Happy birthday, Nissi!
Today is the natal day of Nissi, a 3-year-old baby girl. She is a daughter of my partner's cousin. To celebrate her big day, her dad rented a whole pool area and a karaoke. We are now here at Marianne Family Center Pool, to be exact. To make it exclusive just for the family, Nissi's dad rented the whole place because he's not comfortable around other people. When arrived there at 10 AM and i's blazing hot even there are trees and roofs that can shelter us from heat. I was worried of Clea because too much heat can result to colds. She has just recovered from it and I don't want her to suffer from colds again especially when she's finding it hard to breathe. I was really hesitant to go but my partner was so excited and I don't want to cut his happiness knowing that we just argued a day ago and I want to make it up to him.
Seeing the place reminds me of my teenage years. The pool, the cottages, the karaoke and the people. I liked to be in a party before that I went home drunk but with a happy heart. My anxiety did not even act up for many years I was enjoying my life. I miss my single life and I think it's not so bad at all. I also remembered my ex, lol. He was the one who introduced me to this place. He even asked me to go with him here during their family event but I refused so he just sent me photos of what's around. Well, everything is just the same as I have seen it in photos a year ago. The only difference is that I am not single anymore and I can't be selfless. I need to take care of my baby while I am in there.
I also worry about Clea's constipation. She hasn't pooed since yesterday and she's having a hard time to pass it on. I almost cry when I saw her pushing everything but nothing would come out. I became paranoid again that I think of admitting her to a hospital. It's fine for me if she's purely breastfed but she is not. She's no eating solid food and she needs to let go of the waste.
I also wondered why Clea is having constipation knowing that I give her pureed foods and she just ate pureed squash yesterday morning and noon then cereal (cerelac) during evening. Today, we gave her pureed sayote. She pooed a little today and I can say that it was hard compared to her usual waste. I also saw another one coming out but it's stuck and she's having a hard time releasing it. 🥺 We tried giving her more water and I breastfeed her most of the time but still, there's nothing on her diaper except from urine. Mommies, can you please help me with this? I am really worried. I need an advice.
Because Clea felt uneasy, I wasn't able to enjoy the food and everything. She was crying and her colds came back. The temperature was way too warm and she was not comfortable. We tried consoling her but she's still fussy. I told my partner that we should go home because I was not in the mood anymore and I don't want the people in the event see me crying.
We went home at 1 PM and I am glad that Clea stopped crying while we are heading our way home. I checked her diaper and still I found nothing. I gently massage her tummy and do the biking exercise with high hopes that it can help. So far, my nervousness gone away because Clea is still a happy baby like she can still smile, still eat and she doesn't have a fever. If her constipation will still give her a hard time tomorrow, I will surely rush her to her pediatrician.
I feel sad for Nissi because we were not able to greet and enjoyed the party with her. But still, a Happy birthday for her because she is with her family and friends.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. I'm super busy taking care of my baby. 🥺 Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Until when will I suffer?
This afternoon, while I am feeding my daughter, I suddenly felt that I stopped from breathing and the next thing I knew is that I am catching my breath. My hands are shaking and I cannot hold the spoon anymore. I stand up and shake my hands, took a deep breath and relax. However, the panic attacks worsen. It's so hard to breathe and I am so lightheaded that everywhere I go, I can collapse anytime. I also panicked which made the uneasy feeling worse. I look at my daughter while my sister is taking over the job. Clea is not eating and she is crying. I want to continue feeding her but my body won't let me.
I felt my back and chest become heavier and it gives me pain as I breath. I rush to the kitchen and grab a glass of water but still, it has no effect. I don't want to let my grandma know but I have no choice. I feel like I am dying. I told her I am not feeling good. I am crying because I am scared. God knows I don't want to die early. Not this time. My baby is still six months old and she needs me more than I need her.
My grandma goes to our neighbor who knows how to massage to relieve the pain. She went inside our room and asked me what I was feeling and then started massaging me. She started from my back I think from the lung part. She told me I have a lot of **"panuhot"** a common term here in our province whenever someone feels pain in the body. I don't know how to describe that term in English but **"panuhot"** is what we get from too much exposure to cold places or when we use electric fan right towards us.
Personally, I don't believe in that because I base everything in Science and I believe more on doctors rather than the quack ones. For me, I think what I'm feeling is over fatigue. I exhausted myself everyday from taking care of my baby, answering modules for commission, doing the laundry and if I have free time, I will write an article even if it's late at night. Oh, not to mention that my baby sleeps late at night too!
My grandma told me to not do the laundry anymore because I was like this when I was still childless. I tend to get sick whenever I do heavy household chores or carrying heavy things. Moreover, my back aches too like I was being punched. I don't know why my back is still hurting today when it was being massaged already. I started to think something worse again like what if I have a lung complication? Arghhh! I'm so tired of myself. I'm so tired of overthinking. If only I can renew or have another brain, I would be glad to have a new one.
Until when will I suffer from my anxiety? I thought it's gone already. I was okay. Why this has to happen now when I already have a baby? I'm angry to my own self because I feel like I can't take care of my baby well. Even though she only has cold, I think that she's having more serious illness than that. I also get nervous everytime I go near her because I feel like she's catching her breath. I asked my partner if our baby is looking fine and he told me to relax because it's just a cold and it will go away soon. It's normal for younger babies to have cold even adults catch cold.
I also chatted @Zhyne06 again and asked several questions about how her baby felt when he had cold too. I'm too shy to ask my friend a question again because I have asked her many times. Lol. But what can I do, everytime I get a comforting reply from her, I feel good and I don't panic anymore. I am just so blessed to have her.
I know my article today is a disaster. I can't think straight and my thoughts are not organized. I don't want to read again either. I just want to rest and get some sleep while my baby is sleeping. I want peace of mind. I don't want to suffer from this mental health illness anymore!
To you, my friend, please be well and take good care of your mental health. Our physical health might deteriorate if our mind is not in peace.
I shall go back when I feel fine.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Exhausted forever and ever
I don't know if I will live longer. To be honest, my mind and body are all used up. I'm exhausted. I can't sleep during the day because I have a baby to look after with. Yes, she sleeps during the day but I can't sleep while she is because I have a lot of things to do. I accepted a commission for answering modules and I haven't finished it yet. The owner said she needs it at the end of the month and so I spend my free time finishing the modules.
I also need to resell my friend's online products like clothes and cosmetics so I can have a profit too but then I found out that online selling is not easy especially that I am not good in marketing a product. I can't even make a good caption for my posts on Facebook. Luckily, I have a friend who has many friends and he helped me sell some of the items.
My small earnings out of these hustle will be spent for my baby's needs especially that she knows how to latch on a feeding bottle and this means we should prepare our pockets for the formula milk. I am completely sad letting my baby have formula milk because her, latching on me is our bonding. For sure, I will miss those times when my baby is latching and she's trying to feed me too using her fingers. I will also miss her smile at me in between feedings. Awwww! I don't want to stop breastfeeding my baby but I need to go back to work. If only we have a lot of money, I would be happy to be just at home, nursing my daughter and be a housewife.
Today, I am completely exhausted. My baby woke up early even though she slept late last night. She cried when she woke up and I rose from bed, carried her and prepared her breakfast meal. Yes! I don't know how did I do that but yeah, I steamed the squash, blend it and feed it to my baby afterwards all by myself with my baby in my arms. I guess when we become a mom, we have that super powers already. Lol. I thank God my baby is not picky when it comes to the food I gave her. In fact, she likes veggies so much that she doesn't like to stop eating. She also likes the taste of water. She can't get enough of it.
After I feed my baby, I carried her again and woke my partner to help me because Clea needs to have her bath. I don't know what kind of feeling is this but sometimes, I am quite hesitant to ask help or a favor from my partner. I don't even ask money from him. I know I should not feel this way because we are a family now but I don't know. I only knew someone who I was so open with like I am not hesitant to say everything to him. Well, even if I won't tell, he can already determine so I don't need to ask anymore because he's doing it. And I think that's what I miss about my ex, Steve. He was so caring and he would always do initiative.
My partner helps me though but not for a longer time because his work starts from 2 AM. In short, he needs to sleep early and I will be left awake until my baby sleeps. Ow! My baby usually sleeps at 12 AM just like this evening. When my partner comes home after work, he would again sleep and this gives me a signal that I should give him time to sleep because he woke up early. And I was like, I didn't sleep too! I mean, I am tired and sleepy too. It seems like I don't have the right to complain, to rest because I am a mother.
But as what they said, no one told us to go and multiply. Lol. It's our choice so we must stand for it and accept the fate whatever it may bring.
I guess I'll be forever this way. Tired. Exhausted. Broke. I hope I can get through all of these.
Now I realized that mother's job is not easy. No job can ever equate motherhood. Period.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Sometimes I think it's unfair
Here I am again, stuck between writing and sleeping. I read some articles and I still have a lot to read but I wasn't able to read them all. Everytime I plan to read and write, my baby would eventually wake up from sleeping. Consequently, I had many articles left unread and when the time I get back, I need to read from the beginning. But even though I am not as active here as before, I am still blessed because my sponsors are still here with me. Some have left but my heart is still happy. I know my sponsors' block will be full again if I am here everyday. To all of my sponsors, I owe you a lot and I thank you as well for the support.
This means a lot to me. Thank you for the sponsorship renewal.
My friend, @Its_Jai, also published an article today and I want to share it with you guys. If you are free, please visit her profile and read her articles too! She got a talent in writing, I can guarantee you that.
Another friend of mine, @jooymee, created her second read.cash account today too. She lost her first account and so she's back again to give another try.
Alright. Enough with the introduction. Lol. Sorry in advance because I will be writing again my frustrations as a mom and as a girlfriend. I want to write light and funny article but my mind won't generate thoughts in line with it. Because I feel another toxicity in life, I will write about it because I believe we can write effectively if the words we carve came from what we feel.
Sometimes, I think it's unfair. You know when us, moms, are the ones who carry the baby for nine months, labor and give birth and after those, we still have a lot of challenges to face. We have the primary responsibility in taking care of the baby though it can be shared with our partner. Their masculinity should not excuse them of the responsibility.
Sometimes, I think it's unfair when dads can still do what they used to do while us, moms are left at home. I and my partner talked about this many times. I don't want him to enjoy outside like the way he used to do while I am here at home, tired of taking care of a baby. It should be equal. If I am not happy, he should not be too! Call me selfish but for me, I won't let my partner enjoy outside while I am stuck at home nursing our child.
