After the laundry
Guess Sunday is a laundry day for everybody, huh? How are you folks? How did you start your Sunday? Here in my boyfriend's place if people won't go to church they likely go to the one of the rivers here and would do the laundry there. It's very nice to be there too since the water is cold and over flowing. It's nice to be with the rest having conversations from one topic to another. Oh, I forgot. There are a lot of Mariteses there who spent more time talking about somebody else's life rather than doing their laundry. But anyway, it's their way of building rapport lol.
Today I washed all our used clothes as well as my baby's. One of my favorite chores is doing the laundry because I felt like it's a way of getting rid of my anxiety. I always want anything to be clean especially the clothes we wear so I really find peace in washing them, plus the music is on. I take all the chance when Clea is asleep. As much as I want to sleep while she's sleeping, I cannot afford thinking that I still have things to be done like folding our clothes, cleaning our room and cleaning her feeding bottles. Then after everything is done and she's still sleeping, I will spend my time here. As I write this article, Clea is now awake but she's not crying so I'mma continue.
I washed our clothes yesterday but I didn't finished all since Clea made me stop everything I do. This morning, we went by the river to finish them and glad that there are few people who are in there. I didn't bring my phone with me because there's no space in there for phones. It's much convenient for you to see it though so you can see the whole view.
I felt a little bit pain in my abdomen and back since I have my menstruation. Anyway, for moms here, when did your menstruation came back after you gave birth? Mine just came after a month. Other moms said theirs came back after 7 months and some said one year. I have seen a video of a midwife on TikTok saying that it's normal for breastfeeding moms if their menstrual period is unstable for they are breastfeeding. But mine came back and I feel so tired today.
After the laundry, I also let Clea sleep so I can rest even for a while. Glad that she slept as I am feeding her for my body is so heavy and sleep is the only way to make me feel better. Before, I tried to take pain relievers but I noticed that the pain only intensifies every period. And so I just let the feeling kill me to sleep and then after that, I will feel better. Sometimes, I also drink beer because they said it can let out the blood easily without pain. How about you (women only)? How do you deal with your menstrual cramps?
I also feel sad a little bit knowing that it's almost a month when the typhoon hit us and it's almost a month too that we didn't have electricity. Although the authorized ones to fix everything is doing their job fast, still the process can't be that quick since the damage to the electrical posts and everything is not a joke. Everything is completely down. Their estimated time-frame for it to be completely fixed is within three months. However, hospitals are secured with electricity first making them the priority. Though we miss having an electricity at home, we can't complain since it's a natural disaster and there's no one to be blamed. Patience is what we need today because everyone here is affected. Well not only today but everyday.
I also learned that when nature gets back on us, we cannot go over with it, we cannot avoid it. That's why we should not abuse our nature as well as the natural resources because if they are the ones affected, we are affected too. Sometimes we forgot to take care of the earth that we think it won't get exhausted from everything we do. I just hope that we find it in our hearts to give our nature a healing. And what could it be? We already know the answer.
Have a blessed Sunday! Stay hydrated during this hot weather.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
22:53
As much I want to be here all the time, motherhood and parenting life would always be at my top priority. Oh my! I never thought it would be this hard that sometimes, I thought of my single life and how free and unbothered I was. I love being Clea's mother but I so miss me before. I miss those times when I slept late at night and woke up late too for I don't have a crying baby that will wake me up. I miss those days when I can still pamper myself and buy everything I want for myself. I miss those times when I go to work for I cannot do it as of this moment. I also miss my friends and our bonding. I miss my life before when I don't need to take care of anyone rather than myself. I miss being dead drunk and mad at the party. I miss my grandma's text wanting me to go home. I miss my grandma's music waking me up everyday. Am I a bad mother for thinking that way?
I know this is what I chose so I shouldn't complain and that's right. Actually, I think I am not complaining. What I feel is just missing my life before. I admit I am tired now and will be tired for a lifetime because I need to double everything especially my effort. We know raising a child ain't a joke for it entails all of what we have. Yes we see moms out there being happy like they aren't tired at all but the truth is they are. They are just not showing it because they already embraced what motherhood is. One thing is that they've been though it so it's easy for them be a mom again.
I believe it's understandable for a first-time mom to be lonely sometimes and to make mistakes because that's where we learn. Lonely because sometimes we felt we are alone and everyone cannot feel that we are tired and we need help. We also make mistakes because who isn't? That's why I get annoyed sometimes when my boyfriend's mom would try to comment on the way I dress Clea like when I am changing Clea's clothes, she would show up and will say I am too lousy. She would also say something whenever we buy something for Clea. When I was still pregnant before, I really liked to buy something for Clea like clothes for her, diapers, baby's Essential needs and anything that's for baby but then my boyfriend's mom would object saying that we shouldn't buy because Clea is not there yet. And I was like why is she the one making the decision for my baby? I didn't even ask money from her. I didn't answered her anyway for I still have respect so I just ignored her like I always do. Let's not talk about her anyway lol.
These past few days, Clea has got a fever because she's been infected by us here who got a fever too. When our fever was over, she's the last one who got it the reason why I panicked again. We immediately went to her pediatrician to seek for immediate medication. Her pediatrician told us to get laboratory results of her urinalysis and CBC for maybe she got a UTI or worse an infection that cause her fever. I was really nervous that time because Clea has a history of infection when she was still a newborn. I don't want that to happen again. To ensure that she's fine, we followed her pediatrician's advise and get the laboratory results. With God's grace, Clea didn't have an infection nor UTI. She didn't have a fever as well. Thank God because I don't want to be in the state of worry where I almost got paranoid when Clea's body temperature got into 38 °C. But after her fever, Clea caught cough and cold and so her pedia gave her medicine for it too. I really feel bad for letting Clea take 3 types of medicine syrup/three times a day. I think that she's too young to take that amount of drugs but I can't do anything for she needs it to heal. I just hope she will he completely fine so I can sleep peacefully at night.
Oh, when did I get a peaceful sleep since I gave birth tho? Lol.
So yeah that's the reason why I am absent again. Electricity hasn't came back too and getting a good signal strength to upload everything is a hard time here so please don't think I am ignoring everything. Praying that everything here in our town will go back to normal again so I can be active as I was.
Have a good evening lovelies and stay safe all the time especially that new Covid variants are everywhere.
22:53 - Time of writing (no photos to show since I can barely get a good signal strength)
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
I am extra thanking @Niazi675 and ms. @FarmGirl for the sponsorship renewal. Tho I am not active here these days, you still support me. Love yah!
Ciao! ❤️
Just wow! Thank you @Idksamad7869 and @Abhay for the sponsorship. You made me glad 🥺
And I panicked again
As I am writing this, my hand are shaking because I am worried and afraid. I never knew I would feel this way as I live. I was nervous before but not as nervous as now. I realized that being a mom is not a joke. And now I understand why moms over react whenever their babies got sick. We really don't understand the feeling whenever our baby gets sick but what we really wanted is to for them to get well as soon as possible for the fear of losing them is always in our minds.
I included in my article yesterday that here in my boyfriend's place, we are all sick except from Clea. I was really careful whenever I am nursing her because I don't want her to get sick too. We even wear masks when we get close to her. We even always check her body temperature and she's fine.
This morning, Clea was still fine. Her temperature is normal and she's lively as she is. I even let her cry during morning because that's our daily routine. She doesn't refuse feeding too that's why I didn't worry. Her temperature is also below 37 °C. But this afternoon when my boyfriend checked her temperature, it was 37.8 °C which is considered already as fever. Me as a first time mom doesn't know what to do aside from giving her paracetamol. I even covered Clea with blanket and put her cap on which is not right. I chatted her pedia but she didn't reply for she's not online. And so I chatted my friends here who are moms too.
I chatted mommy @Zhyne06 and @yhanne for they are my friends on Facebook. I asked for an advice from them because I know they have been through it. They advised me to get a towel and soak it water (with a little vinegar) then pat it on Clea's armpit and other part of the body that is hot. I followed them immediately. After an hour, Clea's body temperature gets low. It became 37.5 °C. However, it was unstable. It will go up to 37.7 °C then go down to 37.4 °C. But I am a little bit happy because it didn't go up above 37.7 °C. I chatted my aunt as well and she advised me to put kool fever on Clea's forehead which I did.
As of now, her temperature is 37.2 °C. I felt so relieved. Hoping that it won't get high again.
Her grandfather (boyfriend's dad) making Clea feel better.
I am now planning to take Clea to my grandparents' home as they are not sick there compared here in my boyfriend's place. I also have my sisters there who cam nurse her as well. However, we don't have an electricity there compared to here, we have generator. I'm now confused. Dear God, I hope Clea gets well already.
I also observed that most of the people nowadays are sick. Maybe it's because of cold weather and continuous rain. We are not yet over with the typhoon but not here is this rain making floods and landslides to some places. Why this has to happen? We should be happy because it's the start of New Year, right?
Dear Almighty, please heal our land. Please include my baby Clea in your prayers too! 🥺
Hello, everyone! Is it too late to greet y'all a Happy New Year? 😁
I am now back on track. I miss you all here. Sorry for the missed articles. Odette really had taken much from us. As of now, we don't have an electricity yet and the estimated time for it to be fixed is three months. Also, signal strength is unstable but I will take every moment when it's good.
I am really grateful for these people. Despite my inactivity, they still support me. Thanks for the sponsorship renewal, mamshies @Zhyne06, @yhanne, @Eylz2021 and Amy05. 💚
Havr a good evening and happy new year!
Sick and worried this new year: Why this has to happen?
As we welcome 2022, we are surely looking forward for good health and prosperity. These are the two things that we wish for ourselves and we wish for others. We even had that belief that we should be good and be industrious as we welcome the new year so that we will be the same for the whole year. We even had that prosperity bowl which may consist of 12 eggs, rice, 12 gold coins (can be chocolate coins) and of course a round fruit. When we have this, luck can be expected in our homes throughout the year. We also prepare 12 round fruits in a basket. Some also turned on their appliances and other stuffs when the clock strikes at 12 AM so that they will be functional for the rest of the year.
I remember my grandma used to throw coins around the corners of her home and she also used to make noises using the cooking pot and it's lid by tapping the lid to the pot. Others also light fireworks and firecrackers just to make some noise and something beautiful to watch with. Oh, how I missed those days before pandemic came. The way we celebrate new year is so different compared to before. Fireworks display and food on the table are there but it ain't so grand as what we used to be especially here in our place which is greatly damage by typhoon Odette. But despite of the damage is has brought, we are still grateful and still be able to smile and celebrate life for we survive the wrath of Odette. Indeed, God is really much powerful than the said disaster.
So why is my title so negative? It's because we are all sick here in my boyfriend's place. Oh, except Clea. The rain's downpour has been with us for over a week now making some of the places had a landslide. My goodness! When can this misfortune stop? First, a typhoon and now after it is a continuous rain.
For sure, those who are homeless are having trouble where can they stay. And some also are at home but then their roof aren't completely fixed yet and so they are still soaking wet.
