The 911 in my Life

Hola crazy dreamers, how are you today? I hope that you are doing well. Just in case that you are still doubting yourself today,I want to tell you that I'm so proud of you. Maybe I don't know you personally but your progress now is not a joke. I'm rooting for every dreamers that even in their downfall moments, they still choose to fight.

How's your relationship with your family? In your parents particularly, can you say that there is a tight relationship between you? I know that sometimes we wish that our family is an almost perfect one, no problems financially or even physically. But there's no perfect after all sometimes even the relationship is too strong , problems and time will test your relationship with them.

I already shared to you in my other articles that I'm so close to my parents. I'm so open to them to the point that I also shared to them my crushes, what happened on my day and even those people whom I interact with. I can say that before I have no secrets to them. I tell honestly what I've felt and what decisions I did. I certified Daddy's girl,my father is the one who knows everything about me. There's a time that I told to him what's bothering me because I know that he will never judge me. Don't think that I'm a spoiled to him because I'm not, he also scolded me when I did something wrong to others. I remember that one time, I cried in front of him because I can't handle my studies anymore. It seems that I'm losing myself because of it. I even say " Dad, I want to quit". I though he would be mad on me but instead he immediately hug me and say sorry to me. He knows how heavy the pressure and how high people expect on me. He just respond " Rest but don't quit". Since then , he always reminds me that I should not carry the whole world's problem, I should choose my battles. He even reminds me that I'm born to be a warrior not to be a worrier. That time, I know to myself that God gives me the best father that could understand me well. He's not a perfect one, he don't have extraordinary powers like a superhero but his love and care is enough for me to survive. He is a joker but when he speaks seriously , be ready because it seems that a comedian turns into a professor because of the lessons that he will share to you.

While my relationship to my Mom is quite different. Yes, we are also so close but I can't say some jokes nor prank on her because she will take it seriously. One time, I prank her that I have a boyfriend then she immediately get my phone and said that dialed the number of my boyfriend. I already said to her that it's only a joke but she didn't believe me until the next day haha. I honestly can understand her because I'm still young that time. But now, she introduce me to her friend's son and even ' reto' me to them. I hate it actually because I don't have a plan to enter into the relationship. My mom is the disciplinarian in the family. She never let it passed when she notice that we did something wrong. When I was a kid, when she count 1-3 be ready because after that count, slippers will gradually hit your hand or butt. She is a kind of a traditional mother, she wants us to "Mano" to every elders that we interact with. We should eat all together at exactly 7PM. But you know what behind that glare is a soft hearted woman. I tried to open up my problems with her. She is so quiet that time, just like my Daddy she hug me tight without saying a word. Her hugs that time already comforts me but I didn't imagine that after that, she went to her room and cried silently. Yes she cried because she can't believe that her daughter will talked to her about serious matters. She thought that I'm scared to her but I'm actually not , I just thought that she already have many problems in mind especially that Daddy leaves us to work in Manila during this times. From that time, I always tell to her about myself.

We're so close but yet we're so far. When I remembered those closeness we had before, I suddenly cried. Don't get me wrong because my Mom and I is still close but I've never believe that there is also an ending on that relationship. When my Dad passed away last 2020, everything had change. They know that among all, I'm the one who can't still move on about that. How can I if I had no one to talked to about my problems now. When my Dad was gone, it seems that my Mom also gone for a bit. She still comforted me but I know that behind those words is the pain that she is hiding inside. I know that just like me , she is broken and not healed.

I honestly want to be her 911 especially on those times that she really needs one. Because I'm far from her now because I'm here at Manila to study, I can't do anything but to text her everyday to make her feel that she is not alone. Me and my siblings is still here at her side. I called her earlier and I didn't expect that we will be crying over the phone. I said to her " Mom, I missed Dad" then she burst into tears. Since then, I didn't saw she cried like that.. She said " I also missed your Dad so much" while crying. If it is painful to me, I know for sure that it is more painful for her. Although my siblings and I are already adult, I know that it's not easy for her to guide us alone. I also said to her " Mom thank you for being my 911 especially on those times that I don't know where to run away. Thank you because despite that you are also broken, you can still give an advice to me. But don't forget that I can also be your 911 okay? Maybe I can give you a wise advice just like you did but I can make you laugh haha. Don't worry, Dad is still here with us". Then I hung up the phone because I hate to see myself crying over and over again and I don't want to see my Mom crying for the same reason. I wondering that my Dad is also crying right now because the rain suddenly fell down. Is he feel the same way as me? I don't want to bother him anymore because I know that he is peacefully rest there but Dad I miss you so much.

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I'm sorry if my article is like a drama ahha, I honestly want vent out all my "what ifs" and emotions. I don't want to cry even more now. I just want to sleep with a light feeling. Hope that everyone will get a sweet night too.