Don't expect too much from me, I tend to failed as a Daughter

Good evening dreamers! How's your weekend? I really hope that you rock this day. Don't forget to get enough of sleep okay?

One thing is for sure, I love my family. My parents, siblings and even my Aunties and Uncles supports me now. But I realize that I live on an environment with full of perfectionist and people with high expectations to me. It seems that there is no room for mistakes or else, I will be misjudged or kick out as a member of the family. Since I was enter to school, they already put in my mind that I need to excel on acads. It leads me to be competitive when I was in Elementary until Junior High School but when I reach Senior High School, I realize that I can still be a good student without competing anyone because the true competition that I need to face will be found within me. I remember before when I was in High School and I got a grade of 90% in Science. I'm not really good at that subject though. My parents scolded me and said that I should push myself to do better next quarter. They even confiscate my phone and I am grounded for the whole month. I understand them because I need to maintain a grade at least 90% in order to still be in Science Oriented Class.

I feel like I need to attain high grades so that my parents would be proud on me. If I can't do better in school, for sure they won't accept me as their daughter. So, I study hard and books became my best friend. With pure honesty, I am not mad on my family for that. I can fully understand where they came from. They only want the best for me. Even though, I believe that their style is so strict, I'm still thankful because through that, I able to be a determine and hardworking student. But it suffocates and slowly killing the happy child inside of me.

But my relationship with my parents change 360°. Unlike before, I am so open to my Mom now and she listen to me well. She is still perfectionist but the good thing is, she didn't push me to the limit. And it happens when we have a confrontation way back. It is the first and last time that I speak up for myself.

"Ma, Pa, sorry if I can only afford that grade. Everyday, I tried my best to achieve your expectations. I even risk my health so that I can have a straight A's (95+) in card. But I am also tired on this routine. I feel like that it is not me anymore, I am not happy forcing myself exceeding to my limit. I am not on you but please don't expect too much from me. I am afraid that I failed as a daughter, student and as a ham being. Please don't let my real self be lost".

It is not exactly the word that I say to them but it is the thought. I don't want to hurt them by uttering those words but that time,I feel like that I can't take it anymore. I have an anxiety attacks for almost everyday. I cried even in school because of the pressures I have inside our home. And that event really make a way for the both of us to realize our actions. My parents apologize to me and admit that among the siblings, they are more strict to me because they see a potentials on me. On the other hand, I also apologize to them if I disappointed them as their daughter. And it turns out to be good because we are really okay now. They also became my best friend and we are so close to each other. I also tell th everything even about my crushes and they supported me with that thing hahaha. I am glad that this is the result of that confrontation. I don't have regret on my experience before having a perfectionist family. But now, I can finally breathe. The expectations is still there but I feel like their support is much bigger than that.

One thing I learn about my experience is never instill high expectations on a person. It is much better if you showered her/him with your support rather than pouring her with pressures. Most importantly, parents should make a way so that child become open to them. Don't make a wall between you and your kids. Also make some time to ask how they are because I know that sometimes they need someone to lean on. Same goes to the child, don't forget to respect and also ask your parents how's their day. That simple act can lead you to have a comfortable and open relationship.

It is actually my first time to share this things in people. Only my close friends and family know my struggles before as being a student and the same as a daughter. But I think that I've grown too much now as a fine lady and it is all thanks to my parents.

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Okay, that's enough for tonight's article. Thank you for visiting again this article of mine. Thank you to my sponsors, readers and commenters who always accompany me to my journey here. Have a great night ahead!