Going back, yes we are all sick here. I have a fever and my body temperature is at 37.9 °c. My boyfriend also has cough and cold while the rest have fever as well. I am not pretty sure where we got this but I think it's from the continuous rain and the coldness it has brought. I can stand having a fever. What scares me is that my baby, Clea might catch the flu. She's too young to be sick and for sure, I'll be paranoid again if that happens. I breastfeed her and I am thinking if she might get sick from my milk. Good thing is that she won't. I asked my boyfriend to research if a sick breastfeeding mom can make the baby sick too. Fortunately, I won't. When the mother is sick, she can produce antigen that is present in the breastmilk and this protects the baby.
**One thing that I worry too is my constipation. I have been experiencing this after giving birth. Well, I didn't mind at first because I thought this is just part of my postpartum. But this time, I found it alarming because it will be almost three months now. I felt pain when I let everything out and sometimes, there's a blood on it. I mean maybe it's because I can hardly dump my waste making it to bleed. Did it also happened to you? Please let me know so I will be able to cure myself. This has been giving me an anxiety that I thought that this might kill me. Sorry for highlighting this one. I just want to make this eye-catching because I badly needed help.**
With all these having said, I can say that our first and second day for this new year is not so good. This is my very first new year that I got sick. How I wish di mi malihian nga masakit karong tuiga (How I wish we won't get sick often this year).
Sorry if most of my articles does not get into you I mean does not have a good impact. Right now, I am still not okay because our home isn't fixed yet and I badly want to go home there. The signal here is also hard to catch that I seldom visit the site. If I do, I cannot read others' articles because it took me a lot of time to publish mine. I just wish everything will go back to normal like the electricity and signal will be back so I can be back on track with earning BCH for we are saving for our little Clea's Christening.
Happy New Year, everyone! There's nothing I wish for all of you rather than being in good health.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
I thank God for life
What's more beautiful than the love of God? I'm pretty sure there isn't. His love for us is immeasurable that sometimes I think we don't deseve it for we always forgot how good He is to us. I can't count the ways we turn our backs from Him and chose to do what's not according to His commandments. But because He loves us unconditionally, He still save us from harm and give us countless blessings.
This morning, I received two gifts and these are my eyes waking up. Waking up everyday is a gift from Him that we seldom appreciate. Well we can't deny because we are too busy at life that we forgot what's really the purpose of it. Some are focus on work on how to get rich perhaps. Some are also busy dealing with everyday problems and some are hustling just to have three meals a day. Lastly, some are enjoying and having the best of life. Well, these are not bad at all. What makes them ain't good is when we get too occupied about them that we forgot to thank the one who made everything possible.
I can still remember the day Covid came to our land and how everyone panicked. Actually there has been a news about it that one citizen from a certain country had got that flu and she was in Cebu that time. People didn't mind about it thinking that it will just pass by and so we are also confident that it won't came to us. But what had happened? It spread as swiftly as a wink of an eye. In fact it spread all over the world breaking the economy and killed many. But as time goes on, researchers and scientists have discovered cure and made vaccines against covid. Thankfully, vaccines are effective because covid cases here in our place slow down and eventually got into zero. There's no transmission reported as well because most of the people are now vaccinated. Because everything gets good, what has been halt before is now operating like malls, sea, land and air transport, market and some schools. In our town, face to face classes are announced but then typhoon Odette happened damaging the schools making face to face classes postponed again.
Odette hit our land greatly and it has left us with despair taking our hopes and dreams away. Massive damage has been done to houses and properties. Some establishments were on pause. Many people are now on the street begging for food. Some are also living with none because their homes are totally washed away by the big waves. In short, life now has been so sad especially that we celebrate Christmas with a candle light dinner (sounds expensive lol) because there's no electricity and up until now some network providers were still down at certain areas.
But despite what happened, we are still alive. Covid came and we are still alive and kicking. Super typhoon hit us but we are still able to celebrate Christmas with family. I don't care in what ways we celebrate it though as long as we are with our family. And now, we are about to celebrate New Year. Wow! I can't believe it's already 365/365. I can still remember how drunk I was last Year during New Year's Day.
Life has been so tough this year but let's be optimistic that the coming year will be full of blessings from the Almighty because why not? He has been so good to us ever since.
I really thank God for life.
I am wishing you a prosperity and good health this new year! Thank you for being a part of my 2021 read cash family! Let's strengthen our friendship more. Cheers!
I also want to thank @kingofreview for the sponsorship renewal. 😊 Kinda late but better late than never. I apologize if I seldom visit the site for the signal strength in our place is still so poor. I just wish it will be fixed a.s.a.p 🥺
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Now all I see is darkness
I can still remember the day when the whole province of Southern Leyte was surrounded by the strong winds and disturbed by the surge. I maybe didn't saw everything that happened but I can feel that everyone during the disaster is worrying about each one's own life and family.
The last post I saw on Facebook before the internet and electricity went down was the photo above. I was so afraid but not for my own life. I was afraid for my baby. I wouldn't mind if I died during that time as long as my baby is safe. She's my everything and she's all I can always think of. Having known that our province was under signal number 5, my heart went out in panic. It wasn't my plan to evacuate or to transfer to safer place because I believe that our home is already a safe place. Although our home was built only with woods and bamboo, it already survived several typhoons and so I believe it would again survive that time but I was so wrong. Thank God for He gave signs that we should go to a safer place for we are just few steps away from the shore.
When the news about the typhoon Odette was out, I was not afraid of it because I believe it will just pass by safe and sound just like other typhoons that visited our town. I was so confident that it will lose its strength as it approaches the region. I remember when I was still in elementary and high school when typhoons are in and classes are suspended but surprisingly, the weather went fine. In fact, it became a sunny day. This happened many times so I believe it will happen again.
Before the typhoon made its landfall in our place, my family and I really didn't think of evacuating because the weather during the morning was sunny. Little by little as noon approaches, the rain started to fall and winds are felt but not that strong. We even managed to eat our lunch. It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon when one barangay safety officer told my mom to evacuate because we have Clea with us. After hearing that, my anxiety kicked in. I immediately told my boyfriend that we should go to their place since their house is made of concrete materials. Actually he already convinced me to move there beforehand but I refused many times for I believe the typhoon will not intensify.
It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon when my boyfriend's parents fetched us there in our home. On our way towards their place, strong winds are felt already and trees were already down across some roads. Minutes after we arrive, the typhoon made its show. Odette gave us winds we never thought it existed. It feels like the wind can speak loud noises. The rain also went along with the wind making it worse. From 2 PM until 9 PM, we were just there in the abode of my boyfriend's family. His aunties and cousins are there too. I don't know but during that long hours when Odette hit the land, I felt like I was in a ship sailing with the strong wind. Loud noises from around can be heard. Though we cannot see everything outside because it was too dark, we can feel that there's already a great damage. During those long hours, I was only hugging my baby and my boyfriend. Fear had taken me over because the ceiling seemed to go away with the wind as it strikes. Rain also made its way inside the house since some part of the roof was gone. The howling of the wind was so scary that I almost cried and thought that maybe it was the end of our lives there. I was just so thankful that my boyfriend comforted me and he did not showed any sign of fear. I don't know anymore how to explain everything. I can't compose my thoughts correctly as I still overwhelmed with the situation. But one thing is for sure. It was the strongest typhoon I ever experienced and I don't want to experience it again.
Our home wrecked by Odette. I don't know how we can start again especially that my grandma and grandpa's farm was also ruined and they don't have any other source of income.
I don't have anything to give too and it makes me useless and sad. This is the saddest part when you don't have savings for times like this.
There are a lot of things to say but I want to end my heartache here.
I used to see green before but now, all I see is darkness - so scary.
Our province needs legit help. 🙏
My biggest flex
How are you lovelies? It's been a while. I miss it here. I've been busy for a week because my baby Clea likes be nurse all the time unlike the previous month. She likes to be carried and loves to sleep in between the arms of his father. The time she's awake is also quite longer than the usual length of time she used to be awake. Is it what we called growth spurt? Because she seems like not getting full of my breastmilk. She would still want to latch even if she's full already and some milk are coming out of her mouth. I also touch her fists and they are already wide open and they say when they are open, babies are full already.
By the way, I tried to give Clea formula milk because I want her to recognize it and get used to it because next month, I am planning to go back to work. I really don't want to leave my baby but I need to since her needs are growing as she is. I want to spoil her everything she needs. After all needs are different than wants. I want to give Clea the best of life because she's my first and last baby. As much as possible, I don't want to get pregnant again. Well it's just because I only want one baby there's no other reason.
First, I bought bonna because moms advised me to try first the affordable ones then to the expensive ones. I tried feeding Clea with bonna but she's not liking it. Everytime she latches her feeding bottle, it's like she's going to throw up because she doesn't like the taste. She doesn't want to latch again after tasting it but we just let her try again. Sadly, she's not into it and I can tell too because her poop is kinda more watery than the usual. We actually tried it to her three times but the scenario is still the same.
Last night, we bought another formula milk suggested by a friend because her baby likes this milk too and she's also mixed-fed. We bought nestogen and tried feeding it to Clea. It's better than Bonna because she latched it continuously but then a minute after, she began to act like throwing up and will cry after. When we tried again, it was like she was choking. I was thinking if it's because of the nipple hole size. Perhaps the flow is too much for her. Is this normal if it's baby's first time drinking formula milk? Because if yes, we will buy another milk which is the expensive one. I guess I need to wait too for her monthly check-up this December 20 so I can ask her pediatrician about it.
**My biggest flex**
My daughter is my biggest flex. There's no one in this world that can replace her not even her father haha! Clea came from me and we have that special bond no one else will ever experience. Seeing her healthy and growing made me realize that I am doing a great job as a first time mom. Although my very first month is a struggle and I had a lot of breakdowns, I am still happy because I overcome those. I thought I'll be forever a paranoid mom. Experience is really a great teacher.
I really want to thank all the mommas here who helped me when I have questions regarding to nursing a baby. Your knowledge about it really helped me a lot. Thank you momshies for always cheering me up. I cannot mention you all but I am sure you know who you are. Clea and I are very grateful to all of you.
I really can't forget the help I got in this platform when my Clea was hospitalized for 7 days even she was just 2 days old back then. My baby is so strong for she fought her infection, low sugar and inability to latch. She received a lot of medicines and injections which led her to convulsion and we almost lost her that time. We are so blessed that God made her so strong and for giving her angels. I know God was there all the time healing my little one. Thank you again, read.cash fam for sending your help financially to my Clea. I will be forever grateful about it.
I thought I can't forget that sad memory because I almost lose myself too. I didn't care about my health that time. Blessed enough to get through it all without my anxiety acting up.
Looking at Clea's photos made me remember what she was like before and I can compare to what she is today.
The photo above is Clea when we got home from hospital. She was just 9-day old there. Since she's just 1.98 kg when I gave birth to her, she's so little and being there in the hospital for 7 days made her even more little but she's still beautiful in my eyes. During this time, I was still afraid to hold her, to carry her. I wanna be with her and hold her in my arms but I chose not to because I don't want to make a mistake when I carry her. So I just laid beside her, crying and praying that she will grow healthy and her infection will be gone forever.
