becoming my drive to outperform all my tasks. Energy decreases and time is my ticking bomb. Moments of equilibrium becomes unbalance, I need more support to resist the tension stress created by this burdened weight.

I think I need a good run. I think I need to feel the lost of air and a rewind. Will you offer me a hard punch and I think I deserve one. Make me feel alive at once. And pain, let me feel more alive. I need a revive.

When was the last time you feel alive? When was the last time just a sip of coffee would turn your day so bright? When was the last time, a smile from a stranger makes you go around? When was the last time it feels easy? When was the last time, you have all the answer, in an entire exam, geared and ready to battle?

Ah I should have not copied my seatmate answers, with a topic of character and behavior in my pschycology class. Now I am having a hard time, because today we have different set of exam. Real life exam. Uh quite the application eh?

Mines maybe easy for anyone, others might be easy for me. The world is really has its ups and down. Left and right. Right and wrong. Antonyms.

Maybe I just needed a coffee. More coffee. Monday is fast approaching, ugh and I hate that tomorrow I'd face the same dilemma again. Crap! I needed to reset this mind! Give me the remote and let me end the button for this ungrateful nerve of mine!

T H A N K S F O R R E A D I N G !!!

Rant it is 😳🤞🤫✌

Thanks to Dmitry Shamis @dimashamis for making the lead image available freely on Unsplash 🎁 https://unsplash.com/photos/uaufwPBhbi

Leaving you with this quote,

Acceptance is the last and it will
Always be hard.