First online purchase for this year
I didn't found clothes or baby stuffs that suit to my liking from the stores here in our town. We don't have malls in here so I didn't get the chance to see some cute baby stuffs. I don't want to resort to buying online again due to my experiences but maybe it will be different this time. I decided to try again, to purchase again online. After all, I will not be purchasing products that will put our health at risk. Oh no, not mine but my baby. Yeah, since Clea is here with us, I don't have time to buy for myself anymore because all I think of are Clea's needs. I set aside my needs first and if there's an extra money left, then I will spend it to buy mine.
I tried opening Shopee app yesterday if we can already purchase from their shop but I was sad to know that we still can't. After the typhoon Odette that happened last December 16, we cannot order from here anymore. I tried searching for baby dress and shoes and when I placed the order, it says that there's no available shipping option. Because of this, I can't proceed with the order. Oh my, I really loved this cute baby dress and shoes but I need to let them go because I can't purchase them.
I am not sure about the reason behind why we can't purchase for almost three months now since the typhoon happened. I guess it's because of the damage the typhoon brought that hinders the transportation of orders. Lol.
I installed Lazada, another online shopping app.
This is my first time installing this and visiting the shop is so new to me. Upon checking the item prices, I can say that Shopee has cheaper prices than here in Lazada. The shipping fee is also lesser in Shopee compared with Lazada. Well, I don't wanna waste more time so I search for baby stuffs on Lazada and found cute onesies and baby dress set.
They're all cute and I am sure they look good on my daughter so I check them out and see if how much the shipping fee would cost and the total amount to pay.
I bought 5 onesies at 49 pesos each (almost $1). Yeah, they are affordable right so I made it five. I also checked the reviews and they all confirm that the clothes are nice and of quality. They even include photos in there.
The second one is a set. You can see the label saying for newborn but when you place the order, you have the options to choose the age-range of your baby whether if she/he belongs to 0-3 months 3-6 months and 6-9 months.
This cute baby clothes has a nice print which is "Daddy's Little Princess". Yes! I choose this so my boyfriend will pay for this. Lol.
Look how cute the set is. One set has romper, long pants, hat and a turban headband.
I also checked cash on delivery as the payment method because I don't have anything in my back account or in any online wallet.
After I successfully placed the order, the sellers already confirmed my order and they're all ready to ship. Now I am so excited for them to come so I can try them all to my daughter.
For my third order, I will again let my partner pay because why not? Haha! I plan to order a foldable bath tub for Clea so she won't feel discomfort when we are bathing her.
Adulting feels eh? Lol.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Shout out to my friend, @Murakamii.7 for the sponsorship renewal. Loveyah girl. I also want to ask for your help guys. Can you help me welcome my friend, @Maejey , who's new here. I think she just joined two days ago. Please check her article guys and support her. Thank you very much!
Ciao! ❤️
I don't want to get the wrong item again
I am not fond of purchasing online because I want to check the item by my own hands and eyes like if there's something damaged on the product or if the quality suits my liking. I tried buying online before and some of my purchases disappointed me. I tried purchasing jeans but what came to me is a challis-cloth pajama. Oh well, it was nice though but I would be happier if I got the one I ordered but that doesn't stopped me from purchasing online. The cheap prices and good display of products in one of the famous online shopping app (Shopee) always call my attention.
When I was still single, I mean when Clea was not around here on earth lol, I used to buy cosmetic products online like liptints, aloe vera soothing gels and lotions. There was a time when I unknowingly ordered an imitation product of Nivea. I love Nivea products it's just that they are pricey in physical stores so I tried ordering online on Shopee.
Last year, I think September, I bought (online) 3 pcs of Nivea Extra White lotion 400 ml for only 280 php ($5.6) for it's their promo and I can't buy just one. I read the reviews and they were all good so I placed the order without looking thoroughly on the packaging.
See I got three of this at a low price. All three at 400 ml. What a nice promo! For sure there were a lot of people who purchased this great deal.
When I first use this, I sensed that this is not like the usual ones I used.
This is not an original product. How did I notice? Well, if you are really a user of the product for quite a long time, you will surely recognize the difference. First, the texture is not the same as the original. It's sticky unlike the legit Nivea lotion that is kinda watery but it will be applied evenly on your skin. The color ain't the same too. This has lighter color than the legit one. The scent also is very much different from the original. Finally, the packaging is not the same as the original.
This is the legit Nivea Extra white lotion 250 ml which I bought from the store.
I bought this for 285 php ($5.7). This is pricy compared to the three 400 ml imitation of Nivea lotion that I purchased online. What I love about this is that the richness or texture of the lotion is not sticky so it's very light-weight and you won't feel that your skin is kinda wet or sweaty. The scent is also long lasting and doesn't sting my nose. Because of its consistency, I can evenly apply a small amount of it on my whole arm.
To compare the packaging of the two, the legit one has a brighter logo color compared to the other. The "extra white" label is not highlighted on the original one compared to the imitation.
And because I already had three of the imitation ones, I gave two of them to my grandma because I don't like using them. The one left was for my boyfriend and he did not recognize if it's legit one or not for he's not fond of applying lotion. However, when I bought the legit one, he stopped applying the imitation and that's only when he noticed the big difference.
Oh my! I don't want to get the wrong item again for I am like wasting money.
If there's one thing I learned from this it is not to believe on promos unless you've checked everything. Pay attention to details especially if you are buying products for skin or for your body. We don't wanna risk our health.
Let us all shop online wisely!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Who do they think they are?
My evening ain't good but I wish yours is great. Happy Monday! Weekend is done in just a snap. We went to Clea's pedia this morning to check her up because I was worried of her having mild cough sometimes I can feel a vibration when I touch her back. This occurence doesn't happen everyday but as a first-time mom, it gives me peace if I consult her pedia everything I observed. I chatted her pedia about the matter and she told me to bring Clea to her clinic today. We are there on time and we still waited for an hour I guess for her doctor to start the check-up. We are 10th on the list so we waited for a while to be called. It was already 12:30 when we were called and we are welcomed by her pedia with a wide smile and she was happy to see Clea again. She asked me if she constantly coughs or if she sneezes most of the time which I replied, "sometimes".
Her pedia put the stethoscope on her chest and back and she told us there's no phlegm found. She also told us that it's normal for babies to have cough and cold because that's how their bodies react to weather changes. The sound like vibration is also normal for babies and it doesn't occur most of the time. Because of that, her pedia did not prescribed her new medicines. She just told us to continue with her vitamins. I was also kinda annoyed because my partner kept on teasing me and labeled me as paranoid that Clea's pedia laughed. Whatever! Now I can sleep safe and sound knowing that Clea is fine.
After the check-up, my partner decided to go to his parents' house so they can see Clea. Well, even if I don't want to, I just agreed so he won't feel that I don't like to be in their place because of some major reasons. We arrived here in his parent's place at 1 PM. Her mom came to carry Clea with a wide smile which I found kinda pretentious (I don't know why haha). She knew already that I hate it when they kiss Clea on face so she did not kissed her just like those days we visit here. My boyfriend's little brother came running too and almost kissed Clea on cheeks but her mom stopped her. I don't know but I laughed when Clea cried when she was inside the room of my boyfriend's mom. Call me evil but I have my reasons which I am sure some of you here can relate. You know conflict with in-laws eh? Lol.
I told my partner to get Clea so we can practice here bottle-feeding using the new feeding bottles my grandma bought yesterday.
This is Philips Avent bottles. Though it's pricy, my grandma bought it for Clea that she even traveled to Ormoc (a city far quite far from our place) just to buy the bottles in Robinson's place. She went there at 10 in the morning and came home at 9 in the evening. I felt sorry for my grandma because her head aches when she came home. I appreciate her efforts towards Clea and I love her more for that. I know that someday, I will surely return the favor.
We tried giving Clea 60 ml of distilled water mixed with formula milk. We are happy that she latched on it unlike those previous bottles we bought. She also liked it because the shape of the bottle is breast-like and the nipple is soft. The flow of the milk is also right for her because she doesn't get choked. However, she can't latch continuously just like on my breast but at least she latched.
She did not finished everything tho but we are happy that the milk decreased it's volume. I just hope that she gets it this time with constant practice. But wait, this doesn't end with a happy ending. My partner's mom (who think she knows everything) intervene again saying that we should use hot water instead of the distilled. I just said that we don't use hot water at home and there's an instruction on her formula milk's packaging that if we will use hot water, we will let it cool before using so why should I use hot water for a 4-month old baby? Crazy! And not just that, even if I am still in my partner's room, she keeps on insisting with that hot water. I am now annoyed but I just forced myself not to go out and talk back to her. Oh God, please give me more patience.
There's more again. They questioned us why we bought philips avent bottles when we can use the ordinary ones and I was like wow! Why do they worry like we use their money? And why do they care if I spend all my money to my daughter? It's my daughter and I have the right to give her everything.
Why are they like that? Why do they kept on intervening with our decisions? Are all in-laws like that? Why are they so hard to deal with even if I tried so many times to be nice. Can't they just respect the way I take care of my daughter? I am the mom and I want all the best for my daughter as much as they do. Well, I should tell them I am sorry for they can't control me.
Sorry if I sound mean. I get crazy mad if someone tries to control me or to make me feel that I know nothing.
I hope you did not get the bad vibes here. Take care y'all!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Shout out to @Eylz2021 , @JustMyRambles01 and @Amy05 for the sponsorship renewal. 😊 Thank you for supporting me still despite my limited time here. Love you all.
Ciao! ❤️
From yay to yikes!
(Edit: This was written yesterday)
TGIF! I can't believe it's Saturday tomorrow when I felt like yesterday was just Sunday. Before when I was still a student, I used to complain to my grandma because Monday to Friday seemed so long and I want to take a break from School already at Wednesday. But now, time seems to be in a fast-forward. I can't even believe that my baby is turning 5-month old this month. Even the typhoon Odette will have it's third monthsary this coming 16 of March. Lol. I can't believe that we have survived life without electricity and internet connection for almost three months now when in fact, we can't go on with our daily task without them. Now I realized that we can really adjust to the situation given to us by the Almighty. Resiliency, it is. We have this ability to adjust or to adapt to whatever change may come and I think this what keeps us going despite the massive destruction typhoon Odette had made last year.
I can still remember when the wind started howling at 2 PM and it intensified as the time went by. I was worried to my family as I am watching over Clea sleeping so I chatted them to evacuate already to make themselves safe. I thought they would not evacuate because my grandma underestimated the strength of the typhoon. She said it will just pass by like a normal rain like the previous ones which didn't cause destruction. Because of that, I contacted them one by one but I wasn't able to connect to them for the network providers were already down and the electricity too. I started to be nervous and my anxiety crawled up my mind that maybe there's something that happened to them already but I can't do something about it but to worry. That happened last December 16, 2021 at 3 PM and until now, it's already March 2022 and the electricity and internet connection have not came back but still, we are lucky because we can already send a message and make a call.