But now look at her. She's a big girl with chubby cheeks. She can even play with her eyes lol. She's turning two months this December 19. With that, I am planning to save my earnings today and until the day before her 2nd month because I want to buy her cake and a monthly milestone attire. I want to make her every month memorable and special so she will see her photos when she grows up. She might not remember all the memories but I do and I am keeping those memories in my heart forever.
This would be all for now. Stay safe mga mamshies nga maapektuhan sa bagjo. Well, as of now it's kinda sunny in our place like there's no typhoon. Let's all be safe! Love lots. 💕
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
I am also thankful to sis @ExpertWritter, ms. @Bloghound and sir @TengoLoTodo for the sponsorship renewal. I am very honored to have your support.
And one last thing, can you help me welcome my friend, @Valjosh09 He's a newbie here and I want him to meet you all. ☺️ Thanks!
Ciao! ❤️
Thank you. Next!
***People making lists, buying special gifts***
*Taking time to be kind to one and all*
*It's that time of year when good friends are near*
*And you wish you could give more than just presents from a store*
***Why don't you give love on Christmas Day***
*Oh even the man who has everything*
*Would be so happy if you would bring*
*Him love on Christmas Day*
*No greater gift is there than love*
https://youtu.be/8461XGfbXK4
Isn't it familiar? Yes, because it's a Christmas song by the Jackson 5. Before, when *'Ber months'* start, we used to hear this on the radio. Oh how I loved to listen to the radio before when Christmas songs are played while my grandma cooked 'butchi and siakoy'. There was no YouTube for us during that time because the people in our place aren't fond of computers and internet. Our way entertainment is through television and radio only. But even though we are not so into technology that much, no Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and everything we have today, we were still very happy and contented of the simple things that let us hear and see what's happening around the world. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.facebook.com/144891232348304/posts/shakoy-butchi-with-bukayo-sweet-coconut-homemaderecipe/1315770078593741/&ved=2ahUKEwjHpIeN8dn0AhWOZt4KHQ2_D9wQFnoECDQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw16u9Q-OJahphT2xW_Oan4W
Going back to the song, I really missed hearing it. It was long time ago since I heard it. I think I must play Christmas songs tomorrow. The song is all about giving for that is the true essence of Christmas. I believe despite what happened in the world today, we still don't forget that Christmas is coming and remembering the day of our Almighty is so important to us.
In connection to giving, I am so happy for I am still remembered by my friends here even with my absences. I truly appreciate you guys for giving me virtual gifts that are really my need which means you really know what's happening in my life. It's such a good feeling when your friends don't forget details about you. In return, I would also like to give virtual gifts to these people and to my other friends too.
Who knows these gifts might be right in your doorstep. Please, Santa Clause!
First, I would like to accept the invitation of ms. @Yen to have coffee. I have never drank coffee for such a long time because of my palpitations but let me try even just a few sips. Let's go to Bo's Cafe.
Hello, Ms. @Yen, I am happy with the results of your laboratory. Knowing that you are fine and healthy makes me glad too. With that, I want you to relax together with your fam as you take the prescriptions of your doctor. I am giving you a trip to Maldives without a limit of stay. You can go wherever you want there and of course, a pocket money is ready. But pease include in your list the **Water Villa with private pool.** I hope you like it there po. And, I will also ask our neighbor who worked there to tour you around. Thank you. Next!
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ootlah.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2021%2F06%2Fdeluxe-water-villa-lily-beach-resort-maldives.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ootlah.com%2Fen%2Ftravel-packages-MV-oth2315-water-villa-with-private-pool-in-the-maldives.html&tbnid=cCAuy9h9IsylWM&vet=1&docid=LPe3S4bKNusqnM&w=1200&h=899&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Next would be @mommykim. Thanks for the Lactacyd baby wash set. My pretty Clea loves them and she's not a cry baby anymore when we bathe her. Of course to make our mommy happy, I will send you the BTS group in your home cash on delivery. Lol.
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F4%2F4f%2FBTS_for_Dispatch_White_Day_Special%252C_27_February_2019_01.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBTS&tbnid=xvb1Dx3UiEunZM&vet=1&docid=e5G6mwHlzZ0McM&w=1920&h=1080&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Of course I will pay all their talent fees for as long as they are with you. And what's so good is that they agreed with me to have a concert here in our country. Yaahh! I know you are waiting for this so tadaaa! VIP tickets for you. Thank you. Next!
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.europeanbusinessreview.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2021%2F07%2Fbts-meet-and-greet-e1625650043131.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.europeanbusinessreview.com%2Fbts-bangtan-boys-meet-and-greet-vip-tickets%2F&tbnid=71CmExcmXTUCUM&vet=1&docid=5fY4HC5qo2NR4M&w=794&h=534&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Third is mem @Yzza0625. Thanks sa pa beach mem. Amo kuhaon diha ang jawi sa bay :D I am so confused what to give. I was so sleepy last night that I decided to continue this morning. I don't know if you'll like this mem but I will give you, I mean Yzza a Princess Castle House since during her birthday, she was dressed like Princess and it suits her very well so now I am giving her her kingdom. Thank you. Next!
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.fineartamerica.com%2Fimages%2Fartworkimages%2Fmediumlarge%2F2%2Fprincess-castle-linda-arnado.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffineartamerica.com%2Ffeatured%2Fprincess-castle-linda-arnado.html&tbnid=7M-hw_dTINObjM&vet=1&docid=Awln_9mTk7kv3M&w=900&h=600&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
I also have something for sis @Momentswithmatti. I am giving her unlimited access to all the restaurants (expensive and inexpensive depends on her taste :D) in South Korea. I am not even sure if she likes Korean food tho but I still pursue this one.
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fsteemitimages.com%2FDQmWvbHf39V4pzfpkzimbWoKntPMuUquUACV9teGb6dCgJR%2Fexperiencia-erasmus-seul-corea-sur-paula-dd822ee219ddf54f6a4e099bbbae8ce1.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fsteemit.com%2Fkr-arte%2F%40xtreme2015%2Fseul-corea-del-sur&tbnid=XKiZ1chfj3-DXM&vet=1&docid=lusUc30p8SwPnM&w=1200&h=820&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Sorry sis. I am just so into your food, ambiance, interior design and staff review. Loving them all.
So here are the tickets for you and your family. Go wherever you want there for I already paid everything. Thank you. Next!
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.topasiatour.com%2Fpic%2Fkorea%2Fguide%2Ftickets-of-airplane.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.topasiatour.com%2Fsouth-korea%2Fwhat-to-pack-for-south-korea.html&tbnid=66otwqhSDkhhcM&vet=1&docid=yqnmqFpt5sORrM&w=600&h=450&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Of course I will never forget the one who brought me here and who helped me a lot when my baby was hospitalized. She's one of my angels sent by God. To you mem, @Zhyne06 I think I will give you a wide portion of land like park because I remember Zhyne loves walking so much. I am sure he would be so cute playing here with his toys and would enjoy walking around. Just bring extra water mem just in case you will get tired chasing him.
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi2.wp.com%2Famyandrose.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F01%2Fbest-baby-walkers.jpg%3Fresize%3D480%252C720%26ssl%3D1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Famyandrose.com%2Fblogs%2Fparenting%2Fbest-baby-walkers%2F&tbnid=qR_LphPOlEHkNM&vet=1&docid=4ebY1LVe4JFt_M&w=480&h=720&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
Actually I am so confused of what to give you mem for you are so blessed na but I hope you will like this for Zhyne. Thank you. Next!
Last would be @BCH_Genisis. Thank you for the baby rocker. Clea loves to be in it all the time. I learned that your dog, Sweetie has passed away and I was saddened by it. I know what it feels because I am a furmom. I don't know how to console you but I think I will just invite you to one of our animal shelters here just to lighten up the feeling. We have a lot of cute dogs here and if you're up for adoption, you can have one.
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fnaturaldogtraining.com%2Fwp-content%2Fthemes%2Fndt2%2Fassets%2Fimg%2Fdogs.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fnaturaldogtraining.com%2F&tbnid=6z2mNFDblmKKsM&vet=1&docid=T3F5buT1YzWw3M&w=824&h=583&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
And that's it for now. I have a lot of people in mind to gift with but let me write it in another article.
This is my entry to the #ThePerfectGiftChallenge2021 prompted by @CoquiCoin Thank you ma'am for giving us a chance to give gifts to our friends even if it is done virtually. I am sending you as well my best wishes on your natal day.
I know this is late and I apologize for it. This is the only time the busy and paranoid mom got lol. I really want to join in this prompt so I still write about it even if my entry is late so yeah. After all Christmas is not yet over.
Have a blast today!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
My heart is so full tonight 🥰 thank you so much, @Jher0122, @Jane and @Bjorn for the early gift. God bless you more!
I also want to thank my new some sponsor @foryoubtc. Thank you for appreciating my works. ❤️
Please, be compassionate.
*People always tell me, "Sayang c e ka. Bright man ka pero nganong wala ka ning human ug skuyla". I never understood before why I hated school so much, why I always dreaded going to school. I never understood why is it, even though people always compliment me for my wits and even though I get good grades, I still hated going to school. Well now, I don't think hate is the right word to describe my feelings towards "school". The right term would be scared or terrified.*
*I didn't understand before how I got depressed. I thought my life was perfect. That's why I didn't get why I would feel sad all of a sudden. Now I realize it was trauma. I was traumatized because of what happened when I was still in elementary school (long story). I thought I already moved on. I thought that I left all of the hurt and sadness in the past but everytime I see something or someone that would remind me of the time. All the feelings that my 11 year old me felt, the feeling of pain, of being helpless, of being weak always comes back and then I break down.*
*I tell myself to leave it in the past and there's nothing I can do about what has happened but it's hard. I guess what they say is true. Childhood trauma really does hit different. I forgave those people a long time ago but my heart and my mind can't forget the trauma. I guess I can say that I'm a damaged person. Despite all that, God has been good to me. And I am always Thankful.*
*Broken but Blessed.*
*Ps. I'm not posting this to get sympathy. Just to let things out. I struggled this past few days but I'm used to the random break downs and anxiety attacks. 😅 Some people are quick to judge. Some say nag binuang maong wa ka human or nagtinapulan maong wa ka human. That's not always the case. God Bless everyone.*
Jai
This is a Facebook post from one of my close friends since childhood until now. She didn't finish College YET because she was depressed and been through a lot of challenges. She's one of the strongest girl I know. Brave and straight-forward yet a kind hearted person. It's funny that we were like enemies when we were in Highschool just because of grades and ranks. But even without those labels, I know it so well that she's so much smarter and talented than me and I never accepted that before. I guess it's because I was still young and all I am after of is being on top of everything because my grandma expects so much in me. Honestly, I don't want to be an honor student. I don't want to be recognized as best in this and that for I want to live just a simple and ordinary student who will remain unnoticed even after skipping class to go for a drink. I still did it anyway and because I was an honor student, some of my teachers thought that I don't deserve to be one. And I was like, oh my is there a criteria in Academics that disqualifies a student just because he/she drinks OUTSIDE the school premises and AFTER class hours? But nevermind, those kind of teachers didn't win anyway.
