What would you do if you weren't so afraid?

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I might perhaps jump off the bridge or tallest building if I weren't so afraid to die by killing myself.

Just kidding! Everything was great! Now I'm singing. Yeah really. 😆

It was just for a catch, dummy! Not to threaten. Gomen!

Lately I've been seeing this question on other social media sites, like quora or reddit. Probably, both sites know how I wanted to do something but I'm afraid of the consequences that might happen. So yeah today I'm doing this prompt.

Actually, I wanted to do a lot of things. I had a lot in mind, but it was all big and the repercussions would affect my family, or I just thought it would or I'm just afraid.

Being the eldest of the children in the family, it wasn't required, but you dream big for your family. You take responsibility for your parents when they get old, also you look up for your siblings welfare. Especially if you weren't born rich. And your parents didn't have any formal education. 

My father didn't even reach grade four and started working at a younger age. My Mother is halfway within her 14 siblings, and there's not much money for them to get to college. But she did reach high-school. So it wasn't their fault that they are poor and uneducated. There's not much resources they can have and I was glad they were raised by a big family, and know how it was to live with it. So they only had three children to raise.

Here's what my Mother always asked me when I was studying back in college, she told me how she wanted to study back then but they had to work to help her eldest sister to graduate. But the eldest, stopped studying and eloped with her boyfriend. Her dream wasn't fulfilled, so she wanted all of her children to finish studying, believing that if ever that happens, her children won't live like she did. But though she doesn't have any financial capabilities, she's done a good job.

The thing is my Mother works as a maid, before she becomes a seamstress and then starts a family without any investment and has just to get by fund. Her dream for us is big, she doesn't want us to end up being a slave for a rude boss like she had when she was still a maid. But I wanted to tell her, that "Mother, you should have taught me how to raise a business!" coz I'm still a slave. 🤷 

A typical poor-want to fit into the society story. But the urge to make a dream into reality is powerful. When you have a dream, you know your priority, you know what to choose. She made her eldest and second daughter graduate, doing everything she can.

So as I was saying, I wanted to do things too. But I'm still committed to fulfill my Mothers dream because she's already old. And my youngest is an incoming college student. I am not required to do so, but whenever I look back on how I didn't have enough studying materials when I was a college student. I feel like I could have done more if I had resources. And I don't want that for my brother. 

I'm afraid? Probably.

Because If I do what I want, It will require a greater risk which I might be unable to help my parents to support my little brother. And maybe I'm afraid of the disappointment. Or I am afraid that If I do it, I might fail and that was the scariest thing ever. 

But I am actually interested in how my brother is decided, he's getting an engineering course too. I hope he does well. And he is my excuse for now. On the things I like to do, but afraid of the consequences. :) Hopefully after my brother's college, I would be able to conquer my fear and start doing what I wanted.

Also, when I've had the courage to do it. Maybe then, I could tell you about it. :)

Hey do you also have something you wanted to do but are afraid to do? Would you like to share? Or do you have something you have feared to do but already conquered it? Share some of your progress and how'd you overcome it!

And again thank you for reaching this far. Though I don't think I convey my words correctly or it does have a context. So much for a prompt!

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Lead image was edited at picsart freely.