I admit that my earnings here in read.cash has been affected because I can't interact everyday like what I used to do. I miss reading articles, updating everyone here and commenting. I even miss gaining subscribers and friends here. This blogging site has become a part of my daily routine that I find ways to be online here even though I am busy taking care of my daughter. I don't know but there's something in here that makes me be wanna be here. However, the absence of internet connection hinders my activity here for longer time.
From Yay to Yikes!
Just last Friday, the people here in our town was happy and surprised that the internet connection of a known network provider here has came back. My sister even let me know about it with a wide smile on her face saying that her friends can already play TikTok, play mobile legends and can already surf the internet. I immediately checked mine. YAY! I was happy that I can already surf the internet. I checked my read.cash and I started clearing my notifications and reading articles which consumed all my time yesterday. I enjoyed reading articles of you guys and I miss connecting to everyone. I also feel like I missed a lot of your stories and that's a big loss to me already. Of course, I also checked my multi-media accounts and that's only yesterday that I talked to one of my friends and learned that she's getting pregnant. Wow! Sana all. Char! She asked me if I and my boyfriend can do the giving of the cord to them during the wedding ceremony. Even though I don't know it, I just said yes and I was so excited for it.
This is a screenshot from our group chat. It is clear that my friends really missed being online in messenger. Lol.
After a day and a half of having an internet connection (though unstable) YIKES! It was gone again this morning the reason that I was not able to publish. Oh dear! I thought it's going to continue already. Now, I can't even be online on messenger and can't open Facebook and much worse, I can't open readcash even though the signal showed 4G so now I am here again looking for connection.
Until when can this be? I miss checking my friends that I can only reach out online. I miss watching TikTok videos, browsing on Facebook and spending most of my time here. I just hope that the internet connection will find it's way back again here. We don't wanna get bored and just play games on our phone.
How about you guys, how's your phone's network?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
BCG
BCG
I don't know what this stands for but this is very important for babies and they should have this by birth to one week. As per the barangay health worker, this is a vaccine against tuberculosis so this is necessary for them not to be prone of the said disease. I have no idea about this because after I gave birth, we stayed in my boyfriend's house and they did not told me about it. They have not guided me about the immunization and all the vaccines so now, Clea is so late in receiving the vaccines. I know I should be the one to know but I was in my postpartum that time and I needed guidance especially in taking care of Clea and that's what I did not found in my boyfriend's place. I was so tired that's why I decided to go home when Clea turned one month old. My boyfriend's mom and dad don't want us to go but I told them I will go with or without their permission. My mental and physical health was immensely affected while I was in there so why should I stay?
Now that we are in my own grandparents' house, I won't go anywhere unless it's our own place to go. My boyfriend's mom and dad came here many times saying if we can go back but I just didn't answer and let mt boyfriend explain everything to them but they are still insisting. I guess that's also because our home is just small compared to theirs. We also have pets at home and they think it's not safe for Clea. I hate it when they observed our home like they are evaluating every inch of it. Without them saying, I know that they found our home unsafe for Clea. Oh my, who is it so hard to deal with in-laws? Especially to mother in law? Lol.
Yes our home is just small but I can't hear my grandparents arguing early in the morning. Yes, we have pets but their noise is much better than a nagging wife. Haha. Our home kinda looked unwell lol or shall I say our home needs to be fixed but it's filled with love and respect and above all, I have my team here. I have rest in here. Whenever I am tired of taking care of Clea, my family is there to rescue unlike there in my boyfriend's place where I don't find any support. You know, they said they care fo Clea but they can't even carry her for longer time and I can't also leave Clea to them because my boyfriend's mom had a lot of reasons to say.
I also hate it when something happened to Clea, they will blame everything to me. There's this one time when they insisted that we should go with them to a birthday party. My boyfriend told me we are invited but he didn't told me it's dinner so I just agreed because we can go home after. When we arrived there, he informed me that it's dinner and I had no other choice but to stay because we are already there in their home. I was so pissed that time because I haven't brought extra clothes for me and Clea.
We went there to the birthday party at 5 PM and then we went home at 9. When we arrive, Clea was crying non-stop and she was restless. She refused feeding too. My boyfriend's mom heard Clea's cry so she came in our room and carry Clea. She blamed me for what Clea felt. She also insisted of putting Manzanilla Oil on Clea's head even though she knew I don't prefer putting it. Lol. I am laughing while I am typing this. Sorry. This is only the place where I can let go of my frustrations.
Alright. Let me end this without mentioning them. So today, Clea had her BCG. We went to the other barangay to have it. I felt sorry for Clea for having her BCG so late. Having seen newborns and Clea was the only one there who's four-month old lining up for BCG made me feel like I am not a good mom. I felt ashamed for myself. This could have done earlier but it's done already. At least, Clea had her BCG now and I will make sure she gets all the vaccines needed.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
After two days
It's raining here since last night and I don't know if we can travel again to have a stable Internet connection. I'm now sick, I mean I feel like I am sick. I have cough and cold and I think it's because of the days we've been traveling. There's a day when it's sunny and suddenly it will rain. My grandma said I shouldn't get soak with the rain especially that I am breastfeeding Clea for she might get sick too or she might not like to latch on me. Is it true? I forgot to ask Clea's pedia about this. I can't leave Clea for long too since she has cough and cold since yesterday. Although it's common for babies to have these, I can't avoid to panic again because Clea is just four months old and I can't afford to see my little girl coughing that sometimes she will cry because of it. We also can't go to health center today since it's Sunday so I just chatted her pedia if we can still use the medicines she prescribed before when Clea also got cough and cold. Glad that she's online and she replied that we can still use them so I give them to Clea immediately.
My uncle also slaughtered one of our pigs the reason why I woke up at 4 AM. I heard some noises from our pigs and I pity them for having a life like that. You know they live just to die, in a brutal way. Oh my. If reincarnation is real, please I don't want to be a pig. I'd rather be a bird or a mermaid. Lol.
After the pig is slaughtered, it is ready to sell and they sold it as early as 5 AM. There were a lot of people who bought even though the pork's meat costs almost $8 for one kilo. Of course, whiskey is there to make the selling alive. My uncle, his helpers and my grandpa had their shots of whiskey early in the morning.
I and my boyfriend rose from bed at 8 AM. My grandpa called my boyfriend for breakfast and then they offered him whiskey too which he then drank. They also called some teenagers who happened to pass. Their shots went on until lunch time so they decided to buy fish and made kinilaw as their viand.
These are the my sister's friends eating with bare hands. They look so enjoy doing that and it seems like their food tastes good.
They also called me to join them but I just had my lunch inside our home for it's raining outside.
Edit: I wrote this last Sunday and I wasn't able to post since we weren't able to travel due to heavy rains for two days.
It's also three days when Clea had a cough and cold and now she has it still. I am again worried because her cough made her feel uneasy. I don't want to see her coughing but what can I do? Babies undergo through it and I believe it will be over with proper medication but if it won't get better for five days, then we will go back to her pedia's clinic. I think the cause of her cough was because of non-stop rain and sudden appearance of the sun and then it will rain again. Even I and my sisters have coughs too. I have a mild headache and my cough annoys me terribly so how much for Clea?
Due to my constant coughing, I decided to make calamnsi juice with snowbear candies. I saw this on Facebook and I tried this once and it's effective. I hope it can also cure me now. As for Clea, we added antibiotic to her medicine because this was also her pedia's advice when she had a fever. I just hope she gets well today, tomorrow, or as soon as possible for I cannot function well when my baby is sick.
Glad that Mr. Sun had finally shown and we will be able to go to the next town where there's an internet connection. I am also happy because some barangays next to ours had their electricity restored already. At last, after almost 3 months we will experience again what it feels like to have an electricity.
Happy 1st day of March!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Back to Zero
I lose my will to post an article today. I am currently in a bad mood because the article that I wrote has been deleted. I feel like I am about to cry because I spent an hour typing it while I was feeding Clea. I did not sleep this afternoon just to write an article so we can upload it immediately when we go to the next town where there's an internet connection. It's just a small thing but I feel like I lose something big. Maybe because I wrote it with all my heart. It was supposed to be something about my childhood memories and how I cope with bullying. I felt really sad today about what happened because we already traveled and I haven't posted anything. I tried to write again but my mood changed and I lose my motivation. Maybe I can't accept it too because I lose my article because of my carelessness. I was about to copy from my notes the article that I wrote. I highlighted everything and instead of tapping the "copy" button, I tapped the "cut" and I can't retrieve everything because it hasn't been copied. How careless I was. Now I learned that I need to be extra careful when it comes to clicking something in my phone because I might not be able to bring it back.
Just like when I deleted some photos and I deleted what shouldn't be deleted. And because I turn off my recently deleted album, I cannot retrieve what I have lost. Now I regret everything. Truly, we cannot have what we lost. This is to teach us to be careful in everything we do. Life is just like something you save in your computer. In just one click, everything can change without you knowing and if you know it, you cannot have it back.
What made my experience worst today is that it rained hard when we reached the next town. We didn't find a place to stand-by with so we decided to just go home. The rain poured hard when we went home and I was soaking wet. I was really pissed but I don't know to whom I should let this anger out because the problem is in me. What's even worse is when we got home, the rain has stopped. Oh my! I just took a deep breath and remained calm as I look at my daughter. I left her to my sister and she told me she coughed and sneezed. Another problem! I don't know where did she got that I mean no one has a cough at home. Glad that we have medicine for cough here at home. Dear God, not now please. Please don't give my daughter illness.
I was also thinking of not posting anything today but I am hesitant to do it. It will be a big loss if I won't earn something. I am still wet for I haven't changed clothes but I still decided to write again before I take a bath even if I don't want too. My grandma told me to take a bath because it's not good for breastfeeding moms being soak with the rain. Is it true? I asked her where did she get that information but she just told me that's what THEY said. Now who are those THEY? Is it another myth? Maybe I should ask my daughter's pedia about it.
I felt my head aching too. Is it because of the rain or maybe because of my carelessness. Ughhh! I really can't move on from what happened. I wanted to share that article to you all but I can't. As much as I try to write it again, I know my thoughts and how I wrote it will never be the same because my heart is mad. How should I let this frustrations out? I can't be mad for long because my daughter can feel it and she might get sad and affected as well.