Sometimes, I think it's unfair when the baby cries at night and us, moms, are the only ones who hear it while the dads are sleeping soundly like they heard nothing. Isn't it unfair when dads are enjoying their sleep while moms are restless? Because for me it is. Again, the responsibility should be divided.
Sometimes, I think it's unfair when the people criticize a mom just because her child is sick or has a flu. It seems like it's mom's negligence. No, it should not be that way. No mom wants their children to get sick.
Sometimes, I think it's unfair. My body is not the same anymore while my partner stayed as he is before. I gained weight and fats that my dresses before won't fit. My body is destroyed and I don't know if I can go back into the old me. I miss me.
`Unedited article. Will do proofreading tomorrow.`
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
People always have something to say
Happy Sunday, everyone! I'm here again to write about my mom-frustrations. Lol. I took a break for five days and that includes not writing in here too. I hope the generous, Rusty hasn't forgotten me.
My panic attacks have been haunting me every night that I lose sleep and during the day, I feel like I am floating. I thought I would be admitted to the hospital but I am thankful to God because He gave me strength to shoo away these panic attacks and He also enlightened me that everything bad I think of would not happen. I don't know but I fear death. Whenever I feel something painful in my body, I would resort to thinking that maybe I have a cancer or maybe I have a leukemia and I might die in a few days. Sometimes, I would also think that my baby is not feeling well even though she is. My partner even told me to calm down because I am acting like crazy. What can I do? This is what my anxiety says.
Anyway, I am fine (I guess). My panic attacks are gone and I hope I will be fine totally.
Last Tuesday was Clea's 6th month.
I was so excited because I can finally let her eat solid foods but at the same time, I was nervous too for she might not like the food I'll give her.
When Clea was still a month old, I searched on the internet the best solid food to give for infants and I found out
that mashed/purée veggies and fruits are good for them. Carbohydrates like oatmeal is also good. I made a meal plan for Clea and decided that she will have vegetable purée during the first week. She had squash with breastmilk purée within three days and then potato with breastmilk the next three days. It was just yesterday, Sunday, that we tried to give her Cerelac, an instant cereal.
We just tried giving her Cerelac so she'll get used to it too for there will be times when we are busy and we don't have time to steam fruits or veggies and mash or blend them afterwards but as much as possible, I like to give her organic food and not the the instant ones.
I am glad that Clea likes squash and potatoes purée I made for her. She still even opens her mouth even though she had eaten much already. I also noticed that her po*p is fine like it wasn't so watery. However, when we give cerelac to Clea, she doesn't like it very much compared to veggies. She would cry after 5 teaspoons we gave her and so her dad took over, made her laugh and happy and then she continued eating.
Actually, before Clea turned 6 months, my partner decided to celebrate it at his parent's home. Well, I have no problem in celebrating Clea's 6th month there only if her mom and aunties won't intervene with my decision. I knew already that my partner's mom is mrs.-know-it-all and she would let me follow what she believed is right. Just like letting Clea eat cerelac for her entire life. Lol. She told me that giving mashed veggies/fruits would take much time so I should buy cerelac instead with wheat banana and milk flavor. And I was like, duh? Why would I let my baby eat instant cereal when I can give her fresh foods. I have nothing against instant cereal because I know they're good for babies but isn't it a problem if make purée instead? Aside from that, I would not spend much. I am just here at home so I have time to prepare my baby's food.
I told my partner about his mom's intervention and he told me to not follow if I don't like it. After all, I am the mother. My partner told his mom about my meal plan for Clea and she just smirked and said that I'm just wasting my time. I still have a pinch of respect left so I just ignored her like what I used to do.
I thought the instant cereal issue is over but it was not. Just yesterday, her mom and aunt told me to add sugar to the potato purée I made even though they already saw that Clea liked eating it. They told me they pity Clea because she's eating tasteless food. They also added that I should not blend Clea's food so there will be big granules of veggies that she can munch. And not just that, everytime I will let Clea eat, they will again say that I should add sugar on Clea's food. Lol.
My partner knew that I am pissed and thank God he answered his mom and auntie. He explained why we give purée and why we don't add sugar. However, they're not convinced because they said they knew better for they had kids already and I was just a first-time mom. Blah blah blah whatever they say. It's my baby, so my rules!
There's another one. Because Clea doesn't like cerelac that much, my partner's mom asked if I bought wheat banana and milk and I told her I bought rice and soya (on purpose so she'll get annoyed haha). And then there she goes again. She told me Clea doesn't like the one I bought because it's not wheat banana. Lol.
I am starting to lose my patience that I decided to go home today. My partner told me if we can go home tomorrow but I told him if he won't come with us, he can stay in his parent's house as long as he wants. I can't afford to be with perfectionist people.
I don't know why people have always something to say. When you do the right thing, they still have something to say. When you don't do it appropriately, they criticize. If there's one thing I learn from this experience, that is to do what you think is right. Other's opinion doesn't matter so we should not let it get into us. Let's stay unbothered! Haha!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Apps I frequently use
Good evening, everyone! It's almost 12 A.M. here in the Philippines but I am still awake. I guess I was used to this kind of sleeping set-up where I really feel sleep but I can't go to sleep. It's fine if I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. What's not okay is when I overthink things whenever I am free. Geezz! This anxiety is here again. This anxiety came back when the strong typhoons came here in our country and left a massive destruction. Those Facebook posts of casualty and damages the typhoon has brought have not let me sleep for many nights until now.
No matter how hard I try not to think about it, I can still see posts from Facebook like just at this moment, a Facebook user posted there's a man calling for help from the landslide area where there are people buried alive; some were recovered and some were missing. Even though the place is far from here, still I think about the possibility of a landslide here in our town and this what makes me nervous all the time. I don't know but I went too paranoid after I gave birth. I think it's also because I am afraid to die for I still need to take care of my baby.
Anyway, enough for that. I want to erase all the typhoon memories that I have and I also plan to uninstall my Facebook app so I will not see posts about death. Actually, my doctor told me not to watch anything that involves killing or dead people and horror movies for these might trigger my anxiety. However, I don't have the control of everything I saw on Facebook. If only I can, then I would filter what I like to see.
I want to erase these scary thoughts in me so I think of writing something that's not connected to any death, hate or politics. Lol.
For today's article, I will be going to reveal my frequently used apps. Oh, thanks to @Yzza0625. I read her and I think article of writing my version. So here it goes. https://read.cash/@Yzza0625/purloiner-in-the-house-8c5307c6
On the top of my list is **Facebook,** of course. I don't know but I can't ignore Facebook. Lol. In this app, I can see what my friends are up to and there are a lot of information here too only if we know how to do a fact check.
Second one is **TikTok**. I am not fond of using Tiktok Before because I found it boring and too girly. But when I gave birth, I thought of creating my account there so I can post my baby's TikTok Videos while she was still a little. It's my TikTok account but my content is all about my daughter. Why not anyway, she's too cute and adorable. I also enjoyed watching variety of videocontent on Tiktok.
Third one is **Messenger**. Since I don't have cellular load for sending messages and making calls through a phone number, using messenger would be a big help. Connecting to people we know is done mostly using messenger.
Fourth one is **coins.ph**. Every morning I will check the value of BCH and see if it's red or green. Even though I don't have BCH hodl in my wallet, I will be still motivated to write if I will saw that the market is green. Coins.ph has a lot of use too. We can buy load and even send our money to our bank account. Wow!
Fifth is my **video player**.
When Clea is awake and she looked fussy, she will automatically switch her attention from being a cry-baby to behaved one if she'll hear/watch the songs of Cocomelon especially the Alphabet song.
The last one would be my **music player.** Music helps me feel fine and think calmly. My mind is in chaos and when I heard one of the songs in my track, I will eventually heal. I was recently obsessed with the new song of **Troye Sivan** which is entitled "**Angel Baby**".
https://youtu.be/IR-6KE8C4VQ
No doubt, I love Troye Sivan and his songs are bomb but this new one hits different. Well, maybe because it can be dedicated to my daughter.
Oohh! Time check, it's already 12:02 and I need to sleep because lack of sleep triggers my anxiety too and I think me sleeping so late these days has made a big contribution to my panic attacks.
I have read few articles I missed and left comments too. Oh dear, I miss reading articles.
I also noticed that my sponsors' block has gotten spaces. Lol. Well, I am not surprised because I know I became too inactive and having many sponsors would not reciprocate the little effort I gave these past few days. I just hope that I will feel completely fine so I can grind here again big time! I miss you all and I am going to read more of you tomorrow.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! 😍
How unpredictable life is.
Tomorrow is my daughter's 6th month of being with us. I am grateful to God for giving me a beautiful and healthy baby. I am also proud of myself at the same time because I was able to take care of a baby when in fact I don't want to have a child. I feel like having one will be a hindrance to everything I'll do. However, fate has its way of surprising us. What we don't want to happen will surprisingly come in our way. Though my pregnancy wasn't planned, I never regret it. In fact, my daughter is the one who gives me strength which I thought I would never have.
Anyway, to mommies here, can you give an advice regarding the food I'll give to my daughter? How about water? What's the maximum amount of water I can give? Would I also let my daughter eat twice or thrice a day? Well, tomorrow is supposed to be my daughter's monthly check-up but then her pedia is on leave so we'll wait for her to come back. There are other pediatricians tho, but I want my daughter to have one pedia because she's the one who monitored our baby since she was born.
I am also here to apologize again for my absences. I feel so bad publishing an article without reading yours. Now, I have my free time so I hope I get to read all of the articles I missed.
This afternoon, I would like to share what happened to my boyfriend's cousin. Let's just name him, Jay. Jay is an engineer and is 28 years old. He is married already and they have one child who's 6 years old now. Jay worked in Cebu and this is the reason why he was away from his family. However, after the typhoon Oddette, he came home and decided to apply to a firm near to their place so he can be with his family.
Even though me and Jays don't are not that close, I can say that he is a good man and a responsible father. He also had a lot of friends because he knows how to deal with people. Moreover, he loved his wife so much that he always flex her on social media. But, after the typhoon Agaton, something happened to Jay and his family. They met a road accident that took Jay's life.
It was my boyfriend who saw a shared post of the accident. A facebook user who saw the accident posted it and asked help to anyone who knows them. My boyfriend showed me the post and I was shocked too because I saw Jay's wife and their child wounded. It was also stated on the post that the one drives the motorcycle was dead on the spot which made my boyfriend to worry. We read the comments and learned that it was Jay. My boyfriend hastened to their home to confirm if it was Jay and unfortunately, it is him.
