Sometimes You Just Get Too Tired to Care

I posted one time in noise how frustrated I am that my Grammarly premium reverted to a Free account. As someone who takes writing seriously, and as a person who values commitment and delivery of what was promised, I felt disappointed. 

I am disappointed with the value I should be getting in the amount I invested in that Premium account which promised lifetime access. But I haven't even made it through a full month's use. 

I am disappointed with the promises undelivered. I have already mentioned it to the seller and she responded positively after a day of inquiry. She sent me an invitation for a Premium membership but after a few days, it returned to a Free account again. I don't want to do the same ordeal of following up and typing the same spiel again, only to cave into the same cycle. 

I decided to let it pass. I am too tired to care anymore. Let bygones be bygones.

Are there times when you just feel too tired to even care?

I am the eldest of two brothers and the de facto breadwinner of the family. Since I graduated, I have been providing for the family without abandon. It is a joy to share my blessings, and I have witnessed how the Lord has provided for all our needs through the years. 

But there are times when all you ever long for are encouraging, comforting words from people who are supposedly part of your team. I long to hear the words, "We got your back" and "Rest easy. Let me take over." But all I hear from them is, "How about me?"

A brief context. I am planning to settle down in a few weeks, but even up to the last moments of my being a bachelor, what I am thinking about is the family's bills. I could have used my money to buy things for myself and my wedding preparations, but what I ever hear from people are "how about me?" It breaks my heart.

Am I not allowed to think for myself? Am I not deserving of planning for my future? May God forbid that all my life's purpose is just to pay bills and settle the family's obligations. 

Some people just don't seem to care about the travails of others around them. As long as they can take their share and can lie comfortably in their beds for the night, all is well that ends well for them. Little did they know that in their sleep, some work tirelessly to provide for their comfort. Some think that the world owes them a favor and they are mere recipients, never the giver. 

But this time, I feel too tired to even care. 

But I don't want to accept that this will always be the case. When I finally face life on my own, apart from my dependents, I still believe they are going to have it all together. I know that they will never be forsaken and they will learn the ropes of juggling real responsibilities than what they have now. 

I am confident that life will teach them that growth is imminent. We cannot live like infants dependent on others. They have to grow up and embrace that life challenges us not to intimidate us but so we can grow and develop our muscles. We are not meant to shy away from responsibilities. People seldom grow in their comfort zone. 

For now, I will let them do what they think is best. Perhaps they haven't yet received that jolt of realization. Until that time comes, I'll keep on waiting - and preserving my peace. 

I still root for them. Because no matter what, I still end up caring for them.