Sorry for my rants. Cheer me up, guys. I'm really sad. I want to be motivated again. I feel so tired thinking that we need to travel again so I can upload this. Clea is also crying and I think she's hungry. I need to change her clothes too because it has gotten cold in here. Gotta turn off my phone too because I need to save it's battery which is currently 13%.
Again, please be extra careful with what you click on your phone.
What other moms said
As a first time mom, I have a lot of questions to other moms because I want to learn everything about taking care of a baby. I heard various ways and practices but I asked my baby's pedia first if this or that is okay to my baby. I had enough during my pregnancy when I didn't followed my ob-gyne's advice because I followed what my boyfriend's mom and aunties said. Because of that, my baby had a low birth weight. If only I went home and be with my own family, then I would not be too stressed and I would not limit my food intake because I'm sure that my grandma will let me have healthy foods and she'll advice to buy those vitamins prescribed by my ob-gyne. But nevermind. It's already done. I already promised to myself that if I ever give birth again, I will follow everything that will make me and the baby healthy.
I know every mom takes care of their baby uniquely, I mean they have their own ways that are different to other moms. Some of them are reasonable and some of them are so impractical for me but I did not tell them what I think about it tho. I respect what they believe is right for their baby so they should also respect mine. I will write here some of the advice or practices that some moms told me to follow but I didn't. I am not saying they're wrong. I just think that it's not necessary. After all, it's my baby so my rules will be followed. I already told some moms that they can advice what to do but they shouldn't force me to do what I think is not necessary.
What I will write here is just my preferences and I am not saying these are wrong. I just chose not to follow for I have my own reasons.
**What other moms said:**
**"Give my baby some water because she's taking vitamins"**
It's a big NO for me. I researched and asked a midwife about it and she told me I shouldn't give my baby some water for she's below 6 months old and her kidney is very young, very fragile. If she drinks water, she would also intake sodium that's present in water and her kidney will have a hard time straining it. She also said that my baby might be confused between the water's taste and my breastmilk and there might be a tendency that she won't like my breastmilk anymore. Actually, there are still some reasons she told me but I forgot the details so I will not include them to avoid giving false information.
**"Use baby wipes already. My babies used them and they all grew up healthy"**
Clea used baby wipes when she's two-day old but when the nurses see me using it, they advised me to use cotton soaked with water to avoid harmful chemicals that might be in the baby wipes. Clea's pedia also told me to stop using baby wipes for it might cause Urinary Tract Infection especially that Clea is a girl and girl's reproductive system is open compared to boys. My boyfriend's mom consistently tells me to use wipes and she even bought one pack. She's so persistent and she wants me to follow her ways like she's right in everything. Sorry to say this but I hate her for being to bossy and for being ms. Know-It-All. That's also the reason why I went home because I can't stand with her presence. I told her many times not to kiss my daughter but she keeps on doing it. I am the mother and I don't kiss my own baby so she can't respect that.
**"Apply Aceite de Manzanilla on my baby's head"**
A lot of moms do this, even my own mom. I remember she used to apply on my brother's tummy, feet and head every afternoon. I asked my baby's pedia about this and she told me she have nothing against it but it's not necessary. Applying oil to baby's head would cause heat and it may cause discomfort especially that Clea sweats a lot on his head even though her hair is not thick. Imagine the heat she will feel if I apply Manzanilla oil on his head. She won't be comfortable sleeping anymore. I also hate it when my boyfriend's mom again would just go directly in our room when she will hear Clea cry. It's fine with me if she'll help us to calm Clea but she will keep on blaming us especially me. I know Clea is crying because I never heard her burp that time and maybe she felt uneasy because it's warm in our room. But my boyfriend's mom will touch Clea's head and she will told us that Clea is not feeling well so she will apply Manzanilla oil (a lot of it) on Clea's head and let her wear caps or anything that will cover Clea's head. As a result, Clea won't stop crying because she's uncomfortable of the oil on her head. Sorry for talking about my mother in law wanna be. Lol. I just don't like her ways.
**"You shouldn't bathe your baby during Fridays"**
I know most of you know the reason why and some of you follow this too and I respect that. It's just different for me because I do bathe Clea everyday except if she's sick. It's just days so why do I need something to associate with it?
What's your say about this?
These are only few, guys and I am not yet done with this. Clea is awake now and she's crying, I think she's calling me. Haha! Gotta travel again to the next town where there's an internet connection to upload this.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Thank you to those who renewed their sponsorship 🤧🥺❤️ I cannot mention you all because my time is very limited. I cannot stay here for long because my daughter has a fever.
Have a great day!
At the health center
It's Clea's immunization day so we woke up early even though we don't want to. Who's determined to rise from bed when the weather is cold and gloomy? If not because of immunization schedule, I wouldn't got up from bed. I also felt scared for Clea because I know she'll cry again and she might have a fever afterwards just like her first injections on both of her legs but then I had no choice but to let her undergo through it for her to be healthy. After all, all babies will do the same.
We woke up at 6 AM because Clea is already awake and she keeps on waking us up too with her morning mumbles. I don't understand what she actually said but I am sure she wants us to wake up and carry her. I fed her first then bathe her quickly since it's still cold due to minimal rain. I was surprised because she cried at first unlike the usual when she's just enjoying her bath. I just continued anyway because she stopped crying. I tried to make everything quick as possible so that we won't be late just like the previous immunization when Clea was the last baby that the midwife and nurses waited. I dress her up and gave her vitamins. I let her dad hold her first so I can take a bath. I must look presentable because some Mariteses will be there are some Barangay Health Workers who are fond of judging others like as if they are perfect. I don't want them to say something bad at me especially to my daughter so I make sure we both look presentable. I just wore shorts and a T-shirt just like the usual clothes they saw me wearing. When I was done preparing everything, I let my sister go to the health center and see if it's already open and glad that it is so we won't have to wait longer.
We went there at exactly 8:30. I wasn't able to bring my phone so I don't have much photos to show. It was only my sister who brought hers because my anxiety gave me nervousness again. I don't want to see Clea get hurt for the pain I feel will be double. I don't want to panic there too so I let my grandma come with us so she'll be the one to hold Clea during the immunization.
When we get there, there are some moms together with their babies. There were also some pregnant moms. Some health workers are there too and all of them are women, women I hate because I know they talk behind my back when I was still pregnant. I also knew that they don't like me for I don't talk to them and to other people around here where I live. I only talk to some few friends. I am also certain that they already doubted my ability to provide to my family because I already have mine. But I don't care about them anyway. They are just some of the many people who are not happy with their lives so they talk about others. I was also right that some Mariteses will be there because I saw two of them I know. If only I don't have manners, then I would surely be approaching them why they looked at in a judgemental way - from head to foot. I still respect them anyway not because they are worthy of my respect but because I know how to respect.
The midwife called Clea's name so we immediately went inside the center. The nurse gave vitamin drops to Clea and do the injection afterwards. Clea cried but not that intense just like the other babies. She stopped crying right after the injection. It gave me relief that she seemed not hurt and she does not have a fever at this moment. I am checking her temperature every hour and did not go beyond 37°C. I just hope she won't have a fever so we can go travel again and have this article posted. (I wrote this this afternoon and now Clea has a fever already).
Nothing special happened to me, to us today. Just the usual. I really wanted to move to another place, somewhere near to my workplace before because the center owner already messaged me asking when will I go back to work as an online teacher. I really wanted to go back but we need to save more money so we can pay an advance to the boarding house we plan to stay with. We also need to have extra money for our consumption and for Clea's needs. For now, I will be more hustling hard so we can finally move. There's no issue anyway. We just wanted to live separately from our parents so we can experience the life of being a mother and father without depending on our parents.
Clea is sleeping so I got time to write this. Gotta go again friends. I hope you are all doing fine. Keep hustling hard!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Feel beautiful because you are.
My routine has never been the same since I gave birth. Before, I only took care of myself and everything I buy is for myself, to make myself look presentable. I tried a lot of skin care before and I also used three soaps when I take a bath. I can still remember when it was our payday, I used to go to shopping mall to buy what my mind thinks as important though it's not really necessary. I also liked to go to thrift shop or any ukay-ukay store because I loved to buy cheap but brand-authentic clothes for as low as $1. I admit I was too conscious of how I look and what clothes should I wear whenever my friends are there to fetch me. But now, everything has changed. A lot has changed and I don't know if I can go back or do the things I was used to before.
That is my pretty ball of sunshine, my daughter who is currently sleepy even though she slept the whole night. Well, it's an advantage for me because I will enjoy my sleep the whole night. Unlike before when she was still less than a month old, she will sleep during the day and wide awake during the night. I was really in a struggle that time and I thought of going back to work so we can hire a nanny or yaya who can take care of Clea instead of me. I was really in doubt of myself if I can really take care of a baby and if I can make it through because I was so exhausted. I felt like there's nothing left in me. One thing that I also hate in myself before is the thought that I am ugly, messy and incapable of doing the things I used to do. It's undeniable that pregnancy will change a woman's body, facial feature and emotions and I undergo all of these. There was a time when me and my boyfriend argued because I asked him to buy me skin care products that I used before but he questioned me if do I really need it and why can't I just use the soap that's available in their home. I felt my blood boiled because he already knew that I used to treat myself that way and why he wants me to stop it. I told him he met me being "maarte" so I will be "maarte" for the rest of my life and he can't change that.
After that argument, my boyfriend never questioned me again whenever we go to groceries and I would fill our shopping basket with a lot of skin care products. Well, surprisingly, he's also using my skin care products too. He can't complain because I am using my own money that I earned here and I also make sure that I already bought Clea's needs before I buy mine.
I am also glad that I am slowly going back to being me. I can now take a bath for as long as I want because I already told my boyfriend that he should let me take care of myself again. After all, he can also benefit from it because he won't have a "losyang" girlfriend. Charot! Just kidding. I am just doing this for myself. For my own contentment. I am not taking a bath for other people to say that I am neat. I take a bath because it makes me happy and clean. I am not wearing a lipstick just to get compliments from others but I wear it to have confidence for I have a very pale lips due to my anemia. In short, I am doing these all for myself and not to impress others and this is what I call self-love.
I know motherhood will really take all of our time but please, to moms out there, find a team, or someone to help you not just in taking care of your kids but also someone who will also take care of you, who will make you feel you are beautiful and you deserve all the time spent in your "kaartehan".
An advice from a mom who's also maarte. Lol. I don't think if this an advice tho but it's still up to you mommy. Do what makes you happy! A happy wife (mommy) makes a happy home.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
How important is a monthly check-up?