Alright so let's go back to my friend, Jai who posted that message on Facebooks. We were like sisters when we were still a kid. I would always go to their house to play from morning until afternoon. We only separate ways when we were elementary because I and my family went to Manila and live there for many years. When we got back here in our place, it's like I and Jai don't know each other anymore. We didn't talk and we got different set of friends so I didn't feel much lonely. I never asked her why we became like strangers and so is she.
Unexpectedly, we became classmates in Highschool and I thought that's the start of us being close again but I was wrong. The competition between us (well among the rest of the classmates as well) good intense as we belong in Special Science Class. I can still remember when I skipped class and Jai saw me about to jump over the school fence so I can go outside. She told our teacher that I jumped over the school fence and I became mad at her again. I don't know but we were not as close as before. I guess it's because of label/rank hunger that our parents wanted us to have.
This pandemic time seems like a blessing in disguise for me since me and Jai got close and even closer. How? Well it's because we would always invite her whenever we would go to parties or even have a drink from night until dawn. Since then, Jai opened herself to us and she became confident of herself. I was happy she learned to break the rules sometimes because it made her happy. Though she became a drunkard too because of us, at least she gained confidence and her depression slowly went away.
I won't go deeper as to what made her depressed because I believe it's too personal to share here. I just shared this here to inspire others who have mental health condition to be strong. Go out and speak with friends and be happy. Don't cage yourself. Talk. Life is wonderful.
There are a lot of people who have mental health condition and they stay strong and so we must be. In this world full of negativities, let us give love and understanding. Let us be compassionate for everyone we meet is facing a hard battle.
Thank you, Jai for letting me share your post to everyone here. :)
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Everyone thinks I am paranoid.
Since I became a mom, constant worrying never ever left me. You know I can bear all those sleepless nights and tiring days taking care of my baby. What I can't handle is the fear, the worry that she might not feel well and I won't be able to notice just like what happened to her before when she was a newborn. As a first-time mom, I don't know what I am seeing are signs that a baby is not feeling well so I didn't mind and that's my biggest mistake I will not forget in my entire life because it's like I put my baby's life in danger. If only I knew, I could have told the nurses and she might be cured there and then.
Oh dear, here I am again with my negative thoughts. How can I forget these?
Taking care of my daughter everyday is a wonderful feeling and at the same time giving me constant worry that everyone in the house thinks I am paranoid and over-reacting. Although my daughter will be 2 months old this December 19, I am still not confident that I am taking care of her right. I mean I always doubt myself if I feed her with the right amount of milk she needs or is she in the right position while I am feeding her and many many more. This is making me insane but I am still keep going.
When my baby Clea is sleeping, I would always stare at her to check if her breathing is normal or if she's breathing at all. I know I know this is crazy but you can't blame a mom for thinking this way. You won't feel and understand us unless you were in our shoe. Just this evening, I stare at Clea and notice that she got something red but not too noticeable on the top of her eyebrows. I told my boyfriend to check it too but he told me it's just nothing. I was not satisfied with his answer so I asked him to check it again and he just told me I am too paranoid. Gosh!
I also frequently ask @Zhyne06 whenever I see something new and unusual behavior of Clea. Just this morning and yesterday I think Clea has got some milk coming from her mouth. I again worry because I saw a video on TikTok that whenever babies have milk coming from his/her mouth, it can be that they didn't burp properly, overfeeding and infection. When I saw that word INFECTION, I overthink because Clea has got an infection before when she was still two-day old so I am thinking what if she has it again this time? Can I manage myself not to panic? Oh my I think I am going to die in worry.
One thing I worry about is that sometimes Clea coughs during feeding and there are also times she coughs when she's just lying on her little bed. I understand if she coughs during feeding but coughing when she's just lying is a big problem for me because I don't know what's the reason of it. I told my boyfriend about it and he told me to stay calm for Clea is not constantly coughing. I also told my grandma about it and she told me the same. I wish I can be as calm as them. I wish to see her pediatrician to check her up but our schedule was on December 20 and I feel like I can't wait for it.
Can you tell me if it's still normal? Yesterday, Clea slept during daytime and she woke up only when she's hungry and sometimes I woke her up when she's sleeping for over four hours because I need to feed her. At 10 pm yesterday, she woke up and it seems like the night is her morning. I just breastfeed her and she slept again. When 1 AM came, she was wide awake and she cried so I breastfeed her again. I thought she would go back to sleep but she didn't. She will sleep tho after an hour of swinging but when we put her on bed, she will be awake and will cry again and ask for milk and then the routine repeats until it's already 9 AM. I almost panic because babies supposed to have enough rest but Clea won't have that rest if she's wide awake for long hours. I feel so worried about her and think again what did I do wrong. Glad that she already slept at 10 AM. For moms here, are your babies like that too?
I feel like I am not feeling well all the time that's why whenever I got the chance to relax, I will grab the opportunity to ease my mind. I cannot avoid thinking that maybe I should let my mom take care of Clea since she already knew how. God knows how much I love to take care of my own daughter but my anxiety would always take over me.
As I am typing this, I am staring at her praying that she's fine all the time. There's nothing I would ask to our Almighty but for my baby to grow healthy all the time.
Everyone thinks I am paranoid. Do you do too?
Good day! I apologize for not being able to respond and read your articles today. Our internet connection here is slow and unstable that even inserting pictures in my article is so hard. The one in the lead image is Clea ❤️ I will get back soon when it's okay. Gotta go and do mommy duties. Pray for me lol.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Speak, but not the detail.
Have you also felt like you don't want others to know the problem? I mean it's okay if they find out you have a problem but not the detail. Giving others all the detail will sometimes create a topic for them to talk about your life, your personal life I must say. This is just my view though and I respect those people who like to open/share everything they are feeling for them to feel better. But in my case, I don't want to share my problems to others unless it's all about health and emergency just like what happened to my baby.
Today, me and my boyfriend fought again. Oh, we fight everyday so what's new. The reason I got mad at him is because he let her mom know about the whole detail why we argued last December 1 at 12:02 AM (yeah, I still remember). During that day, we went to see the Christmas lights opening at the town center but after we went there, we fought over a certain issue. When we arrive home, he asked me why I am mad when we were all just having fun with friends at the House of Wine (name of a bar). Of course there's a reason why I got mad because who gets mad for no reason? It's just that I didn't tell him right away because I wanted him to figure out what he did. He asked me several times while we were on our room and I am feeding our baby. I did not talk back like I did not hear a thing. He asked me again and again that made our baby woke up. I got pissed and I almost hit him in his face. Glad that I was able to control myself and so I just answered him. After knowing the reason why I got mad, he got mad too. He told me my reasons are too lame. After that, he hastened away, get his helmet and keys and went away with his motorbike. Where did he go? Well, he went into their home.
So I was left in our home but I am okay with that. Our baby slept soundly too so I don't have to worry if I don't have someone to help me with.
That time while he was in their home, I was really sure that her mom would ask why he went home and I am also 100% sure that he will tell all the reasons why. And guess what? I am right for he did. How did I found out? His mom told me today that she asked my boyfriend why he went home knowing that it's 12 AM. I asked her mom what did my boyfriend told them and her mom told me all the things he said to them.
I am really disappointed with him because for me, our problems should be ours only. Aren't we supposed to fix our own problems?
It's fine if he'll tell her mom we have a problem but please, not the detail. Aren't we old enough to handle our own dilemma? Gosh! I felt ashamed and I don't want to go back to their house anymore.
I was not able to hold my anger so I let it out on him. I was furious so I told him he should have not came back to our home because he went to their home already so there's no turning back. I also told him that I did not like what he did and he should change that behavior or else...hmmm.
Another example is when we tell all the detail of our secret to our friends. Wait, if it's a secret then it's just you who know it but when it's shared to friends, is it still a secret? Be careful. I have been there. I told all my secrets to a friend because I trusted her and I believe she values our friendship the way I did. Surprisingly, she told someone about my secret and that someone told someone too just like a domino effect. Because of this, we don't talk anymore for a year now. She even unfriended me on Facebook. With this, I learn to speak but not the detail.
Sorry for these ugly writing. I just want to express my frustrations here so I won't carry the same weight of it tomorrow.
So how about you guys? Do you like sharing the whole detail of your personal problem to anyone?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
The market is red and so am I.
Red for me is blood and when there is blood, there is pain.
But before that, I just want to share how I am saddened when I saw the value of BCH. It's going down for real and for me it's a curse since most of the time, I am converting my BCH earnings to buy our baby's needs. Whew! I never thought having a baby would cost us much but we are not complaining about it. Although sometimes, I admit I get tired and my last resort would be crying but when I look at our baby, I felt guilty for being a tired because I shouldn't be. I always think that our baby did not choose to be born in the first place so there's no reason for us to complain. So here I am, despite of getting tired, sad and mad, I am still here surviving everyday.
Going back to the BCH price, I screenshot earlier its value and it pained my eyes lol.
So bloody red. The worse thing is, is that I need to convert my 5$ earnings from my article yesterday.
The BCH amount for 5$ that I earned in read.cash was only 0.008.
It should be 250.00 php or 240.00 php plus but it became 232.00 php only. I had no choice but to convert it still so I sent it to my coins.ph wallet so I can convert it into our fiat money. The sending process from Bitcoin to coins.ph will took 2 hours or more so I waited again hoping that it goes green when it will be transferred to my coins.ph wallet.
While waiting, I read articles and leave comments. I saw there writing prompts and challenges that I really wanted to join. One of them is the writing prompt of ms. @CoquiCoin about virtual gift giving. I just love the idea that we can give gifts to others virtually and maybe we can really send gifts for real in a way convenient for us. You can visit her profile and read her article about it.
The other one is the 'How I know I am pregnant' by sis @Momentswithmatti. I was smiling the whole time while reading articles about the challenge. I can relate to some moms who wrote their pregnancy experiences and I have a lot to tell too. I planned to write about it today but I end up writing this instead. Maybe it's because I am in a bad mood as of this time. Well I am in a bad mood always lol. I got mood swings. Yesterday I was happy but today I am mad and sad. My mind is so bloody red and my heart is in pain. I felt like I am always alone in this motherhood journey. I thought I would be happy but I am not. I am near to getting crazy. This article can be a proof that I am.
So that's it. I chose not to write about the challenge because I am mad and sad. I want to write about it when I am happy because I want to recount my pregnancy journey smiling.
Let's go back again to the BCH I transferred to my wallet. It's in now and I am so hurt after seeing that my 5$ just turned to 199 php. Oh my!
This is worse than a break-up.
What can you say?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Enjoy now, contact tracing later.
Hello, read-friends! It's December already. Wow! Everything happened in a snap. It's just like I slept last night and when I woke up, it's now Christmas season. No wonder the night became colder and the streets are damp at night. I can still remember it was October when I wish for this month to come because I am missing cold December nights. Anyway, how does your town/city shows the spirit of Christmas? Is it through big lanterns, and colorful stars of different sizes? Oh, a Christmas tree will do and the various Christmas lights will add to the spectrum of colors. Can you picture them out in mind? Well, if not then it's time to go and see wonderful Christmas colors but make sure to wear mask and bring alcohol. You can never go out without them.
Christmas is just around the corner. I don't know what's in it but the spirit of Christmas will always be a wonderful feeling for everyone. It might be different today because we are in a pandemic and we can't celebrate Christmas the way we did before. But hey, it's fine. What's important is that we are with family during the most beautiful time of the year.
