3am thoughts

Its already 3:35 in the morning and i am not sleeping yet. maybe because i am thinking such things about traveling. I am missing lots of things in my life. I feel like i am regreting such decision in my life. I wanted to be free but i dont know how. When i was away from her i am totally happy. i dont feel any miserable regrets that i am having right now.

since i arrived here in the phillippines i dont feel happy. I fake my smile. And my happiness.
we always have a mis understanding even into a simplest way. I dont like the way she correct me it seems that she knews lots of things which is she is totally wrong. I dont even want to talk with her. I feel bored, i hate my life because of her. People said that if you love someone then being together is the most priceless situation ever. Well, i dont feel it at all. She told me that i should give her a chance.

Go back here in manila. I guess i am stupid enough to take that decision. I always give her lots of chance but i dont know why i cant feel it. I dont feel the eager and emotion the way that i felt from her before. It suddenly all dissapear like a skin of an onions.

maybe because she had lots of mistakes from me. And lots of things happens that totally hurt me. Since last 2 days ago i really want to go out with my friends and have some fun. But she always wants to join with me. Sometimes i feel irritated from her.. i dont want to talk with her. I dont want to mind her because i hate her most of the time of my life. I cant even focus to the things that i want to do because she is always beside me that makes me feel uncomfortable. I just want to broke up with her and forget her totally. I dont want to discuss lots of things with her because she is just annoying me from her tears. She always complained about her sides whenever that i am approaching her to the topic that i want to open up. She didnt realise how i felt. How painful i was before. We are already 2 yrs of being together but i dont forget those times that i was so blue. Lots of negative things happen from her side. that i dont even like.

i hate her a lot and all of the people who surrounds her. They are all stupid and idiotic hateful people. Specially her ex’s that keeps on stalking me on my social media. They are ugly as fuck! Oh my words are too much. I am sorry i cant stop myself telling this such things. For sure i am getting annoyed from everything every time i am remembering those times.

how i hate it! I just want to travel and to spare away from her totally. I want to go back on my work without minding her. This is not the life that i am looking for. I guess i was born to be alone. And enjoying the sunset while having some liqour of mine.

watching people how happy they are.. i just want to drive my car and go far away.. listen up to the music and drink my whisky. And to travel and make memories. A sweet memories that i created.

i even hate my parents. They just put burden in my heart. They just call me or talk to me whenever they need help. Even my sister is the same. A toxic person. she make a scar into my heart that i can never ever forget. I hate them all.

its better for me to be alone but i am sure that i am happy. From the bottom of my heart. ❤️
i Dont want to expect such things that there is a person who i will grow up with.
i just dont wanna believe on that. I dont want to have a broken heart anymore. I dont want to expect for such happiness.

its already dawn and i always feel empty.

yours truly

-marty27