For infants, a monthly check-up is very necessary. It may cost an amount but at least we know that our babies are completely fine. Them being happy and enthusiastic are not enough signs that they're completely healthy, thus, a visit to a doctor or to a pediatrician is a must for me especially that Clea had a low birth weight and an infection before. I cannot remove the anxiety in me so to make me feel better, I will make sure we will go for Clea's monthly check-up. How about you momshies? How often do you visit your children's pedia/doctor?
Some moms are not used to visiting doctors every month and we can't really force them if they don't prefer their kids to see the doctor that often. I remember my grandma said that she's not relying more on doctors so that we won't get used to it. What she meant is that, she doesn't want us to go to immediately to a hospital in case if we have cough and colds, slight fever, and any related illness. Before she did, she will just have first aid like giving us medicines and sometimes asking help to a quack doctor. If the illness still persists, then that's only the time when she will let us to be checked by a doctor. Well, I don't have anything bad to say about this since we grew up and now we are completely fine.
For me, I like my daughter to be checked by her pedia every month because we can't really tell if there's something wrong with our babies by just looking at them. Like the time when I gave birth, I did not expect that Clea had an infection because she showed signs of being a healthy baby. If only she got her newborn screening, then the doctors can treat her right away and the infection will not spread and won't affect her greatly. This shows that if something is wrong and is known right away, then it won't create much complications. We don't anticipate for our children to get sick but we can't also predict what will happen especially to their well-being. Now that our surroundings aren't 100% safe anymore for them especially for babies, having them get checked would be a relief for us, moms.
I remember last month when Clea had a mild cough and cold, we immediately went to her pedia because I was afraid it may get worse and we would spend a lot for it. I don't want to have any regret and I don't want my daughter to suffer and wait for a longer time just to be treated especially that I am a first-time mom and anything new in my baby freaks me out. For me, this is so much practical because we will be spending less if we would see the right away rather than seeing the doctor late and the complications are already worse and you spend more money for it.
This is just my opinion tho, and I am not saying that I am right. This is just what I believe that it's best for my baby. I respect every mom around the world and I don't have the right to question their ways of raising their children. I believe that all moms will do everything what's best for their babies and they will do what they think is right. As what they said, mothers know best. Uh-oh, is there any connection? Lol.
That's Clea, waiting for her pedia. She's feeling quite uneasy because the air-con in the hospital is not turned on. What's used to make the surroundings feel a little bit cold are just ceiling fans and I guess Clea is not contented with it. Haha!
Thank God, Clea is completely fine and her pedia said that she's healthy. My my my, that's what I prayed for everyday. Her pedia also laughed because Clea kept smiling inside her clinic/room and I think it's because it's cold in there and Clea likes cool weather. This is also a problem now because we still don't have electricity and what we use is just a fan to make her feel a little bit cool and relaxed. Her dad doesn't have enough sleep at night because Clea won't sleep unless her dad will give her cool air by using the fan.
That's all for my blog today. Let's all be healthy.
Happy four months, my mini me!
It's Clea's 4th month today! Yay! My baby girl is growing too fast and I am afraid when the time comes that she doesn't want to be called baby anymore. I remember when I just gave birth, I prayed to God that He will let Clea grow fast so I won't this anxiety in me if she ever gets sick again. Her blood infection when she was still 2-days old brought me a huge trauma. It's the hospital's fault as well because they did not have a newborn screening that time that's why the doctors did not knew if Clea has gotten any infection. If only the had, then Clea's infection will be treated immediately. But anyway, I want to forget that traumatic experience. What's important now is that Clea is fine, healthy and happy. I thank God for this healthy little one.
For moms in here, how do you celebrate your newborn's monthly milestone? I envy so much those moms I saw on TikTok who celebrate their baby's monthly milestone beautifully like they will have a theme for it. There's a mom who hired a photographer just to get a perfect shot of their little one's day. Some moms also bought costumes of superheroes, cartoon character or a Disney princess to be worn by their little ones. They will also prepare some foods and cake to make the celebration more memorable.
In my case, I don't have enough budget to buy costumes for my daughter's monthly milestone so I just let Clea wear her go-to-somewhere clothes. Lol. I am not sure if that exists though but what I mean is the clothes that Clea wears whenever we go out. She's cute and lovely anyway so any dress will suit her. Aside from that, we also make sure that we will buy her a cake every month. In this way, we will make the celebration more fun and colorful even without a grand celebration. Her dad is also the one who will click a photo of her because her dad thinks I don't know how to capture the right angle. Duh? At least I will be the one to do the editing, if necessary. That's it. Nothing grand but it's still special. After all, it's the thought of celebrating that counts and having a simple celebration doesn't make us less of a parents.
For today's birth monthsary, my grandma prepared pansit and I bought softdrinks. We are still waiting for her dad to come home from work so we can buy a cake for Clea. I wish he won't get home late so there will be a bakeshop that's still open.
That's Clea behaving while I am typing my article. I guess she understands that I am busy. Hmm. I put a glove on her left hand because she's fond of scratching her eyes and the now it's swollen. I don't know how she will get rid of this habit. I am afraid this might become a wound if she keeps on scratching it. Any tips, mommies?
Anyway, I have to go now because I heard a lot fart coming from Clea. Such a cutie!
Happy weekend!
(This is supposed to be posted yesterday though but we were busy yesterday)
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Ear piercing done!
Clea got her ear piercing yesterday. It was unexpected because we did not thought that the midwife from our health center will contact a nurse to make the piercing done in a home service. We just asked the midwife if they have earrings in the center and if they can do the peircing as well. She said yes, and she gave us her number just in case we plan to go to the health center. Well we really planned to have Clea's ear piercing but we don't know when exactly. We were just surprised when there's someone looking for us asking if whose baby wants to get ear piercing. She also knew Clea's surname so it's understandable that the midwife sent her to our home.
I wasn't ready for it and I know Clea wasn't too. I was hesitant for it but then I finally decided to have it that day so Clea will have her piercings. Of course there's a fee for it and I looked inside my wallet if I still have money for it but then I only found $2. The fee for the piercing and earrings is $4 so that means I still need to have an additional $2. I thought of declining the offer (char) but my grandma said she will pay for the rest of the amount. Because of that, the nurse took the earrings from her bag to choose from. There were a lot of earrings so I had a hard time choosing. If only I can ask Clea what does she likes, then I would because I am so confused. I thought of choosing her earrings based from her birthstone but I forgot the color for the month of October. I had no internet connection there at home too so I just choose according to my preference.
The dominant color of the earrings are gold and they all looked nice. The nurse suggested Clea should have the all-gold earrings but the one with a blue stone got my attention. Maybe it's because my favorite color is blue as well. I took the ones with blue stones at the center and gave it to the nurse. She opened the packet, put an alcoholic on the portion of Clea's ears where the earrings are to placed and prepared the gun-shape equipment for the piercing. I didn't think of taking a picture nor having a video because I was nervous and I feel like I was the one who will feel the pain for her. Well if I can take all the pain she will feel for that piercing, then I wouldn't hesitate to do it for as a mom, I don't want my child to get hurt. But what can I do? Tiis ganda si Clea so the show must go on.
The nurse already did the peircing but before she does, Clea smiled at her. Poor little one. She doesn't really had any idea about what will happen. I didn't come close to Clea because I don't want to see her get hurt so I let her father hold her. I just knew that the peircing happened when I heard a click and cry of Clea after that sound. Clea cried hard and her grandma came to rescue. Glad that she calmed down.
This is what she looks like now.
She became more adorable. She will also turn 4 months tomorrow. Time flies so fast. I thank God for this beautiful angel.
I hope my daughter brings you delight.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Nothing to give
It's really true that we can't give what we do not have. Maybe we have but it's not enough to be shared because it ain't enough for our own consumption. I don't understand why people are so fond of asking I mean receiving rather than working to have a penny in their pocket. Sometimes, it's funny because some people are so ungrateful. Even though they are given something, they still have a lot to complain. One example is the cash assistance given to us here. In response to typhoon Odette, the government gave 1,000 php ($20) to each family member. Just imagine how many individuals are affected and we are so lucky to have this cash assistance. However, there are still people who don't know how to be thankful. They aren't contented about the cash assistance and they want more. Yes, I understand that we need cash to fix our damaged homes but they should not rely everything to the government and to other people.
This one is funny but this is another example of how ungrateful people are sometimes and I admit that I am one of these people. During a birthday party or any occasion, some of the visitors still have something bad to say towards the food, the venue and sometimes towards the birthday celebrant's dress. Some will say that the food don't taste good but they ate a lot and even kept some food inside their bags to bring home. Lol. It also happened when one of my high school classmates had her debut and I was surprised I am invited knowing that we aren't close. All of the batch are there so I went too. When the debutant came in, I told the other classmate about her gown that it doesn't suit her for it made her look even bigger. Forgive me for I was that mean before and I realized that it won't lead me somewhere when I make fun of other people. I don't know if this still suits to my title but nevermind anyway. I just remembered and decided to share for I think it has life lessons.
Okay let me get this straight. Have you felt bad because you don't have something to give to your family? Because I do. Before when I was still working, I would always save something to give to my grandma even though half of my allowance is taken. I gave something to them every month and that's why they are used to it like they don't expect the time when I cannot give anymore. I guess this is also the reason why my grandpa sometimes throw a joke that's kinda insulting like he would ask for a coin to buy cigarette but I told him I don't have anything because our money is in my bank account. His response would be "Oy, na pobre na diay ka (Oh! So you have became poor). And I was like, when did I ever get rich? But I just it pass. I know he's just mocking me. Even though he doesn't say it, I am sure he's not that happy that I have my own family now because he thinks that I can't provide them anymore for my own family is my priority. Toxic Filipino culture.
I told my grandma about what happened and she just said I shouldn't take it seriously because my grandpa's reaction is normal. She said I had my own family so early and who would be happy about it? I still have respect towards my grandparents for they are the ones who took care of me so I controlled my emotions and defend myself calmly. I told them that they should not make me, or the rest of my sisters as their investment. We already know that we have to pay back but please, they should not pressure us like we should get rich now. Goodness!
I am still fixing myself and I am on my way to retuning to work so it's understandable that I have nothing to give for now. Why can't they feel that? And if I have something in my pocket, that is for sure reserved for my daughter. I can not give what I don't have. I feel so bad being unable to provide. Being the eldest among the siblings sucks! Pressure is everywhere and I don't want Clea to feel this. I will make sure I work hard, work smart and earn so she doesn't have that feeling of being obliged to provide.
Because I am unable to provide, I have nothing to give, I feel like I am useless.