Enjoy now, contact tracing later.
My title can be somewhat funny or whatever you think but for me, it suits what I witnessed yesterday. Yesterday was the opening of Christmas lights in our town, Sogod Southern Leyte. Although it's every year that lights and a Christmas tree are displayed there in front of the Municipal hall, there are still a lot of people who come and got amazed by the different lights in placed in different arrangement. Even me, I am in awe in our of our town's lovely spot.
The photo above is the giant Christmas tree with the umbrella-like lights above it. Just wow! The people behind it were very creative and patient for making such a beauty. Beside that big Christmas tree were series of lights of different hues. Some were formed into tunnel which was made for people to pass under it.
The lighting/opening of the Christmas lights is accompanied with fireworks display. For me it was awesome since it was long time ago that I haven't seen one. The fireworks made the even more bomb as people keep on coming through.
Imagine being there under those beautiful colors with the people dear to you. How amazing would that be. Well, if single, it's still amazing because you can stay up all night there as much as you want lol.
I know you also notice the people around. Yes, there are a lot of people who came.
Seems like pandemic is over, eh? I guess they also missed gatherings and parties just like me that even it's still pandemic, occasion like this is pushed though but of course we also need to follow the protocol and that is to always put mask on because if someone will be caught not wearing it, a fine of 10$ will be imposed. I felt bad for the two children who got caught last night for putting them mask below their mouths. Maybe they didn't heard the announcement because they just came. I felt so sorry seeing the situation but then I was again back on my beastmode when I saw a lady wearing off-shoulder but not wearing m ask yet she was not caught just because the man who was assigned to look after liked that lady's appearance and so he just smiled to the lady and teased her to go with him to the police station. I was thinking if her off-shoulder gave her charms. Hmm.
I was really annoyed of what I saw so I walked away and explore farther.
My friends and I went to the tunnel of blue lights and took a photo together.
We also roamed around to find some foods. Can you find me there in the picture? Lol
One of the photographers there asked if he can take a photo of us and we said why not, right? It's our time to shine. Look at us smiling even wearing a mask. The eyes speak it all.
This narration can't give justice to how beautiful the lights are but atleast I tried even though I am sleepy and my baby is crying even if her dad is carrying her.
Gotta go, friends. Need to sleep too while my baby will fall asleep any minute from now because I know she will again wake us up at 1 AM to 5 AM. Isn't it amazing? 🥲
How are you, by the way?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Shout-out to @Amy05 for renewing her sponsorship. I appreciate you, girl. 😊
Ciao! ❤️
Unfriended?
Where are your friends at? Are you still friends with the people you met when you were still a kid? How about your bff's in Highschool? And your favorite person to have lunch with in canteen when you were in College? The ones you met in parties and became your best buds, where are they? Are you still in contact with them? If yes, then let's cheers to that! I am genuinely happy for that kind of friendship.
They say we cannot live alone. Do you believe in this famous line too? Personally, I do believe in this. Although I am fine being alone, prolonged isolation bores me and can sometimes trigger my anxiety. My doctor advised me to go out and have fun with friends so I won't think of anything unwanted. I also need people to talk with most of the time because if not, I would end up bottling my problems and frustrations which is not healthy for my mental state and I am sure for you too.
Because of these reasons, I became so close with my friends. Well, I have few best friends but we seldom connect when we were in College already. This pandemic time, I make sure to divert my attention into something that can make me happy and busy. This pandemic also brings me closer to few people I am not so close with and lets me know new people who became a big part of my life today. However, I also lose some of my friends while gaining other folks. I guess it's true that in our circle of friends, there are people who don't like you at all but they're just faking that they do. They are just waiting for the right timing to reveal the hidden agenda.
**Unfriended**
One of my close friends, my gimik buddy unfriended me on Facebook and in real life as well. It's a long story though but to make it short, it's all about her being envy. Envy not in the sense that she's envy because I am so pretty and rich. It's all about being left behind which we did not notice that she was really left behind but I didn't think that she will hate me just because she's not around when our friends gather together. I guess I had a mistake too because I also forgot to invite her. Her being left behind and not being informed whenever we go road tripping and partying happened twice. I and the rest of our friends were unaware too so we were shocked when she chatted one of our friends about me. She wrote there that I was just using the one who would always spend when we were out and that I am just after of the money, drinks and party. That friend she chatted forwarded the message to me, covering the name but I already knew who was it because of the way of typing. I did not asked why. I immediately confronted her and ended the conversation. After that, she left the group chat and unfriended me. But even though she unfriended me, for me she's still a friend but my trust in her will not be as the same as before. Imagine we were friends since Elementary and until we graduated College but she trade the friendship for hate. How sad.
There were also childhood friends that remained as just childhood friends because we are not friends with them today. Lol. This happens maybe because they transfer to another city and we lost contact with them or they just changed because they went to another school and so they forgot about us. I have a lot of friends that fall in this category.
Another example are the friends who unfriended you because you can't or won't keep up with the trend just as they do. For instance, they like to post/show everything they do on social media but you aren't. They might call you kj or killjoy and they won't invite you anymore during the next escapade because they knew you don't like to be photographed like models wearing bikinis. Funny, right? But this happens especially to the genzers (some).
Actually there are a lot but I need to end with this last example because my baby might wake up in any minute from now. Mommy duties again!
Last example are the kind of drunkard friends (mga palahubog/lassingero) who unfriended you because you don't drink alcohol and so you won't have that kind of jam with them. I am guilty of this because I have unfriended a classmate in highschool who came to my birthday party and did not drink with us. I already told everyone in our class that I will not be having foods on my birthday because no one will prepare it for me. My grandma was working in Cebu that time so she just sent me money and it's up to me on how will I spent it on my birthday. I decided to just have drinks with my close friends/classmates. The rest asked me if I will be having foods and I said no, just drinks but they still come so meaning, they want to drink too. But this one friend refused so I was annoyed for I will not be enjoyed completely when there's someone who's not enjoying too. I unfriended her after my birthday. Lol.
Now that I am matured (I think), those friends who unfriended me are still my friends. They are still welcome because I know I will not be completely happy if I have anger to someone. And those friends who I unfriended are now my friends again. I choose my peace of mind. Let's be happy.
How about you?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
And I know I am not alone
***"I'm not a bad mom for thinking I miss my life before or I just miss being me."***
***"And I know I am not alone."***
This evening, I saw these lines from the TikTok video of ash.ciri. She was carrying her baby while swinging the baby gently to sleep while she was crying. I can say that the feeling she showed there is genuine unlike those other videos on TikTok. Of course she's a mother and she won't lie what she feels inside. Perhaps she doesn't have someone to share her problems with at home or maybe she does but she won't tell so she chose to let the emotions out through TikTok. When I saw her video, my tears automatically fell non-stop for I can feel what she's feeling. Up until now, I am still overwhelmed with the situation I am in and I can't complain because this happens already and it's the result of what I chose to do.
Being unable to complain makes it more hard for I blame myself everyday. It doesn't mean that I regret having a baby. In fact, I am so happy to see her everyday and know that she came from me. My baby is on top of my priority. However, I can't avoid to be sad at some time. Just like the the message I saw on TikTok video, I also miss my life before. I miss my me time. I miss being careless and crazy and free. The kind of life that I have no one to think of rather than myself.
Just at this time, my friends came by and they plan to go to the newly-opened videoke house just near our place. They told me to come over but then I am having a second thought if I should go or not because of my baby. I cannot go anywhere I want to for I need to breastfeed my baby whenever she wakes up hungry. Unlike before, I will just go freely even without a permission from my grandparents. But now, things have changed greatly. Before I think of myself, my own happiness, I need to consider and weigh things if they will be good for my baby. Ugh, the struggle of breastfeeding moms. Don't get me wrong tho, I am very thankful because I am blessed with milk and I am able to breastfeed my baby. It's just that I sometimes envy the life of those moms who are using formula milk for they can go without great worry if their baby would wake up and get hungry. Although there are milk formula that can replace mother's milk, breastfeeding is still the most recommend by the doctors for it has many health benefits for both babies and moms.
I am not saying that moms using formula milk are living their lives like teenagers because I know they are not. Yes they can go where they want to but I am sure wherever they go, they are doing their best there though they are tired to earn for baby's milk and for the family needs.
In my case, I am not the type of woman who wants to be at home. What I mean is that I really want to work. I consider myself as a working mom rather than being at home. There's no wrong being a housewife tho. I just really want to work and earn. Would this make me a bad mom? I am not really sure of what is going on my mind. Today, I am happy and the next day I will be sad and lonely for I feel like I am alone and everyone is my foe. It seems like I am wrong at all times especially in taking care of my baby. Are these feelings normal for first time moms? Are these also part of postpartum depression? Because if yes, I think I will be in a big trouble and get crazy later on. I have an anxiety and having a depression will make me insane.
What I also hate is me being a cry baby. I was not like this before. I was the type of person who doesn't cry easily because I don't want someone to think of me as weak or see me crying. I really hate that and so I control my tears not to fall. But during and after my pregnancy, I cannot control my tears anymore even though I tried really hard. My tears betrayed me. I really hate this. When could this be over? I'm so fed up with this.
I just hope that my sanity will continue its occurrence whenever I nurse my baby. It's not good for me to cry especially when I am breastfeeding her. Some studies claimed that babies can get affected when their moms are stressed. As a result, they will be stressed too and might fuss during feeding. I guess this is also the reason why my baby is fussing sometimes when I feed her. Oh my! I feel so sorry for not being a good mom.
I pray to God that He will give me enough strength to overcome this postpartum (in case it is) so I can take care of my baby the right way and these worries of mine will go away. I really hate myself for considering everyone as my enemy when they just want the best for me and my baby.
I just hope that the people around me will understand me and won't get tired in dealing with the unstable feelings I have right now.
So sorry for this content. I don't have anything in mind this evening and I am also crying while typing this. I need to stop and end this drama now. I can imagine myself being ugly with this crying face.
Good evening!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
I also want to thank @Eylz2021 for the sponsorship renewal. God bless you more, sis! I am happy to know that you still support me though I am not as active here as before.
Ciao! ❤️
Happy birthday, Maria Ivana!
It's my day today! I guess you wonder who's Maria Ivana. Well, that's me. Lol. Maria is my first name while Ivana is just an add on because she's one of my favorites who has a beautiful face and kind heart. My boardmates before, @Murakamii.7 and @Joymae also called me Ivana when I was still working. It started when I was washing my clothes like Ivana did but I wore my bra while she didn't. Hahaha! And our appearance are very much different. It's just the "naglalaba" scene.
Actually, I wrote the first paragraph of this article on my birthday which was this Monday, November 22. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish everything since my baby needs me and I need to nurse and feed her. My boyfriend and family are here to help tho but since I breastfeed my baby, much of the work is all on me and of course I am the mother too. Because of this it's hard for me to publish an article and interact with you all here and I feel bad for sometimes I just publish an article without reading yours. I just hope I will get used to this motherhood set up and insert read.cash in any of my time.
Happy birthday to me!
