We look at our social media accounts and see couples flaunting their romantic gestures. Some post their instagrammable dates, some their fancy gifts. We see them hold hands, look at each other, appeal to our emotions. While most of them are just celebrating their love, a number of these couples are only after clout. But still, we can't help but say "sana all".

Whenever we hear the word thriving, we think of plants and trees, of forests and vineyards. Thriving implies life, growth, and vibrancy. Merriam Webster defines the word "to grow vigorously". 

By association, a thriving relationship involves growth and life, individually and as a couple. It prospers even amid challenges. It is not about clout chasing, more than shared posts and instagrammable and way beyond "in a relationship status". To cultivate a thriving relationship is the real relationship goal. 

How do we know if a relationship is thriving? Here are some ideas:

A balance of appreciation and tolerance

There's a relationship term called "love bombing" which means an excessive expression of affection, admiration, and attention towards a person to make him/her feel dependent and obligated. This is usually done by narcissists to manipulate their target. 

In a relationship, appreciation is needed but it needs to be balanced with loving rebuke and correction, especially when there is a need to do so. Love bombing is borderline manipulation and is no longer healthy no matter how romantic it may seem. Season relationships with admiration and attention, but not too much, or the relationship will lack substance. 

Another area to balance is the area of tolerance. Some relationships tend to be overprotective to the point that it chokes the other person. A relationship should not remove one's freedom to express one's self. There must be room for individual and relational growth. One's individuality must not be stripped away when one desires to enter into a thriving relationship. 

Love and respect even in the face of vulnerability

In his book Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs discussed how men and women both have unique but complementary needs for the relationship to be healthy. Men expect women to respect them and in response, they shower their partner with many forms of love. On the flip side, when women feel loved by their partners, they can easily reciprocate with respect. 

What happens when these needs are not met? Women tend to disrespect their mates, and men respond in unloving ways. A crazy cycle ensues - a woman's response to the pain of feeling unloved is often crying, and a man's response to the pain of feeling disrespected is anger. 

Dr. Eggerich's premise is heavily based on the Bible: 

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." - Ephesians 5:33

In a thriving relationship, love and respect must be evident. There will be times when one's vulnerability will be exposed, and partners must make sure that they protect and cover each other. Even when the husband shows any sign of weakness, a wife's respect must be given. Likewise, when the wife shows any sign of weakness, a husband's love must abound. Vulnerability is not an excuse to give up on the relationship, otherwise, there will be no growth, no maturity. 

Final Thoughts

A relationship is characterized by balance: love and respect, admiration and tolerance. A thriving relationship does not happen overnight. It is cultivated like a tree planted and watered regularly until it grows and gives shade and fruit to people around. 

Sources:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26988344/love-bombing-signs-definition/

https://www.thesource.org/post/10-signs-your-relationship-is-healthy-and-thriving

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