I was really shocked and my heart beat so fast. I don't know but I was somehow affected. I felt sorry for her wife and child. If I were in his wife's place, I couldn't accept what happened especially that I saw right before my eyes that my husband was hit by that bus. Oh, to make a clearer view of what happened, Jay and his family ride a motorcycle. They went somewhere and they stopped because it's traffic. Meanwhile, there's this bus who bumped into their motorcycle. Jay, his wife and child fell down. Jay was still alive that time and he pushed his wife and child so they won't get hit by the bus' wheels. Jay even managed to call his wife saying his last words which is to take care of their child and then after that, Jay's body was jumbled with the bus' wheels. If only the bus had stopped, Jay is still alive today.
And I guess I know the motive why the bus driver hit Jay. Hmm.
What I have learned from this is that life is really unpredictable which made me scared. Even though I am not yet ready, I could not do anything if God will take life. That's why today, I make it sure that I spend most of my time with my daughter and family.
Anyway, I need to end this because we will attend his wake tonight.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
I'm lonely and broke
It made me sad knowing that I haven't published an article yesterday. I was so busy with what's going on with my life that I don't know what to do first. My baby turning 6 months made me restless for some days because I was anxious. I doubt myself again if I will do the right thing especially with the food I will let my baby try. She also doesn't have her own feeding essentials like her spoon, feeding bowl and and silicone bibs.
Because of this, I tried to resell again my friends' products like dresses, shorts, sandwich spread, and more to come. Lol. My profits from these items will be spent on my baby's eating set stuffs. You know I don't like to ask money from my partner. If I can do something about it, then I wouldn't mind bothering him because I don't like to depend on anyone. Hmm. I just hope the items I'll posted on my Facebook will be all sold out.
Anyway, one of the reasons why I wasn't able to respond to comments is because of my laziness and I feel like there's nothing left in my motivation. There's nothing/no one motivates me to write. It seems like I can't compose anything even though I have a lot in mind for I over think big time. Well, I guess it's because I think too much that's why I am confused which one to think about first. If only my head is like a storage bag, then it had already exploded due to overloading.
My grandma is not here at home too for four days now. She went to town, to her former employee who is the owner of Saver's company (home construction products). She was there to cook for them until they return to Cebu. Without my grandma at home, I was really tired because in the evening, I have to wait until my baby is asleep and in the morning, I will cook something for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus washing the dishes. I don't have enough sleep and rest for almost a week. I even told my sister that maybe I'll die any time soon.
As much as I want to connect, I can't do it right after I publish my article because my baby sleeps at 11:30 in the evening and then I will write my article afterwards and finish it at 1 AM. I don't why it took me long time to finish even a 3-minute-read article. And because it's already 1 AM, my eyes can't stand another one hour for reading articles that I chose to sleep. Honestly, I feel so bad these days. I am earning here but I am not exerting much effort like you guys. I didn't think that motherhood is this hard that I can't even give time to myself. Imagine I haven't taken a bath for three days because I was tired and my head is aching. I just wish that my grandma will come home tomorrow. I am so drained.
My sister is here to help though but sometimes, I am having a second thought to let her look after Clea while I am doing something and I guess it's because I haven't given anything for her. I am her older sister but I was not able to help her especially in financial needs.
I also don't like to depend on my partner because I want to let him realize that I can live without him. I want him to know that I can do everything even he's not around. I know I am such a secretive person when it comes to what I feel that I would not tell it even to my partner. I was also mad at him just this evening. I even chatted him that if my life is miserable than his life should be the same too. In short, I want him to feel the kind of burden I feel as a mom. It's not that I am tired of taking care of my baby. In fact, I am willing to take care of her and give up my job for I know she's not going to be a baby forever. But then my partner's salary ain't enough for us so I still decided to go back to work as soon as my tooth gets extracted.
Uh-oh! Sorry if I just write my frustrations here. I am just really exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I might look okay but I am totally broke. I am sad, bothered and I don't have anything in my pocket. I don't know what my life would be. I don't care what my future would be as long as my baby's life will be at it's best.
Buy how can I give a bright future to my baby if I can't even think straight?
And this is when I decided to fix myself A.S.A.P. I am not living just for me. I have my baby and she needs me.
REST. This is what I need to restore my faith in everything that's good.
I hope you understand.
Thank you, read-cash fam. I will bounce back for sure.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Is this the end?
`PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ❗❗`
`WE ONLY HAVE 4-5 YEARS TO SAVE THE EARTH`
`THE 4-5 YEARS MIGHT BE LESS, WE NEED TO SAVE THE EARTH FASTER, PLANT TREES, ETC, WE NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW THIS`
`PLANT MORE TREES, WATER CONSERVATION, SAVE ELECTRICITY AND ETC TO SAVE THE EARTH`
`PLEASE LET'S HELP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE`
`#lettheearthbreath #scientistprotest #savetheearth`
ccto: Nathaniel Cabunoc
I saw this post on Facebook and I was alarmed because there are a lot of posts concerning about the end of the earth. Even my friends informed us about this in our group chat. She told us that the earth's life span is up until 12 years if we won't change our ways. I was nervous again so I asked her if it's legit and she told me it is because she searched it on Google and she even sent us the link. I tried reading what's in it but then I didn't continue. I don't want to think about negative things for I am net yet over with the disasters and casualties caused by Typhoon Agaton. https://www.tiktok.com/@morpheusshei/video/7086261602105822490?_r=1&u_code=dcl42h643cm55j®ion=PH&mid=7086261571311242010&preview_pb=0&language=en&_d=dk9k6b9c342afl&share_item_id=7086261602105822490&source=h5_t×tamp=1649935004&user_id=6835627863955473409&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAApVAPlsCUuGKn8oFj0_yavgdvnye6b2TsTLNePSguC4VdWDY9WPVELq4WtaiY3oa6&utm_source=messenger&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=android&share_iid=7049302484985497370&share_link_id=d27b666b-2c28-4f2f-bb0c-7be28a9e4aaf&share_app_id=1180
However, I think about the post again and the only one who got into my mind is my daughter. She's still 5 months old and if that prediction will be true that the earth's life span will be up until 12 years, how poor my baby will be. She won't experience much in her life and she won't be like what I dreamed her to be.
How about the other babies too? They won't experience the beauty of life for longer time. Oh dear! I don't want to think about this anymore that's why I stopped using Facebook and just write an article.
Meanwhile, as I write this, I feel my panic attacks are acting up again. My hands started to numb and I feel like I can't continue with typing. My feet can't move as well and my body feels like I don't have any strength. I stopped writing and drink a glass of water. Fortunately, there were customers who came to buy balut so my attention was diverted to other things and I felt better afterwards.
I realized that I should not think more about the bad things/happenings in life because they are not good for my mental health. And if I don't have the right state of mind, I can't take care of my baby anymore which I don't want to happen.
Just like these days, my head is always aching. I lack sleep during those nights when the typhoon hit us. My boyfriend's cousin also got hit by a bus yesterday and he's dead on the spot. The news gave me chills that I panicked again. Even though we were not close, I still have sympathy to my boyfriend's cousin because we went there once in their home during his son's birthday.
I cannot tell more about the details for my head is aching and I might be experiencing a mild fever. I really need to rest and sleep for at least 8 hours or more.
I apologize if I am not reading articles. I am currently battling with my panic attacks and I am hoping they would go away real quick!
Keep safe y'all and have a good day!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Unexpected tragedy: Don't underestimate a typhoon
Sorry if this post is about the typhoon again. I can't get over with the recent typhoons that entered PAR (Philippine Area of Responsibility). There are two consecutive typhoons which visit the land and they gave me chills all over my spine. Who couldn't be affected with the typhoons when there are a lot of lives taken and some are still missing. What's even painful for me is seeing babies'/kids' dead bodies. I can't imagine the pain and fear they felt when they were covered with the land because of the landslides. Knowing that they are helpless that time that even their parents can't help them tears my heart.
Honestly, I don't have enough sleep for two days for the tragedy kept waking me up. I can't sleep soundly knowing that there are people who suffer while we are here at home, being safe from the typhoon. But then I can't do anything about it rather than praying for them. I guess the wrath of nature is really this destructive and scary.
I saw some posts saying that perhaps the cause of these landslides aside from the non-stop rain are howling and deforestation. Some people were mad towards this people who do such abuse. Well, I can't blame them tho because howling and deforestation are really destructive for the nature. Now that the nature is giving back what she received, we are now doomed and helpless. But I still believe that we can still rise again after this tragedy. **We are from Southern Leyteños/Leyteños and we are Pliant as a bamboo. We bend but we won't break.**
However, sometimes, we are so hardheaded and this put us in danger. If only the people there in the most affected area, Baybay City, had evacuated beforehand knowing that they are prone to landslides and flooding, then they might be safe now. There are a lot of warnings and posts telling that they should evacuate when the very first landslide and flooding happened to my surprise, they were still there until typhoon Agaton did a show again. When the water was high and and the land started to came off from the large portion of the mountain, that's only the time when they decided to evacuate and some of them were trapped so they just asked helped on Facebook with high hopes of being noticed and saved. Oh my!
The most important lesson that I learned from this tragedy is to not underestimate a typhoon for we don't know what it might bring. Just like what happened recently. Southern Leyte and Leyte are in Signal no. 1 which is not that destructive but look what it made to the land and to the people? It's very unpredictable and the only thing that we can do is to follow what the local officials told us to do like to evacuate to a safer place. I know we shed blood and sweat when we build our homes and it's so painful to leave them, knowing that they might get destroyed but a damaged home is way better than the lives lost.
I'm talking too much. Lol. I am not yet over with the typhoon's wrath and I have a lot of things in mind to say but I need to end this for I am still sleepy. Lol.
Thank God the son is showing today! No more typhoon!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
`Photo source: Facebook`
Ciao! ❤️
I don't want to die this way!
Hello, everyone! I hope you all are safe today. My heart is in worry knowing that our province is again hit by the Typhon **Agaton** just yesterday if I am not mistaken. Actually, I think it's raining for almost two weeks but the rain intensified just yesterday. I never thought this typhoon would cause so much damage and casualties since it is only under signal no. 1 yesterday and until today compared to **Odette** that's in signal no. 6. After the Typhoon **Odette**, houses and infrastructures are damaged and some were totally lost but the number of casualty is very low. With this typhoon, **Agaton**, a lot of lives were lost and the whole province is currently mourning.
Before, when I heard on TV or radio that there's a typhoon coming, I would be glad because classes are suspended and then I will just spend my day lying in bed and watching my favorite movies. However, now that I have my baby, typhoon and other natural disasters make me paranoid that I can't even sleep at night like last night when the rain was pouring hard and the wind was howling. I thought I would again be admittedly to the hospital because my panic attacks came up that I found it hard to breathe. Glad that I was able to let it pass.
