From the Province to the City

I’ve always dreamed of living in the city. I knew that my life will be different compared to what I had for almost 18 years of my life. A decade and eight years has taught me how to live a life as simple as possible. Everything from the ambiance up to the people you see everyday is completely different.

I just finished my second year in college and staying in a dormitory, far away from home. Though it is my dream to live in the city, I never pictured myself studying in it but since we live in the modern era with almost jobs is controlled by technology, I took the risk studying in it, without any knowledge of what’s coming.

Back in the day when I was riding a bus from my province to the city of Manila, there were several things that are going on my mind. Mind you, it really is my first time going to a place where I have to be on my own. Looking outside through the windows od the bus, I was imagining my life that is about to face another phase. I am actually an introvert. And people like me, it feels like you are about to jump off a cliff for the very first time. I see these people on the bus in their CPS, some are in their sleep, and some are laughing. I find it a negative vibe whenever I see a person I talk to on their phone. But at the same time, CPS are the way out from the negativity we face and experience. It's like our friend whenever we have to relax, only if we use it wisely.

I had a question in my mind, are my schoolmates in college going to be like this? And the feeling goes terrifying. As I live in the country for most of my life, I meet the same personality of people from school up to the neighborhood. And the feeling of seeing new faces is not what I was expecting. I have no judgement towards them but everyone of us always experience that feeling when see people and think that they are not trustworthy and maybe that person doesn’t like us. I was with my mom when I drop off to my dorm, so I was thinking at that time that this woman who is with me for all of my studies from grade school to high school will be just waiting for me to come home during vacations from now on. I want to cry at that time. I want to hug her. But at that point, I need to get a grip. I now need to stand up on my own and be prepared for everything. As I look in her steps on leaving me alone, I felt different since my province type of girl will end and a new me is about to start.

On the first semester in college, I have no idea how the classes are very different. In my first year, I took irregular classes or classes that differs in classmates for every subject. But at that time, funny is to say that I don't really know the block section versus the irregular classes. So, every time they ask me if I am their block mate, I just weirdly smile and say “Uhmm, what is a block section?”. But taking irregular classes is actually a great opportunity for me. Why, Because it has given me the chance to know many things. First of all, I had the chance to meet people that are not from my course. I don’t want to settle on my comfort zone. I think it’s better for me to explore even if I lack self-confidence. The second thing is the answer to a question, “If I took this course, these are the kind of people that I will encounter every day.” I was not really prepared in the course I’m in. I just know that I love computers and that’s it. Also, I sometimes like other stuff like, before, I really wanted to take Law, you know because I think lawyers are cool, then I wanted to be a doctor and somehow be a director. But you know in life, you are always left with choices, and you have to pick one. “Not because you can’t do anything about it anymore, but because you will miss many opportunities if you let it go". And the last thing is that meeting other people is the best thing in life. There’s this one song from a Disney show wherein the lyrics goes “Strangers are just friends we haven’t met.”, and it really is. You can never play the game safe because in every game, if you want to be better, you have to beat every level.

But it’s not always rainbows and unicorns in the sky. I also faced big challenges. One is that I got a failing grade in one of my major subjects. It was really devastating. When I saw my grade, there was nothing going on my mind besides the fact that I have to tell my parents. And it was really hard, because I had to do it via text. When I went home, I was thinking of my grade all the time and I started to cry. I had no one to lean onto for the first time in my life. It was just me. Even though my parents were okay with it and told me to do better next time, I knew that I am disappointed in myself and so they are. I know that it’s hard for my parents because letting me go to a place they don’t even know if I will be safe or not is already a big risk. I was the first child and I know in myself that I should be the one who always step up to the plate. And they didn't even forced me in my choice so there is no one to blame other than me.

Living on your own, inside an unfamiliar four-wall-room, is a whole different story. And I think it added to that pressure I felt during my first semester in college. Adjustments are really tough. The food is not the same as your mother cooks for you And by the way, COOKING is not my thing. So it was hard for me at first to cook my food since I don't have my mom on my side to do it for me. But you what I learned about cooking, it is like having control of your life. It's about what ingredients to use and how to use them properly. Same in life, if you use what nature gives you properly, you will have the taste of relief and freedom.

The ambiance in the dorm is totally different from the smell of fresh air. Although I talk with my roommates, the laughs are different. LAUGHING is the best medicine they say. But LAUGHING OUT LOUD always cure yourself. It just not cure the problem you face, it helps your confidence towards other people and strangers you encounter.

The sound and noise of the people, the cars and jeepneys from the outside are not really that satisfying because I’m not used in loud noises. The surrounding is really unusual for me. Seeing buildings and different type of cars is not really nice for me unlike the houses and green farm.

The shift between a “Probinsyana girl” to (well, I haven’t changed by the way) “someone I don’t know if liable enough to be called a city girl” is really hard and bloodcurdling.