Hurt people hurt people. I read this many times in several Christian books and self-help. We are a product of our past, and unless we decide to put an end to the generational traumas we involuntarily received from our elderly, we are perpetuating the same hurt over and over. We become agents of pain. 

This is why we need to heal emotionally.

I attended a two-day seminar on Strong Families spearheaded by the United Nations Office on Drug and Crime (UNODC). The event was graced by our city chief of police and several uniformed personnel. When the official was given the platform, he shared how most of the cases they face are the result of broken families. More often than not, juvenile delinquents and law offenders have issues with their families. Though this should not a blanket statement, that's how he expressed his sentiments. 

This leads me to the premise that emotionally healthy parents are the bedrock of a healthy family. 

I am not yet a parent but God-willing, I plan on being one soon. I know parenting in this generation is doubly hard because of several factors like the influence of social media, the changing preferences and culture of the younger generation, and the disparity between the traditional and post-modern ideas. Conflicting forces all around!

While I am still in the preparation phase, I try to give careful thought to the following:

Practice the PAUSE

When emotions are high, it is easy for us to raise our voices, and sometimes be more physical. I remember seeing my childhood friends being spanked in public, getting hit on different parts of their bodies, with things such as brooms, sticks, and wood planks. I too had such experiences with my parents. Unchecked emotions cause physical or emotional harm to children. So to prevent this, we must practice PAUSE. When you know you're at the height of your emotions, PAUSE. Take deep breaths and don't act spontaneously. Think about what you're about to say, refrain from being too physical. 

One may say that it is restricting yourself from expressing your emotions, but what it restricts is the consequence of that emotions. I believe it is better to lose your opportunity to express your anger than to lose your child over some mistake. Learn to PAUSE. Your child will thank you for it. 

Be aware of the complexity of emotions

Emotions are complex, especially with a child who can't express themselves clearly. So it is a huge boost to parenting to understand that people go through different phases of development even when it comes to emotional maturity. Don't expect children to fully grasp the things that even adults have a difficult time understanding. Learn to understand the complexity of emotions or even the different emotional thresholds of individuals. 

Learn to be more empathetic. Do not always act on impulse. Try to fit in the shoes of other people. Understand where they are coming from. Inasmuch as we want to be understood and our emotions acknowledged, let us do the same to others as well.

Unload yourself

Learn how to destress yourself from time to time. Do not try to accumulate emotions and dismiss your pent-up feelings. Have a healthy outlet for your emotions so you are always working with a clean slate. Think of your heart as a tank that fills up with either positive or negative emotions. Always keep your tank in check so you will not burst out. 

A few good suggestions are hot baths, exercise, meditation, physical activities such as hiking or biking, or even going out with friends for movies or just plain chitchats. Sleeping also does wonders! Sometimes, physical exhaustion is enough for us to be a stumbling block to others. Destress so you will not be a source of stress.

The things I mentioned do not only apply to parenting but also to our relationships with others. The crux of the matter is we need to heal, so will not wound others. Don't be an agent of pain.