I am now 24. I don't know if I will be happy or sad or whatever. I love celebrating birthdays but knowing that I am also aging makes me think that my years here on earth will be lessen. I think of this situation most of the time especially now that I have my mini-me.
The cake above was from my everyday-enemy and when I say everyday-enemy, I am referring to my boyfriend. Just like Clea's dedication cake, he forgot to put my name there again. I guess he's aging rapidly which made him easily forgot things. Me and him had made it a tradition to buy a cake in every occasion. It doesn't matter if there is no other food as long as there is a cake, then it's a celebration already.
Actually, I don't like to prepare foods or anything on my birthday. It has always been my mindset since I became a teenager. It would be better to spend the money over the household needs rather than on my birthday. I would be happy even without a cake as long as my family is here with me and they are all healthy. However, my grandma would always prepare something for me. She will cook spaghetti, fried chicken and salad because she knows they are my favorite. I am so lucky or shall I say blessed for having her. And until now that I am old, she will still cook for me. I feel so bad because ever since I was a child, I have never given her any gift on her birthdays. But this year, I will make sure I have something for her.
That is me above a year ago exactly on my birthday. Wow! Time have flown so fast. I can still remember the celebration that we had during my birthday last year. I was still working that time and I was so excited to come home and see my family and friends. That was also the time when me and my boyfriend had a label. Lol. We met on November 14, 2020 at my friend's birthday and there we got close to each other and decide to put the closeness a label on November 22, 2020. Everything should have label of course! Imagine picking canned goods without a label. You would not know which one is the sardines and which one is the corned beef. You will only know when you open the can. Oh my, that will be a struggle.
That was us a year ago on my birthday too. The faces tho. I never thought that I will be able to celebrate another birthday of mine with him. Life is really full of surprises and we don't know what the future has in store for us.
I am also feeling extremely happy because there's this little angel who's sleeping next to me that adds color to our lives. Although I wasn't able to celebrate my birthday drinking my favorite alcoholic mixed drink (because I am breastfeeding my baby), I am still thankful for another year of life. No worries! I can still drink and get drunk again soon.
I'm beyond blessed to have celebrated my birthday with my family, friends and little angel.
We don't need an extravagant party to be happy on our birthday. Our family alone is enough. And of course, let us not forgot the Almighty for giving us another year to live.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Happy one month!
Yesterday, my little girl turned one month old. Wow! It seems like one month is just one week. The day that I gave birth to her was just like yesterday. I can still remember the pain I went through and how it was gone so fast when my baby came out. Her cry became my favorite sound and sometimes my source of worries too lol. Just like the night before she turned one month. She kept on crying even if I am feeding her and she won't sleep even if it's already 10 PM. The reason she was fussing and restless is because she has an upset stomach. After her several cries, she pooped which made the pain gone. And guess what? I panicked again because I was thinking what did I do wrong or perhaps she doesn't like my milk. Oh my! If she continued crying that night, I will not hesitate to rush her to the hospital again. Praning na nanay.
On the other hand, I and my boyfriend decided to buy a cake to celebrate her one month being healthy and happy. I told him to buy a chocolate one but look what he did bought. It's mocha and the icing was as thick as our dictionary. AND he also forgot to include the name of our baby there 😏 I was supposed to get mad because even if it's just a little detail, it's still important. How can he forgot our baby's name in her dedication cake? Silly man. I don't know but after my pregnancy, I started to hate him. I feel like he is my enemy all the time and he's not supporting me all the way especially when it comes to our baby. He always choose to listen to his parents like he can't decide on his own. Like this morning, we argue about the electric fan again. I already told him many times that we should use the electric fan because our baby sweats a lot and it's super hot in their home and in ours. But, he refused to accept my decision just because her mom told him that we should not use the electric fan even if we will face it on the ceiling. She likes to cover our baby with franella even during noon time. She won't care even if our baby is excessively sweating just because she believes that the air from the electric fan can make our baby sick. Seriously? Won't my baby get a pneumonia if she sweats and they all dried up?
I don't care if my boyfriend reads this tho. He already knows what my heart wants. No one knows the baby well than his/her own mother.
Enough with the drama anyway. This was supposed to be a happy article. Going back, we celebrated Clea's first month by thanking God for her good health. We pray that she'll be healthy all the time. It doesn't matter anymore if I won't have my me time like the time to pamper myself for I know soon I will be able to do so. For now, I will let the motherhood take over me.
Gotta go friends! Happy One Month again to my baby girl.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help. And to @JustMyRambles01 for the sponsorship renewal. You do really have a big heart, sis. ☺️
Ciao! ❤️
just because...
Just because I am tired, doesn't mean I quit.
We are not superhuman and we will never be. No matter how hard we pretend that we can do everything alone, there will be a time that we need someone's help for us not to feel lonesome. We are humans and so we are created to have feelings and those feelings are meant for us to show. When we feel happy, we smile, we laugh and we share the happiness to others. When we feel bad, we are sad and sometimes we cry and it's fine because feeling the pain means we are still living. We may complain about how hard life is but we are not quitting it. Just because we complain, doesn't mean we are over it. I am pretty sure you've complained about something but then you keep on doing it. Like complaining about a low compensation in the company you are working with but still you are there celebrating your one year of stay. Another one is when someone complain about her husband getting drunk everyday but still she takes care of him whenever he comes home drunk dead. For students, they are also complaining about the mountains of module given to them but at the end of the day, they will still do it anyway. Lol.
See these are just few of the instances that we encounter everyday. We get sad, upset and broke but we will never quit in life.
In my case, I can really say that I am exhausted. I never thought taking care of a baby would be this hard and energy consuming. I think of it as a piece of cake since I saw many moms I know on Facebook that are happy and they don't look tired at all but the truth is, they are. They just learned how to deal with the challenges and they want to let the world to see that being a mom is fulfilling.
My baby is turning one month old this November 19. Wow, it feels like it was just yesterday that I gave birth. During those days after I gave birth including today, I can't remember a day that I didn't cry. I don't know how to take care of a baby so how can I do everything? But, I really do believe in mother's instincts. Slowly, I learned how to get my baby from her bed and carry her. I even learned how to make her burp which was really a struggle to me before. I also learned how to change her clothes and diapers. Lastly, I learned how to calm her when she's crying hard. See I didn't imagine that I can learn these things knowing that I am not really fond of kids. But now, my love for children has sprout like a mushroom. I even forgot my dogs when I already have my baby.
When I am nursing my baby especially during night time, I felt so tired because my energy was drained already during the day. I sometimes cry whenever my baby doesn't want to sleep again after I breastfeed her. I did make her burp and carry her while slowly swaying but still, her eyes are wide open when it was already 2 AM. Because of that, I sometimes got angry and even got mad at my baby which made me complain about my fate. I thought about my happy memories when I was still not pregnant. I missed them. I miss being free and I miss working. Little did I know that I am slowly crying and I just noticed it when my tear fell to my baby's skin. I was and I am really tired but I am not giving up. Just one smile from my little baby takes away the stress and sadness in me.
I may get upset and mad everyday but I am proud to say that I will still not quit just because I am tired.
Do you also get frustrated about life? How do you deal with it, mamshies?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Thank you sir, @TengoLoTodo for the sponsorship renewal. ☺️ I am truly honored.
Ciao! ❤️
I knew I loved you
This day, I have been listening to the song of Savage Garden entitled, **'I knew I loved you'**. Do you know this song? 90's peeps can still remember this one. I remember this song was played everyday on the radio as my grandma cooks hotcake and makes ice candy. I was just 5 years old way back then when my love for music started. Thanks to my grandma who kept on playing various genres of music but mostly, she likes to play the 90's boyband songs like the songs of Westlife, Savage Garden, N'sync, Boyzone, A1, Backstreet and many more. That's why as of now, I prefer those old songs rather than the new ones.
So let's go back to the song, **I knew I loved you.**
https://youtu.be/jjnmICxvoVY
You can play the video if you are not familiar with the song. I'm sure you will not regret listening to it and it will become one of your favorites.
As I listen to the song, I am looking at my daughter. She's the perfect person who I can think of when I heard the song. I knew I loved her before I met her. I think I've dreamed her into life. When she was still in my womb, even though I can't see her, I know for sure I am saving all my love for her. My arms are reserved so I can carry her 24/7. My heart is so full already even before she came and now that she's here, she's all that matters to me now. I would be fine if all the people I know will leave as long as daughter is with me.
The lyrics of the song are bomb and I must let you read or perhaps sing the first verse and the chorus below.
*Maybe it's intuition*
*But some things you just don't question*
*Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant*
*And there it goes*
*I think I found my best friend*
*I know that it might sound*
*More than a little crazy but I believe*
*I knew I loved you before I met you*
*I think I dreamed you into life*
*I knew I loved you before I met you*
*I have been waiting all my life*
I know as you sing/read the lines, I know you have someone in mind. So who could that be? Let me know. I will listen. Makikichismis lang. Lol
Anyway, I am so happy too because my affiliates here are earning so well. I am proud of them. I feel glad reading their comment-generating articles. One of them is my sister @Lovelyfaith.
Before, I told her she must do something productive since she's always using her phone. At first, she was not interested and so I didn't bother. I was just shocked there's this one day she asked me about noise.cash. I guided her along the way and she's been doing great there. I also persuade her to join read.cash and luckily she was interested and started her journey here. I always remind her to be active in the platform and told her everything she needs to do. She's a fast learner and she perseveres too so now, she's reaping the fruit of her labor. You know it's just so nice to help someone. The world needs people who are willing to help each other especially these times.
I shall leave this here so I can rest because after an hour, my pretty little daughter will need me again. Puyatan na naman. Laban!
I also want to thank everyone here who gave me advice about how to take care of a baby and what should I do and should not. Salamat mga mars, @Zhyne06, @Micontingsabit, @yhanne and other moms here. ☺️
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Thank you, @kingofreview for the sponsorship renewal. You made my night bomb.
Ciao! ❤️
I am stressed and I think my baby is too.
It's late in the evening and I am still awake. I plan to sleep while my baby is sleeping so I can rest because I know any moment from now, we will again morning the night lol. I just copied the expression from Facebook and not sure if it's grammatically correct. Will search on it for some time.
Here I am again with my dramas and worries in life. I never thought I will be this worried and coward when I become a mom. Can't blame me tho because I was in a situation where I almost lost my baby after few days of birth. That has been the reason why my anxiety or being afraid of the future acts up. I am always afraid of bad things to happen. I tried to control it but there are times that I can't especially when I see TikTok videos about mommies who lost their baby due to health complications. And because of that, I stopped watching TikTok videos for most o the vids on my page are all about babies. Most of them are all about happy babies but there are few deaths of them that might trigger hmm let's erase trigger for they literally made my anxiety acts up again.
I am always curious about my baby's movement because when we were at the hospital, there were movements that I should have let the nurses know for they are already seizures. Of course as a first-time mom, I don't know what are the normal and not in babies so I didn't mind them not until my baby cried out of the blue while sleeping and her cry was not the usual cry of a baby. It was loud and I can't make her stop and few minutes later, her eyes started to close and her pupils started rise up making only the white portion of her eyes are seen. If only I knew that those movements are off, then the seizure will be noticed early and she could have given remedy for it and will not experience convulsion.