I don't know in what way or how but I had my sleep. I guess my eyes closed because they can't take it anymore. But yeah, last night, I thought something dangerous would happen here in my boyfriend's place because of the typhoon. Electricity was out too just yesterday the reason why I did not publish an article and I never knew right away that there are massive destruction and loss everywhere here in **Leyte**.
It was this morning that we went to a charging station and waited for our phones to be fully-charged. Afterwards, we immediately visit Facebook and there we saw heartbreaking posts that I panicked again.
**My goodness, help us!**
Landslides, floods, heavy rains and deaths are everywhere. I cannot mention them one by one because I don't like seeing pictures of them. They trigger my anxiety making me feel like it will also happen to us and that we will be dead too. Dear, God! Make all of these stop. It's been 4 months since we are hit by the Super typhoon Odette and we haven't moved on. We are still slowly building our homes. We are still healing. We still need help. This is too much for our hearts to handle.
Friends, please help us pray for our safety. Right now, there are new cases of landslides and the rain starts to pour again. Typhoon Agaton is still here, stuck and moving slowly away from our land because of the much stronger one which is typhoon **MALAKAS** (international name). Malakas is making Agaton move slowly making Agaton stay for almost three days. That's why landslides are now happening. What made it worse is that it's already evening and the darkness, rain and wind will make the rescue more complex plus some roads are not passable because of severe cracks.
I can't contain my thoughts finely because I am nervous and about to cry. I'm sad for the babies/children's lives that were lost and to those kids who lost their parents due to the flood and landslides. If I were in their shoe, I would totally break down and give up at life.
I am asking you all, to anyone who read this to offer prayers for our land. 😭 That will be a big help.
Here are some of the photos I screenshot this afternoon. There are still a lot, the ones that are new but I can't afford to see them all. I will go crazy. I will not die because of the typhoon, maybe I'll die because of heart attack. I don't want to die like this!
Ciao! ❤️
That would be the last
Hello, everyone! It's Friday Flyday! Where do you plan to go this evening? Before when I was still working, Friday is my most awaited day because I will be with my friends after my shift. Sometimes, I also went home and be with my family. Anyway, I apologize if I was not active again. I was busy with my teaching demonstration last Tuesday and the days before it were spent for my lesson plan and PowerPoint Presentation making.
I already knew that the schedule was on April 6 but then I haven't started anything. I got a very long time to prepare but my laziness would hinder my productivity that I will just spend my time on Facebook and TikTok. I am thinking to uninstall these apps because they make me lazy all the time. My partner would even remind to visit read.cash. Lol.
I made my lesson plans and PowerPoint Presentation a night before the demonstration. Our laptop was not yet fixed so I borrowed @Murakamii.7's laptop. Glad that she's there to help all the time. I was able to finish everything but I didn't have enough time to study my teaching demonstration topics because I was so sleepy. I finished everything at 12 AM and if will spend time to study, I wouldn't be able to sleep because we will travel at 6 AM. By the way, the Department of Education Office is quite far from our home. When we ride a bus, it will take almost 2 hours to get there so we decided to just ride in my partner's motorbike to get there fast.
How unlucky I was because it was raining from morning until we got home. Even though it's raining, we headed and just wore raincoats. I also brought the clothes I will wear for the demonstration. Honestly, I felt so tired that day that I don't want to continue but then we are living in my grandma's place and I am sure she will question me again if I wouldn't go. Moreover, I also felt bad and sorry leaving Clea at home knowing that it will take half a day for me to finish. But then again, it's for our future too because I really need to have a stable job especially now that I have a daughter.
Though I wasn't able to study what I will be going to present, I wasn't feeling nervous at all. Maybe because I was used to it I mean I already attended three rankings. Haha! That's why I claimed and I will claim again that that time will be the last time I will set my foot in that office because the next time I'll be there is when I will pass my documents as newly-hired teacher.
I even posted that photo above in my Facebook story. Lol. I hope the universe will do something so I will be hired this year. I have a lot of baby stuffs that I badly wanted to buy. I want to have our own store even just a mini store with variety of products to be sold so I will have profit everyday. To help my family build our new home especially that this land portion where we live is not ours and we are only given until October this year to move to a new place. My grandma asked the owner if we can buy this lot because she doesn't wanted to move to another place where we live for a long time. You know it's so hard to start again in a new place. But then again, we are just renting here so we don't have a choice but to follow. I really wanted to help my grandma build our new home but I can only do that if I have a job, a stable one.
I know I am not the only one who's dreaming for a teaching job. I also know that there are a lot of teachers who got tired of applying every year. Well, I just want to say, "same". Lol.
Kidding aside. Let's just continue the dream because I know we will accomplish what we dreamed of. Patience. More patience.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Coping with anxiety
I came across several Facebook posts about anxiety and depression. As much as I can, I tried to avoid those because I don't want to trigger mine, I mean my anxiety. I want to forget everything that has happened when my anxiety hit me badly but I could not help myself. I can't ignore those posts because I feel like I can give help to those people who's suffering from anxiety and depression for I have been there. I want to share the things I have done so that they will feel better too and eventually heal.
The photo above is one of the Facebook posts I saw. As you can see, the girl finds it hard to breathe. If we are not educated enough about what anxiety and depression are, we might say that the girl is just acting up just like what some people used to say.
I was in the same situation before I think 4 years ago. In fact, I was also rushed to the hospital but the doctor told me my body was okay. There's nothing wrong with me after they saw the lab results. I went to another doctor because my breathing difficulty worsen that I wasn't able to walk, move my arms and open my mouth. I told everything to the second doctor and that's only when I found out that I'm having an anxiety - fear of the future. She asked me more questions which made me realized that I am afraid that my time is running short or that I don't have enough time to accomplish everything I need to do. In short, I am afraid to die for I haven't accomplished anything yet. I don't know but I really want to get all things done at once.
I also don't know where the thought of "me going to die" came from. Little did I knew that this put me a lot of pressure and anxiety. Moreover, the doctor advised me to go to a psychiatrist if I couldn't handle myself anymore. She also added that I should help myself or else I'll experience nervous breakdown. I was afraid after hearing those words especially when the doctor gave me medicine just in case the episode comes back.
It took me half a year to recover because I didn't took those meds for I want self-healing. I don't want to be dependent to those meds. I know I am the only one who can help myself most and so I did. Thank God, I was with over it but not completely. Sometimes, I woke up catching my breath and sometimes I found it hard to breathe even if I am doing nothing. I am just grateful that I learned how to cope with those difficult moments.
*Sorry for talking a lot here. Haha! Bitaw advise sa doctor kay ug naa kay problems, e share jod na nimo and don't cage yourself in the four corners of your room so mao to sige na kog laag 🧛♀️ I met a lot of people, I gained friends and lose some at the same time.*
Instead of being at home after my class (when I was still a student) and being at our boarding house after my shift, I would go out and be with friends. Little by little, I gained confidence and I wasn't aware that my panic attacks like difficulty in breathing, palpitations, numbness, and being unable to move any time of the day were slowly going away. I just noticed that when I am alone at home, I don't feel the uneasiness I used to feel. I don't feel like I'm catching my breath. In short, everything came back to normal after six month of being admitted to the hospital.
One big factor that helped me too is the support of my family. They were always there for me especially my grandma. I saw her efforts borrowing money from the people she knew so that we can pay the hospital bills. They uplift me whenever they saw me sad or restless.
Above all, it's Almighty's help that kept me going. I talked to him everytime I feel like my anxiety is acting up again. I'm so desperate to be healed because I don't want to be crazy. Nothing's wrong with me physically but my mind is telling me there is. I know some will say I can control what I think for it's my brain but no, I can't. I don't know why too. Surprisingly, during one of my episodes, I was able to control myself. I was able to control my thoughts that I am okay and I will be okay then after a couple of minutes, the panic attacks will be gone.
There are some times when my panic attacks hit me again but I thank God he didn't let me battle with it alone. I just think again that there's nothing wrong with me and God won't let me die this early. Lol.
To my friends here, please be well all the time and be with the circle of people who give you peace of mind because that's what you deserve. Our mental health should be on top of our priority.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help
Ciao! ❤️
Should I kill his fish?
**040422**
I am not a killer of any other animals or insects aside from mosquitoes. They're getting into my nerves! We bought new mosquito net but I found 5 mosquitoes inside of it and they all have bloated stomach which means they have bitten us again while we were sleeping. Where do they found their entrance? I'm tired of killing them one by one. But anyway, my frustrations are now gone because I promised to myself that I should have a good mood within the week.
About the title, that was yesterday. I was mad because I had a lot of things to do especially doing my lesson plans and PowerPoint presentation for Teacher's Ranking tomorrow. I cannot finish all of them during the day because my baby is awake during that time and she needs me because I breastfeed her. If only she's formula-fed, then I would have all the time to finish everything because my grandma will take care of her.
Yesterday night, I was mad and sad because my partner managed to sleep when he already knew I had things to be done. Our baby was crying but still he's unbothered. I waited for him to do something but he didn't do anything. He continued to sleep as if he didn't hear our daughter crying.
Because I am the mom, I cannot ignore my crying baby so I rushed into her and fed her but she refused feeding for she wants to be carried. I looked at the time and it was already 11 in the evening and I haven't met half of my to-do lists.
Though tired and frustrated, I took our daughter with me. I carried her using my left arm while my right arm do the typing. Actually, I asked my partner to type my lesson plan while I was feeding our daughter but he refused to do so because he said he needs to sleep for he had work at 2 AM. I understand him though but that time was the only time I needed his help. I need a support. I need a back-up. How can I fulfill our dream if I am the only one who's working?
I also felt sorry for our daughter because I knew she's sleepy but I didn't let her because I haven't gotten enough time to finish everything for I was sleepy too. She just stared at the computer's screen while I was typing. Minutes later, she started touching the keyboard and that's when I decided to stop.
I put our daughter back in bed so my partner will be awaken with her cries. It was successful because he did and when he was awake, I told him if he helped me type my lesson, then I would be working on with my PowerPoint already. He told me why I am blaming him and I just answered him with my hidden speech. I told him if he's going to be like that forever, then no one would dare to stay with him. I was about to speak up about breaking up again but I just held back my thoughts for I learned that I shouldn't make decisions when I am mad.
So yeah, he was awake and he took care of our daughter but she cried continuously that my grandma awakened. She took our daughter and she lets her sleep with her lullabies.
I was not yet done with my partner but I just gave him a furious look. He just continued sleeping though.