If ever you are treated like this too, well, be strong! I know God will help us through this. For parents, don't make your kids feel this too. Let them feel all the love so when they grow, they know how to give love too and not pressure.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
And I missed my last Valentine's
Happy Valentine's y'all! How did you spent your Valentine's yesterday? Sorry I wasn't able to greet you because I was busy yesterday. It's one of my friends' birthday and we had a dinner celebration at a restaurant. It's our yearly bond to spend time together during Valentine's day especially it's one of my friends' birthday. It's a double celebration. I can still remember last 2021 when we celebrate Valentine's too at my friend's house. Since it's his 21'st birthday, he had a big celebration. There are a lot of food and drinks too!
I was also a month pregnant that time but I did not knew. I drank a lot that time and even smoked too. We also had a night swimming while it rained so hard. In short, I was so careless and clueless. Thank God that my daughter, Clea, was not affected by my vices before. I also stopped everything that's bad to my health when I already found out I was pregnant. I learned from this experience to not enjoy too much during Valentine's because you might get sad after. Lol.
For this year's Valentine's, I am confused if I am happy or sad. Happy because I spent my Valentine's with my dearest friends and with my boyfriend as well but kinda sad because I miss my previous experiences. One of the thing I miss is being given a bouquet of flowers. There's only one man who gave me flowers and that's my recent ex, Steve. At first, I don't like receiving gifts from a boyfriend. I find it too corny. I also feel ashame if some people will see me carrying flowers. In short, I don't like a man to be sweet towards me but Steve changed my perspective. He made me feel what it feels to be given the best of the world. He never failed to give me flowers and other sweet stuffs may it be during special occasions or just an ordinary day. He let me experience what it feels to be taken care of for I was always the one who cares. That's why I missed him this Valentine's. Oh! He's not only good in surprises but he is also a man of words, a responsible and a husband material.
My last Valentine's with Steve was special even though he found out I was cheating. I thought he was changed but he didn't. In fact, the day after he caught me which is Valentine's day, he fetched me in my workplace and we had lunch together. He also gave me flowers and a bar of chocolate. He told me that I should not talk about other things that day because he doesn't want that day to be ruined. He also forgave me there and then even if he didn't heard me saying sorry. During that day, he's always smiling like I didn't do anything bad. He treated me nicely like just like the usual but behind his smiling eyes, I saw a disappointed man. I was so insensitive that time and I had taken the advantage of him loving me so much that I kept on making mistakes. Honestly, after our break-up, I missed him and that's only the time that I realized that I love him. I can say that Steve is my greatest love. Don't get me wrong. I just based it on what they said. They said we have different types of love - puppy love, first love, greatest love and true love.
Nah! Sorry for reminiscing the past. Lol. I just remembered because I saw a lot of sweet Facebook posts last night. I am not envy about it though, I just missed the feeling. Well, my boyfriend now, I guess he doesn't have any sweetness in his body and I think it's only because I told him I don't like receiving gifts. He didn't greet me too but it's okay. I have my perfect Valentine's anyway and that's my daughter, Clea and Valentine's is not only for lovers but for family too.
Happy Valentine's again!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
His passion matters
When we are in a relationship, it is expected that we all have differences in many aspect and it's natural. To make the relationship grow, we must learn how to support each other's dream, each other's passion because we met them having that passion so why change it if embracing it would be easy to do? Well, sometimes, it depends on what kind of passion your partner has. If your partner's passion is consuming all of his time, then it's not good anymore. Teach him/her to maintain balance.
Wow! I am amazed that my thoughts today are not all about my frustrations and toxicity. Even though my abdomen and back are aching because of my dysmenorrhea, my mood is good today and I think it's because I am happy. Instead of lying in bed to make the pain lessen, I decided to wash our clothes that are almost a mountain. Yeah, I don't know but I feel like I need to finish all of them despite the pain. I don't like to leave the work undone. My grandma even told me to rest but I refuse so I can finish all the laundries. Uh-oh! No pictures again for today because I was so busy. First, I waited for Clea to sleep before I did the laundry then after that, I faced the battle with our clothes in a snap. And tada! Done! Mission accomplished.
Now we are here again, we traveled again just to have an internet connection. I think it's a 20-minute travel away from our home and it's kinda hassle for me since I have a baby left at home. Thanks to my grandma ang sister who take care of Clea while we are away. We decided to be here everyday so we can publish an article. It pains me being unable to reply to all of you but I really really promise to make it up when the signal in our town will be okay.
This afternoon, my boyfriend went to have a ride together with his club mates. Even though he didn't said it to me, I know he is excited and happy. Why? It's because he has a complete gear this time and he has a money for the registration fee. Unlike those times when he just passed by the area where the ride happens just to be taken a picture by the various photographers.
This was a shot taken a year ago when he just passed by the ride area. He asked me if I will allow him to be there and I even told him that he should wear shoes at least. But he said it's fine because doesn't have complete gears anyway and he didn't pay for the registration fee. All he want is to be photographed. Well, he is lucky enough and he got some shots from the photographers there and one of it was the photo above.
Going back on the ride, so this ride was a ride for a cause. The earnings from the said event will be given to those affected by typhoon Odette. Because of this, I allowed my boyfriend to go and I know he loves to go too because it's his dream to be in one of the famous rider's club here. And this time, he wears a complete gear. Oh, I forgot his pictures my sister took for him. Gotta include it in my next article I guess. When I saw him wearing his complete gears, I admit that he looked neat and nice but beyond that, I saw a happy heart. That's why I am happy too because I know how it feels to be supported with your dreams. If his happy on it, then I am too. He also takes care of Clea very well so it's fine with me. After all I met him being that way and changing his motorbike addiction is just a conflict. I am happy that he also went home early on the time I told him.
So that's it, we are in peace. Goodness! I don't want to be a nagging wife just like her mom. Lol.
How do you all doing this Sunday?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
How far can you go?
How far can you go for a dream that was not yours? Or would you rather chase the dream you don't dream about in the first place?
I just finished everything that are needed for teachers' ranking. It's my third try I guess and I am hoping I will an item this year or else? Hmmm. Not sure though. Honestly, I am third of chasing this dream - to become a teacher. This is not my dream in the first place. It's my grandparents'. I asked them why they liked this for me and their reason was because teachers are respected in the community and everyone calls them as "sir" and "ma'am" regardless of any position they had. They also thought that this profession can make us rich. It feels like they want me to continue the dream they had. What about mine dream? Well, just simple. I dream to be a housewife taking care of the house and the children. I love cleaning, cooking and washing clothes, well I guess all the household chores. I dreamed about being with my kids (if ever I gave birth again lol) at home waiting for their dad. But I am not just a housewife, I'm a housewife with business. I mean, I want to have a mini-mart or a small convenience store at home because I believe that business will truly lift our situation and would give us profit. And, my kids will soon inherit the business and I have something to leave to them in the future.
I told my grandparents about this dream but it seems like they don't like it. They are so persistent about me being a teacher that my grandma joked of not letting me go to College if I won't be taking Education as my course. Just to make them happy and proud, I took Education and finished the degree. Now that I finished it and passed the board exam, they are not still satisfied because I am not yet in the Education field teaching as a public teacher. I did my best but what can I do if it's not yet my time? If it's not yet my time to be in that situation, then I wouldn't be in it.
I care about my future but I am tired too. I am tired from being a first time mom, a girlfriend, and a daughter. In short, I am tired at life. I am not sure if I am still me and if I can do things just like before. I doubt myself and my ability. I am not sure if I can redeem myself from being to pessimist. Plus, my anxiety is acting up again. I can say that it is because I suddenly woke up from sleep and am chasing my breath. I thought I can get over with this mental health condition but it seems like it's getting worse. I now doubt myself if I can still function well.
Going back to preparing my documents, so yeah, I was so tired yesterday. I and my boyfriend just ride on a motorbike in going to places where we can authenticate my papers. On our way, heavy rain fell and my papers also get wet. We didn't mind the rain because we need to finish everything so I can submit it on that day but the rain poured hard and we stopped by for almost an hour. I also ran out of money and I almost decide that I will not continue my application. Glad that I have this friend who lend me an amount that I need.
From my experience, I realized that when you're in a hurry, there's a lot of hindrance, problems that will occur along the way and maybe those are God's way of testing our patience and if we are passionate about what we do - of how far can we go. In the process, He will also gave us angels who will help us throughout and we don't notice it most of the time.
My point is that let's be thankful although a lot of challenges came because those are what make us stronger.
Like today, it rained again but I decided to travel here, to the town next to ours where there is an internet connection so I can publish my article. I am so happy because I have something in my wallet which means another savings for Clea's Christening.
Thank you, God for always giving us blessings may it be big or small.
Happy Saturday! ❤️
He keeps me going
Here I am again with my frustrations in life. I think I was born to be mad and sad for a lifetime. Honestly, I don't want to be born in the first place. If only there's a consent from us to be born, then I would not let it anyway. But my mother and father did so I am here. I know I am being too ungrateful at life and God would be mad at me. I just realized that maybe God gave Clea to me so I will know the meaning of life. Gradually, I understand that life is not all about happiness because if we are happy all the time, life would be boring.
When I was a kid, I envy other kids who I consider rich just because they call their parents "mommy" and "daddy". For my friends who are not here from Philippines, there's this belief that when kids call their parents as "mommy" and "daddy", they are said to be rich because the commonly used endearment here for our parents are "mama, nanay (for mothers)" and "papa, tatay" (for fathers). Funny, right? But I don't believe on it anyway. So yeah, I envy those kids because they have expensive toys and mine are just those I found somewhere along the road or just by the shore. There's this student who studied from expensive school who made fun of me. She was watching me while she's munching her burger and fries like she's making me admit that I am poor just because my snack is just a piece of bread and a juice made by my grandma. She even told her friends that she won't get close with poor kids. I was a kid that time and still don't know how to defend myself so I just sat quietly on my chair that is close to the window.
Sometimes, I also think why I belong to the poor ones among all people who are rich. There are a lot of rich people but I belong to the less fortunate ones. If we were rich, then Clea, my daughter would have the luxury of life. She will also have a lot baby dresses, a closet just for her and everything she needs. Well, we can provide her needs but not that extravagant. I liked the idea on TikTok from TikTok moms who posted their videos of their babies' trolley full of baby stuffs, a decorated room for their babies and everything a mom can provide. Yeah, you can call me desperate and all but I guess all moms want to give everything to their children. Perhaps I won't be able to give everything to Clea today but I am still hopeful that I can soon.
I really don't want to leave Clea but our situation is so hard and it made me decide that I should go back to work. I feel sad seeing Clea cry while my grandma is practicing her to latch on a feeding bottle but I have to endure it because what I am doing is just for her.
