I'm lost and I don't know where I belong

It's been long journey but still, I can't find the exact destination that I want to take. Left? Right? I think I choose the left side cause nothing is going right now. I've been living like this for my whole life and honestly, it's so tiring. Waking up thinking what should I do or what is my purpose of life. It seems that my existence is not useful here because I'm so worthless being. I'm totally lost and I want to go home but when I attempt to go back, I suddenly realized that I'm not sure where is my real home. Yeah, I have a house but it seems that people there already abandoned me. It's not the same as before that I can still feel their warm welcome to me because now, it seems that we deeply know but totally strangers to each other. It seems an imagination for me to go back to the things that we used to be. It is so hard and I can't figure out if the real problem is me, myself and I.

Actually, I'm so excited when the calendar change its month. New month, new hope for me but I realized that June, July or whatever month it is, still the same, I'm still tired and lost in found. Striving? Maybe I'm just breathing. I don't have an energy to strive for more because I accept the fact that in this world, I'm already lost. I lost everything I have including myself. I want to save myself from drowning inside my mind but it's too late because the thoughts that I have is too much as the ocean. I want to shout for help but I step back when I saw those glare faces that looking to me. I don't need their help and I'll never be. In fact, there toxicity is one of the major reason why I gradually losing myself. Their baseless judgement, their fake care and concern and all about their negativities, I radiates and absorb it that's the reason why I'm now suffering like this. Poor me, I always save them but now, I can't even lean on them and let myself be swayed by them.

Walking barefooted in life is not so easy. There's a lot of thorns that cause me a lot of blood. There's a lot of arrows that want me as the target. The enemy? It's no other than myself. It's true that yourself is your greatest enemy. Your mind can kill your own body. Your body can make yourself feel like nobody. And that's hurt and I'm sick to this event. Battling between Me vs. Myself is the hardest war I've encountered in the middle of the middle. I know everything about me but myself is still unknown for me. I know what its next step but I can't avoid it's thoughts. And now I'm lost, and I don't know where I belong. I'm sure that I'm on the way but I'm not certain if it is the exact journey that can help me to escape form this one. Wake up self, you need to do something about it.

Exactly this is me now, maybe I am not suited to any corner of this world. Maybe I'm still trying but it is not enough. I'm breathing fine but I'm not live in my best life. It's far from the best neither to the better life but I guess, I will continue to endure the pain until all of this totally healed. Not now, not even tomorrow but I hope I'm still breathing when I finally found where I should belong.

It's just a random thoughts that suddenly pops up in my mind while listening to some random sad songs. My plan is not totally like this but I don't know why it turns out to be like this one😅

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Greetings!!

Good evening dreamers!! How's everyone here? Hope that you are doing fine and not so stressful in life. I know that life is tough and challenging for us but don't let the problems win over your will to continue. Don't be too harsh on yourself, rest if you need it now.. Speaking of rest, I didn't write anything last night because I want to rest my whole body and mind from the accident happened in the burial. I'm still in shocked right now. Honestly, sometimes I even shout when there's some noise I've heard. I'm just trying to forget what I witnessed but it's so hard. Now, I find other things to forget that happening hayst.