Meanwhile, my sister woke up and went to the bathroom. When she's back, she told me my partner's aquarium water was half- empty when she passed by it. I told my sister I don't care. I was surprised when my partner rose from bed quickly and went checking his aquarium and fish. He filled the aquarium with water again and figured out why it became half empty.
You know my frustrations towards him went triple because when he heard our daughter crying, he didn't mind but when he heard that his aquarium was half empty, he was like a flash rushing towards it. Sometimes, I just want to punch him while he's sleeping.
This morning, my anger hasn't left me yet that I thought of killing his fish by poisoning them. I told my sister about it and she told me I shouldn't do it because the fish are not the ones at fault. After that, I just ate breakfast and did something to calm my uneasy mind.
But, if he'll make me mad again, should I kill his fish so I can get even? Lol.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
I miss the old me
**040222**
Hello, everyone! April is here! Has everyone got fooled yesterday? Lol. I saw a lot of Facebook posts joking about pregnancy. Before, I take it as a mere joke but now that I am a mom, joking about pregnancy should not be done for some might get offended. You know there are a lot of moms who want to get pregnant but here are these women joking about it. But anyway, it's just my point of view. Never mind.
Last night, my fingers took me browsing into our old group chats that aren't active. I found two group chats and opened them. These group chats were created in 2020 where I was still free and carefree. Yeah, I was just a go-with-the-flow type of girl before. I love my life the way it was. The parties, the drinks, the midnight road trips, and the crazy mad friends got me missing the year 2020.
I scrolled on the first group chat and saw a lot of good memories there. My ex, Steve, was also there and our exchanged messages were still there as well. I don't know but I suddenly remembered us, I mean imagining how things or how my life is today if we are still together. Well, we all have our different "what ifs". I found pictures and videos too. Awee! I miss the way I look. I am not that chubby before compared to now. I recalled how picky I was when it comes to the clothes I am wearing. I remembered how I care about the way I look. If only I can go back to my old self, I will be glad to come back even just for a day.
I closed the first group chat and opened the next one.
Again, I found the same person there. I don't want to reminisce more so I just looked at the our shared photos and videos. I was thinking about sharing them to you. Most of the photos are with my friends. These photos are taken from 2020 to 2021. These are time when we are just partying every night and would have food trip at day. Gosh! I miss them so much.
My friends when we went to town to have a sip of milk teas offered by the newly-opened milk tea shop. I am the one wearing white with eyeglasses. Lol. Look how small I was before. My hair was also not dry and frizzy compared to today. It has been 2 years since my hair was touched with my favorite salon worker in town.
The photo above is one of the proofs that we are drunkards. Haha! I remember this was when one of our friends is broken hearted and we had a drink to console her broken heart. She was whining about her womanizer boyfriend and he caught herr many many times. She told us she will broke up with that guy but guess what? After she got drunk, she posted a picture together with her ex supposedly. Hmm.
The above above was the time when we were all thin. Again, I am the one wearing eyeglasses. We are waiting here for our new-found friends. This place was favorite go-to place whenever we want to hang out together. Unfortunately, this place was washed out by Typhoon Odette.
These places we used to be in were all washed-out too that's why now, we don't have a place to stay unlike before.
This is when we decided to have some snacks but turned out to be a heavy meal. Lol.
Oh my! I'm only up to remembering. I don't know if we can still have the kind of jam we had. We are now growing old and we had our own responsibilities to our family. I don't think my life will ever be the same as it was especially that I now have a child.
I am still happy because I enjoyed my youthful years. I learned how to smoke, I became a drunkard, a hardcore lover, a black sheep and a nomad. Lol. I never regret all of that because I learned lessons from them too. I wouldn't be like this (a little matured) if not because of my experiences.
To sum up my life, just look at the last photo. Have a good day!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
The mosquitoes takes all away
One of the reasons why I can't publish an article during the night are the mosquitoes. I don't hate them before because I know they have life too and they play a role in the ecosystem. Aside from that, I don't like killing them with my owns hands because I don't know whose blood they had sip so I just let them go and do their own thing unless they disturb me. However, when I had a baby, I disgust the sight of them because they leave a red mark like dot on my baby's face and sometimes on her head and arms. It is clear that they had already bitten my daughter while we were sleeping safe and sound.
I am worried because the thought that my baby could have a dengue because of them would be possible. We didn't know if those mosquitoes can infect my baby or even other else's children. These are just some of the reasons why I hate mosquitoes now.
What made me even hate them more is that they can still make it through even though we already have mosquito net that covers us. I am not really sure where did they take their entrance because my partner made it sure that our mosquito net doesn't have any hole and we would put pillows to all the edges so they can not go through.
It's been a month since I believed that no mosquito can enter our mosquito net until I saw red dots on my baby's face.
You can see it from above that there's a mosquito bite at the top of her left eyebrows. She also got one on her arms which is not visible on the picture. After seeing this, I felt bad because I was again worried if my baby can get sick but I just calm myself and thought that God won't give my daughter any illness or would make her sick again.
I tried looking for an anti-mosquito lotion in Lazada and I saw a lot. One famous brand that I knew which is the **Off**". I thought of adding it to cart but I "still have important things to buy then after that, I will make sure my baby has that mosquito repellent lotion.
I am now in my third night of killing all the mosquitoes that went through our mosquito net. I didn't want these mosquitoes to get in touch with my baby since they might bring viruses that can cause dengue. What I did which I am currently doing now is waiting for a mosquito to stop by a particular point so I can kill them. I hate seeing Red marks on my baby so I should kill them or else my baby's health will be in danger too.
While my partner and baby are sleeping, my eyes are wide open and my I got a flashlight with me so I can clearly see where do all those mosquitoes. Most of them are just flying inside the mosquito net and there are some who stick on the net. I move slowly to get close to the mosquito I want to kill but unfortunately, most of my attempts failed. They can still escape no matter how hard I try to kill them using my hands so I tried again and again not knowing the time. Little did I knew that it's past midnight.
I guess mosquitoes take all away from me I mean they take all my time, my time to write and read articles, my time to make a lesson plan and a PowerPoint presentation for my upcoming teaching demonstration. Lol.
Maybe we should change our mosquito net or else my time during the night will be spent on nothing.
That's also the reason why I just posted an article now instead of posting last night. I was too sleepy after I battle with mosquitoes.
I am crazy mad because of them.
Glad that I have my baby with means she makes my day right again.
Happy Friday!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts.
Ciao!
She's not over with it
I know that getting pregnant here in the Philippines is a big deal especially if a woman is still young, unmarried and haven't achieved something in life. In my case, I thing I belong to all of that. I belong to the woman who's still young for I got pregnant at 23. I'm not yet married too and haven't achieved something in life other than graduating from College. To be honest, I envy those at my age who accomplished a lot in life. Some are already teaching in public schools or in a university and some even bought cars and anything they want. What about me? I'm just at home. Unemployed. Looking haggard all the time and busy taking care of a baby. But even though my pregnancy is unplanned, this has been the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life. For sure, I miss my life before but I would never feel sorry nor regret having a baby.
Yesterday, I was bathing Clea when my grandma started talking about the upcoming elections. She told me why I transferred as a voter to my boyfriend's place. I have my reasons why and she already knew it. She told me that she asked help from our mayor just so I can have an item from the Department of Education. I told her I don't like depending my fate to anyone for I believe I would get the item through hard work and ability. I know myself and I also know that it's not yet my time. My cousin even waited for five years before she got a teaching position in public schools and she never complained about it.
Well, I just let my grandma talk what she wanted until she talked about my pregnancy. She told my that I became pregnant too early instead of enjoying my life, working and helping them. She then added that I won't be able to help them anymore because again, I gave birth too early.
I still didn't talk back because I can still control my mouth at that moment but I can feel that my horn is about to come out.
She didn't stop talking after that. She included my friends on the issue saying that they are at fault why I become pregnant. They are the ones who influence me everything and if I didn't meet them, I wouldn't be able to meet my daughter's father too.
My partner heard everything because he was there. I can't stay silent anymore. It doesn't mean that she's my grandma, she's always right. I have respect to her but she crossed the line. Her, talking about my pregnancy like she doesn't want me getting pregnant made me furious that I talked back to her.
I told her that if she's against it, she should not come close to my daughter. I told her that she want me to have a job that quick because all she wants is money and that's one of the factors why she's mad because she thought that I can't help them anymore for I have my own family. I wasn't able to control my mouth during that time. I lost my respect to her. I made it sure that she'll got hurt from everything I said. I even told her that we will be moving out from here so she won't see me and my daughter.
I was not sorry and I won't say sorry. She's my grandma and she's supposed to be at my side. Come on! Clea is turning 6 months and why she complained just yesterday? Lol.
I never stopped talking and she's the one who became silent. I seldom talk back to her but that time, I did that so she can also realized that I am not a perfect granddaughter and so she is not a perfect grandma as well. Moreover, she shouldn't think that she's the one who's always right.
I pray that we can save enough money so I and my family can move to another place which we already planned because I know living together at the same roof with your family when you have your own family will be a conflict.
I am not encouraging anyone to talk back but when you feel like you are the one who's right, then you must speak up but still in a respectful way which I didn't do. Lol.
Now I feel sorry about it.
Still, a happy Wednesday to all of us!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help
Ciao! ❤️
How to deal with problems caused by your own family? Why do some Filipino culture suck like when you don't achieve something, you are useless in the family. Why does way of support always comes in money? 🤧
Should I stop using Google?
Hello, everyone! Sorry if I'll just drop by and publish my article. Currently, I am not in the right frame of mind and I don't know why I am like this. I create my own problem and dwell with it like crazy. I guess it's normal for a first-time mom to get crazy when she sees something unusual from her baby. Oh dear, I am tired of being too paranoid. I am too scared to google anything I want to know about my baby for I am not sure if I get the right response. Actually, I asked this already to two pediatricians I met but I don't know why I am not yet over with this and give my mind peace. This is what I get from over thinking and Googling. Should I stop using Google?
As a first time mom, I thought my baby's body build up is just normal. I have no worries when it comes to her body like the shape because I thought that's what all the babies look like but not until my baby reached 3 months. I thought what I saw would just go away I mean it would be form just like the normal ones. Oh, sorry. You might be confused what I am talking about here for I am saying much about it without directly stating what is it. Lol. I am still worried and kinda feeling nervous.
I'm talking about Clea's chest. The center of her chest is kinda sunken and I thought of it as abnormal. I checked on other babies here and most of them don't have sunken chest. I asked my friends if they knew a baby who has this and if that baby is fine. My neighbor said his brother has a sunken chest too when he was a baby and he's fine today and already a high school kid. I felt relief after he said that that's why I didn't mind Clea's sunken chest anymore.