This afternoon, I prepared all the documents needed for this year's teacher's ranking. I think it's my third try this year and I wish I can have that teaching position I badly wanted. We spent a lot for it and I think the department of Education should give our pertinent papers back after checking everything so we can still use them for the next ranking if we won't be able to get the item because it's really costly. Those papers are just the same to what we are going to submit this year and I wish they can consider the idea of returning our documents.
More and more frustrations are everywhere. Lol. Please forgive me. I haven't written for days again and my thoughts are about to explode if I won't be able to let them out today.
I hope you won't be as mad and crazy as me, guys after reading my article. I know I've been so toxic since I gave birth but what can I do? These are what my mind says.
But, I am not letting them consume me because I have to nurse my daughter so I am doing everything to calm my mind. I need a healing.
Do you also want to heal?
Then let's talk to God. I've been doing it everyday and it's the reason why I am still functioning. He's the help we need.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
"What if" "Then"
I am not sure if some moms or first-time moms ask this question too. Actually, I am a little bit guilty of asking this to myself because I know my boyfriend would feel upset if he read this. I also don't want to open up this to him yet so I am keeping this to myself but I only ended up crying with a pain in my chest. Is it regret I am feeling? Or am I the one who's not contented? Or maybe I just miss my life before that I keep on comparing the life I have to today. I am not saying I am not happy. I just feel like I miss a part of me that will never come back and I am not sure what it is either. Is it also bad if I keep on thinking that what if I chose the other one who's more matured, who has the same vision as mine, who's ready to have a family and who has a family-ready pocket? Then I would just live freely, relaxed and calm because I don't have anything to think of rather than taking care of my daughter. This is the biggest 'what if' in my life that I feel like I should have tried so I won't have regrets later on.
I know you think I am ungrateful to my partner and you can laugh at me and judge me. I am very much open to that so I will be awake with these nightmare-like thoughts. Whatever you say, I will still share what it's killing me inside so it won't weigh that much.
Have you also felt like you don't deserve the life you have today? The feeling like you could have had the perfect life but you haven't just because of the wrong choices? And what's worse is that you can't do anything to change the fate that you choose so just accept it and go with it. Sometimes you feel happy but most of the time, your 'what ifs' always hunt you. Maybe because I had an anxiety that's why I am thinking this way or is this the thought that gives me anxiety? I'm not really sure.
Should I ask for a pshychiatric help? If yes, do we have the fund for it? How about my Clea? Who would take care of her? Oh dear! I am striving to help myself because I don't want anyone else to be involved in this trouble most especially my daughter. If I go crazy, I will not be able to take care of her which I don't like to happen. Though it's hard to control my thoughts, I am fighting with it and choosing to think of the present rather than the past or the future. I am living in the present so I must focus on what is happening today because if I keep on dwelling on the past and thinking about the future, I will not be able to enjoy my today.
What I also learned is that the small choices we made can make a great impact in life and so we must be mindful of what we choose everyday for regret doesn't happen at the very first day.
See I won't be able to change what I chose because it will be a big trouble if I withdraw from the gambling I entered. And, I could not go back too because I am not welcome in my past anymore.
What if I am not with who I am today? Then maybe I would be a happy wife. Maybe....
Is this the thought of a mother who's tired and still waits for the signal at 1 AM? Lol. Crazy me. Sorry for this folks. I only type it just now for I am saving the time when the internet connection is good (only from midnight until 2 AM).
So what's your 'what ifs' and 'then'?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Are your children your investment?
And we traveled again just to have an internet connection. Yeah, so hassle but can we do rather than waiting for the internet connection to get back to normal? We can't just stay at home and do nothing especially that we have a baby and we should have enough savings. I guess this is what my grandma said before. That I should be successful in life first before entering the married life. Though I am not yet married, it is like I am because I and my boyfriend already had a baby and we live together in one home. But, what does it really mean when we say, 'successful'? What does it take to be called successful? Well, for me it's so subjective. I mean we have different meaning of success. What success to me is maybe just a pie for you and what is success to you is maybe not what I dreamed of. You know we have that kind of mindset that is very different to others.
For my grandma, her definition of success is when I and my sisters already had a stable job, a home, and be rich and we would just provide them with money a month. This is not bad because it's for our own good. What makes it bad is when she will question our decision in life just because ours are different from her. Just recently, we had an argument because of my pregnancy. I learned that my grandpa still had a bad feeling about me getting pregnant. According to him, it feels like he's getting back to zero again for he thought he will get rich because I am here, working. After hearing those, I felt annoyed because it feels like they are only making us their investment. I mean we are just like a piggy bank for them. I understand that we must look back to them and give back the favor but pressuring us, me to work and get rich just because it's their dream? It's a no no for me. I have my own path to take and my vision is beyond that thinking of being rich. It's wider than that.
But I don't want to sound disrespectful so I just pretend that I didn't knew though I am bit pissed when my grandpa gets close with Clea. How can he be that hypocrite? I am sorry for this. The wound is new and I am hurting for real. What can heal me is to distance myself again from them. Right now, we are doubling our time to hassle, or where can we earn money so we can live by our own just the three of us - me, Clea and her dad. After all, I never really dreamed of living with my parents or with my in-laws in the same roof. So I guess it's time for us to separate, to be independent and for these wounds to heal. I don't want to live in a home where I feel like having a baby means that I will not succeed in life anymore. Come on!, It's still the same me. Nanganak lang ako!
I promise to myself that I will not let Clea feel that we are her obligation when she grows up. I will not let her feel that to be successful means to get rich. I know she will create her own life and I am here to guide her in achieving her dreams. I am with her when she's working for her dreams. I am not the one creating dreams for her.
Are we on the same side?
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Should I stay?
Here I am in bed with my little ball of sunshine beside me. She's now sleeping but I shouldn't be too confident that I will have my rest too because anytime soon she'll be awake by the noise outside. It's funny that she can even hear the slightest noise. One time, I grabbed our alcohol and open the lid. I am very much sure that I won't wake her up because I took small steps only and didn't make any sound. Little did I know that the sound of the alcohol's lid as I am opening it would wake her up. Babies are so powerful. Aren't they? And then I will be back again to stage number one which is letting her back to sleep. Cute Clea.
That's Clea when she's still not yet sleeping. She's 3 month old now and I can say that she's growing so fast. In fact, she's turning 4 month old this month. I am so excited for her to turn 6 months so we can feed her with solid food. I can imagine her with dirty hands and mouth from the food we will prepare for her. Lol. But I know I should not be in a hurry because that time will come so swiftly.
How are you all read-fam? It's been three days since I haven't been here and y'all know why. Oh dear! It's fine if the electricity won't get fixed quickly but please, bring back the good internet connection. I admit my earnings here has helped me a lot especially in buying Clea's needs for I am did not get back to work. Missing a day being here also means no earnings for me. And, just posting an article without interaction is a shame for me for I need to work what I earned here. Sometimes, when Clea is sleeping, I let my grandma look after her so we can travel to the next town to have an internet connection. Although I have my grandma to take care of Clea, I still worry a lot because she won't latch in a feeding bottle and I don't want her to get hungry while I am away.
This is also where my problem starts. The manager from my previous work chatted me if I still want to teach again because the center is already open. God knows how I love to go back to work but I am thinking of my little Clea. How can I go back to work if she's still not able to latch on a feeding bottle? How can I function well at work if she's getting hungry? We already tried using different nipple but still, she doesn't know how. Actually, she already can after some days of practicing but when we were not able to do the practice in just a day, she already forgot the process the next day and so we started again back to zero. I know she can learn it again but the question is when? The formula milk we gave her is okay for her too because she likes the taste of it and her po*p is not that so watery. I tried watching videos on YouTube what to do and one thing I can do is to buy another feeding bottle that is recommended by pediatricians and that is either Philips Avent or Dr. Brown's feeding bottle which are kinda pricy. But I don't care as long as my baby is comfortable latching on it. That's why I am so eager to get back to work or even be here in read.cash. Clea's need also increases as she grows the reason why I also find it very important for me to earn.
But how can I earn? My baby needs me all the time. I miss her in a just a short time I am away. Should I sacrifice my dream over Clea? Well I shouldn't ask this question because I know myself that I will forever choose my daughter. If Clea won't allow me to go, then I won't. However, it's not too late because we have time to practice Clea. I just hope she will get it this time.
Sorry for my mom-rants. Anyway, I am so thankful today because even if I am three days away, there's still a blessing awaits me.
This means that we have a reason to be thankful everyday. Indeed, each day is a blessing.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
My heart is also full today! Thank you a lot @Eylz2021, @meitanteikudo, @Janz, @JustMyRambles01 and @Hart05 for the sponsorship renewal. Your support keeps me going.
Ciao! ❤️
Actually, there's a lot
When I got pregnant, I thought my life will never be the same as it was before. I thought I will be forever crazy, mad, tired, and unhappy momma because I never considered having a child in my 20's. I even planned of having my own family at the age of 30. But God works differently from us. He will give us what we think we don't need but the truth is, He gave us what we actually need. One proof of it is my daughter. If God didn't give Clea to me, I don't think I will be able to appreciate my grandparents' sacrifices.
Because of Clea, I already understood what it takes to be a parent and how hard it is raising a child especially I am not fond of kids before. I did not even took care of my younger siblings when they were still babies. But now, my love for kids has sprouted like a mushroom. I love seeing babies and I found each one of them so cute and adorable like I am so excited for Clea to be able to walk and we would have our first family outing at a beach for her dad likes the three of us to go to the nearest island beach here in our place.
Because of Clea, I learned how to appreciate the value of money. Back then when I was still working, all of my salary goes to nothing for I spent a lot especially in drinks but I also managed to give to my grandparents. I also did not think of saving something for future use that's why when I got pregnant, one of my problem is where can I get fund for the hospital bills and all. Thank God I met read.cash who really helped a lot especially in financial aspect. This goes to show that there's really a solution to everything. All we have to do is ask help from God, take action, work smart and always trust the process for we will make through it. As what they said, problems can't be called problems if they don't have solution.
Because of Clea, my life has been redirected into the right path. Honestly, I did not really cared too much of my future. It's like "come what may" to me. It is what is. Go with the flow. I have no problem what comes tomorrow. In short, I don't have plans or shall I say I am not sure of my life would be. My grandma would always say that I was changed because after my shift from work at 10 P.M., I would go out with friends until morning. During family functions, I would also rather choose to be with my friends than my family. I would come home drunk too. It's like I want fun all the time and just fun. Because of my carelessness, I did not knew I was 2 months pregnant and what scared me knowing it is I drank and partied hard during that two months. I was in the cold streets enjoying and did not care of my health. That's why when I knew I was pregnant, I was guilty, I was overwhelmed, I was afraid but abortion never came into my mind.
