People Don't Like, Cheer Me Up Please

They say that looks doesn't matter at all but good-looking people are treated differently every time. In all aspect in life, I'm always judge by people because of my looks. It doesn't bother me the moment they say it in front of my face but at the end of the day, I remember everything and regret the fact that I didn't do anything to save myself. I find it difficult when I try to be a good person and easier to apologize for being ugly.

I grew up in a family that tells me that everything is ok when you have a good heart because everyone you meet has goodness inside of them. I think that belief is actually true, but since you can't force everyone to know and understand that phrase, you will always get disappointed. I have been doing my best for everybody to like me. But they judge me before even knowing me. And that's where all the problems start. I have to make an adjustment whether I have to have talent so they can like me or else they will not. Beautiful ones don't even have to try. I admit, I get jealous most of the time on them. Like why do you always get the praise and not me?

There was even one time in school that I get picked on, not physically but verbally, and I just walk away like nothing happened. I feel like if I fight back, I will just be the loser they say I am.

I don't even know how to do make-up or do my hair. Maybe because I want people to like me based on my personality and not my looks. But people always tend to look down on you if you don't dress or look well. I know that in most occassions, you have to dress properly but in normal days, you can't do that.

There were many times that I see people even my friends make fun of me. It's hard when you can't even stand up for yourself. I tried one time to save myself from it but it just ended with more laughs.

This is why most kids that experience it at an early age have trauma with it. It's where suicid thoughts happen. I had a guy who talked to me and said that I don't have to take it personally. I said om but then I realized that how can I not take it personally when their attacks are personal.

Making fun of people when they don't even look funny is already a form of hurting them. Not with knives but with your words. It kills more than pulling the trigger in front of you, directly to your heart.

I always tell myself that everybody has a good heart. Most people think that I'm stupid but I just know how it feels when you're actually kind but people think that you're not based on your appearance. Being ugly is difficult. It's like carrying hell in your shoulders everytime you walk. You are the one who gets roasted and not them.

That is why I never wanted to work face-to-face. I never want to perform in public, unless I'm advised to. I never make the first move in making friends because maybe they will not like me. I don't like going out since I know judgements will be thrown at me. I don't speak up for myself because no one will understand me.

Writing anonymously is a relief to me. No one will judge my face, though they can on my writing. When someone actually compliments my work, it feels everything. Like finally, someone had been so good to me even if they don't know me. That is what I want real life to be. I want people to know and be friends with me because I am and will be a good friend to them.

But then again, "You can't please everybody."