For these reasons, I am really observant of my baby activities. Whenever I observed new ones, I will ask moms if they're normal or not. Sometimes, I will also try to watch YouTube videos and search on Google. Before I wrote this article, I watched a lot of videos on how to burp a baby because I feel like I am still not doing it right. I search for the reasons why my baby starts to fuss and arch her back after few minutes of feeding because this worries me too. I found out that it's because of the milk let-down. Perhaps my baby can't keep up with the volume of the milk that's coming out or my milk that came out was little after minutes of suckling. After knowing these, my worries were gone. Thanks to those YouTube videos.
About the title, yes I am stressed and I don't know the exact reason why. I had a difficulty in sleeping even though I am tired. I easily get mad and cry. Sometimes, I cry for no reason and most of the time, I cry because I remember the memories at the hospital. I shouldn't be like this because this can affect my baby too. I knew it after I came across an article on Google. It says that when the mother is stressed, the baby can be too.
This can also be the reason why she's fussing during feeding. Oh my! How to not be stressed as a first-time mom? 🥲
As of the moment, my baby is asleep. I always look at her while she's sleeping because I wanted too. And oh, she sometimes open her mouth while sleeping. Does your baby do that sometimes too?
Another question from the 'praning' mom.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Thank you sir @TengoLoTodo for the sponsorship renewal. I feel bad for not visiting your article as well as my other sponsors. 🥺 Though I am not able to do so, you are still here supporting me. I am so much blessed.
Got to go. Gonna be back when my baby is asleep again. Ciao! ❤️
Hello? It's almost 2022!
It's almost 2022 but the beliefs from our ancestors many many years ago are still living. Well, following those beliefs won't hurt but sometimes, I just found some of them unreasonable and funny and sometimes they give me frustrations. Knowing that these beliefs don't have any scientific connection/explanation makes me even more mad.
Before, I am not against those beliefs. In fact, some of them are being followed in our home like not cutting nails when it's evening, not sweeping the floor during night time and many more. There are actually a lot of beliefs depending on occasion like funeral, birthday party and even in pregnancy and taking care of a baby.
When I was still pregnant, I was really sick of hearing and following those beliefs that the people in here told me to do. The very first thing I regret that I followed is not taking the prescribed pills/vitamins by the obgyne because they will make the baby big which will result to difficulty in the delivery. They also told me that doctors prescribed those pills so that I will have the C-section which means more money for them. What a belief! I only followed them out of respect though I really feel that I need those vitamins and this is my biggest regret in life since it affected my baby's weight.
Next is to not eat cold foods/water. If this is true? Then why did my doctor told me it's fine to drink cold milk and eat ice whenever I feel nauseous?
And now that my baby is here another set of beliefs are here again. I thought I was done with those things but not yet.
After I gave birth, I was told to take a bath after 15 days and I was like what? I breastfeed my baby and she's always close to me and here I am full of dirt and everything that might stick with me that are unseen. I know they're after my health but this to me is so annoying lol. The doctor even said I can take a bath and that was after 7 days of giving birth.
And the last one, I shouldn't take a bath when my baby didn't have her bath too. And now I didn't took a bath for three days. I feel so itchy, dirty and restless but I can't complain since I know for sure I will be called disobedient. But, if only there's water ready in the faucet I will not hesitate to take a bath.
I am not against all the superstitious beliefs. But if it's about health, especially my baby's health I wouldn't follow if I know it will ruin my baby's health.
Oh my! I have a lot to tell but I don't want to be stress again. Thank God I played music today. I didn't knew music will help me calm my worried mind. Thanks to Westlife, Backstreet Boys, A1 and Boyzone songs.
How do you do?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Where do they come from?
It's been days again that I haven't visited the platform. Actually, I have time to write only if I want to despite all of the mommy duties. I can write whenever my baby is asleep but, I chose not to. I was carried away with TikTok videos about babies and I was like crazy because I can't hold my tears whenever I see videos about baby and kids. I was never like this before. In fact, I don't like babies that I thought of not having one. But tadaaa! God blessed me with one cute little angel. Though I was not really prepared for this, I accepted my fate along with the challenges.
But hey, I noticed some of my attitudes and characters have changed from being calm and unbothered to cry-baby and praning (idk what's the term to use in English for praning lol). These days, I usually cry whenever I see touching videos especially about pregnancy and babies. Believe it or not, I also cry sometimes while I am watching my baby. Maybe because the trauma is still there. I can still remember the difficulties my baby went through after I gave birth to her. I even questioned God why He let my baby suffer and fight for her life while other newborn babies are healthy. The memories are still here with me, living in my brain and heart and I think that's the reason why I am afraid to make a mistake in taking care of my baby.
Yesterday, I chatted @Zhyne06 again because I have these worries and I need answers from an experienced mom. I asked her about the tips how to make a baby burp since I really don't know how. I tried and tried but then I was worried again I might hurt my baby. She was small compared to the other babies who are born with the normal newborn weight making it hard for me to carry her, make her burp and even change her diapers and clothes. There was this instance when we were still in the hospital, I cried again seeing other babies who are born with a weight of more than 2.5 kg. I questioned myself what did I do. Why is my baby having low birth weight? Was it because I was stress during the pregnancy or was it because I have an anemia? Or was it because I haven't took the vitamins my OB-GYNE has told me to take? I really regret following the advices I got from here. They said, I shouldn't take those vitamins prescribed by the OB since it will make the baby big and it's a benefit fot them if I will have a C-section since the pay will be big. For Pete's sake I really don't want to follow them because I know deep within me that my baby needs those vitamins. But, the fear of being called disrespectful and disobedient took over me. I was afraid my boyfriend's family would brand me with those adjectives so I didn't bought those vitamins and just rely on the food I eat.
For this reason, I hated myself. I blame myself for everything. It's my fault why baby needs to have those antibiotics and feel the pain of those needles even when she's only 2 days old. Some of us adults, are even afraid of needles so how much more a baby? Oh God. I wish I can erase those memories because if not, I will forever blame myself.
This is also the reason why I wanted someone to take care of my baby because I am too afraid to make a mistake and because my anxiety is always acting up. You know sometimes, I don't want to get close to my baby. I prefer someone who's good in taking care of a baby to take care of my baby too. And when it's time for feeding, I will just be there to breastfeed her. I don't know I think I am getting crazy for thinking this way.
I even panicked yesterday when I saw some milk coming out of my baby's mouth. What does that mean? 😔
I don't know but the feeling of worry and fear are living within me. It feels like they overpower me everytime. I know I should not complain since I need to learn everything. And knowing that other first time moms made it so why can't I?
Oh dear, I guess these are what they called baby blues or pospartum depression perhaps.
What are your thoughts?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Will keep in touch. Ciao! ❤️
Need help!
Hello everyone! How's it going? I wish you all the best today. I hope you don't have any regret in life that keeps on haunting you every night. It's not easy to live with regrets. I have been there and I am still living with it now. I had chosen a path last year that I wish I have never chosen. I was overwhelmed with so much joy and was carried away with temporary fun. In short, I played with my life carelessly and neglected the mechanics. In the end, I lose and I don't know how to stand and play again. I lost some people who are dear to me. I lost someone who deeply loved me. I lost myself and my dreams. And for that, I failed as a friend, a lover and a daughter.
But even though misfortune happened, I am very much thankful because I was blessed with a little ball of sunshine - my baby girl. Honestly, my pregnancy wasn't planned but it never crossed my mind to abort the baby. I know I am not ready and I know I will be missing my single life but what can I do? My baby's here already and I know for now that she's still a baby, I am her world and I should take care of myself so I can take care of her too.
Being a mom isn't a joke. I thought it's just easy because I saw our neighbors of my age who are just chill like having a baby doesn't limit them in everything they do. In fact, I can see that things are easy for them. Unlike me, I even found it hard to change my baby's diaper. It will took me more minutes to clean her and change her diaper. The struggle doesn't stop there. Changing her clothes is also a challenge for me. Since she's small (she turned 2.4 kg from 1.9 kg), it's hard for me to move her for I need to be gentle with everything. And so it took me time again which will make my baby cry. Sometimes, I want to cry too because I felt like I am not doing it right. I feel the urge to go home and ask help from my mom and grandma. Sometimes, I also don't want to get close to my baby because I had a trauma from what had happened to her. There are times that my mind thinks about the previous happenings. I tried to erased those memories but they keep on coming back. I cannot take it anymore when my baby will get sick again. Whenever I feel this, I will pray to God to keep my baby safe all the time. I am not into praying before but now, I don't skip praying.
While I am writing this, my baby is now asleep. I am watching her most of the time because I felt like I abandoned her everytime I fix my gaze to someone else. It seems like my eyes were made for her. But, I also have this worry since there are some rashes on her face. I don't know exactly where she get that but I think it's from the baby shampoo we used to bathe her. My boyfriend's auntie was the one who bathes my baby since I don't know how. I am happy she's here to help. However, it's not all the time that she's helping because she has kids to look after. As a result, my baby won't get an everyday bath. I felt sorry for her but I don't have a choice since I am afraid I might do a wrong move when I try to bathe her. I also think that she got those rashes from the baby shampoo which we also use for her body. I told everyone here that maybe we shouldn't use that shampoo all over her body because that can't cleanse the skin since it's intended for the hair. They just answered me that it's just the same with body wash soap. They even told me that shampoo is better since it bubbles while the body wash soap doesn't. Oh my! Here we are again. This is what I don't like in living with in-laws. I cannot decide on my own because they're there to contradict. I am not against their advices tho but I am sure that this issue about the shampoo should be talked with and with or without their permission, I will buy my baby a baby body wash.
It pained me seeing her with those rashes all over her face. Especially that they're taking a large portion of my baby's face.
The above photo is also what happened to my baby's face. Can anyone advice me how to get rid of these? Please. I already searched on the internet but I want an answer from a mommy who cured this one on her baby too.
Please let me know in the comment section what baby soap shall I use and what should I do to cure and avoid this. I will appreciate it.
Thank you so much again for reading! Gotta go for I don't have much time for a conclusion. Lol.
Have a great night read fam! Ciao! ❤️
All about my pregnancy...again. Sorry!
It was October 19 when I gave birth to my baby. I didn't expect that I will give birth that time since my due date was on November 22 (it was November 5 but then changed to November 22 during the ultrasound). During that day, I felt so sleepy and tired and my lower abdomen and back are aching a little. I thought that was just a normal pain since it's still bearable so I just ignored the signs. I slept the whole day and then wrote article at night. I still remember that night when I chatted my friends that I will give birth because of the pain I am feeling. That was supposed to be a joke not until the pain intensified. I told my boyfriend that my back and abdomen are aching and I felt like I am about to poo. I let him stay with me inside the comfort room as I am letting everything out gently since I am afraid I might let the baby out.
After that, we went to our room again to rest but the painful feeling didn't subside so my boyfriend woke everyone around the house telling them that I might give birth. His family woke up and asked me how long am I feeling the pain so I told them I am feeling it since morning. They told me I should have told them earlier so we can go to the hospital immediately knowing that that time was 1 AM. Well I wasn't aware and I also believe that I will give birth on November.