Now that Clea is here already, my life has changed a lot. She's also a blessing to me. Though I am not working for almost a year, my pocket never ran out of money and I am still able to buy what I want and what Clea needs. Sometimes, I can also give something to my sisters. Clea never ran out of diapers as well and we are able to buy her milk that she prefers just in case we will go and do some errands.
Actually, there are a lot of things to be grateful for, to be considered as blessing only if we know how to appreciate and to be contented because if we don't, no matter how great and enormous the blessing is, we will never be happy.
Happy Saturday!
Mi familia
Life is still the same here. No electricity and no mobile phone signals. In short, it's boring and unproductive. Boring because we can't browse the internet and can't use gadgets/appliances that need electricity. Unproductive because I can't go to work for Clea is not good in latching using feeding bottle. There are days that she's good in it but the day after it, it seems like she forgot how to latch on it and so I will again breastfeed her. I can't leave Clea knowing that she's not getting the right amount of milk she needs. I tried examining the factors why she won't latch on a feeding bottle. At first, she doesn't like the milk formulas we gave her: bonna and nestogen. She doesn't like the taste of them and would throw up. That's why we asked her pedia and her pedia advised us to use Similac. Fortunately, she liked the taste of it. However, she had a difficulty in using the feeding bottle especially the nipple. She will just latch a little and stop because the nipple seemed hard for her unlike mother's breast. We tried changing the nipple and glad that she latched on it perfectly but after three days, she doesn't know how to do it again.
I am just so thankful that we went home because my grandma and sisters helped a lot in taking care of Clea that I can rest whenever I want unlike from my boyfriend's place. This is the advantage of being at your own home right after you gave birth. Even how old we are, we still look for our parents'/grandparents' help and guidance. I am grateful that I have a grandma who loves my daughter as if her own like she won't get tired taking care of Clea. I am also grateful to my sisters because they are like Clea's second mother. Anytime I will call them for help, they are there and would be glad to help. These days, I can say that motherhood is not that hard because I have my strong armies with me. Though we had a lot of arguments before, it was long forgotten without even saying sorry. Family is really family and this is where my heart and peace belong.
Well this article is just about my family to show how I love them and I would be glad to let you all meet/know them. Since I am with my grandparents ever since I was a baby, they already are like my own parents. In our home, we have our grandma, grandpa, great grandmother and two sisters. Let me describe them.
Grandpa: He likes kids a lot because him and grandma don't have a kid that's why I and my sister are like their own children. He is fond of playing with Clea would like to have her sleep next to them. He is a driver and I can say that he is a veteran driver because of his experience. He also has a loud voice that we would sometimes argue because I don't want anyone to shout on me but don't get me wrong, it's just grandpa's natural volume of his voice. He is hardworking and selfless. All his salary goes to my grandma and to us, for our needs.
Grandma: The greatest grandma of all when it comes to loving her grandchildren. I never heard her complain about how she raised us. She's a wonderwoman because anything my grandpa does, she does it better. She said before that she won't take carew of our kids when we will have our own but now she's taking care of Clea without complaining that she's tired. Sometimes, she's hard to deal with but I just let it go because at the end of the day, we will still talk to each other anyway. She's also my source of strength for she always motivate me to be at my best.
Great Grandmother: (Forgot to take pic of her) she's 92 years old but she can drink beer and play cards. Actually she almost got admitted to the hospital because she can't breathe but she refused for she doesn't like to get swabbed. And what was her reason? She said the doctor or nurses will just declare that she's Covid positive and she will die alone there and her children can't see her and would not be able to have her wake. Lol. She also loves Clea that she likes to carry her. I asked her if she can handle carrying Clea but she just got mad lol.
Niknik: My sister who is obsessed with her girlfriend. Even though we told her that her girlfriend is just fooling her, she won't listen because she's too obsessed with her like duh? But never mind. What's important is she takes care of Clea very well.
Lovely: She also has a girlfriend and I have no problem with it because her girlfriend is faithful to her. She loves Clea too and she's with me when after I gave birth to Clea. She likes buying anything for Clea. She's also like the 'maarte tita' because she is fond of buying whitening products though she has a fair skin tone already.
I don't know if I described them in a fun way but yeah that's what they are to me.
Gotta go, lovelies. Mommy duties again.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
How can I get rid of you?
I don't know exactly why I got an anxiety. All I have is just an assumption like maybe it's because of something or because of everything. But wait, do we really need to know why we have an anxiety? Uh, oh. Let me rephrase it. Is it possible for us to know why we have an anxiety? Among all the situations and problems that we encounter each day, can we recognize which one puts anxiety on us? Because if yes, I would really love to know how so I can stop this craziness. I know we are the ones who control our minds but have you felt being unable to do so? It's really driving me crazy why I can't control my own thoughts when in fact, I am the one who can manage what I think.
**Fear of death**
How can I get rid of you?
I don't know when and how this starts but I diagnosed myself of having this fear. The doctor said that anxiety is the fear for the future and I fear death will be my future. I really don't know why I think of death more often like there's no reason about it. It just pops in my mind suddenly. There's a time when I think I have an ailment which may lead to death like what if I had a cancer or kidney disease or any other illness? I also think that this anxiety can kill me anytime soon because my panic attacks include difficulty in breathing. Although I don't have any health conditions that hinder my breathing, I still find it hard to breathe because my mind thinks it's hard to breathe and this is when my panic attacks came in for what my brain commands, my body will follow. I really want to get rid of this because even I see a coffin or anything related to death/burial, my mind will automatically think of my death too. This is also the reason why I don't like to see someone's wake because it can trigger my anxiety.
Am I too paranoid if I also told you that I think I have a colon cancer because of my constipation? Lol. My stomach is aching a little bit yesterday until now and now I am thinking if this could be the symptom. I don't want to search about it too because I don't want to think about it. I just keep it in mind that if it's my time, then it is what it is. I won't be that sad too because I know my grandma and my siblings will take care of Clea if ever that happens.
I thought this anxiety was gone long time but I was wrong. I never expected that this would come back after I gave birth. This gives me worries because what if I can't function well and can't take care of Clea? I don't like that to happen so as much as possible, I try to keep myself busy and let my mind to get occupied with healthy thoughts.
Friends, please take care of your mental health. It's not easy when you are not being able to control your own thoughts. What makes it worse is when your body condition follows too. Let's remove people who don't contribute to our mental peace.
I am not sure if I can cope with this anxiety fast but I will do my best to make it go away AGAIN for my little Clea.
Goodness! I'm getting too paranoid so let me change the thought. I am truly grateful being here especially being friends with all of you here. Even though I am away for days, you still haven't forgotten me. Thank you @LykeLyca, @kingofreview, sir @TengoLoTodo and @ExpertWritter for the sponsorship renewal. I am indeed grateful for your support.
**Let's all be mentally healthy!**
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Just... some rants
Yesterday, we celebrated Clea's third month of being here with us. It may not be as grand as others' celebration but it's the thought of remembering that counts. The three of us, me, Clea and Clea's father together with my family is a joy for me. We were here in our home because my boyfriend and his mom had a misunderstanding which made her mom to be mad and told him to live separately from their house. Actually, it's the second time that I heard that from his mom. The last time was when I was still pregnant. They had a misunderstanding that time too. Oh, I forgot I wrote about it because I can't contain my sadness that time. I, as a girlfriend would feel the same if my boyfriend gets sad, upset or something. He's annoying sometimes (hmm all the time) but I still care for him especially now that I saw how he takes care of Clea. I didn't imagine that he will be that loving father because it's not part of his character. But now, he's more mother-ry than me. Lol. What I mean about mother-ry is him being more knowledgeable than me when it comes to taking care of Clea. He is more skillful than me when it comes to letting Clea sleep, in carrying her and even making her calm. I don't know but I think he's more feminine than me.
Going back to the issue, yes his mom told him he should live separately and it deeply hurt him because he cried again. Although his mom didn't told me to go, I have this initiative to go because I would not be there in their home if not because of my boyfriend. I felt glad too because I really want to go back to our own home. (Am I a bad girlfriend? Never mind) After hearing those hurtful words from his mom, my boyfriend hastened to our room and packed our things. He also told me that we will go somewhere away from their home and I jokingly said that I won't go because I don't have a bag to pack my things with. But he's so persistent. His dad didn't allow us to go and his tone of voice is commanding us to listen. He is so firm but my boyfriend's decision is firm too that's why we decided to go to my grandma's house.
I am also thinking that what had happened is a blessing for me because I really wanted to go home but I find it so hard to tell to my boyfriend for he might feel that I don't like it there in their place. I like being there because there's a strong internet connection and we have electricity there but the presence of his mom I mean the attitude of his mom sometimes annoys me. I guess this is what they called 'a home can't have two queens'.
But congratulations to those who have good relationship with in-laws! How did you do that? Lol. Because of what happened, we decided to just rent in a boarding house for us to be there, just the three of us. In this way, we can decide on our own without our parents' intervening with our decision.
Hmm kay I think this would be enough for now. Clea is crying again. Maybe she's hungry already or her diaper is already wet. Gotta go and do mom's duty.
I will be reading some articles too while the signal is still good.
Have blast this Friday night!
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Missing a lot
It's been days since and I haven't written anything here AGAIN. I feel so bad for just posting my article without having an interaction to all of you here. To be honest, I miss being here all the time. If only we have stable mobile data connection here in our place, then I would be glad to connect. As of this time, mobile service providers have poor connection and electric powers are still not functional. Glad that our neighbor has electricity generator and they let us connect to it so we can charge our phones and flashlights and Clea will not be mad seeing darkness during night time. It's been a month now since the typhoon happened but some of us here were not able to recover yet. Some work like online teaching is on halt because of poor internet connection. Call centers are the same too. My plan to go back to online teaching is on pause as well. Oh my! We don't have money for Clea's needs and it's disturbing me already. If I didn't breastfeed Clea, we would surely have a big problem where would we find the budget for it. Actually, we planned to breastfeed her for I will be back to work. I asked Clea's pedia and she told us to give Clea Similac if we will try to breastfeed her. We tried feeding Similac to Clea and she liked it compared to bonna and nestogen which she refused to latch. Although Similac is pricy, we are willing to work for it so we can buy it for Clea but then typhoon and destroyed everything. I just hope everything in here will go back to normal because we badly needed work.
As I am writing this, I am feeding Clea because we will go to the center town just to have internet and to publish this article. We will have a 20-minute drive to arrive there and my time is limited for I need to back quickly. Hmm, breastfeeding problems. I also wonder if Rusty still remember me after days of not being here. I am so afraid to be forgotten by him. I admit my earnings here really helped me or us a lot in buying Clea's needs. We even plan to use our earnings here for Clea's Christening but it's again postponed because we seldom visit the site.