I also asked two pediatricians about this and they asked me if this just suddenly occured or if this is inborn. I told them that Clea's chest looks like that when she's born and they told me that's normal for babies' chest forms sometimes differ. There are babies who have sunken chest and others have bulging ones.
Am I crazy if I told you my worries are not totally gone after hearing those? Well, I think I am but days after that, I already made it clear to myself that I should trust my baby's pedia.
However, my boyfriend's mom and dad came over here tonight and they told him why Clea's chest is sunken and they just notice it today. My boyfriend told them that we already asked Clea's pedia about it and she told us that it's normal.
My goodness! All my worries came back after hearing them. I don't know but my mother's instinct let me search about sunken chest on google. I found answers that made me worry even more that I can't go back go sleep. I don't want to sleep because I want to observe my baby.
I searched at Nemours Children's Health and I found out that this is called **Chest Wall Disorder: Pectus Excavatum.** `It says that is a condition in which the breastbone (sternum) and several ribs are caved in. This happens because these ribs and the breastbone grow abnormally in an inward direction.` https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/vacuum-bell-device.html
I looked at the photo and I realized that it kinda looks like my baby's chest. I read more about it and found out that this can affect my baby's breathing for the organs behind the chest might be contracted.
I checked on my baby's breathing bmand fortunately I didn't notice any difficulty in breathing or else I will really rush her to the hospital no matter what the time is. Dear, Lord, I pray that what I am seeing on Google ain't my baby's condition. I can't take it if my baby will undergo a surgery if ever. What she's been through when she's a newborn was enough.
*I felt so sorry because I know I am the one to be blamed because I was the one who carried her nine months. Up*
*I should have slept early before.*
*I should have went home and be with my own family so I won't have the stress I had in my boyfriend's place.*
*I should have taken vitamins my Ob-gyne told me.*
*I should have eaten nutritious food.*
*I should have taken care of myself for my well-being is my baby's well-being too.*
*I should have had a healthy pregnancy.*
I don't want to overthink again but I can't help it. My baby's health is what I am mainly concern of that I am willing to give my life to her.
I am not sure when can this worries go away but maybe when we see my baby's pedia again next month. I will tell her that this keeps on worrying me so she'll tell me comforting words again and give me assurance that Clea is fine.
To continue, I also saw a post from another mom having the same question. She posted it on the Asianparent Community.
Her baby has a sunken chest too and this is what Clea's chest looks like. She asked if this sunken chest is normal for a baby. Majority replied that she should consult a pedia to have a check-up. There were other moms who said that it's normal because their babies have sunken chest too and they're all fine and growing.
I somehow felt fine after reading those comments but my worry is still here. I am getting too paranoid. Should I stop using Google?
I want to feel fine and at ease so I can take care of my baby well but these things can't get out of my mind and I just can't let them go without getting answers from it.
Urgggh!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Her first teethers
Having a growing baby is priceless. You will never notice that babies are growing too fast that you wish for their growth to slow down. Before, when Clea was still a month old, I prayed every day and every night for her to grow quickly so I won't have this fear of losing her. You know babies are delicate and if they get sick, we can't change the fact that we are afraid to lose them. Ugh, scratch that. I don't want to think something bad will happen to my daughter. (A sign of anxiety - afraid of what might happen in the future)
Anyway, yes my baby is growing fast and she's now 5 months old. I can't believe that I will be able to let her eat solid food next month. I'm so excited yet a little bit nervous. Excited because she can gain extra weight from the food she's going to eat and nervous because she might have an upset stomach or she might not like the food I will give her.
On her 6th month, I planned of giving her purée that's usually vegetables and fruits that has been ground or blended to the consistency of a creamy paste or liquid because why not? Purée is healthy and good for babies. I want my daughter to have that love for veggies and fruits as she grows. Moreover, she will have more nutrients from them.
However, her grandma (my boyfriend's mom) interfere again with my decision/plan. She told me she will bring Clea and let her eat Cerelac. And I was like, hello? Are you her mom? Why are you deciding without asking from me? Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Cerelac. It's just that I don't want it to be my baby's first solid food. If I am able to do some effort to make a purée, then why won't I do it? I am just silent with her intervention and I know I am almost full of her attitude. I pray to God that He will give me more patience to just ignore her as I still have respect for her.
Sorry about it though. I don't want to sound mean but I won't respect a mom who doesn't respect my decision as a mom too. I will stick to the rule that @Zhyne06 told me: My baby, my rules!
Oh dear, let's just forget her. I don't want to bring her up again.
Last Saturday, I asked my partner to buy a teether for my baby. She's showing signs of teething and a teether can be a big help. She tend to eat whatever she can grasp and when she saw something colorful, her hands will automatically get that thing and she'll put it in her mouth. She's fond of eating her fingers too. She also bites her lower lip using her gums. I asked my grandma what should I do about this and she told me maybe my daughter is teething and I shouldn't mind it or look for my baby's growing tooth so she won't get sick or feel uneasy. Hmm. Another belief that I find so unreasonable.
Perhaps, my grandma was right that she's teething so I told my partner to buy teether. Actually, I was hesitant to let him buy it because I know he won't think if it suits our baby or not. For him, as long as he buys what's on the list or what he's been told, it's enough for him. Despite my hesitation, I still let him buy and did not display an act of hesitating.
The photo above is the teether that my partner bought. He told me that's the only one she thought our daughter can handle/grasp for she has cute hands and fingers. I asked him if there's any that doesn't have hard portion since this hard portion can hurt our baby's gums. Well, this is okay if Clea can determine where the soft spot is. My partner said there were soft teethers but they're big for Clea so he bought this. Though I didn't like this for her, I did not say anything because I don't want to disappoint him. I guess I should be the one to buy something for our daughter.
The photo above is a water-filled teether which I bought last Saturday. This is all soft so this is perfect for our daughter. Ooh, I forgot to take a pic of her munching this cutie. She likes this and I would let her play with this whenever I am doing something like typing or reading an article.
What about the other teether her father bought? I kept it because I don't want to give it to Clea at her age right now. It doesn't suit her.
From this experience, I realized that mother knows best. Lol. It's tiring to go with my partner when we are at the grocery because he kept on following me and he's always in a hurry. I couldn't let him buy on his own too because I know he won't be able to buy exactly what I told him.
Kaloka.
Gonna leave it here, guys. Happy Sunday, y'all! Please do visit my friend's profile, @Its_Jai and read her articles if you have spare time. Link of her second article is here. https://read.cash/@Its_Jai/know-your-worth-51d3bc97
Much love!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Little beginnings
Having my own family made me dream big, or even bigger. I am not thinking, dreaming just for me. Everything I do, everything I dream of, it's always for my little family. Now that I am still breastfeeding my daughter, I cannot go anywhere and do errands but that doesn't stop me to earn extra. One big factor that helps me today is this site, this legit blogging platform, read.cash. I can't express my gratitude being here and earning a lot within my nine months of stay. This platform serves as my greatest support system when it comes to financial. What makes it more satisfying is that I am able to express my core while I am earning. Isn't it amazing?
To start earning little by little, I and my partner thought of having a business like selling snacks and beverages and other drinks that can make us drunk. You know people here nowadays are fond of drinking beer and whiskey, chilling and relaxing. We thought of selling liquors because it will be sold like hotcakes. We had a lot of friends who come over here and they would end up drinking whiskey not just one bottle but three of five. If we have these liquors, then we would earn a lot everyday. This is still a plan for we don't have money or capital yet for this. Haha! But I believe this will soon be realized.
We also plan selling cigarettes because most of the men here even the young ones are smoking. One person can almost consume 10 sticks per day or even more. I know this is bad for their health but what can we do? They can't even change themselves and even the government can't stop this addiction.
We also started selling **balut** yesterday**.** In case some of you don't know what **balut** is, it's a popular food commonly sold by the street vendors here in the Philippines. It is fertilized duck egg that has been incubated for approximately 18 days. Yup, you read it right and balut tastes really good paired with vinegar and salt.
I, myself love eating balut. Whenever I am sad, depressed and lonely, my mind will automatically long for balut. I don't know why but balut has a healing power for me. Lol.
We tried selling 30 baluts yesterday. Out of 30 baluts, eight of them are sold. Yes, only eight. We never lose hope because it's our first day selling and people don't know that we sell balut at home. We believe that day by day, many customers will come and everything we display will be sold out.
By the way one balut costs $.44.
I tried selling my shorts that don't fit me anymore. I know I won't come back to being small so selling these would be a great idea.
Now what else should I sell? Hmm. Still thinking about it. Haha! I'm not good in handling business and most especially in handling money but I will try it again this time. Who knows this is my time to shine. Well, good luck to me!
I am not like this before. I hate selling because I know myself that I am not good with sales talking. I am not good in math that I use my calculator even with simple math problems. I also hate conversing to people I don't know. Now it's funny that I am slowly turning into the first one to approach because I need to promote our products and get sales.
To have an additional income, I also post something about read.cash especially my earnings here to attract people to join in. One affiliate can help and how much if I have more?
How about you, guys? Have you tried selling before? How was it?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Shout out to these amazing people, @yhanne, @Jher0122, and @ExpertWritter for renewing their sponsorship. You made my day! 💚
Oh, and please can you help me welcome my friends? They are new here and would love to connect to all of you. You can also give them advice as they love to hear that. Do visit them, @Its_Jai and @tweety_01
Ciao! ❤️
Why breastfeeding?
I gained weight when I was still pregnant and it doubled after I gave birth. I never thought that I can gain weight after my pregnancy for I thought that my body and how much I weigh before would come back. I even promised to myself that I will do an exercise after I gave birth so I won't have that round and watery body. Haha! But then they were right that I can't go back to what and how I look before especially that I am breastfeeding. Actually, breastfeeding was not part of my plan because I don't want to get stuck at home. I love my baby but I thought that being a full-time mom doesn't suit me that I prefer to be a working mom.
But fate is really playful. What I didn't wanted came before me. My daughter was underweight at birth so I tried everything to have enough milk supply for nothing compares to breast milk. Breastmilk is powerful and no other formula milk can make even. Don't get me wrong, I am not against formula. It's just that they can't have what breastmilk has the reason why doctors advise that breast milk is truly the best for babies.
My baby, being underweight, made me sad that I kept on blaming myself because I was the one who carried her and she was like that because of me. My plan of giving her formula milk has changed because I want to give what's the best for her. I want to make it up to her. We were also prohibited to bring formula milk in the hospital to encourage moms to breastfeed.