The pain was killing me and that's what they called labor I guess so they prepared the things that we need. My boyfriend's aunties even got '*oregano leaves*' and rub them on my abdomen and back. They even have that '*palina*'. I don't know what to call it in English tho lol sorry.
I don't know but during the labor, I still managed to chat my friends and clean my fingernails since they're dirty and I don't want to give birth being dirty.
We went immediately when my boyfriend's father came with the service/vehicle we are going to use. We need to hurry since the hospital we chose was quite far from our place. If the vehicle run in normal speed, it will take one hour to reach there but since we are in a hurry, we arrived there within 40 minutes. That 40-minute travel is extreme pain for me. That's the most painful feeling I ever felt. Plus, the pain even got worse whenever there's a bump on the road. I cannot even imagine how my face looked like that time but I never cried even during the delivery. I promised to myself that I must remain calm so everything will go smoothly and I thank God for made it.
So how about my boyfriend? Well, I can say that he panicked and got nervous. His hands were so cold and he can't get the work done correctly. Like when I told him to pack our things, he kept on asking where I put these and those when he was the one who kept them in the first place. Lol
So we arrived there at the hospital we chose. We chose that hospital by the way even though it's far because they won't require swab test to enter the premises AND my boyfriend's family are afraid of swab test results knowing that my boyfriend usually got sick during those times. They are afraid they might get quarantined (so how about us, right? I want to give birth to the nearest hospital but then their will be done hmm).
Choosing that hospital is my biggest regret in life. I don't want to go back to that hospital. I guess I'll be writing my experiences there on my next article. I will not mention the name of the hospital to be safe tho. I don't want to bad mouth them either but their treatment towards us was inhumane.
Alright, I'm ending my blog with this. Sorry if this is poorly written. Having a baby really limits my time in everything.
Have a great day, fam. Ciao! ❤️
It isn't easy and it will never be
Hello, everyone! How are you doing these days? I apologize for not being able to catch up. Motherhood has taken my time and I admit I am still in the process of becoming a responsible mother. I never thought it would come this year and honestly, I am not yet prepared. But what can I do? My baby is already here. She's the most precious gift I receive this year. I can't take my eyes off her. She's my favorite view.
Some of you here already knew what my baby has been through after I gave birth to her. She had an infection and had been through a lot of medications for 10 days. She refused feeding which is one of the effects of the infection making her weak and unable to cry I mean she seemed like she has lost her emotions. Because of these, doctors resort to putting tube/hose from her mouth to his stomach so she can still have milk in her body. She also received a lot of injections which pained me the most. The nurses and doctors found it difficult for them to inject the needle since her nerves are so tiny. And if they will be successful, after many hours, the dextrose has to be removed again because the needle doesn't align within the nerve causing my baby's foot to swell. As a result, they need to find another visible nerve again on the other foot. That scene was so painful to me. I cannot imagine what my baby felt that time. There are older peeps who are still afraid of needles so how much more a new born child? I don't want to go back to those painful memories what my baby has gone through. In fact, I want to forget those. I even deleted the pictures of her being ill and told my sisters too to just save the ones with happy memories.
My baby is a warrior. She's a hero of her own. She's the the bravest human I ever known. She's just 3 days old when she experienced pain from needles and everything that's needed in medication. She fought for her life though I know it's really hard for her. When I saw her being placed in a separate bed under the lights (I don't know how they call them but the colors were blue and yellow), I longed to be with her and be at my side. I cannot sleep seeing my child away from me. But as I said, she's a warrior. I should call her, Athena I guess. Three days after, the doctor told us that she will be taking away those lights and let my baby sleep beside me. I was so happy because it also means that my baby is doing well. She's also able to get milk from me since she doesn't refuse feeding anymore.
We were at home five 5 days now and I can say that I don't have enough sleep since my baby likes to wake up at night and sleeps at daytime. Oh my! I had a lot of troubles from getting her from bed and carrying her the right way. I cannot even make her burp after breastfeeding. Still, I got no choice so I have to learn everything. Taking care of my baby consumes all my time but I believe I can adjust to this one day. I salute all moms out there because I already knew the struggle they've been through. It isn't easy and it will never be.
Thank you everyone for supporting me during those times that I need your help. Your upvotes/tips helped a lot in paying the hospital bills. I will upload a photo of it in the next article. You guys really had a big heart though some of you here don't know me personally. 🥺 Thank you, mem @Zhyne06 for everything and for your initiative to help. I promise I will return the favor soon if things will run smoothly here. Sa ngayon, di muna ako makakapagread.cash ng todo kasi nakakabinat daw gumamit ng phone? Is it true? Hmm. Well, I just need to follow oldies since they know better. And as what they said, "Been there, done that."
Maraming salamat ulit, read.cash family. I will try to keep up and renew some sponsorships. I have a lot of things to catch up. Thank you also to my sponsors for the sponsorship renewal.
`P.S. Pasensya na sa magulong article na to. I'm just typing this quickly while my baby is asleep.`
Thank you, read.cash family!
Hello, everyone! I hope you're all doing great and having the best of Sunday.
I guess some of you here already knew what happened why I am away for how many days. I don't really want to let go of writing because I know, aside from expressing my feelings, I can earn at the same time which I really need right now.
For almost a year, I concealed the situation of me being pregnant. It was my choice and that's really my plan ever since. I just want my family, and some friends to know so I decided to live in my boyfriend's home which is away from our home. Not that far though but at least our neighbors and the Mariteses (yes, marami sila haha) won't be able to see me and stress me out. So what's the reason why I hide my pregnancy journey? It's because I want it that way and I want to make it as a surprise to my friends and relatives. And, I don't want to be questioned too I mean I don't want anyone to ask me why I decided to get pregnant with my boyfriend who I just met last November 2020. Well, it's God's will I guess because I had previous relationships that lasted for 2 years, and even 6 years but did not settle down. God chose this man for me and I think the time of being together doesn't matter at all times. It depends on the situation. I got more stories to tell about this tough but I need to limit the time I spent using my phone.
**About my pregnancy**
It was March when I decided to have am ultrasound because I felt like the pain in my lower abdomen is intolerable. At first I thought that the continuous pain was a sign that I will have my monthly period but a month has passed that it didn't come. I bought 3 pregnancy test kits and tried them early in the morning. The three kits gave me two lines which means positive but I doubt it still because I drank beer the day before I took the test. I again bought two pregnancy test kits that are expensive with high hopes of reliable results. Each of the kits gave me one visible line and one with almost erased line. I was confused of the result so I considered it as negative. I hastened to the nearest OB-GYNE clinic to have my ultrasound and I was also sure that it will be negative because of the pregnancy kits.
So I went there and found out that I was pregnant. At first, I cannot believe what I heard so I let the doctor repeat what she said. She said there's a flicker so it means that I am pregnant. At that moment, I was lost and almost cried at the clinic. Glad that I got a friend with, @Murakamii.7 who comforted me until we reached our boarding house. I admit I wasn't ready to be a mom that time but I never think of aborting the baby. Not even once. So I let my boyfriend knew and we decided that I should stay at their place so he can monitor me. He also allowed me to quit work because my abdomen kept on aching when I am working.
My boyfriend's family knew everything and I am happy they accepted me and the baby (of course they should lol).
Every month, we went for a monthly check-up and it's expected that the doctor will give me vitamins and other pills that the baby needs. However, I was told that I shouldn't buy those pills because they can only make the baby big and I would suffer in giving birth. Deep within me, I think that it should be my decision if I will buy or not since I'm using my own money. But still, they are so persistent in convincing me not to buy because they said, they have been there and they knew better than me. I don't want them to think of me as rude so I followed them though deep within my heart, I know I need those pills for my baby.
They even advised me to limit my food which is correct but you know when someone is pregnant, it's hard to control everything especially the kind of food you want to eat - your cravings. Since I am not at home, I felt like I am always guarded so I didn't eat what I want to eat and sometimes, I will just drink water because I don't want them to think of me as hard-headed.
**During the delivery**
My estimated due date was on November 22 but I gave birth this October 19. Some friends told me that it's normal since this is my first baby. Yes, I didn't suffer during the delivery. My baby came out quick and she did not let me suffer extreme pain. When I heard her cry, that's when I know I am ready to be a mother and I felt happiness when I saw her that I can't take my eyes off her. However, the doctor told me her weight is not normal since she's only 1.98 kg and the normal birth weight is 2.5 kg. Upon hearing that, everything came back. I should have eaten what I want to eat and I should have bought all the pills given by my doctor.
Yes, I didn't suffer in delivering my baby but she's the one suffering now because of my negligence.
My baby was not okay the day after she was born. She experienced seizure because of blood infection which affected her ability to latch. As a result, she wasn't able to get milk from me. Her sugar level decreased as well which is not good. I checked on her many times and I noticed that she won't cry I mean she's crying but there's no voice or sound coming out. Her color changed from pinking to greenish. Of course I panicked so I called the nurse and she was separated from us. She was brought to a room where she was alone and only one can be there to take care of her. At first, I thought the nurses will take care of everything since they know better than us but I was wrong. They just instructed us what to do and left us there with the baby. They don't even checked my baby's heartbeat and whenever I asked them for something, they responded irritatingly.
I, as a first time mother doesn't know everything about how to take care of a baby so I panicked because I and my baby were left there in the room and my baby's condition worsen.
I decided to transfer to a private hospital even though I am not yet allowed to be discharged since I just gave birth. I told them my baby needs immediate medicinal care which they can't give and I will sign a waiver that I was the one who decided to leave. The hospital gave us the waiver and everything needed to be discharged.
Now, we are already 3 days in the private hospital and I can say that my baby's condition gets better for the nurses and doctors here are very much concerned about my baby. They even talked to my baby whenever they checked her oxygen level, sugar level and temperature. Some nurses even gave their milk to my baby since my milk can't suffice baby's need. I need to eat food that will help in producing my milk.
My friend, @Zhyne06 after knowing the situation took the initiative to help in her own ways. I did not expect her to do that since I knew she has a lot of things to do too. I was shocked when I saw her message that she wrote an article about our situation and the earnings will be used for the medical expenses. How generous and kind heart she has. Because of her, many people here in read.cash have helped. I cannot mention you one by one since I haven't checked Telegram messages yet and haven't checked any article here. Guys, I am really grateful for your help. 🥺 My read.cash family, this is the family I never thought I would have. Thank you so much for all the help. My baby is indeed grateful too.
I know this article is not enough to express my gratitude so I planned to write another one tomorrow.
Sorry for the unread articles! I promise to keep up when everything's in the right place.
Thank you for all the prayers! My baby now is doing well and I hope she gets very very well and be able to latch again.
Thank you again, my read.cash family. ❤️
Hello, everyone! I am sorry I cannot give you a full update as of now. I am currently taking care of the baby and myself as well (kakapanganak ko lang). My family said I should avoid using phone since nakakabinat daw. But I couldn't avoid it.
I want to thank everyone in the platform who extended their help and give prayers to my little angel. Please do know that I am very grateful to have all of you.
To @Zhyne06, thank you so much mem! ❤️
I cannot mention all of you but rest assured I know you with all my heart. As of now, my baby's condition is under observation and I hope she gets completely fine with God's grace and love. ❤️
@Marinov