I have a question for breastfeeding moms here. Mommies, does your child gets noisy or angry when they latch on you? Because Clea is like that. She's like angry and feeling uneasy but she still continue to latch. Is it normal? I forgot to ask her pedia about it. Do you also feed your child while both of you are lying on bed? I forgot to ask about it too. Lol. But I did this time Clea especially during late at night when she won't sleep without latching.
Sorry if I talk again about my 'mom problems'. Yeah yeah, Now I know being a mother is hard that is why I understand my grandma if she's sometimes mad at everything because I am too. I also appreciate her more now that I became a mom. I understand that taking care of a child from birth until he/she grows up ain't easy. It really needs a lot of hard work, understanding, love, patience and more patience.
Salute to all moms!
I know I have been missing a lot here but I have more time taking care of my baby.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Am I a killjoy?
So it was yesterday when I went back to our own home, to my grandparents' home. I decided to go there for the reason that I was mad with my boyfriend. You know sometimes I hate him for being so insensitive and immature. I know he's younger than me but he's a father now so he should have that maturity of a father. But nah, I think he still doesn't have that 100% because he would refuse to not attend whenever his highschool friends come over like duh? Can't they understand that my boyfriend is a father now and has a lot of responsibilities. They can't just come over here and tell my boyfriend to go with them just because they will have foodtrip and drinks. Forgive me for being so mad about this. I don't have problems when it comes to friends. Friends are part of our lives but they should know their place.
What makes me more mad is that my boyfriend doesn't know how to refuse them. He already know that I need help in taking care of Clea because I need to rest too. The work between us should be equal since he's not working yet so he must take part in taking care of Clea because he's the father. But when these classmates of him went here he can't help me anymore because of course he need to entertain them. Plus, they will have drinks too and as a result, he won't be able to carry Clea since the smell of the alcohol will surely be in his body.
So what's the ending, I won't be able to rest since no one here in their home would carry Clea so I can rest. Yes his family help me nurse Clea but just for a short time unlike in our own home where my grandparents, sisters and aunties would nurse Clea while I am sleeping.
Going back, we went home yesterday and let Clea's father enjoy with his friends (friends na parang walang common sense). When it was 4 in the afternoon, my boyfriend's dad went to our home to pick us up but I told him we will not go home that day. Well, I just want to teach my boyfriend a lesson. Evening came and my boyfriend just showed up in our home. I told him he should go because my anger would intensify seeing him. But, he didn't listen and just slept with us there in our home. I didn't let him sleep in peace tho. I kept on scolding him (in a low tone of voice or calm way) but he didn't answered anyway. I told him he should grow up and learn to say no because if not, then I don't have a reason to stay with him. Taking care of Clea should be divided within the two of us. It doesn't that I am the mother then I would do all the work. If he doesn't like my ways then he's free to leave.
**Am I a killjoy?**
This afternoon, my boyfriend's family went to a relative's house because it's fiesta in there. They ask me if we will go them but I gave them a big, fat NO. Why? First, it's because it's already evening and I don't like Clea to travel during night time. Second, I don't want to be in a place where there's a lot of people because Clea might get infected with flu in case there's someone there who's sick or who has cough and colds. Third, I will just be tired there carrying Clea and feeding her while the rest of them are enjoying. Last, they won't help me at all. So why would I go when I just can stay and be at ease at home. Gosh! I don't want people to see my booby as I feed Clea. Lol.
Can I be called a killjoy because I refuse to go? Well if they felt I am then so be it. I am only doing what's best for Clea and for me.
At this moment, they're not here anymore and it's me, my boyfriend and Clea at home. Ah, I can now enjoy my peace.
To moms out there, would you have the same decision as mine? Are you a killjoy too? 😅
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
I am sleepy, but...
It's 22:23 (time of writing) and I am already sleepy but I should not sleep yet since I need to make sure Clea sleeps safe and sound. I felt tired today as I still have my menstruation period. I don't know but when I got this, my body hurts and I really wanted to just sleep, be in bed and eat just like what I used to do before when I was still single and baby-free. But now I have my obligations and someone to take care of. I miss my single life and I badly want a break even just for a day. Would that make me less of a mom if I request for a day-off? I don't think so as making time for yourself once in a while helps in dealing with postpartum. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/postpartum-depression&ved=2ahUKEwiC2eaetqz1AhWRZt4KHVd4Dl0QFnoECAQQBQ&usg=AOvVaw0vxaOrDtMn3tMG7SEbXyry
As Clea grows up, her sleeping sched has been changing too. When she's still almost a month old, she's asleep during the morning and would like to stay awake during night time. When she's two months old, she used to sleep most of the time that's why I have longer rest. These days when she's about to be three months old, she used to stay awake at night again and would prefer to sleep at 12 AM. I admit I am tired, very tired but what can I do? I am a mom now and this is what I am supposed to do.
As I am writing this, my phone's battery is almost drained but I still use it anyway. There's no electricity here and it's almost a month now that we don't have it. So I make use of my phone whenever it's been charged because I paid for it to be charged (temporarily because their generator here is still under repair).
While Clea is latching, I used to scroll on Facebook and TikTok simultaneously. On Facebook, I came across posts that tear my heart into pieces which made me feel so sad.
This is a screenshot on Facebook and is a post from someone who found the baby.
Look how beautiful she is. 🥺 Poor little one. She does not know that her mom left her and she's been with other people. She was left there lying on the ground with a piece of cloth covering her and a cartoon which served as her main protection. Oh dear, I can't hold my tears. How can a mom leave a baby like this?
A mom left her baby because she can't nurse her anymore for she is weak and tired with nothing to eat. She included a note with the baby saying that the man who got her pregnant left her during the 8th month of her pregnancy. Moreover, she's not a resident in that place for her boyfriend just brought her there. Her reason for leaving the baby is she can't tale care of her anymore for she's weak and only got water to feed her hunger. She also stated the date and time of birth of the child and she also wanted the child to get immunized and be taken good care. At first, I got mad at her because she just left the baby on the ground and what if something happened to her? She can just give the baby to someone formally or perhaps surrender her in a shelter. But as I read her letter, I can feel that she's hurt too. No mom would want their child to be away from her.
Oh my I am crying again. I think of my little Clea and imagined what if it's Clea that's been left there? What a poor little angel.
Babies are angels and they know nothing about the world for now. They need the most love and care from the world. I just hope the baby will find loving parents so my mind and heart can be at ease. If only I can, I would just take the baby and name her, take care of her as my own. Actually, I can but I have limits too. I don't have enough funds to sustain another baby. But if God gave her to me, I mean if I was the one who found the angel, why not accept her. She's too adorable to be rejected.
I know God will never leave her and He will give her a nice and loving family. I just hope that this kind of happenings will not happen again. NOT on BABIES PLEASE! BOYS, DON'T ENTER A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU CAN'T BE A MAN.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Ciao! ❤️
Not now!
As I am writing this, I am battling with my anxiety and panic attacks. I don't know exactly why I got this but my doctor said that there are a lot of things that can trigger anxiety and one thing is because of too much pressure and overthinking. At first, I thought I have an abnormal heart condition because I find it so difficult to breath all of a sudden. I was in first year college that time and I really don't know why it happened. It was New Year's Eve in 2016 when this panic attack first happened. I was just folding our clothes when I felt uneasy. My hands are cold and started to get numb as I was folding our clothes. My feet were cold too and I can't make them move to any direction. Because I became too nervous, my heart beat rapidly making it hard to breathe. I called my younger sister who was asleep that time but she just ignored me and said that she's tired and sleepy. I told her to call our grandma who was at our neighbor's house for I cannot breath but she just continued to sleep. Until now, I and my sister always argued because of that. I told her she didn't care about me but I just make it as a joke.
So yeah that's how it started. When my grandma came, I really can't breath and my hands' color started to turn into violet and and I can't control them too. My speaking became crooked because my mouth seem harden. Consequently, I panicked which made the situation worse. I wasn't able to breathe at all so my grandma decided to take me to the hospital.
When we were on our way, I was crying while riding on the ambulance. I thought that it's the end of my life that I even bid goodbye to family. I also questioned God about my fate why He will let me end that way. I never thought I would arrive at the hospital alive. The nurses hurriedly assisted me because I can't walk anymore. They let me be in a wheelchair and immediately checked me in the emergency room. They checked my heart beat and then decided to admit me there. Since it's New Year's and it's late in the evening, the doctors aren't there and so the nurses called them.
I really don't want to be in a hospital since horror movies gave me trauma about it but I did not have a choice but to stay. When the doctor came, she checked everything in me and said that maybe I and my boyfriend had a fight that's why I ended that way. I was thinking that is my condition a joke? Little did I know that there's nothing wrong in my body. It's my brain that had a problem. It's my anxiety.
I learned that I had an anxiety when my doctor explained everything. She told me most woman or woman are prone to anxiety than men because woman tend to think more than man who are just relaxed. She told me maybe I was being pressured by my family or maybe I don't share my problem to anyone. And there I realized that the doctor was right. Since I was a kid, my grandma used to said to me that I should be the top one in class and such the like. At first, I was okay with it but when I grow up, it developed into pressure and I was unaware of it. My doctor gave me medicine in case my anxiety would act up again but I didn't take even one. I don't want myself to be dependent on it. I want myself to heal the way I want and that I should be the one to control my brain.
It was only after six months when I fully recovered but those six months were hell for me. I had a difficulty in breathing all day even I will just drink water. When I am alone at home, my panic attacks would again visit me that I almost got crazy thinking that I will die. Glad that I found ways to divert my attention and that is cleaning the house everyday. I also talked to my dogs and spent most of my time with them. I also slept most of the time for it was my only escape from feeling so tired.
After that six months, my anxiety would seldom visit me but now it came again. I told my boyfriend about it so he will be aware too. I even let her nurse Clea because I want to rest and sleep but I can't sleep early. I am thinking that this should go away especially now that I have my baby and I can't take care of her if I have this with me. But what can I do, it's so hard for me to avoid it.
To you out there especially to us, women, let us take care of our mental health. Stay away from those people who don't contribute peace. More self-love this time, please. Do what makes you happy and don't let pressure take over you. Learn to communicate all the time. Let everything out so you won't carry heavy baggage in your heart.
Have a good evening! Gotta go back when I am fine.
Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.
Sending my warmest gratitude to ms. @Jane, @Jher0122 and @foryoubtc09 for the sponsorship renewal. You guys rock!
Ciao! ❤️
@Marinov