At first, my milk won't come out and I can't see a drop even if I squeezed my breast. I asked my partner to buy breast pump with high hopes that it can help. Fortunately, the breast pump helped a lot because after few minutes of pumping, the milk was coming out but it's volume was not that satisfying. In short, it can't make the baby satisfied. It didn't even reached one fl. oz.
I was disappointed because I saw myself as a useless mom. I should have milk because my baby needs it. There's no one who can give her breast milk other than me. I kept on pumping while I was crying for I saw my baby lying with a black blindfold and black cloth above her diapers and she was under that blue and yellow lights. She had an infection in her 2nd day and got seizures and one side effect of her infection is feeding refusal. Oh dear, I don't want to remember those memories because I can feel again how my baby suffered and fought for her life.
I kept on pumping every 3 hours because the nurses asked milk from so they can feed my daughter using that tube inserted in her mouth. Thank God my milk supply increased that I can fill the 4 fl. oz. feeding bottle. But even though my pumping went successful, I was still worried, broken and unhappy because my baby is fed through that tube instead of directly latching on me.
After four days, a miracle happened. I saw my baby moving her mouth and she keeps on opening it like she's thirsty. I called the doctor and she inserted one of her finger in my daughter's mouth to test if she can latch. The doctor gave me a wide smile and told me to try breastfeeding her.
I thank God during that time for my daughter was able to latch again. I cried even though the nurses and doctors were around. Mixed emotions were all over me but the pain in my heart didn't stopped because I know my daughter is having a hard time latching on me while the tube was still in her mouth. She had a hard time but she still she made it.
My daughter's health is my top priority since then and to give her formula milk doesn't ever crossed my mind especially during the first month. I admit I am sometimes envy to those moms who used formula milk because they are now at work and can eat whatever they want. I really miss working but I will miss my baby big time if I leave her.
Next month, Teacher's Ranking will start and I am stuck between giving up my application or to just practice my baby latching on a feeding bottle and give her formula milk so I can go. I want to go back to work but I can feel the guilt leaving my baby.
I'm so lost at this moment.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
And then there was light
After more than 3 months of living without an electricity, at last, our electricity has been fixed and restored yesterday. It delighted us knowing that we can now watch on Television, can play music on speakers/radio, do the laundry using a washing machine (aww, I miss using our washing machine) and we can charge our phones anytime we want. Life is now back to normal. The internet connection is in and electricity has come. I thought I would be so happy about it but I was surprised that I am not.
Yesterday, I heard our neighbor's television with the news on. This neighbor was the one who let us connect on their generator for free during night time so Clea won't have a dark night at home. A candle light is also not safe to use especially that we have a cat who's fond of running around. We are just so lucky that we have this kind neighbor who let us connect for almost three months. Because of them, it seemed like there's no brown out at home.
Not having an electricity for a long time made me feel like I am used to it that I am not longing for electricity to come back anymore. Perhaps it's also because of our neighbor's generator. It's also an advantage because my grandma won't have to pay for electric bill every month especially that the bill per kilowatthour (kWh) has increased. One kWh is one kilowatt generated or consumed for one hour. But, it's also not good if we are using generator all the time because the petrol's price increased as well. Man, I think there's nothing cheap or affordable in this world today. Even the cheapest piece of fried chicken costs almost a dollar.
This morning, I don't know what got into me but, I suddenly miss our life without the electricity. I miss the noisy sound of our neighbor's generator that lessen the sound of silence at night. I also miss the excitement we have waiting for our neighbor to start their generator so we can charge our phones. Moreover, the bond among all the people here is somewhat weaken because they are now staying at home, enjoying every gadgets/appliances they miss using instead of gathering around along the street or by the shore talking non-stop. In short, I miss the fun I saw every night even without electricity.
Another thing that I missed are my sisters' presence. Every night, we talked about anything while we are playing with Clea. My sister, who's now a graduating student left home because she's now in her On the Job Training. She needs to be there in the office early in the morning so she decided to rent a boarding house. I miss her because she loves Clea. She was the one who comes over when Clea is crying hard even though I am calming her. She also takes care of Clea whenever I and my partner buy something to the next town.
The other sister, the youngest, well she's living with my great grandma that's why she's not here all the time. She also had a boyfriend near from their home that's why she's not going anywhere most of the time. Lol.
I miss the two of them. I miss teasing them. We are united more than ever and I think our bond became stronger because we don't have an electricity. Haha! We don't have something else to do but to face each other.
This goes to show that we can still be happy at life even without those things we used to have. Happiness does not rely on things we possess. It's in us. We bring our own happiness. We can be happy if we choose to be one. Life is short so don't miss any day not being happy.
And that's my story about electricity. Crazy me. Lol.
How's your Monday grind, guys?
I can't believe it's almost April. Another month, another goal. Cheers!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Can't we decide?
Here I am again with my rants and frustrations in life. I don't know when is this going to end but I guess when I already die, that is when the problems stop. Lol. But anyway, they said mean people will die in a quite long time compared to the good ones so I will have to endure everything in this world for a long time too. Yeah.
**Can't we decide?**
This is the question I asked to my partner after his father called him saying they will come here to fetch us up. At first, this idea is fine to me because I don't want to disappoint them whenever they want to see Clea. When Clea was still a month up to 3 months old, I can't count how many times we've been there in my boyfriend's house and we will stay there a day or two and sometimes three days.
As Clea grows, my boyfriend's family also got used to this kind of set-up. Because I, Clea and my partner are staying in my grandma's house, my partner's parents wanted us to go in their place like every week they will just come here without a notice and I will be surprised because it seems like they already decided for us. They will come and say, "Hey, pack your things because you will come with us at home." And I was like hello? Did you ask me first if I really wanted to go? Or if I want Clea to travel during noon time? Come on! It's too hot outside and I won't let my daughter go through just so you can fulfill your desire.
You know it's just so tiring to pack things especially baby stuffs every week and then we will come home here again and then we will go back again to my partner's place. Isn't it tiring? I had enough of this foolishness so I told my boyfriend that I or we should be the one to decide when we will come to his parent's house and not them. Actually, we fought about this because he kept on siding his parents the reason that I told him to go home and stay away from my sight. He should be the one speaking up for me to his parents but it seems like he cannot and can't decide on his own. He kept on nodding to whatever his parents say.
I also know why his parents wanted us to be there, to sleep there because they are jealous that Clea is here in my grandma's house. They think that Clea will grow fonder among the people here and they're right. Everyone here in our home is willing to take care of Clea even for longer time. I can even leave Clea whenever I have an important matter to attend or I just need to take a break from parenting. Unlike in my boyfriend's place, his mom and dad and aunties will just look after Clea within a couple of minutes then they will give Clea to me and say that she's crying already.
I have no problems taking care of Clea anyway because she's my daughter but of course I will be happy if I can have some breaks too and relax and that's what I can find in my grandma's house. My boyfriend's partner can't blame me for my decision because they know themselves and they saw how caring my grandma is towards Clea. She won't even complain even though she's tired.
But in my partner's place? Never mind. Haha!
I don't care if they think I am selfish or if they can feel that I am not into them. What's important for me is the welfare of my daughter especially now that the weather is too hot. I can't let her out and travel and get sick afterwards. I don't want my daughter to adjust for them when in the first place, they are very welcome to visit here anytime or they can sleep here if they want. They should be the one who will adjust to the situation if they truly miss my daughter and not my daughter. Lol.
That's all for today, guys. Sorry for adding heat to this hot noon.
Fly high it's Saturday!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Booster shot? No, thanks!
I thought I would not experience any side effect after I got my Janssen Vaccination last Tuesday but I was wrong. Or shall I say I didn't experience the side effects right after the vaccination but when the night came, I almost think that I am going to die.
It is known by everyone that the Janssen Vaccine will be given in a single shot unlike other vaccines. This means that it's much powerful (powerful? 🤣) because we will only be given one shot. Some people here in town circulated the thought that the vaccine is deadly and we shouldn't choose it or else we'll die. I asked them if they have proof for it and they told me there are two people who died after having that vaccine. I asked them if these people are old or if they have underlying illness and they told me they don't have since these people are living actively before the vaccination.
While listening to them, I somewhat believed because the way they talk about it is convincing and the death is also true. But then my brain told me that I shouldn't believe everything that I heard especially if it doesn't have any proof. Even with that news, there are still a lot of people coming to get vaccinated. Just imagine they went to the vaccination area as early as 3 AM so they can be on top of the list. I was so fortunate that I didn't experience that hassle way of getting vaccinated. I guess my decision to have my vaccination late is right. But yeah, last year, I already considered having the vaccine but not the Janssen.
Destiny is really playful, huh? The vaccine that I don't want to have is the vaccine that I received. I was too late and if I choose two shots, I won't get fully vaccinated when I attend the Teacher's Ranking on the first week of April because one of the requirements is to get fully-vaccinated.
Before my vaccination, I told my friends that I will have the Janssen and most of them questioned me if I was sure and they wish me good luck. Lol. My sisters told me that I shouldn't have that vaccine. My boyfriend also chatted me and I can feel that his mad. He said that why did I chose Janssen when I can have Pfizer or Sinovac. Since I don't want to argue with him, I just left his chat unreplied.
And then I got vaccinated. Yey!
When I went home, I was okay until 7 in the evening. I was nursing Clea when suddenly I felt like I am cold so I stopped nursing her and got my blanket to cover my whole body but it wasn't enough. I told my partner to come closer to me. He hugged me but then it wasn't still enough that's why he got his jacket and socks and I wore them immediately. I also requested for another blanket. Oh dear, O felt chills all over my body that I think I was in the middle of a place where there's snow. I still feel so cold and I was shaking. I checked my body temperature and it was 38° C. Wow! I felt cold but my body feels like a fire. I was confused if I should cover my body to not feel the cold or just remove the blanket so the heat in my body won't get trapped with it.
I called help from my grandma and she immediately let me take Paracetamol. I was still shaking after that and I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep but I did.
It's 10 in the evening when I woke up and the cold and chills are gone. I checked my body temperature and it's 38°7. My head is heavy and is aching. Clea also woke up so I fed her. Meanwhile, I had a difficulty in breathing but I didn't mind it at first. It gotten worse and I got nervous. I called my grandma to get Clea so I can relax. I did not tell them what's going on so they won't panic. I also don't want myself to panic or else I will be sent to hospital again. I closed my eyes and catch my breath slowly and I thank God was able to sleep.
I woke up again at 2 AM because the chills came in again. I grabbed my blanket and checked my temperature. Glad that it went down a little but I didn't got to sleep right after.
I scrolled on Facebook to make myself sleep and posted a 'Thank You message' on my Facebook story.
Hurray! Morning came and I was still alive but my I still had a headache and the portion where I was injected hurts. I thought I wouldn't able to recover because my body temperature went high again at 38.7° C. Even Clea's body temperature was 37.2 °C. I was worried about her thinking that maybe she got that fever from me as I am breastfeeding her although I already knew that she won't. I just continued taking Paracetamol and slept.
After a day and a half of experiencing the side effects, Thank God I am fine now. I survived!
They said I can have a booster shot after three months but I told them who needs a booster shot?
I don't want that. Not ever. I'm now vaccinated and that's enough for me. Lol.
How about you guys, what's your vaccine side effects story?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Shout out to mem @Janz and @foryoubtc09 for the sponsorship renewal. You made my afternoon happy. 💚
Ciao! ❤️
Pochollo
Hurray! I'm vaccinated today, finally. I can now travel to Paris and meet my online friend for 3 years. I and my luggage are prepared but my money isn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To go to Paris is just s dream for now but I will never stop dreaming until I die. Hmm. Anyway, today I went to the barangay health center to have my vaccine done. Our neighbor informed me that there's a vaccination going on there and they're up until 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Honestly before, I don't want to get vaccinated because there are a lot of rumors circulating in our town that those who got vaccinated died after a day or two. These people were healthy and active before until they got vaccinated. I know, I know, I was so stupid to believe this that today, I laugh at myself. If only I knew better, then I am already vaccinated last year.
The reason that also pushed me to get vaccinated is because of our Teachers' Ranking this coming April. I cannot attend it if I am not fully vaccinated like this morning, I wasn't able to attend the orientation and my grandma kept on scolding me. She said I should have gotten my vaccine last year because I already know that it's a requirement. All the establishments in here are asking for it when we enter and I just borrowed my sister's vaccination card so I can pass. Little by little, I became tired of doing this illegal act and I also realized that most of the people nowadays are vaccinated. In short, I am so left behind so I decided to have my vaccine today.
I went to the health center at 10 PM and I was so happy that there were only two of us there waiting. The nurse smiled at me and she asked me if I will have my booster or second dose. I told her it's still my first dose. She gave me a look that convinced me to have **Janssen** as my vaccine. Though I was hesitant, I just said yes so I will be fully-vaccinated without having a second dose. Well, Janssen is only one shot so I guess it's that powerful. Haha! The nurse was also glad because he smiled saying that he's happy for I chose Janssen and I was the second person on that day to have it. Why? I mean why do people didn't chose Janssen?
The nurse oriented us about the vaccine and what should be done and should not. After that, they let us sign a form with our signatures and gave our cards. Yay, it's time for vaccination since my blood pressure is normal.
After filling up the form, I was instructed to go the nurse who's in-charge of injecting. I looked at him and examine every feature of his face that can be seen for I cannot see everything because of his mask. I was lucky that he removed his mask for a while and I was shocked to find out that he was our long time crush when we were in high school.
I and my girl friends first saw him when the Rural Health Workers in our municipality had an orientation about health sanitation in school. We were attracted to him because his nursing uniform complemented her fair skin complexion making him so tidy to look at. He also had a pointed nose, shiny eyes and ~~tempting~~ lips. Lol. Because of his appearance, I and my girl friends or classmates named him **Pochollo**. I forgot the reason why haha. Maybe I should ask my classmates about it.
When I was near to Pochollo, I can say that he aged like a fine wine. He looked the same but his skin got tanned which revealed his strong masculinity. My right frame of my mind came back when he asked me to raise the sleeve of my t-shirt. He rubbed a cotton soaked with alcohol on my left arm and then injected the vaccine.
I know I have a high pain tolerance but the pain I felt during the injection was different that I can't almost bear it. It felt like it went into my bone and my left arm numbed afterwards. Pochollo told me to rub an ice if it still stings at home and he told me to take a paracetamol in case I will have a fever. I just nodded and thanked him then I went home.
So far, the only side effects that I felt are a little sting on my left arm where I was injected and a mild headache. I just hope I won't have a fever so I can still read articles after publishing this.
That's it for my blog today. Clea's mad hungry. Gonna get back ASAP.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Monday toothache and spaghetti
It's Monday again! Saturday and Sunday went by like three minutes. But nevermind anyway, what's important is that we are still able to see the beauty of Mondays or shall I say everyday.
Today, I waited for my order to arrive because when I tracked it, the delivery date is today. Yay! I can't wait for Clea to wear the five pieces of onesies I ordered for her but her dad's going to pay for it. Haha! He can't complain because it's for her daughter so I will keep the orders coming. I am so eager to buy something for my daughter because I was not able to buy anything for her when she's still in my womb. I was in my boyfriend's place during my whole pregnancy and his parents will intervene if I buy something for my baby even if she's not yet born. They said that's a bad omen. Whatever! I just followed them AS A SIGN OF RESPECT because I know how to respect.
The photo above is the status of my order. It's tagged to be delivered today but I doubt there will be a delivery until 10 in the evening. Well, I'll just wait anyway.
I can still remember when I told my boyfriend that we should buy hospital essentials during my third trimester but his mom and aunties interfere again saying that it's too early to buy them and we can buy what we need in the hospital because there are a lot of pharmacies nearby.
As a former girl-scout member (lol), I really wanted everything to be prepared and ready before I go to my delivery. But what can I do, they are always right so I let them be as a sign of respect again. As a result, we don't have anything in us when I gave birth, even adult diapers.
Oh dear, I felt my tooth and gums aching as I reminisce those sad memories. Ow! I told my grandma that I don't have the strength to take care of Clea that's why she took care of Clea while I am sleeping. This is the kind of pain I hate the most, toothache. Even if I have one million dollars or pesos, I would not be happy if my tooth is always aching.
The pain is still intolerable when I woke up that's why my grandma gave me toothache drops to relieve the pain. I have tried this before and I hate using it because it comes to my tongue and everywhere in my mouth and it stings. My grandma told me to get a cotton ball then mold a pinch of it that will fit in my tooth hole then afterwards, soak it with the toothache drops solution and put it in the aching tooth. I admit it was effective so I just endure some residue of the toothache drops that spread all over my mouth. It was after 5 minutes and the pain had vanished.
My mood lighten up when my friend asked me what food I want to eat because he's in my favorite fast food chain. He told me he's going to treat me so I told him I want a spaghetti.
What a perfect remedy to my aching tooth. Haha. Another pain again after eating this. I feel like my gums are already sore but what can I do, I will get hungry if I don't eat. I should have let the dentist extract this tooth before it gotten worse.
But I am getting hungry as I type this so let's eat y'all!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
What do you think?
While Clea is sleeping, I came across this TikTok video of @mastermeiko. I like her and her content. They do make sense and most of them are about parenting and relationship with partner. Aside from her strong and persuasive argument, the way she talks and make every point make me adore her even more. I don't know how she did that but when she speaks, you will just find yourself nodding because you agreed to everything she says. Perhaps some of you knew her or saw her videos too. If not, you can search her on TikTok if you have free time and if your are interested as well.
The photo above is a screenshot of her answering a question from her follower. The question if is it already a red flag when her partner add or follow other girls or sexy ladies on his Facebook timeline?
According to Meiko, it's okay to you boys to get attracted to other girls because it's not all about the insecurity. It's not all the time that your girl is insecure if she get upset of something. Sometimes, it's all about the respect. If you respect your girl, then you would not so such things that hurt her.
She also added that it's okay for girls to get mad or angry if their partner did that because it is not the way how boys make their girls feel when they add or follow other girls but it's all about the "go" signal that you're giving to the other girls by liking, reacting to their photo or following or adding them. Regardless of who those girls are if your girl finds it disrespecting then it's disrespecting. You boys can admire pretty or sexy girl on your facebook timeline or on any social media platform but, do you have to react on it? NO.
That's why it becomes disrespectful because do you boys need to react on that girl's photo or add them or follow them if you can just scroll and skip them. Why do boys act that way when you just can admire them privately unless you're giving the other party a "go" signal saying "Hello, I like your photo. I exist."
To sum up, Meiko said that it's already a red flag for her.
Personally, I liked what she said because that's also my reason why I hate seeing my man reacting or adding someone in any social media platforms. It's not because I am jealous or insecure. Duh? I can find another man. What angers me is that the judgement that will come from that person he added or reacted with. She might say that I'm being fooled by my man and my man is not contented with me. No way! I don't want anyone to call me pity. If ever my man will do that, I want him to broke up with me first before he'll do such things. Actually, we already talked about this and he already knew my rules so it is up to him now.
How about you ladies, mommies, what's your say? What do you think?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Thank you so much, ms. @Bloghound for the sponsorship renewal. 😍 You made my day more brighter po. 😊
Stay and never go away
My title seems familiar eh? What song is on your mind?
This evening, the fast internet connection came back and I did not expect that it became faster than the way it was before the typhoon happened. I am not sure if it's here to stay for good because there was a day when the internet connection came back but then it was gone again the next day. I just hope this ain't a scam this time because I lost too much already. I missed a lot already.
The first thing I did when the internet connection came back was tracking my orders on Lazada. I think I just placed the order three days from now and I am too excited for them to come knowing that my partner will pay them. Haha! The courier of my parcel/order is Ninja Van PH so I search for their website and entered my tracking number.
I pasted the tracking number of my first order and those are 5 pieces of onesies for my pretty Clea.
I was amazed to see that it's already on the way and the estimated delivery date became earlier as stated there on Lazada. Yay! Clea can wear those onesies on her 5th month of being born.
I also checked the other one which is the 4 pcs set but I was quite sad when the website shows no progress of the order.
The estimated delivery date is also not yet shown. Well, I understand it because the item came from China and it needs to be delivered overseas which made the transit quite longer. The parcel is also under custom clearance so it will take longer time than the other order I made.
I just hope that this order will arrive before Clea's 5th month because I am planning to let her wear these below.
Aside from tracking my orders, I also read articles and leave comments. Oh my, I missed reading your articles. It's almost 1 AM as I am writing this but I still finish everything so I can publish another article for Thursday.
My new invite, @Maejey was also seen real quick by the Random Rewarder yesterday. Wow! I am so happy for her and I hope that she grows the fondness of being here in her heart, just like we do.
You can also visit her and welcome her too. For sure she'll be happy to see you all there.
Oh dear. Now it's 1 AM and I feel like my head is heavy and I should have my sleep. This is what I got from staying online too much. Can't blame me tho. I missed being online for I haven't done it for almost three months.
To the service provider that lets the fast internet connection came back again, please let the connection stay and never go away.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
@Marinov
